0:05

We back I'm worried about you. What are

0:07

you worried about your posture here? You even

0:09

church-pewing it all night. Because

0:11

when I lean all the way back

0:14

I look fat. I look like fat

0:16

sitting forward. You're not fooling anybody. Alright,

0:18

come on. Alright. What

0:20

are we doing? What are we doing? Jesus Christ. I

0:24

didn't mean it like that. I just mean... Come

0:26

on. Hey, we got Miss Patton out. That's

0:29

a hot photo. I'm

0:31

here with an asshole with autism. Touch

0:36

of the tism. Man, that's

0:38

quite a rock you got on your sister.

0:41

Look at that. Yeah, is that new? Were

0:43

you engaged last time? Man, I've been mad

0:45

for 30-something years. Oh, we're bad listeners. You

0:49

bad serious too. Pete didn't have a fucking

0:51

thing over here with me, okay? You

0:53

got me confused with your uncle. It's

0:56

hot man. I fucking sprinted here. We

0:59

got the AC cooking. It's cold in here

1:01

to me. I'm hot. I'll get you a

1:03

jet. You want a blanket? No, I

1:05

want a blanket. It's gonna make me look bigger. You

1:10

want a drink? Should we do a drink or what

1:12

are we doing? We got her a Diet Coke. She's

1:14

off the sauce. She's pregnant. Oh, really? No!

1:17

The fuck are you talking about?

1:19

I assume. I'm

1:21

a ho ho. I ain't got no damn babies. You

1:25

got to do Seth Meyers. You can't keep drinks. She

1:29

wants to be sharp. Really?

1:32

A lightweight, huh? I

1:34

wish I was lightweight. Are you drinking or are we going

1:36

to... I'll have one. If you want to do one, I'll

1:38

have one. I do an umbrella salad, but I can't make

1:40

it myself. You don't have shit to make it with. We

1:43

got everything. You got any more ice out? Nope.

1:46

You don't have no De-Saron-o, so I can't drink

1:48

it. De-Saron-o on the rocks. Yeah.

1:50

It'll give me a headache with anything else.

1:52

You don't want a beer brand. No, don't.

1:54

You're going on. We don't have... That's enough.

1:56

That's just enough for me. You're

1:58

good. You're good. What do you want of that? I

2:00

don't know. Come on. Baby cat cut.

2:03

This is technically your birthday episode even though this

2:05

is coming out like a month later so. True,

2:07

true. Your birthday today? Tomorrow.

2:09

Oh, happy birthday. How old will you

2:11

be? Forty-one. Oh, sorry. What

2:15

do you think? Black don't crack? I don't

2:17

see no black. I definitely

2:20

see some cracks. How

2:23

many kids do you have

2:25

now? Four. Oh wow. The

2:28

same as last time apparently. No

2:30

one died. What the fuck? It's

2:32

a dangerous world out there. I

2:34

hope one died. He

2:38

ain't got a bill of fucking sense. Do you have

2:40

kids? We got one on the way. Wife's pregnant. Congratulations.

2:46

Put that in your pipe and queef on it. Very

2:48

exciting. I can't imagine you having sex,

2:51

Norman. I'll send

2:53

you a video. No.

2:56

He comes in his wife. Comrade. He

3:02

forgets to pull out, you're going to kill me. When

3:05

he fucked, he constantly apologized. I'm so

3:08

sorry. That's true. I'm so sorry. You

3:10

apologize you're in sex a lot? Only

3:12

if it's the wrong person. But

3:17

I got to tell you, she was on the IUD. Got

3:20

that puppy removed. Pregnant

3:22

a week later. So I got some real super

3:24

sperm here. I hate the IUD. Oh,

3:26

I loved it. But it's in

3:28

that pee hole. It pricks you on you a little bit. It

3:30

pricks the pee hole. That's true. It's not fun.

3:33

You know. No, I never got an IUD, sir.

3:35

I got my tunes tied. Whoa, old school. So

3:38

I didn't- Nice job, Pam. I didn't use birth

3:40

control. When it happened if the bar was over

3:42

there. This

3:45

whole place is falling apart. We got salicures

3:47

on camera. The hell's happening here? You

3:49

didn't use birth control? No. If I didn't

3:52

want them, I killed them. If

3:54

I wanted them, I kept them. All right,

3:56

that's fair. Yeah. What'd you do?

3:58

Throw them in a well? I took

4:01

my Medicaid slip and got him chopped

4:03

up and wow. It's calling abortion. Yeah,

4:05

I paid for a few Yeah, that

4:07

was pretty specific though. Yeah The

4:09

chopped up part could have just

4:12

said abortion Going in the

4:14

grab graphic detail. That's pretty much what they do

4:16

to him turn him into Ragu Ragu

4:20

Yeah, you don't see that in the Italian menu though. Yeah,

4:23

well dead fetus Ragu You'd

4:26

be surprised somebody shot some Ragu all

4:28

in ya Make those kids

4:31

go Jew there

4:34

we go. We're both chopped up

4:36

circumcised. Yeah, the fuck that gotta

4:38

do with anything Why is it chopped up? What is Evan

4:40

Small talking at? You

4:43

supposed to have you're supposed to

4:45

be circumcised. Well, that's body shaming

4:48

There's a lot about all the anteaters

4:50

out there watching what what you

4:52

know all the uh Them

4:55

your granddaddy they like long dates back

4:57

in those days long I

4:59

could use the blink My

5:02

buddy got circumcised at 33 because it was getting

5:04

all Show us was I

5:06

don't think so. Who is this guy Raj?

5:09

Raj Indian guy damn. Yeah, it

5:11

was Indian, huh? I Don't

5:15

know about that. I don't know. Most Indians don't names

5:17

on here Yeah,

5:19

but we could bleep it. There's giving them work. Well,

5:21

you gotta move the bar back He's got a heavy

5:23

fucking schedule ahead of him But

5:25

Indians don't get circumcised anyway, do they know

5:27

but he did it later in life just

5:29

because of the hygiene Hmm.

5:32

Yeah, I was getting all must nastia Yeah, like

5:34

when you ever see a bulldog and they get

5:37

dirty, but like a kid under the eyelids You

5:39

gotta do that with your dick again. Exactly exactly

5:41

gross You

5:44

know, you have no clue what the fuck Gotta

5:47

clean out the garage every now and then you know, did

5:49

it did he say it hurt? Oh, yeah

5:52

You had a couldn't bang for two months, but

5:54

he's ugly anyway, yeah Two

5:57

months is pretty. So so why did he get

5:59

circumcised? I don't want getting anything before it. Well,

6:01

it was just getting infected. Oh

6:03

man. Oh, he could've just put his

6:06

dick in some peroxide and saved him

6:08

some money. What was that little barber

6:10

jars? Dip it in.

6:12

Oh yeah, barbersol. Yeah. No,

6:14

that's for your hair. Yeah, no, it's

6:17

going for a funny visual, I guess. What

6:20

the fuck? Y'all ain't got no type of hygiene.

6:22

I didn't think you was digging no barbersol. No,

6:24

I know, it was a joke. I'm worried about

6:26

your back here. What happened? You got

6:28

a lead in there? What if we got you some of

6:30

those bees to lean on? I worked for PETA bees. No,

6:32

I like to set forward because it make me look less

6:34

fat. I'm going to try that. Yeah, I

6:36

don't like, when I set back, my teeth will go

6:38

up on my neck. Ooh. And these

6:41

are some little restaurant stews y'all got

6:43

here. That's true. So. Do you

6:45

not like these? I kind of like them. People complain.

6:47

I mean, it's nice, but you know, I don't set

6:49

back. I like to set forward. All right. Then my,

6:52

I'm top heavy. Ah,

6:55

big knobs. What are

6:57

you working with? G. Double

7:00

G. I'm working with an H. H.

7:04

I've never made it that far in the alphabet. I

7:06

know, right? It go to Z. No,

7:09

no. Pull up a Z. I want to see a

7:11

Z. What's the, what's the? H.

7:14

Wow. Are those, are those hard

7:16

to. There it is, Pat.

7:20

Hey, that looks all right. Are those hard to shop for?

7:23

No, Lame Brown have them all the time. They just,

7:25

you just order them. They hard to find in the

7:27

store. Are you knocking lamps over at home? I feel

7:29

like you let those things loose and you're gonna, you're

7:32

gonna smother the dog. No, usually

7:34

I just have them hanging. Wow. Cause

7:36

I don't like bras. So when I'm home,

7:39

I just take my bra off and go

7:41

on by my business. That's best. No. It's

7:43

hard carrying them all day. That's a hazard.

7:46

It's not a hazard. We're back hazard. Did you

7:48

ever think about the reduction? Cause some

7:50

people when they got the big cans, they. I

7:52

don't need a reduction. I just need to go

7:54

on a diet. So they shrink with the weight

7:57

loss. Oh really? Yeah, they get

7:59

a little smaller. It's too bad dicks don't do that. Would

8:01

it be nice to be able to gain weight and you

8:03

gain dick? Yeah. But if

8:05

you lose weight, you lose dick. Well sometimes you just

8:07

born with no dick. Ain't nothing you can do about

8:09

it. That's true. They say every

8:11

50 pounds you lose is a man,

8:13

you gain a half inch dick. Cause

8:16

you got less buffer. So

8:18

it just looks bigger in comparison to what

8:20

you're doing? Yes, your stomach is away from

8:22

over. Your stomach is not sitting on your

8:24

penis, so it give you more dick to

8:27

see. It really don't help. It's

8:29

the same dick when you. I think it's the same, but what

8:31

if you work out a lot and you've like giant quads and

8:33

your dick probably looks smaller too but you're being healthy. But

8:37

I think it's cause you're banging up against

8:39

it but your belly is hitting before the

8:41

dick. See what I'm

8:43

saying? Or can you rest the gut on the

8:45

back? Like a

8:47

shelf. You can. Okay. Men

8:52

gain one inch of penis length for

8:54

every 50 pounds they lose. Wow, who

8:56

wrote that, huh? You're

8:59

a small man, did you grow anything? I'm

9:02

talking to you, Mark. Oh, sorry, you're not a

9:04

head turner. Yeah, no, I didn't know which one

9:06

of them. There we go. I'm talking

9:08

to you. Am I a

9:10

small man? You the same as you always

9:12

been. I haven't gained a pound since high

9:14

school. So yeah, my dick is still three

9:16

inches if that's what you're asking. That's

9:19

what I knew. But they say that

9:22

women only feel the first two and

9:24

a half inches into the vaginal

9:26

canal. That feels like loser talk right

9:28

there. That feels like

9:30

some small dick scientist. Technically, it's only the

9:33

first two inches. That's when

9:35

you having sex with somebody with no ass. Right,

9:39

that's in my charter. You

9:42

should come to my side of the

9:44

hood and they'll let you know what you're working

9:46

with. Oh God. I

9:48

definitely won't go doggy. We're going

9:50

full missionary. Now we

9:52

don't have any ass to penetrate. Is

9:56

missionary like Jehovah Witness? You

10:02

know the traditional you are meeting man on top

10:04

we can reenact it no We don't

10:06

fuck we cannot good photo op though. That would

10:09

be nice thumbnail for the episode wouldn't mind getting

10:11

a face full of H's No,

10:14

that's okay. All right. All right, and then I can

10:16

do no little curly hair white boy That's

10:19

gonna be my gift for market is baby

10:21

showers. Just a picture of him motorboating this

10:23

path I May

10:26

you don't like this I

10:28

got a frame that everything blown up. That's you.

