Why Chasing Validation Is Like Eating Cotton Candy

Why Chasing Validation Is Like Eating Cotton Candy

Released Thursday, 17th October 2024
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Why Chasing Validation Is Like Eating Cotton Candy

Why Chasing Validation Is Like Eating Cotton Candy

Why Chasing Validation Is Like Eating Cotton Candy

Why Chasing Validation Is Like Eating Cotton Candy

Thursday, 17th October 2024
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10:00

I just shut it down. Still who

10:02

you are. And so I guess, you

10:04

know, from your side, dealing

10:06

with somebody like me, how

10:08

difficult does that make it when you got

10:11

somebody who is as hard-headed

10:14

and strong-willed as I am to be

10:16

like, yo, you doing this wrong or

10:18

slow down or be quiet and let

10:20

me talk. And it's crazy because it's,

10:23

I'm gonna say, doggone there impossible. Just

10:26

because, and again, from my

10:28

perspective, your

10:30

track record is so good. You know what

10:32

I'm saying? Like, dude, when CJ said do

10:34

that, it worked. When he said do that,

10:36

it worked. So when I give my idea,

10:38

like, I'm almost, either number one, expect you

10:40

to call, sign my idea for it to,

10:42

we know it's gonna work, or

10:45

I'm looking for your suggestion. Right, right. Like,

10:47

that's my default. You see what I'm saying?

10:49

So it's almost impossible when you come with

10:51

the way, like, again, it's a strength that

10:53

you come with, right? Just being real. I

10:56

come with not, I'm not playing it down,

10:58

right? Y'all please don't take it the wrong

11:00

way. I'm not playing it down, but it's

11:02

like, no, CJ is coming with a strength

11:05

and an authority that I don't

11:07

have. I respect that and I'm gonna

11:09

defer to it nine times out of 10. So

11:13

I'm thinking about it. Let's just go super

11:15

obvious. You got a passport, that's not gonna

11:18

work. The next obvious thing is, well, maybe

11:20

get a second one. You see what I'm

11:22

saying? It's just the next obvious thing. But,

11:25

and man, what was, I'm slowing down.

11:27

Let me slow down because I'm saying,

11:30

I wonder how many ideas each of

11:32

us had. That could've

11:34

been. Well, no, I'm saying, I get all my

11:36

ideas. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying,

11:38

we're gonna try on too. Like, how many ideas

11:40

do you have? Okay, you talking to them? I

11:42

was gonna say, all my ideas that I got,

11:45

they get executed. How many ideas do you have

11:47

that you just didn't follow through on because like,

11:49

you know what, I don't know if that makes

11:51

sense and all that. That's something that we really

11:53

gotta think about truthfully, like immediately you

11:55

would say that my mind went to Jason Bourne.

11:57

Like, Oh no, that's, what's my man?

12:00

me if you can't like oh no you got

12:02

multiple passports and by the way it

12:04

is illegal to travel with both like elite it's

12:06

elite like you can only have one if they

12:08

catch you with both of them you're in trouble

12:10

oh wow but you can get a second one

12:12

and let me tell you something my man grilled

12:14

us at the joint and was like why you

12:16

need a second passport where you going again let

12:19

me see your travel itinerary again who what's good

12:21

and imagine my dumb butt at the passport office

12:23

and let me tell you something i

12:26

probably shouldn't even say this but me and but

12:28

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12:30

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14:59

of the time me and my wife are

15:02

on the one accord. So

15:05

with China, right? We

15:08

go into China. First of all, this is a

15:10

communist country. They got different rules. So

15:12

my man was like at the passport office was

15:14

like, are you going for work

15:17

or leisure? And

15:20

I was like, in my head,

15:22

I made a split decision. First

15:24

of all, I'm not working per se.

15:26

Toby, you got to work. I'm there.

15:30

I'm about to go to the Great Wall of China. I don't know

15:32

what I'm gonna do, but you know, y'all

15:34

know Toby and Ebo, you know that I'm a safety

15:36

blanket for both of them. So if I'm not there,

15:38

they cry. So I'm going, you know what I'm saying?

15:40

I got to be there for them anyway. That's neither

15:42

here nor there. But my man says,

15:45

and I say leisure at the same

15:47

time, Kenneth says work. And

15:50

I looked at her and I was like, no, I'm not working. She

15:52

was like, yes, you are. And

15:54

I was like, no, I'm not. I'm

15:56

like, because in my mind, I'm like, okay, are they

15:59

gonna say you need? to work visa. Yeah.

16:02

Like you like this ain't the right type of I don't know what

16:04

they're gonna say. So I'm like, but technically I'm

16:06

not working. But she like in

16:08

her head, I think she thinks it's better to say

16:10

you're going to work. And

16:13

so I gave her the look and was like, no,

16:15

no, no. I'm

16:17

going for. And so we kind

16:19

of beefed out at the passport office. And finally afterwards

16:21

I told her she was like, Oh, I'm sorry, but

16:24

I didn't get what you were saying. Whatever. But anyway,

16:26

my man's like, so you go and I'm like, I

16:28

said, my stepdad, I'm like, I'm like, stupid. But

16:31

he like, what do you do for a living? I was

16:33

like, how do you

16:35

answer that? A

16:38

podcast, you know, Eric Thomas,

16:41

he was like, well, what's going on in China?

