(with music) TOPICS: unrequited desire, letting go to let flow, grief for a husband tying to desire to recreate what I loved best in me, and a desire to see desire for things about others as a lust to embody and emulate those things as best I can in myself. What I need to surrender, what I must keep, the buffet of my love being a WYSIWYG affair, not waiting for it because everyone who loves me has gone away, or we've not been enough for each other. Resolving to live and love with wild courageous vulnerable reckless childish abandon and love my way to the destination, knowing I might fall and fail, feeling the fear and not feeling the faith and leaping anyway. Everybody's gotta trust sometime. Please don't let me become my parents. I will do my best to try to be more like you were, my long-lost love, and give you back to the world that couldn't love you right and save your life. Maybe somewhere there's a place where I'm enough and not too much, with just who I am in the ever-changing flow of moments. Where everything I've done and been and learned and made up till now will have grown me in the right ways to be the man I need to be to enter, and harmonize with what I find there. Some doors I think I have to go through alone, vulnerable, and nakedly myself. I'm here. I trust in you. Should I? show me.