10:30

You don't tell the baby. That's the bottom It

10:34

had to be a pass because ain't nothing coming out

10:36

of it chocolate milk on tap No,

10:40

it's a pacify it don't work anymore

10:44

Yeah, any tips on child rearing

10:47

child rearing, you know

10:50

raising two

10:54

moms Hey, I didn't

10:56

know you was here. How you doing? These

11:00

two white guys, yeah, yeah Hey

11:05

Four kids one new kid. Yeah, baby

11:07

on the way Baron

11:09

friendly single No

11:16

have any kids they're overrated really yeah, do you

11:18

have four of them why do you keep doing

11:20

it they kept putting them in me

11:24

Hey Who

11:26

are these day? trans lady

11:29

What nothing my

11:32

husband and my kid my first kids father they're

11:34

overrated You don't need it back in a day.

11:36

You really need a kids for a good right

11:38

off for taxes But Trump ruin all of that

11:40

he took that you know And then y'all probably

11:42

don't even get earned income credit anyway, cuz you

11:44

make too much money So it really

11:46

doesn't unless you just want something to feed

11:48

and hold and take care of what that's

11:50

it Is that a daughter no, oh,

11:54

sorry, I just assume you guys are all related

11:56

I mean they're good for making your titties long

11:58

if you breastfeed Okay, there you go, real quick.

12:00

Let's get that. The tits are just

12:02

the nipples, what are we talking about? Well, I

12:04

didn't breastfeed, I only breastfeed

12:06

one of my kids, which is my

12:08

oldest daughter, but she gay, and

12:11

I think that's why she gay. That's the first

12:13

thing I'm thinking about with a fucking titty. So

12:15

I didn't breastfeed anybody else, because I didn't want

12:17

anybody else eating pussy, so I just gave them

12:19

the bottle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

12:21

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

12:23

ha. Weirdest QAnon conspiracy ever. You have to be

12:26

careful what you put in your kids' mouths. Yeah.

12:28

That's what they gonna grow up sucking on, and my daughter have

12:31

not stopped sucking titties from the dick. Ha ha ha ha ha

12:33

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

12:35

ha. Every gay guy sucked their dad's dick. That's true. That's true.

12:38

Oh, they came out with a click in

12:40

their hand, and got confused. You

12:43

mean that? Click and the, what

12:45

are you talking about? The

12:47

click. The click. The click, whatever you wanna

12:49

call it. Oh, okay. The man in the boat, the nigga

12:51

in the ocean. Oh, the click. Ha ha ha ha ha

12:54

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He said click,

12:56

the click. I thought he said click too, I was picturing

12:58

an Adam Sandlin movie. Oh, that

13:00

was not hard. Great. I'm

13:02

like man in the boat, that's a fun one. Man in the

13:04

boat's good, panic button. I chose

13:06

not to breastfeed, I decided not to. Really?

13:08

Yeah. What was your reason for it?

13:11

I just didn't wanna do it. Whoa. I was like,

13:13

it's too much. It's like

13:15

every three hours for like an hour. It's a full

13:17

job. That is a lot. I was like, I gotta

13:19

go back to work. So you pump? No.

13:22

Formula. You only pump if you

13:24

breastfeed. Oh. You just pump breastfeed

13:26

and you take Benadryl for five days in a

13:28

row, all your milk dries up. I

13:31

read it on Reddit. I

13:33

found a hack and I was like, I'm just gonna

13:35

dry it all up, because I'm not doing this. There

13:37

you go. And it fucking hurts too, because they don't

13:39

really know how to suck on teddy. Yeah. Whoa.

13:42

You know, people are like, oh I gotta give

13:44

them what's natural from the body. Well bitch, you

13:47

just drunk a whole thing of alcohol. Right. And

13:49

you want somebody, a healthy baby. That fucking

13:51

baby gonna be slow. So just give that

13:54

baby Simba like the gut pores. What

13:56

is that, some formula or something? Yeah, that's formula, Simba

13:58

like. Yeah, for me, I don't know what the fuck.

14:00

they drank nails 40 years ago for me. Well people,

14:02

you can't say that. Were

14:05

you breastfed all four? No, only breastfed

14:07

the gay one. Nobody else. Yeah,

14:09

I stopped that shit early. Plus I was a drug

14:12

dealer, so it's hard to breastfeed while you're standing on

14:14

the school and selling crack. So I didn't have time

14:16

for that mother and shit. We was just trying to

14:18

survive. Yeah, you gotta work. Yeah, hopefully one of your

14:20

tits didn't hit the scale. You're gonna miss way. What

14:23

the fuck are you talking about? I'm just saying, if you're

14:25

weighing out the crack, I

14:28

assume you were dealing crack. Miss

14:31

Way, good Asian drug dealer. You

14:34

be confusing the shit out of me, Norm.

14:36

I mean, Mark Magna, what a fucking fucking...

14:40

Norm Macdonald. Yeah, that's me.

14:43

All right, Yamanika, take it easy. Nada

14:45

fuck you dick, I just got a nika.

14:49

Nada fuck you dick, I'm a no Yamanika. You fake

14:51

ass out of sound, I don't you, I'm a dick.

14:53

All right, we got Jackie

14:56

Fabulous here, everybody. Slicekin bitch.

14:58

All right. It's

15:03

good to see you again. Did you

15:05

seasect? Yeah. Oh, so your

15:07

body's intact. You got the tits and the clam.

15:09

You got a seasection? Yeah, yeah. Me too, I

15:11

had two of them. Oh yeah, I liked it,

15:13

I found it very relaxing. Well, you don't have

15:16

no stomach to fall on top of your seasection.

15:18

So it wasn't hard to heal. Mine was hard

15:20

to heal, the second one was. Right, yeah, it's

15:22

tough. I mean, I chose it, I was like,

15:24

I don't wanna do it the other

15:26

way, so it was like scheduled and everything. I didn't

15:28

have to like go through labor. You didn't want a

15:30

baby to come through your pussy? No. It's

15:33

not that bad. I know everybody

15:35

says that, but I'm like. It's better than

15:37

a fucking seasection. Why is it better? Because

15:39

when seasection you can have only, I

15:42

think three in your life. And then

15:44

they'll tell you not to have no more kids because it's too dangerous. Well,

15:46

I'm not gonna have any more. I'm just saying, like what if, vaginal

15:49

you can push as many of them bitches out your vagina as

15:51

you want to. I

15:53

don't want to, I don't wanna push one

15:55

out of my vagina. It's a muscle, so

15:57

it's gonna scratch. Which

16:00

is why does this tape, but then it's gonna go back

16:02

to some of what it used to be. I know, I

16:04

didn't trust it. I was like, I don't trust it. I

16:06

feel like I'm gonna fall out. You didn't think it was

16:08

coming back? So, is your husband

16:10

white? Yeah. That's your problem. You

16:13

got a black husband, you're gonna push that

16:15

baby out. My husband got more tips to

16:17

feed me. My hips are already

16:19

wider. I gotta be honest, Miss Pat, you

16:21

feel different. What? Nothing, nothing.

16:23

Well, I'm just saying. The fuck are you talking about?

16:26

The last one feels a little looser in there. I'm

16:29

joking. We never

16:31

had sex. I'm

16:33

trying to figure out. I can't follow him. He

16:35

run me fucking crazy. We gotta sit back. You

16:37

can't even see me. I don't wanna fucking see

16:40

you. All right. Let me try. Oh, here we

16:42

go. Hey! I got too much ass too.

16:44

It's not enough seats. Oh, you're fine. Hey, your

16:46

tits look huge. It's crazy. You guys

16:49

got a big, you guys got like smaller benches,

16:51

right? No, no. No, these are the

16:53

same fucking benches. I sat up last time, but they

16:55

didn't notice it. They

16:57

didn't complain about it. I

16:59

guess they want me to sit back because everybody's, I'm

17:01

the biggest. I'm just worried about your back. I don't

17:04

want you to... Oh yeah, you looked uncomfortable. I was

17:06

not uncomfortable. All right, well, you can sit however you

17:08

want to sit. I'm balancing myself out. Okay, okay. You

17:11

know, I'm heavy topping. I'm top-heavy and ass-heavy. And

17:14

I didn't buy it. It's all

17:16

from restaurants around my town. A little cheesecake

17:19

factory. What do you got? No, the fuck

17:21

you don't. You see Chick-fil-A.

17:23

Oh, okay. Chick-fil-A is the best. Don't

17:26

fucking put no cheesecake factory on me. That's

17:29

a nice shake, Shaq. You living in LA

17:31

now, by the way? No, I live in Atlanta. You

17:33

still... Okay, all right. Yeah, I'm born and ready. You

17:35

were in Indy for a while. Indy, yeah. Yeah, okay.

17:38

Yeah, I had an L5 about three years ago. Good. I

17:41

just did the punchline in Atlanta. Oh, nice. The

17:43

diner. The diner. Yeah, that

17:46

was... I've had some rough nights, sir. That was

17:48

rough, yeah. That's a rough walk back to that

17:50

wakento. Whatever the fuck you're in.

17:53

It was different fucking getting up to go

17:55

do coke in the bathroom during the show.

17:57

Wow. You hear that dumb diner register? Because

17:59

they told me. They were telling me,

18:02

which is shocking, but I

18:04

was like, I made a joke about, are you

18:06

guys going to do coke? And they were like, yeah.

18:08

And then I started to notice, I was like,

18:10

they for real are doing coke in the bathroom.

18:12

Which is a crazy way to do it. Three in

18:14

a Saturday? Yeah, two. I did

18:17

three in a Saturday there once, they forced me

18:19

to, and it was like a long time ago,

18:21

and the two late shows sold out, and the

18:23

early show had like 10 people. And

18:25

I was like, let's just move them to the late

18:27

shows. They're like, nah, you gotta do three. So I

18:29

just ate shit for like an hour for 10 people,

18:32

and then was in a bad mood for the rest

18:34

of the night. Yeah, yeah. That's terrible. That's crazy talk.

18:36

Those three in a night shows will fucking. They'll

18:39

kill you. They'll kill you. They will.