16:44

And I was like, Toby.

16:47

And then, you know, he's a rapper

16:49

and it was just all bad.

16:51

But you know, I sat down the

16:53

fate of our Chinese trip.

16:56

Future was in the hands of some random

16:58

little white man in the passport office. And

17:00

then he was like, Hey, go sit. You know, they kind

17:03

of like they kind

17:05

of act a little because I think they

17:07

want to try to see what was ever so he's

17:09

going to add a little bit. And then finally he

17:11

was like, uh, Quinnies, he called us back up there.

17:13

He was like, y'all good to go. Boom, boom, boom.

17:15

He was real cool. And we got our past, our

17:18

second passport. So we had

17:20

the mail, the first ones in

17:22

and then travel to Europe with

17:24

our second, our brand

17:26

new ones. So I was like, Oh, is that going

17:28

to raise some red flags? My kids got past poor

17:30

stamps out the world. And then me and my wife

17:33

randomly got the exact same renewal. But

17:35

that's neither here nor there because at the end

17:37

of the day, I guess we could have renewed

17:39

at the same time. But in my mind, Carl,

17:42

I just couldn't even fathom that being a good idea.

17:44

And like I said, shout out to Jeff for not

17:46

killing me because I would have imagined

17:48

like mall doing that. And then me calling

17:50

mall and being like, you

17:52

dumb summer. And

17:56

so anyway, I guess for you, you saying how

17:58

many times do you have ideas? that

18:00

you don't get offered or things that you want

18:02

to say, how have

18:04

you learned to navigate that process? So

18:07

I think, is that the hip-hop preacher?

18:09

Oh, we got to visit. Life and direct. Come

18:11

on in, sir. So

18:14

the beauty of it, C, is number one,

18:18

the thing to realize is that we all

18:20

have blind spots. That's the thing

18:22

to realize. So when I think about it,

18:25

I'll go back to, let me get this story and then

18:27

I'll come back to what you asked. Yes.

18:30

When I first got that Nikon camera, you remember

18:32

it in a couple of seconds, I got this

18:34

Nikon camera, E, and I had to do something

18:36

downtown Detroit. And I took this photo

18:39

of E, I'm talking about right outside the stadium, you

18:41

remember it? You remember it?

18:43

Oh, yeah, yeah, I do. So that's some blind

18:45

spots. So when I tell y'all, I took this

18:47

photo of E, I just got this Nikon, like

18:49

again, we've been borrowing cameras. Oh, this was portrait

18:51

mode before portrait mode. Before portrait mode. But I

18:53

tell y'all, the best photo I ever took in

18:56

my life to this day. Yeah. I'm just like,

18:58

yo, see, I said, see the photo on C's

19:00

like, yo, it's a fire photo, but we can't

19:02

use it. And I'm like,

19:04

you must have just lost

19:06

your mind. See, hey, when I

19:09

tell you, and listen to y'all, when

19:11

I tell y'all everything in this for the lighting

19:13

is everything perfect. E standing there, I think he

19:15

was pointing, he had like a football in his

19:17

hand. Football, yeah. And it was

19:19

just when I tell y'all perfect and

19:22

C's like, yo, go look at the photo again. And

19:24

I'm like, what are you talking about? Like the

19:27

lighting is incredible. Like look

19:29

at the framing, everything. He's like, Carl, look

19:31

at the photo again. I'm like, see, I

19:33

don't know what you're talking about, but I

19:35

can't see. Crazy. Bruh, big

19:38

and bold, y'all spoiler alert, big and bold

19:40

behind E is like a bud light. I'm

19:42

talking about like the huge bud light poster

19:44

you ever seen in your life.

19:47

I did not see it. I

19:49

was so focused on this image, making sure

19:51

it looked crisp. So going back to you,

19:53

I'm just saying, number one, let's be aware

19:55

that we all have blind spots. Major blind.

19:58

I'm saying like, I cannot see. It's

20:00

right there. It's not even like it was small

20:02

in the corner. I was here right next to

20:04

ease head Yeah, right. So but see I but

20:07

I also think that it's easier going this way

20:09

to that way because I don't have a problem

20:11

Saying anything to you facts so I can just

20:13

be like Carl what you're doing like it don't

20:15

bother me You know what I'm saying? But if

20:17

I would have came with that kind of fire

20:19

and enthusiasm you might have been like a C.