18:41

Two is rough. I only work

18:43

Fridays and Saturdays. I would

18:47

not work a Thursday. Oh, wow, okay. I

18:49

had to move something, so I had to

18:51

go to, what was

18:53

that at? We did a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Greenville,

18:57

South Carolina. Greenville, South Carolina. So I did

18:59

a Wednesday, a Thursday. Two shows

19:01

on Friday. Was it two or three? Three

19:05

shows on Friday, because I had to leave for Saturday

19:07

to go somewhere in L.A. And

19:09

when I tell you, I was like, people, can y'all

19:11

please stop buying goddamn tickets? Y'all about to kill me.

19:14

I walked out of there so fucking tired,

19:16

with all that fish grease in the back,

19:18

and that liberty ass room, and them country

19:21

ass people. I was tired as

19:23

fuck. So I tried really hard just to work

19:25

Friday and Saturday. I'd rather do a Thursday than

19:27

a Sunday, though. Same. I'm gonna do

19:29

the three. I don't wanna do a

19:32

Sunday. For one, I wanna go

19:34

and watch my football team. So

19:36

I just say fuck it. I don't

19:38

need the money. I'm not gonna do a

19:40

Sunday. You're a Falcons fan. I'm a die-fucking

19:42

Falcons fan. Dirty bird, huh? We won last

19:44

night, too. I saw this coming down like

19:46

a month, though. What? This

19:49

episode's coming down like a month. Yeah, but I don't

19:51

give a fuck. We gonna be, I hope we gonna

19:53

be still, hopefully we be still winning when this episode

19:55

come out. Boy,

19:57

they'll give you a fucking heart attack. I

19:59

love the Fackels. You ever go to the

20:01

Claremont? The

20:04

fuck is the Claremont? You know the

20:06

Claremont Lounge? Where? In Atlanta. Strip

20:09

club. You talking about them

20:11

old bitches? Okay, you got some.

20:13

Ain't that the one with the old people?

20:15

Yeah. The fuck am I gonna see old

20:17

pussy for? Those ugly ones too. It's some

20:19

of the young ugly, but it's all bad.

20:22

But that's part of the fun. They have young

20:24

uglies? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I

20:27

hear people talking about the Claremont Lounge all

20:29

the time. Yeah, it's like the legend. I

20:31

don't fucking like seeing

20:33

people take their clothes off. And

20:36

definitely not an old bitch. And then

20:38

I heard they fat and they ugly.

20:40

And why would you

20:42

go and laugh at your ancestors like

20:44

that? Ancestors? Ain't

20:49

it so much a old freak? I walk in there with grandma?

20:51

Oh, no. Isn't

20:55

it old white women over there

20:57

stripping? White, black, Hispanic, it's fine.

21:00

One of them smashes a can with her boobs.

21:02

I think she must have retired by now. That

21:04

was like 10 years ago. That's true. If she's

21:06

still there, that is kind of sad. Yeah, she's

21:09

working the punchline. No,

21:12

I've never been there, but I've heard about

21:14

the Claremont. The punchline. Yeah, you gotta go

21:16

before you turn 40. I'm

21:19

already turned 40. Oh, hey, you fooled

21:21

me. Look at that. See, they're

21:23

fun, they're having a good time, these ladies. That's

21:25

her, Blondie. Shout out

21:28

Blondie. Oh, yeah, she's the coolest. I've

21:30

never been to Claremont, but I have wanted to

21:32

go. It's a good time. The hotel's pretty cool,

21:34

actually. Yeah. And they have

21:36

them stripping? Oh, yeah, that's a

21:38

staple. You been there? No, but I wanna

21:40

go. I wanna go. My

21:42

friend, I don't know if it's still there, but they took

21:44

me to a gay club called Little Richard, a

21:47

swinging Richard. And so it's like a

21:49

bunch of gay guys put on a show and they put these

21:51

rubber bands around their dick and they was flying in the air.

21:54

Some girl took, I had a friend that took me one

21:56

night and it fucking blew my mind.

21:58

And I was like, why is the rubber? The color bands

22:00

around they dick is keeping from getting hard. And

22:03

so everybody wanna grow on a different color band around

22:05

his dick. I guess it's a

22:07

Cochrane. Oh you

22:09

know it, thank you. It

22:15

done go soft. Oh okay, so I didn't

22:17

know, I thought it was just decoration. I thought it was

22:19

Christmas tree on him. You been there? He

22:22

used to work there. But you know

22:24

what I'm talking about? Swingin' Rich,

22:26

is it still going on? See,

22:29

you should go there. So it's gay means, but

22:32

they put on a hell of a fucking show.

22:34

Alright. And my friend, yeah, my

22:36

friend took me there one time and they be

22:38

flying in the air with their dicks and shit.

22:40

Really? They do all, it was a

22:42

fun time. I'm thinking how I'm gonna, I'm going to

22:44

Atlanta soon. I'm thinking how I'm gonna pitch this to

22:46

my tour. It's like Magic Mike meets Pig Concert. Hey,

22:48

it's just so gay. It's

22:51

just, it's just cock, but it's funny.

22:53

Yeah. Look at these hunks, wow, hallelujah.

22:56

I'd like to watch him swing on

22:58

something. That's 50 Cent if he

23:00

went another way. Right there. That's perfect.

23:02

That's a $3 bill. Yeah.

23:06

See, I'm telling you, it's a hell of a

23:08

show. You should go and watch this and still

23:11

have a bunch of old ass women. But this

23:13

is a hell of a show and everybody's body's

23:15

intact. Yeah, well you know, because

23:17

they're gay. They're both in intact. Right, exactly,

23:20

yeah, well a couple of hunks. I've never

23:22

seen a straight man that good looking. No,

23:24

look at the rump on that guy on

23:26

the left. Hubba hubba. Yeah. Where

23:30

is that Atlanta? Yeah. Don't say

23:32

shit when he gave me and is coming

23:34

to attack you in the street. Because what

23:36

you giving off is I suck dick right

23:38

now. You should watch what you say. Because

23:40

this podcast reaches people. And somebody run up

23:42

on you and say, you said hubba hubba

23:45

and that's a cold word for dick in

23:47

my face. That's my safe word. I

23:50

didn't know recently, Mark informed me that

23:52

apparently if you're in the sauna and you pull water

23:54

on the rocks, that's like a signal for I want

23:56

to fuck around. And there was a dude in there.

23:58

I just said. I'm like, do you

24:00

mind? I was like, I don't know. You were inviting.

24:02

Oh, I don't know that. How do you know that?

24:04

It's not what happened when he put the water on

24:07

the rock. He blew him. I

24:09

sucked him off, but I had to follow

24:11

the code. No, no, I guess

24:14

he was straight. He didn't know the code either, but I

24:16

feel like if you're gonna make it hotter in there,

24:19

you gotta be like, is this cool with you if

24:21

I make it hotter in here? Yeah, somebody call Mateo.

24:23

Get Mateo on the phone, he will confirm this. No,

24:25

Mateo, I can confirm it already, because he doesn't sauna.

24:29

He doesn't do it. Who is Mateo? He's

24:31

our gay consultant. Pfft. Loves

24:34

being called that too. He's a friend. Face time

24:36

him, I'd love to hear his opinion on him.

24:38

I already spoke to him today. Uh-oh. But

24:41

y'all got the same gay consultant?

24:43

Yeah. He's my neighbor.

24:45

Mateo's a hilarious comic. Funny guy.

24:48

Is he gay? Yes. Why be it

24:50

called the daughter? Huh? Well,

24:52

your daughter can tell us some lesbian info. Yeah,

24:54

but my daughter nasty, you don't wanna talk to

24:56

her. Oh, I like nasty. Oh, I don't wanna

24:58

hear how my daughter eat pussy. Oh. Oh,

25:01

that look like you, Mark. Oh, thank you.

25:04

That's the gay filter of me. It's

25:11

gay eye. Yeah, there we

25:13

go. Wait,

25:17

hold on a second. Don't say too much.

25:19

We'll put it on the mic too. We're

25:21

filming a podcast right now. We're filming a

25:24

podcast. Hey. We're with

25:26

Miss Pat and Mark and, oh, sorry. I know,

25:28

you know. You know what they are. You know

25:30

what they are. Uh-oh. I

25:32

think that constellations are real. They

25:35

are real. No. What did he

25:37

say? Are constellations real? The fuck is constellations? Oh, yes,

25:39

yes, they're real. They're

25:41

absolutely real. Yeah, but if stars are

25:43

moved and they die, how are they

25:45

always in the same place? Nick, I

25:48

don't have time for this. This is

25:50

ridiculous. Joe Rogan? Hi. They're

25:52

having such a more sophisticated conversation than

25:54

us. Like, hey, is this gay if

25:56

you, uh. Yeah,

25:58

actually, we're about to. to ask something

26:00

just as ridiculous, but Sam

26:04

put like water on the, why don't you

26:06

say it? I think I told you this

26:08

already and you didn't know, but I put

26:11

water on the rocks in the sauna

26:14

and Mark said that's a gay signal. Like if I

26:16

say, hey, do you mind if I put this on

26:18

and I put on the water on the rocks, is

26:21

that gay? Well, I'll put it this way. Everything

26:23

is a gay symbol if you really think about

26:25

it. So gays are putting things to try code

26:28

to try and hook up. So if you're just

26:30

walking in a steam room or a sauna, you're

26:32

gay. I knew it. I

26:36

knew it was gay. All right. Thank you

26:38

for solving that for me. All right. And

26:40

the Big Dipper, that's gay. And constellations are real. Okay.

26:42

Why do y'all gotta call them constellations? Why

26:44

don't you just call them stars? Bye dude. See

26:46

you later. The constellations when they

26:49

come together as the Big Dipper or

26:51

Orion's Belt. That answered

26:53

that. Yeah. That was so

26:55

fucking pathetic that we're all doing a podcast at

26:57

the same time. No one's living

26:59

anymore. No one's living. Just a whole

27:01

group of unemployable people. Your daughter's up

27:03

there. I call my mom. She

27:06

puts me on speaker. I'm like, fuck. My mom's

27:08

podcast. This is a... By the

27:10

way, Norman's mom has a podcast. I know. That's

27:13

true. I had to do it. Your

27:15

mom got a podcast? Yeah, it was bro. It's

27:17

about cooking. About cooking? Yeah, she's

27:19

been cooking lately too because I'm hosting Thanksgiving

27:21

and I really can't cook so I'm trying

27:23

to impress. So I'm just grabbing nice recipes

27:25

off the internet. What are your sides you're

27:27

going for? Chicken and dressing,

27:29

which I'll probably call stuffing. Love it.

27:33

Ashley. Hey, Big Ash.

27:35

Ashley loves Big Ash. Ashley.

27:39

We got a gay

27:41

question. Jesus,

27:44

she's black. Ashley.

27:47

That's the only way to tell black she is. That's

27:50

a dark lady. The

27:53

black screen. There's a gay man in the room with

27:55

you to have an answer. My

27:57

daughter said clearly it's enough gay men in the

27:59

room. Oh. Oh. Oh. You

28:02

got me there. Swinging Richard. What was the

28:05

question? Oh, he- It's a gay question. It's

28:07

a gay question. So if you go to

28:09

the sauna and you pour water on the

28:12

rocks, is that like a inviting signal for

28:14

being gay? He

28:16

said if you go to the sauna into what?

28:18

Pour water on the rocks. Do that means that

28:20

you wanna fuck whoever in there in this thing

28:22

going with you. I

28:26

don't even go on saunas. I wouldn't know. Lesbian's

28:28

don't. They don't have sex. Yeah.

28:30

So what's the signal that you gay?

28:34

The signal that you're gay? Yes.

28:39

How do you find pussy to eat? There you go.

28:42

It usually finds me. I look good. I don't

28:44

look gay. Oh, okay. Is

28:47

scissoring real? She said I don't go

28:49

looking. You

28:52

don't do the absolut. I don't have to go looking. That's stuff you do in the

28:55

real world. What do you do? Well, she

28:57

got a girlfriend now. Before

28:59

your girlfriend, he said, do you go on the

29:01

abs? Do you go to Walmart? You get your

29:03

pussy at church. How do you go about Ooby-Eazy?

29:05

They all fuck each other's exes. I

29:09

usually just have sex with people I work with.

29:11

Whoa. Where

29:15

do you work? A softball team? When

29:17

I used to work. Okay, I think I got

29:19

a letter from you. Hey.

29:23

This nigga said, no, we're gonna softball

29:25

team. That's

29:27

funny. He

29:29

got autism. And

29:32

his daddy touch him. He got all kind of

29:34

fucking. Holy, yo. And

29:38

he used all these big words like constellation

29:40

that I don't fucking know what it means.

29:43

Like white people just say fucking stars. Constellations

29:45

are girlfriend's name. He

29:48

said constellation is your girlfriend's

29:50

name. That

29:53

one didn't hit as hard with it. Well, she's in a black

29:55

hole. Ha ha ha ha

29:57

ha ha ha. I

30:00

love a good black hole. You know

30:02

what I realized? I was actually at a

30:04

WNBA game on Saturday. Oh, she clocked half

30:06

the team. I don't

30:08

know what. I'm at the game

30:10

though and you can call a male player a black

30:13

hole. That means he's like not passing by. You cannot

30:15

call him a male black hole. I

30:17

almost did it. I was like, oh you

30:19

can't be... you fucking black hole. Interesting. Yeah,

30:21

no it does. That feels different. It's the

30:24

worst thing. The cahole is black.

30:26

You can't say that. And no matter what

30:28

color the pussy is, the hole is black once you open it

30:30

up. No, no, no. I'm saying a different thing here. You know

30:32

that. I'm saying you can call a guy that because it's like...

30:34

But I'm saying if she over her pussy and all of my

30:36

pussy, it's both black down there. I

30:39

can get a light in there at this. No, it's

30:41

not. What are you talking about? What color is your

30:43

hole? I was a medical assistant. It is

30:45

too. I'm not talking about when you

30:47

eating it and you got your fucking iPhone up in it. Put

30:50

the light on. He's got an iPhone. The

30:53

inside of the vagina is black. It

30:55

vibrates. No, it's not. When you go

30:57

into the uterus, just the fuck it is. And why

30:59

would you have known what the uterus looked like? This

31:01

is getting more graphic. Oh, I know what I was

31:04

talking about. I ain't never ate until a uterus now.

31:07

I usually pull before then.

31:10

How the fuck do you get full of pussy? I

31:13

don't know how she eat pussy. It is

31:15

so disgusting. Really? I pee on myself

31:17

all the time. Wow. Holy

31:19

shit. I don't see

31:21

your citizen vagina in the elderly pussy. I'm

31:24

eating people that are still impacted young. Why

31:26

are your mother on your phone? Why are

31:28

you wetting yourself? Because

31:30

I've had kids. I would never eat

31:32

a person that had a child. Oh.

31:37

She's a golden gay. She's

31:39

never had dick other than out the package. Well,

31:43

we're here if you need us. Yeah. No,

31:45

you ain't. You could be the first. My daughter said,

31:47

what's going to happen is I'm going to end up

31:49

pegging you. That'd be great

31:52

if she came. Yeah,

31:56

I like her. She comes to this side, Mark. just

32:00

becomes gay, that's the whole. Yeah. She said

32:02

put your thumb away. Ah. Ha

32:04

ha ha ha ha. All right,

32:07

enough of that bull doggy shit, bye bye. Ha ha

32:09

ha ha ha. Oh my God. Man,

32:11

you guys are a great relationship. Oh

32:13

well, she eat pussy, so you know, ain't

32:15

nothing I can do about her being gay,

32:17

but be happy for her. Were you very

32:19

supportive when it first happened? Oh,

32:22

I knew she was gay from the time she came

32:24

out of my vagina, but you know, I just wanted

32:26

her to hear, I wanted to hear her say she

32:28

was gay, and she didn't do it till she went

32:30

off to college, and she disappeared cause she thought I

32:32

wasn't gonna like her, so I said, look, are you

32:34

gay? And she was like, yes ma'am, I said, well

32:36

come on back to Atlanta, everybody eat pussy here, you

32:39

be red at home. And she came home and we

32:41

never look back. Everyone eats pussy except the black men.

32:44

Black men eat pussy. That's not what I

32:46

read. Don't believe everything you

32:48

read. That's the problem with a woman. Where'd you

32:50

read it? What the hell? I thought that was

32:52

a scary type. The fucking health magazine. First you

32:55

got his reading glasses on. Yeah, cold and redded.

32:57

I'm on black Twitter. You're

32:59

not on black Twitter. You know who eats the

33:01

cat is the Haitians, huh? You gotta find this

33:03

clip of this white cop. I think he's on

33:05

Def Jam. Oh my fucking God, you an asshole.

33:07

I suppose I'm trying to find it. She got

33:10

it. The white comic on Def Jam, his whole

33:12

set is about how he eats pussy. Oh, you

33:14

talking about, what's his

33:16

name? Who got the

33:18

black family? Oh, DJ Khaled said he doesn't

33:20

eat pussy. Yeah, yeah, but DJ Khaled ain't

33:22

black. Well yeah, what is he, Middle Eastern?

33:26

I don't think so. I think he's

33:28

Mexican or something. No. DJ

33:30

Khaled. Let's get Matteo back on

33:32

the phone. Yeah. We'll practice. Oh,

33:36

Bernie. No, it wasn't Bernie, man. He was a white

33:38

guy. You talking about, Oh. Yeah. Is

33:41

he talking, what's his name? Gary Owens? Oh,

33:44

maybe he's all over Def Jam. Gary

33:46

Owens. Gary Owens, right? Maybe it was. Probably was.

33:48

It was a long time ago. Maybe it is.

33:51

I think it's O-N, no S, but I could be

33:53

wrong. Black people had an S to things.

33:55

Have you noticed that? They were? No,

33:58

this isn't it. I

34:00

forget it. My mom's. Yeah. I

34:03

guess that's about it. Valentine's

34:05

Day. Yeah. That's an M.

34:08

Mm-hmm. Groundhog's Day. I'll

34:12

point out some more when I think of them. Who

34:14

told you we had S this year? I've just noticed it.

34:18

Where? Just hanging out in the world.

34:20

He's been reading. We don't say pussies.

34:22

You see? Sometimes you take the S

34:24

away. You go, I'm going to sleep. Whereas

34:27

a white guy would say I'm going to sleep. You guys take

34:30

out the two. Or

34:32

you stay here. You stay

34:34

at this house. White

34:36

guy will say I'm staying

34:39

at this house. That's just

34:41

correct. That's just. Slang?

34:44

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm

34:47

just pointing it out. What? Slang.

34:49

Fuck. How do you deal with

34:51

this man everyday? I've just walked out.

34:54

I've known him a long time. Oh my god.

34:56

I don't even, it doesn't even register. I'm

34:58

so glad nobody black raised you. They would have

35:00

beat these shit out of you. I

35:03

could do that. We could remake the jerk but

35:05

with Norman. That's not bad. Yeah,

35:07

I mean I grew up in a black neighborhood, went to

35:09

public school. Try to treat everyone equally.

35:13

Every time white people want to say they need something. Oh,

35:16

I grew up in a black neighborhood with a public school.

35:18

You know black kids go to private school too, don't you?

35:20

I went to private school. They were black kids there. You

35:22

went to private school? I went to both. Oh,

35:24

okay. Can't you tell how sheltered he is? You

35:27

went to private school. Your

35:29

whole life? After middle school.

35:31

I would have guessed Norman was public

35:33

school. Public school until ninth, private, three

35:35

years private. So just a little.

35:38

So which one did you like? Yeah, young.

35:40

Public was a little rough. I

35:42

got fucked with quite a bit. And that's

35:44

why they moved you out of the school.

35:46

That's exactly right. Yeah, my kids, my

35:49

first of the kids, my second set of kids went

35:51

to private and they hated it. Oh really? And

35:54

so we moved to Indiana and then they

35:56

went to all white school. But

35:58

it was public and they hated it.

36:00

to. Well, school sucks.

36:03

Yeah. All around. They

36:05

kids are mean. They're mean. They're very mean. I

36:07

remember my daughter when we first moved to Indiana,

36:09

my daughter is a plus size girl. So she

36:11

was way bigger than the white kids in her

36:14

third grade class because white people only feed their

36:16

kids salaries and carries. Well, we eat for real.

36:18

My daughter been frying chicken since the first grade,

36:20

whole chicken, know how to cut them up. So

36:23

we get to this little white neighborhood and my

36:26

daughter go to school and white boy just picking on

36:28

her. And so she go to the tea. She said,

36:30

the tea, she said, he keep calling me fat. And

36:32

the teacher was like, little white, oh my god, don't

36:34

worry about it. Gary, I'm going to take care of

36:36

you. You ain't got to take care of. She said,

36:38

can you see the big black face? I'm going to

36:41

stick it on his fucking throat. Did

36:45

you call me and say, I don't, I

36:47

don't mean to laugh, but let me tell you what your daughter

36:49

said. And she whooped his

36:52

ass and he never, he never, he never

36:54

ever fuck with her. One

36:57

little white girl. It was so interesting raising

36:59

my second kids in our white neighbor because

37:01

we had never lived around white people like

37:03

that. And so pretty great.

37:05

Right. And

37:08

so I moved my kids to this neighborhood,

37:10

which I thought it was pretty good overall,

37:12

but kids are just rude. So this white

37:15

girl told my daughter, oh, you

37:17

so fucking fat. Cause my daughter is

37:19

fat and she don't give a

37:21

fuck, but she got a mouth for your ass.

37:23

She's told, she said, I might

37:25

be fat bitch, but my daddy don't, my

37:27

daddy don't sneak in my room and stick

37:30

his dick in my mouth. And

37:32

they was like seven grader. And

37:35

my daughter, my daughter, who I just got a phone, she

37:37

said, you need to go get Gary off this app before

37:39

this white girl slid a fucking ring. And

37:41

she drug this white bitch for 20

37:44

minutes because she and me, my

37:46

daughter got like two, three fucking college degree. But

37:48

at the time she was in the seventh grade,

37:50

but all she did was read about the world.

37:53

Oh, she drug this white bitch. So

37:55

bad. That white girl never ever fuck

37:57

with Gary on again at the, at

37:59

the. bus stop. Jesus. Yes.

38:02

Man, that's a mic drop. But that was

38:04

just one line that I remember but she

38:06

went on and on and on and Gary

38:08

Elle just kept going and she, my daughter,

38:11

my oldest was like, you should get a

38:13

momma, this white girl gonna kill herself. I

38:15

said let her go, she should have called

38:18

her fag. Wow. What is your daughter

38:20

doing now? Which one? That one, the Gary

38:22

Elle? Is that it? She writes on the

38:24

show, she writes on the show. Oh that's

38:27

cool. She's a writer. Nice. She sounds, she's

38:29

a gifted writer. If you watch, if you

38:31

go and watch the fourth season, which is

38:33

the season that out now, we have a

38:36

slave episode where white people are slave and

38:38

it's fucking hilarious and she wrote that episode.

38:41

All right. And that was the hardest shit

38:43

to cast. White people as slaves, y'all do

38:45

not want to be slaves. What

38:48

was the, what was the problem? Like what did

38:50

they... What was it about, um, jazz?

38:52

It was, it was kind of like a twist.

38:54

It was saying like what white people in America

38:56

think black people need, but you don't ever ask

38:58

them what the fuck we need. So they're just,

39:00

you know, that's real, that's what's going on. Oh

39:02

the black community need this. You don't know the

39:04

fuck you talking about white man, cuz you don't

39:06

bring your motherfucking ass to the black community until

39:08

you want our fucking vote. So how the fuck

39:10

do you know what we want? Yeah. So that

39:12

was the episode was about, it was like a

39:14

little twist, but it was, it was so... When

39:16

you got... It was reparation. That's what

39:19

a real reparation. White people don't know how to

39:21

be, like when white people were slaves, it's like

39:23

bondage, it's like getting like spanked or something. That's

39:25

true. What was that work? Well, I'm glad people

39:27

were doing work. So it was a rep, this

39:29

white dude got like three million dollars from his

39:32

family and opened up a reparation camp. And

39:34

so we stopped there and thought it was a

39:36

hotel, but it was white people trying to do,

39:39

you know, turn the times on reparation and it

39:41

was so fucking fun. It was

39:43

so fun. It was my favorite episode.

39:45

My favorite line was I walk in

39:47

and my kids are arguing with the

39:49

white pastor, what the fuck going on?

39:51

And my son said, mama, the

39:54

slave owner is beating one of the

39:56

slaves, but he's, he's, he's verbally beaten.

39:58

He said, mama, this crackers... but

42:00

you ate that little part. And you

42:02

just lied. I shall give Abigail a

42:04

verbal lashing to replicate the mental and

42:07

emotional trauma of black slaves. Ahem.

42:10

You good for nothing.

42:12

Gingerhead, snun-trickin'.

42:16

Oh, wow. How

42:19

were they not breaking, dude? I know. That

42:21

was crazy. Sun-trickin'. It

42:24

was so fucking funny. This my

42:26

favorite. It was so funny. Wow.

42:29

Because these white people came to be slaves, baby.

42:31

You hear me? They came to be slaves. They

42:33

did not fucking play. You guys should've gotten Glenn

42:35

Close for this. Who

42:38

the fuck is Glenn Close?

42:40

Glenn Close was in that

42:42

recent movie. Oh,

42:44

the white woman. The white woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

42:46

yeah, yeah. I know you're talking about. Yeah, she did

42:48

her thing in Lee Daniel. But

42:51

it was so fun. That's my favorite.

42:53

That's great. It's very educational. Everything that

42:55

I do on this show, you know,

42:57

it's based off of my life, but

42:59

it's also when we go outside my

43:01

life, which is this episode. And it's

43:03

just to say, you know,

43:06

the world is shit, but why can't we laugh at

43:08

the shit? Hear, hear. You

43:10

know? And so when we first took

43:13

this episode of BET, they was like, what

43:15

the fuck? White people, slaves? How's that gonna

43:17

happen? You got any pushback or no? And

43:21

not on this, a little bit on this episode,

43:23

what I got the pushback on was the episode

43:25

of what we did about, what

43:28

was that, Jasmine? With

43:30

the rocket tour of words. So I want to do it,

43:33

times have changed. When I was coming up, you could

43:35

say shit like sissies and bulldiggles,

43:37

and you can't say that anymore. That's

43:39

fucking. Unless it's to your daughter. No.

43:42

No. No. No. But

43:45

you can't, you know, you

43:48

just gotta choose your words right, but I

43:50

wanted to show an episode how everything have

43:52

changed, but the people at home has not

43:54

changed. Let's be honest, y'all probably

43:56

got relatives who go home and say the

43:58

N word. Some old mother. motherfucker, great granddaddy,

44:00

uncle. They don't say it, but they say

44:02

it. They say it, let's be honest, you

44:04

know what I'm saying? My dad says it.

44:07

Yeah. Nah. But

44:09

so I wanted to do one on words

44:11

like that, and one of the words I

44:13

wanted to use was Jap Slap. Well, most

44:15

people have never heard of Jap Slap.

44:18

Have y'all ever heard of that? No. Well,

44:20

it was back when the black people, I

44:22

mean, not black people, Japanese people was in

44:24

concentration camps, remember they'd slap them back in.

44:26

So when I was coming up, my mom would

44:29

say, I d*** out your bitch. Oh, I didn't

44:31

do that. When I grew up. I did very

44:33

different childhood. When

44:37

I grew up. My mom never did that. And

44:40

I would say that to my husband. He was like,

44:42

that's so fucking racist. I'm like, racist.

44:47

So I go to BET and we put d***

44:50

up in there, and at the time they run around

44:52

snapping Asian people for real here in America. Oh, yeah.

44:55

And so they said, no, we won't let you say d***, but we'll let you

44:57

say d***. And we was like,

44:59

d*** is worse, motherfucker. It is worse. It

45:01

is worse. And

45:03

so they gave us d***, but took d*** away.

45:07

That's crazy. Yeah, so we love pushing

45:09

the envelope like that on the mixed

45:12

matter. But it's also insulting a different

45:14

group also. Japanese and

45:16

Chinese. Well, they're all Chinese. It always

45:18

feels like a lateral move. Right. From

45:20

like homeless to unhoused is especially. Not

45:22

completely. It's like a very lateral. Colored

45:24

people, people of color. What's really the

45:27

difference there? Yeah, we don't wanna be

45:29

called color people. Wow, I'm just saying,

45:31

it's just to change the order. Well,

45:33

we don't call ourselves colors of people

45:35

either. I don't, yeah. People of colors

45:37

either. I don't say that anyway. Yeah,

45:39

I don't know anyone. I say black.

45:41

Who's like a person of color that

45:43

calls themselves like a POC. Yeah, yeah,

45:46

definitely. People of color, who the fuck

45:48

call, they calling those POCs now? Oh,

45:50

yeah, that's out there. That's out there.

45:52

Politicians. People are teasing me, I'm thinking

45:54

prison of camp. Oh,

45:56

shit. That's his ancestors. That

45:59

does sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh shit. Are you

46:01

kidding? Oh shit. What the hell? You didn't know

46:04

he's been complaining since he got in. No. Hey,

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47:05

Because when I was little, I only

47:07

thought Jews was just one person. Jesus.

47:10

I did not know. Miss

47:12

Pat, you're looking at them. I

47:14

know. I did not know. J.C. My

47:17

momma didn't tell us that Jews was

47:19

a lot of people. Too many. Too

47:22

busy chance we'll have to need it. Jewish

47:25

American Princess. So,

47:29

when I saw... Oh shit is the best reaction that

47:31

you heard Jew. No,

47:33

shit. I did hook up with

47:35

a woman once right before we had sex, and she goes,

47:37

are you Jewish? And I said, yeah. And she goes, ugh.

47:39

And I still fucked her. Oh no. But

47:42

the penis doesn't care. No.

47:45

But it was a low point for sure. Why?

47:47

She don't want to sleep with you? I can't

47:49

tell if she was kidding or not. What? You

47:52

got Jesus dick. Jesus dick? It Jew

47:54

dick. A

47:57

dreidel. That's a good way to... A dreidel. Yeah,

48:00

that was your people. Yeah, well,

48:03

I sure did. That's like, who was my

48:05

people, King Tut? He was probably kidding. In

48:07

New York? Was King Tut my people? She

48:09

was foreign. Unless she was like drunk enough

48:11

that she just sort of let us. Huh,

48:13

what's the people of that African name? What's

48:15

the African people, the kings and queens? What?

48:18

African people, Nubian? Jazz,

48:21

what's the king over there in Africa? Yeah.

48:25

Black Panther? Pharaoh.

48:28

Oh, okay, yeah, Pharaoh. Let

48:30

my people go. Yes. I don't know the Bible.

48:33

I don't know why he said let his people go. Come

48:35

on. What'd you say? There

48:37

we go. Next

48:41

lap. Well, when I was a kid, we'd say

48:43

rice rocket for a fast Asian

48:45

car. Like it's a nice rice rocket, but we

48:47

liked them. I just, I just, I

48:51

was just watching TV with my husband and he

48:53

said rice rocket. There you go. I'd never heard

48:55

of rice rocket before. But that

48:57

meant an Asian, like a fast

48:59

Honda, Toyota, you know, like a hot rod. We

49:01

never said that. Did you say that? No,

49:04

I never heard of it. Really? Where were you

49:06

raised? I was in New York City. Oh yeah,

49:08

okay. So what race's term did you, that you

49:10

heard back then? Oh, the classics, we went with

49:12

the old bad. Oh, you moved to Inworth, okay.

49:15

That's six. Yeah.

49:18

What else was out there? Bulldike, you said? I

49:20

recently heard coal burner. Ooh.

49:24

Oh, that's, who was that for?

49:26

Coal burner? What's that?

49:28

It's white people, white men who have

49:31

sex with black women. Whoa, that's heavy.

49:33

Yeah. What the fuck? You asked what

49:35

races still I knew, so. We'd say

49:38

Oreo, if a black guy, wait,

49:40

black guy acted white, number Oreo? He's

49:42

white on the inside. That was around.

49:46

Then you get reverse Oreo. Yeah. White

49:48

guy acted black. Right. Yeah,

49:50

did the slave, the white slaves need a, their

49:52

own N word. Did you give

49:54

them something? Oh no. You

49:57

know what was funny? When we was shooting this episode,

49:59

one of the. guys, what did

50:01

he work in jazz? He was in sound. And

50:04

so they was like,

50:06

back it up to, to,

50:08

to, to nigger, huh? And

50:12

so the white man say, you want me to

50:14

back it up to nigger? Hey, he was like,

50:16

oh my God, I just lost my job. And

50:18

I hollered, I fucking hollered. Because

50:21

he was just repeating what we wanted

50:24

back, back it up to. And they

50:26

was telling him to rewind the show

50:28

to nigger. And he said, you say

50:30

this in a work environment. Well,

50:34

we're not gonna allow you to say it, but

50:36

we're gonna say it because this is in the

50:39

show. But it was just an honest mistake. And

50:41

everybody just stopped because you can hear all over

50:43

the speaker. You want me to back it up

50:45

to the first nigger or the second nigger? I

50:48

just lost my fucking job. I

50:52

hollered, I fucking hollered. And

50:55

so they go up there and I'm so sorry.

50:57

I was like, y'all, the dude was just, you

50:59

know, he hear it all day. It's in his

51:02

blood when you worked on a Miss Pat show.

51:08

Damn, I wanna work there. You

51:12

can work there, but you can't get away with

51:15

it. I'm joking, I know that. I can already

51:17

see the clip from this podcast. It's just multiple

51:19

takes of Miss Nat giving you a look. I

51:25

got your work cut out for you, Peters. Oh,

51:28

yeah. We have four great comics here. You

51:30

guys working on any new bits that you

51:32

wanna share? Well,

51:35

we do peeves on the show. What's

51:37

peeves? Like pet peeves. You got any

51:39

peeves? I got one, this kind of

51:41

bothers me. My girlfriend, I don't know if I've done this

51:43

one before because I've written it down on my phone, but

51:46

my girlfriend will come in the bathroom when I'm

51:48

on the toilet, I'll fart, and she'll be

51:50

like, ew, and I'm like, this is

51:52

where you do it. Oh, yeah. This is the

51:54

bathroom. True. That's fair. Where else are

51:56

you gonna do it? The

51:58

toilet's appropriate. Yeah, some people like it

52:00

in the face. Oh really? Yeah, yeah,

52:03

like the cake fart videos ever seen those well

52:05

I'm up those are weird. No. I don't do

52:08

shit like that one the one that's kind of

52:10

I've heard a couple What do you have mark

52:12

you have better peeves? Uh? Shit,

52:15

I just had one. I lost at the cake

52:17

fart threw me off. Sorry about that. No no

52:19

no I feel bad

52:21

cuz I don't feel like I prepped anybody on the

52:23

I realized I don't like sweaty people. Oh Even

52:27

in love baking I don't like just I don't

52:29

like a lot of sweat on some not necessarily

52:31

when it comes to sex It's a different thing,

52:33

but when just in the

52:35

workplace. Yeah, really sweaty it

52:37

annoys me I hear it feels like you

52:40

get a handle on yourself You really some

52:42

people can't I know some people just over

52:44

press buys or what I don't like it

52:46

is I'm like whatever your problem is get

52:49

fix it. Oh They

52:51

can't fix it. I don't need shower to

52:53

shower around the clock. Yeah, I guess like

52:55

bring a bunch of shirts That's

52:58

just a antiperspirant deodorant could probably help a

53:01

little yeah, sure Yeah, you rub it

53:03

all over your body, but some people just yeah, Eddie

53:05

Yeah, I hate people when they fucking hand sweat and they

53:08

want to shake your hand, but it feel like they've been

53:10

jacking off. Yeah Yeah,

53:13

I hate fucking see what the fuck is

53:15

going on with your hands Yeah, you know

53:17

the problem I'm having is with airplanes like

53:19

I'm getting older now this just this this

53:21

is happening This is how it's kind of

53:23

what don't shit embarrass me So I have

53:25

to like when I'm 52 so when

53:27

I got a piece I got a piece ain't no

53:29

holding no peace Cuz you ain't got them walls you

53:31

had when you was in the third grade your pussy

53:34

let it go And your bladder don't give

53:36

a fuck so I run in the bathroom and All

53:39

I'm thinking about is just give my drawers down You know I

53:41

got on this big-ass panting line to make sure don't my panting

53:43

line don't hit the ground and stick So I

53:46

pull my panties down don't even look back to see

53:48

if the fucking toilet seat up and piss all over

53:50

the airplane floor I've done this

53:52

shit like four times. I always wonder who

53:54

does that you know so I'm in it

53:57

So everybody knows me on the planet. Oh

53:59

my god. I'm I

56:00

like that you know what happened to me

56:02

I went to I went to the BT

56:04

Awards and they had a bathroom and it

56:06

didn't say boy girl I just walked in

56:08

there was me and using the women bathroom

56:10

and nobody was scared and Biden's America Well,

56:14

it didn't fucking bother you don't shut the fuck up

56:16

cuz I'm a Democrat no I

56:21

know that's what they say when I say but

56:23

I didn't feel I didn't feel threatened or anything

56:25

It was everybody in this one bathroom and I

56:27

at first I was kind of shocked like whoa

56:30

Big-ass man, and then it was all

56:32

kinds of people hmm. We mean all

56:34

kinds. It was trans people regular

56:37

people men women every fucking thing

56:43

Normal people Regulars,

56:45

no, I'm just saying it was all

56:47

types of people in the bathroom him

56:49

them Dan hers. It was beautiful. All

56:51

right It was it

56:54

was beautiful. Everybody was singing utopia Was

56:57

playing the hard I don't mind that as long as

56:59

everybody is grown I probably have a problem if I

57:01

had a little kid with me speaking up here's a

57:03

little kid of chick-fil-a crawling

57:05

under the stall some stranger

57:07

oh No, oh my

57:10

fucking god kick him in his face.

57:12

How'd they get my fantasy? Oh? My

57:15

god, that's gonna be my kid Why

57:18

is he filming this I think to protect themselves good

57:20

point. It's like I can't be caught in here with

57:23

a little kid Well he is now

57:25

oh He

57:27

opened the door on him What

57:30

a dick he came in the bottom you gotta go out the bottom

57:32

oh My

57:36

god wow he's lucky didn't roll

57:38

up on him shaming him you

57:41

gotta lock it What are you doing? Yeah,

57:43

I some what you're doing here. I would

57:45

say shit nigga get the fuck away from

57:47

in here We got some

57:49

new merch There's

57:54

your old back to the n-word Like

57:58

that's like a updated version of the

58:00

movie The Fugitive. Just like a guy

58:02

gets framed. Yeah, right. It

58:04

was the one armed man knew. Oh

58:07

my god, I done beat the shit out

58:09

of him. So scared my kid's gonna end

58:12

up like that though. Sweet kid, innocent. I'm

58:14

scared because she's already like, she like runs

58:16

off and is like moving really quickly and

58:18

just like won't mind her own business. Well

58:20

they don't mind their own business till they

58:22

get an iPhone. Yeah. So

58:25

how old is she? She's only 11

58:27

months. So yeah, she's just learning

58:30

the world. She gotta stick her hand in

58:32

the fireplace. Yeah. She gotta fall down the

58:34

stairs. She gotta fuck herself up a little

58:37

bit. She's gonna beat the butterfly. Gotta go

58:39

to bathroom stall, the rando, the galore. I

58:42

hope she don't do all of that, but yeah,

58:44

she's learning the world right now. Yeah. They're

58:46

very curious. Right, yeah. Gary though.

58:49

Yeah, has she interrupted your sex life

58:51

yet? No. They don't

58:53

have sex. No, yeah. No. No,

58:57

but she actually stays like, she has

59:00

her own room, which is nice. But

59:03

for a while there we were like, this is fucked.

59:06

We're fucking in the same room as our kids. Wow. Yeah.

59:10

Well you fucked in that same room to get her. What

59:12

do you mean? To make her. To make

59:14

her. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well and if she see you

59:16

fucking, she ain't know what you're doing. She think y'all exercising.

59:19

Well she couldn't even, she didn't like know she

59:22

has hands at the moment. Right, right. Like not

59:24

even. But I know what you mean like mentally.

59:26

Mentally you're like. Mentally you're like. Yeah. Okay.

59:29

You're fucking. Oh you say, oh, oh, oh. You

59:31

think she gonna hear that? I

59:33

was like worried about, it's in the back of my

59:35

mind. Well she say that anyway. Oh, yoga. Oh.

59:42

She's learning to talk. Her first sounds

59:44

did sound like Forrest Gump,

59:46

you know like when his mom was

59:48

fucking the principal. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah,

59:50

yeah. I was about to say. Yeah,

59:52

so for you to be, so

59:55

you the mom just don't make no fucking noise. Y'all

59:58

stick socks in your mouth. Nothing

1:00:00

hotter than that. And he likes it anyway. Nothing

1:00:02

hotter than that. And if it's a dirty sock,

1:00:05

it's flavor. So you don't have to suck on

1:00:07

detergent. There we go. I think

1:00:09

we got a new episode. This one's salty.

1:00:11

Let's do that episode. It's not gonna be

1:00:13

my fucking. I

1:00:17

mean, you know, she's just learning whatever, you know.

1:00:19

It's just a sound. She's going to be OK.

1:00:21

It's not really that I was that concerned about

1:00:23

what it would do for her. It was like,

1:00:26

it was just in the back of my mind

1:00:28

like she's in here. Yeah, I mean,

1:00:30

like it messes with it. Yeah, there's been time I had

1:00:32

to fucking a bill my daughter and pat her in the

1:00:34

back and say, mom, that work. Hey,

1:00:40

I picked up when they come and sign and

1:00:42

I think he wanted me to suck his dick.

1:00:44

He immediately opened my mouth. I'm like, what the

1:00:46

fuck is wrong with this baby? He's sticking his

1:00:48

whole hand in my mouth with. He's got to

1:00:50

give his mom pills. He's

1:00:54

like a little Pez dispenser. He's an ex.

1:00:59

He immediately stuck his whole hand in my mouth. And

1:01:01

what the fuck is going on with this freaky ass

1:01:03

baby? Well, you know, she lets him do it. Right.

1:01:06

Well, maybe I was thinking because I'm

1:01:08

black and I got lips and he

1:01:10

wasn't used to seeing that. So he

1:01:12

like, what is the fake lips? Those

1:01:14

lips are too small. No,

1:01:16

those are my lips. I'm

1:01:19

thinking of the ones downstairs. Those are fake. My

1:01:23

pussy lips. Oh, yeah. She had that all

1:01:25

redone. Whitney. Whitney.

1:01:27

I want you to kick his ass. No,

1:01:30

that's not fucking true. I don't think she

1:01:32

got a prostate and pussy. No. Oh,

1:01:34

yeah. She's got fake tits. She's

1:01:37

got great fake tits. Great fake tits. Yeah.

1:01:40

Well, most people do have great fake tits.

1:01:42

Not those ages. These are straight off the

1:01:44

Medicaid line. But

1:01:47

George Bush built these cities. Wait,

1:01:49

really? Yeah. Oh, I thought that

1:01:51

was all natural. It is. Government

1:01:54

cheese, food, stuff. Oh, I see. Oh,

1:01:56

that shit went to work. Now I got it.

1:01:59

Medicaid titties. This is a great title

1:02:01

for something. Yeah, that's true. Hey,

1:02:04

look at the old preggo there. He's coming back

1:02:06

on set. That's right, that's right. We'll get the

1:02:08

kid in there and get him right in my

1:02:10

mouth. Oh my god. All

1:02:15

right, you turned and looked at me. All

1:02:17

right, we're making progress. Oh god,

1:02:20

I love this podcast. You are too

1:02:23

silly, motherfucker. Hell yeah. This

1:02:25

is the only time I really like dealing with

1:02:27

autism. I

1:02:32

don't have to say safe hand. Is it autism

1:02:34

or is he just white? No, he got autism.

1:02:36

You think so? Yeah, something's up. You think you

1:02:38

got autism for real? I don't think he has

1:02:40

autism. He told me he had autism. I

1:02:43

don't think he has autism. That was a joke. I

1:02:45

was trying to get away with that N-word. Roll

1:02:49

it back. He

1:02:51

does not have autism. You don't have

1:02:53

autism. Why the fuck you tell me that? I thought

1:02:55

you had autism. Well, it's a good catch-all. If I

1:02:57

do something fucked up, I go, I got autism, you

1:02:59

know? I say safe.

1:03:02

Oh my fucking god, you going to jail.

1:03:06

Yeah, I don't think the autism thing works in jail. No. Say

1:03:09

something fucked up. I'm autistic, don't rape me. They're

1:03:11

like, oh, easy target. Who

1:03:14

went to jail? Oh yeah, Pete Diddy went to jail.

1:03:17

Today. Wow. Did

1:03:19

he today? Yesterday. Yesterday. Yeah,

1:03:22

New York. They found 1,000 bottles

1:03:24

of lube. Wow.

1:03:28

They should donate that to the Goodwill. Yeah,

1:03:33

I would put it on eBay. It'll

1:03:37

be a lot of wet pussies. On

1:03:41

discount. I'm just curious, were bottles of lube, does

1:03:44

that count as evidence? They saw

1:03:47

the freak-off parties. A bunch of lube. It

1:03:49

just shows that parties were huge. To

1:03:52

me, it tells me a bunch of dry pussy came

1:03:54

to the party. A bunch of extra tight booty holes.

1:03:57

Because why do you need all of

1:03:59

that lube? Right. He had more lube

1:04:01

than Jippin' Lube Head. Ha ha ha

1:04:03

ha ha ha. That's

1:04:06

true. I don't have his for my car. Huh?

1:04:09

He's like, it's for my car. That's what

1:04:11

I would say. Yeah. My Mercedes run off lube.

1:04:13

He's gotta do the old school defense that they

1:04:15

were doing like KY

1:04:18

jelly wrestling. That's his only choice. Oh

1:04:20

yeah, forgot about that. The party. Yeah.

1:04:23

Good call. They were doing that at the creek in the cave

1:04:25

when I first moved to New York. Wow. Yeah. Doing

1:04:28

what? I was doing KY jelly wrestling

1:04:30

in the basement at the creek in the cave

1:04:32

when I first moved here. Yeah, good times. This

1:04:34

is before comedy. Or he can say he does

1:04:36

professional slippin' slides. Oh, there you

1:04:39

go. He sprayed on the floor and just let people

1:04:41

slide across the floor, but that's the next view. If

1:04:43

you have that much, it's not a great sign. No.

1:04:46

What you mean it's not a great sign? Or he's just

1:04:49

got a Costco membership. I don't know. Ha ha ha ha.

1:04:51

That too. He's buyin' some bulk. Cause if you

1:04:53

come to the house, I got a bunch of fuckin' tissue. Right. Yeah.

1:04:56

Right, true. So why can't you? Why can't

1:04:58

Diddy have a thousand bottle of lube? Well,

1:05:00

it doesn't help that he has three AR-15.

1:05:04

Well, he's not a convicted felon. So

1:05:06

white people got three and four and

1:05:08

five AR-15. That's true.

1:05:10

So what's the problem? I think it's

1:05:12

the combination. The thing is that the

1:05:14

trafficking allegations. What? Yeah,

1:05:16

human trafficking allegations. I

1:05:19

don't know what they have on it. That's just kind

1:05:21

of how it's done. I don't

1:05:23

have any sale on a human trafficking

1:05:26

application. Where did it go from picture?

1:05:28

These are applications. Ha ha ha. Let

1:05:30

me fill my application, Mr. Diddy. Where

1:05:34

did it go from human

1:05:37

trafficking? Where did it go

1:05:39

from pimping to human trafficking? Oh yeah.

1:05:41

I think if you go over state

1:05:43

lines or somethin'. I've been over state

1:05:45

lines many times with hoes and pimps.

1:05:47

But human trafficking is when you get

1:05:50

the sex workers to recruit more sex

1:05:52

workers, right? It's sort of like once

1:05:54

it goes on. So why is it

1:05:56

not a job? Well,

1:05:58

it is a job. If you have a-

1:06:00

If you if you have an age because

1:06:02

if you take this to Vegas when it's

1:06:04

be human traffic It'll just be horn. I

1:06:06

guess the red tape fuel I think I

1:06:08

think human trafficking is people like kidnapping against

1:06:10

their wheel. There's but there's levels to rape

1:06:12

too I think there's levels to trafficking right?

1:06:14

Yeah, like the grease. There's like let me

1:06:16

ask you something So if a man suck

1:06:18

your titty, yeah, that's all he do is

1:06:20

that rape I

1:06:23

think you would be better equipped to answer this one than me. I

1:06:25

don't know that's a new you saw my titty Maybe

1:06:28

assault or misconduct about rage. Well, if

1:06:30

I yank my titty back and is

1:06:32

not harmed. Oh If

1:06:35

I leave my titty out there if you if he's

1:06:37

hold on a second if you're In

1:06:40

this in this world where a man just

1:06:42

randomly runs up and fucking

1:06:45

bites your tit I'm

1:06:52

gonna whoop his fucking Look

1:06:57

up why this is this is something

1:06:59

that you would is this something you don't want

1:07:02

I think that's the thing that makes it

1:07:04

a salt. Yeah, I Mean,

1:07:06

I mean cuz if you're yanking your titty

1:07:08

back, then it's assault, but

1:07:10

if you're like, all right Well, it's just a

1:07:12

I guess so what have you I mean if

1:07:15

you be honest if you run up on me

1:07:17

and you yank my Titty, I'm probably gonna fight

1:07:19

you. Yeah, and if it's a fight is over

1:07:21

you go about your business I'm okay, right. You

1:07:23

keep fucking with me. I'm gonna get the police

1:07:25

in right so Fair. I don't

1:07:27

you see they took away his key to the city. Ah Hidden

1:07:31

them where it hurts. Yeah, I hear the allegations.

1:07:33

Here we go. All right of

1:07:36

a three count indictment charging

1:07:38

Sean Combs with racketeering conspiracy sex

1:07:41

trafficking interstate transportation

1:07:43

for prostitution Mmm, the

1:07:46

indictment alleges that between at least 2008 and the present

1:07:51

Combs abuse threatened and coerced victims

1:07:53

to fulfill his sexual desires Now

1:07:55

that's a problem. Yeah, yeah and

1:07:57

conceal his conduct As

1:08:01

a legend the indictment to carry out

1:08:03

this conduct Sean Combs led and participated

1:08:05

in a racketeering conspiracy That

1:08:08

used the business empire he controlled

1:08:10

to carry out criminal activity. Mmm,

1:08:12

including sex trafficking forced

1:08:14

labor kidnapping arson

1:08:18

bribery Wow

1:08:21

also, he wasn't a very good rapper

1:08:25

But he was a damn good height man. Yeah He

1:08:28

was a good height man, so it sound

1:08:30

like they don't took another black man

1:08:32

down. Yeah. If only he didn't commit all

1:08:34

those crimes Other

1:08:42

black man, we got arson What

1:08:51

is racketeering Drew Barrymore.

1:08:53

Yeah, he sent victory lap because

1:08:56

oh Here I

1:08:58

am keeping good company with Drew Barrymore and I don't

1:09:00

have a thousand bottles of lube in the house I

1:09:02

love Funny

1:09:04

guy So well hearing is basically conspiracy

1:09:07

you conspired to commit a crime if I called mark I

1:09:09

said do you want to do this thing and you were

1:09:11

like, I don't know but now it's a crime because two

1:09:13

people are involved Ah, that's quite a

1:09:15

record. I don't know that's racketeering.

1:09:17

That's racketeering No,

1:09:20

now if you said I don't know

1:09:22

no conspiracy committed crime he's like I'm

1:09:24

in and whatever like a bank heist

1:09:26

Yes, got it. I would never ever

1:09:28

agree Overfoam

1:09:31

to any crime, right? Yes

1:09:34

over text message never I will that's

1:09:36

a rookie move paper. Yeah. Yeah. Good

1:09:38

point. Okay. I've watched enough true So

1:09:40

well, it looked like puff daddy gonna

1:09:42

be gone. He should have went to

1:09:44

body with the versus Simmons. He didn't

1:09:46

run Yeah, let's

1:09:48

see if he makes it in prison We'll

1:09:50

make it going to a real prison. No,

1:09:53

he's going to work. Are Kelly. Oh What

1:09:57

you bad would I buy it Yeah,

1:10:00

our Kelly already put one out actually did

1:10:02

it yeah, is he doing life our Kelly

1:10:04

or no? He doing pretty much life Yeah,

1:10:07

they're not gonna let him we will see I mean Talk

1:10:10

to people I've talked to some people who know him

1:10:12

and like there was a darkness like at parties like

1:10:14

around him Well, he had a problem with I Don't

1:10:18

know. I just With

1:10:21

Cassie I was like this. Oh, yeah that

1:10:23

was that wasn't that he was way back.

1:10:25

You see my puff daddy Yeah, yeah the

1:10:27

I was right. He had probably already done

1:10:29

something that was way worse before we saw

1:10:32

that That just proved that he was the

1:10:34

asshole that she say he was and the

1:10:36

thing is is I think she asked him

1:10:38

for money To

1:10:41

settle before she took it to the public I'm

1:10:43

assuming I don't know but if she did he should

1:10:46

have took it Do you want wait

1:10:48

did she come out with all of this shit? And

1:10:50

then how long you gonna get the video and show

1:10:52

that you all you gotta do is just show one

1:10:54

time that you Hitting a woman in this country. Yeah,

1:10:56

and it's fucking over. Nobody like Chris Brown's not working

1:10:58

anymore. Oh Good boy.

1:11:00

Well, let me let me just say this

1:11:03

as being a woman and been in fights If

1:11:06

if somebody hits you you gotta defend

1:11:09

yourself back So you I

1:11:11

don't know where this country think that you just supposed

1:11:13

to go around and beat the shit out of a

1:11:15

man He don't supposed to respond. Mmm.

1:11:17

That's not fair because if you this you

1:11:19

treat me I'm

1:11:22

gonna treat you the way you treat me

1:11:24

if you if you don't put your hands

1:11:26

on me Then I shouldn't put

1:11:28

your hands on. Oh, I should put my hands on

1:11:30

you But as some women to that but but as

1:11:32

some women in this country just think I could slap

1:11:35

the shit out of him And you can't hit me

1:11:37

cuz a girl I have two sons

1:11:39

hit that bitch back. She hit you But

1:11:43

don't hit her first equality. Yeah. Yes, you

1:11:45

say you want equality. Okay, bitch you

1:11:47

hit me I gotta give it to you

1:11:49

back. You just gotta raise don't hit anyone.

1:11:51

Yes, don't hit anyone But but some

1:11:53

women think that they could just beat the

1:11:56

shit out of a man and by him

1:11:58

being a man He can't respond That's not

1:12:00

fair. Why you gonna make my

1:12:02

son out of a pussy? Don't

1:12:05

be running right here. Treat people the way you

1:12:07

want to be treated. Here, here. And

1:12:09

I tell my son don't hit no woman cuz I

1:12:11

don't want no woman hitting you. But

1:12:14

if a bitch hit first, you need to shake

1:12:16

that whole hallelujah. Yeah,

1:12:19

that's why I'm supporting

1:12:21

trans boxing. Alright,

1:12:24

I just try to put a button on that

1:12:26

somehow. You guys see the Olympics?

1:12:29

Yeah, we saw that one. That

1:12:32

was a fucking girl. I know, I

1:12:34

know. Oh, these days you

1:12:36

gotta take a picture. Your pussy

1:12:38

need an ID. It say that

1:12:40

you a woman. I know, right? And

1:12:43

by the way, I'm on tour. I'm doing

1:12:45

my high and flashy tour. Yeah, plug it

1:12:47

up. High and flashy tour. Go to misspackcomedy.com.

1:12:49

I'm here in New York. Oh,

1:12:53

go to my phone. We got the date right here. Oh, I can't

1:12:55

see. She know I can't fucking see. Birmingham,

1:12:58

Alabama at the Lyric. October

1:13:00

13th? Okay, okay, okay, okay. So, the

1:13:02

latest one. October 18th and

1:13:04

19th Buffalo, New York at Helium. And

1:13:08

then Milwaukee. Hold on a second. Paps

1:13:11

Theater. Great room. Paps

1:13:13

Theater? Yeah, you skipped Tam Hall in New

1:13:15

York. Oh, it's about after that.

1:13:18

Oh no. We'll post about it.

1:13:20

Okay. And then the

1:13:22

26th in Chesterfield, Missouri at the

1:13:25

factory. Nice. That's

1:13:27

a big one. Yeah. That's

1:13:29

what's coming up on here. What about View More? And

1:13:33

then just go to misspackcomedy.com to get

1:13:35

all of your tickets. Oh,

1:13:38

she want me to read it. Go to Buffalo. Okay,

1:13:41

I'm going to be in Buffalo. Town Hall in New

1:13:43

York. Milwaukee, St. Louis. Munching

1:13:45

Hall, Pennsylvania. That's basically Pittsburgh. Munch Hall,

1:13:47

Pennsylvania. Richmond, Virginia. Albany, Syracuse, New York.

1:13:50

Just go to misspackcomedy.com and get your

1:13:52

tickets. Come see me on the Hot

1:13:54

and Flushy Tour, because this is for

1:13:57

the women who got their internal thermostat.

1:13:59

It has turned on. And

1:14:01

for the men, they have to deal with us. Yeah,

1:14:04

you got that right, sister. It's not easy.

1:14:07

You wanna lay back? You wanna sit back? Yeah,

1:14:12

because I just finished my tour. I just shot

1:14:14

my special last week. Whoa! Yay! Yeah.

1:14:18

Who you shooting for? Netflix. All

1:14:20

right! That's exciting. Yeah, yeah. It was

1:14:22

fucking great. It was here in New

1:14:24

York. It was, if it's as good

1:14:26

as it felt, I'm happy. That's

1:14:28

great. Was it here in New York? Yeah.

1:14:31

It was a village underground. Oh, nice. Great.

1:14:33

Didn't you do, is it spoiler alert? Did

1:14:36

you do two? I did do two. There

1:14:38

was like, the concept was that I was

1:14:40

gonna shoot half of it pregnant and the

1:14:43

other half a year after I had my

1:14:45

kid. And now

1:14:48

I'm looking at it and I'm going, I don't know if

1:14:50

I need the first half. I

1:14:52

think I like the hour that I

1:14:54

wrote as it is. I don't really wanna fuck

1:14:56

with it. Okay. We'll see.

1:14:59

I got a great editor and I said, if

1:15:01

you can make it work, great. And if you

1:15:03

can't, then drop the first hour, leave the second

1:15:06

and we'll use whatever footage from that we can.

1:15:08

So it's very unique. I don't think I've ever

1:15:10

seen anything quite like that. You could also use

1:15:12

the pregnancy stuff and the credits or something. That's

1:15:15

what I'm saying. I'm like, let's not force it.

1:15:17

Yeah. Like a chopped up, you know. I don't

1:15:19

want somebody to go, well, it was like a

1:15:21

good idea. Right. That's a fucking nightmare. Whatever's the

1:15:23

funniest, go with that. Right, exactly. That's great. All

1:15:26

right. Well, before I get out of here, y'all

1:15:28

go and watch Ms. Pat Settles It every Wednesday

1:15:30

night and go stream the

1:15:33

Ms. Pat show on BET Plus. There you go.

1:15:35

And watch the Slavery episode. I can't wait to

1:15:37

watch it. I'm gonna watch it first. That's exciting.

1:15:40

All right. This is after my disaster.

1:15:42

Okay, so yeah, I'm doing a couple

1:15:44

warm ups at the Spokane Comedy Club.

1:15:47

And yeah, October 24th through 26th, I'm

1:15:50

doing Hilarities in Cleveland. Oh, I love that place.

1:15:52

21st through 23rd Love. Me too. And then starting

1:15:54

the theaters again in February. It's not fully announced,

1:15:56

but I got the routing here so I can

1:15:58

give you a taste of I'm doing. Charlotte,

1:16:01

Richmond, DC, Philly, Bethlehem,

1:16:03

fucking Tulsa, Austin,

1:16:06

Dallas, Houston, New

1:16:09

Orleans, neck of the

1:16:11

woods, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville,

1:16:13

Birmingham, Atlanta, see you

1:16:15

at the Claremont Lounge. A shitload of, a shitload of,

1:16:17

a shitload of, a shitload of, Swinging Richard, we go,

1:16:19

I see you, Swinging Richard. All right, we'll do both.

1:16:22

A lot more though, I added like 60 cities

1:16:25

on my site, I don't have them all yet,

1:16:27

but they are up now once this comes out,

1:16:29

so samaral.com or just, follow us

1:16:31

all at Punchup. You guys on Punchup? No,

1:16:34

what's that? Oh, you should get on Punchup. Oh, Punchup's big. We'll

1:16:36

talk to you about it. Okay. Both

1:16:38

of you guys. Punchup.live slash samaral, Punchup.live

1:16:40

slash marknorman, get our

1:16:42

tickets for shows there. Mark, where you gonna be, man? Hey, I'm

1:16:44

all over the road. Hey, you ever been to Bulldogs, by the

1:16:47

way, in Atlanta? I think

1:16:49

he's gay, y'all. Oh, that's a great game, Mark.

1:16:51

I was in, I gotta go, but I was

1:16:53

at the Bulldogs one time, I just wanted to

1:16:55

see what was in there. Oh yeah. When

1:16:59

I tell you gay means no how to treat

1:17:01

a straight woman, I get in the back of

1:17:03

it and guess who I bump into? My fucking

1:17:05

brother. Oh! Oh! Oh! You

1:17:09

dropped that at the end? Oh my God,

1:17:11

what a story! You dropped that

1:17:13

at the end of the bucket? He had his

1:17:15

shirt on, he was like, I'll see you with

1:17:17

me, I'll see you, I said, what the fuck

1:17:19

are you doing, Tony? Brother, I thought you were

1:17:21

gonna say Lil Nas X. You threw

1:17:24

a... That was my brother, at the back of the

1:17:26

bulldog. Wow, that's

1:17:28

incredible. Wow, let's... Cliffhanger.

1:17:30

Tune into the end, folks. And

1:17:33

I think you just outed your brother in public, I don't

1:17:35

know if that was out there, but... You're

1:17:37

already out. All right, he's at Bulldogs, he's

1:17:40

out, and loving every minute of it. Hey,

1:17:43

I'm in Winnipeg, Edmonton, Cleveland

1:17:45

as well, and Fayetteville, Arkansas,

1:17:48

Wichita, Kalamazoo, Chicago Theater, Poughkeepsie,

1:17:50

Torrington, Connecticut, Charleston, Asheville, Nola,

1:17:53

Wilkes-Barry, and Inglewood. Thanks, guys,

1:17:55

get some bodega cat, thank

1:17:57

you. Bodega get whiskey. Bodega

1:18:00

Cat whiskey.com, we just got in like 10

1:18:03

comedy clubs and we are We're

1:18:06

all over the place. We're cooking. Bodega Cat

1:18:08

whiskey.com, get a bottle. Thank you guys. We

1:18:11

might be drunk. Miss Pat, Rosebud Check

1:18:13

them out on the road. We'll see you all in hell.

1:18:15

Watch their stuff. Bye. Bye I'm

1:18:30

out to lunch here in New

1:18:32

Orleans. This woman doesn't look like

1:18:35

I remember her. And

1:18:37

I get down in the same way.

1:18:39

We might be drunk.