20:21

All right You'd

20:24

have been like Are we

20:26

cool with the but like you wouldn't even have said

20:28

it like take it out and eat just for those

20:31

of y'all just Listening and not watching he has joined

20:33

us. So yeah, I give you the two-second verse I'm

20:35

sure you know what up you knew most of this

20:37

honestly you're alive You knew most

20:39

of it honestly from last time, but

20:41

you remember how I had to go get that emergency

20:43

pass. Yeah Yeah, I don't know if I told you

20:45

but Jeff was the one who told me like two

20:47

weeks ago We could before that you

20:50

like you might be able to go get a second passport And

20:52

when I tell you I don't buy custody

20:55

my right I said, bro, what kind of

20:57

stupid foolishness is that right? Oh, I murdered

20:59

him. I'm talking about Jeff Bro,

21:02

you think they gonna let a bra run

21:04

around the country Internationally

21:06

with two American passport, bro, you can't even get

21:08

it's harder. It's a car a hundred years to

21:11

get one Yeah, bro. You think they finna let

21:13

me get to a bra shut him down, bro

21:15

He called me back that the day before I

21:17

end up having a fly candidate He called me

21:19

back with the dude on the line was like,

21:21

yeah, so what you got to do is get

21:23

a second passport Here's everything you knew I said.

21:25

Oh my birth It was the pilot gone wild

21:27

and I was talking about, you know, obviously, you

21:30

know, we talked about Kobe and you know We

21:32

you know, we've talked about that before but I

21:34

was telling Carl like yo I felt myself doing

21:36

that old CJ again where I felt stupid cuz

21:38

I'm like, yo, I gotta fly my girl up

21:40

here She had to leave the kids. We had

21:42

to pay a babysitter. We got to do all

21:44

of this extra moving and shaking It was stressful

21:46

than I might get no rest. She was tired

21:49

We had to pack for you know upcoming trips

21:51

and stuff like that. And I'm like wow like

21:53

again with the communication boy

21:56

me not being Available for

21:58

feedback in that situation And

22:00

I'm like, yo, I gotta quit doing that. And I

22:03

feel like, I feel like

22:06

for a long time, my reputation, it's like to do

22:08

who used to knock people out on the block, but

22:10

then he got saved. You know what

22:12

I'm saying? He like a Christian, he go to

22:14

church. And then it's like, people still be like,

22:17

hey, here he come and you're like, oh,

22:19

oh, oh, I'm not like that no more.

22:21

But then I just knock somebody back out.

22:23

And I'm like, oh, I felt that thing.

22:25

Like, bro, you gonna have to repent and

22:27

go back because something in you still is

22:29

not feeling when people tell you something that

22:31

you don't wanna hear. You know what I'm

22:33

saying? So I was just asking Carl about,

22:35

you know, our relationship over the years, how

22:37

for real, bro, I was a terror back

22:39

in the day. I really didn't wanna hear

22:41

nothing. And now I would say, I

22:44

still don't clearly because I

22:46

gotta go back and deal with that. But

22:48

like my pilot, sometimes

22:51

it has blind spots that I still, that I thought

22:53

I got rid of, that's still there. And

22:55

there's a reason why, you know. And

22:57

again, I do want you guys to understand,

23:00

I don't talk about this a lot,

23:03

but I do want you to understand you

23:05

cannot make money if you're

23:07

not gonna be a pilot. So

23:09

just like if you have

23:12

a problem with being a pilot,

23:14

you have a problem economically. Okay, so just

23:16

know that, okay? Just know that, yo, I

23:18

don't wanna work on my pilot. Meaning I

23:20

don't wanna be aggressive. I don't wanna be

23:23

driven. I don't wanna be demanding. So

23:25

you got two things, either like, okay,

23:27

I'm cool with that and I'm gonna

23:30

be broke, right? Or

23:33

I'm going to be a pilot and

23:35

piss people off, but I'm going to be

23:37

straight. You know what I'm saying? As for

23:39

me and my house, we gonna be good.

23:41

You know what I'm saying? And you really

23:44

have to resolve that. And I say that

23:46

because I think

23:48

for my wife, her pilot

23:51

and flight, I don't

23:54

know what wish, and her air traffic

23:56

control, they collide

23:58

sometimes. And so, a air

24:03

traffic control is a major thinker. Like

24:05

they think through everything. So

24:08

it will make Dee Dee think through her

24:11

pilot. Cause it's like, okay,

24:13

we winning, but people are not

24:15

feeling good. You know what I'm saying? And so it

24:17

was funny cause she said to me the other day,

24:19

like with the church, you know her frustration with the

24:21

church. And so I was like, oh, okay,

24:23

yeah, no, no, no, no. She's like,

24:25

yeah, I feel like me and Candace is whatever. And

24:27

I was like, oh no, I'm clear. I could bring CJ on.

24:29

Like I'm 100% clear. I said, but

24:31

the problem is if CJ come, 90% of the people

24:34

are gonna get fired and they gonna be gone, period.

24:36

You know what I'm saying? Like, it- 94%

24:38

to be exact. Right, 94 people gonna be gone. Oh, bro.

24:41

I'm just keeping it 1000. Yeah. Because

24:44

they can't operate at that level. You

24:46

know, so Dee Dee, be

24:48

clear. I'm doing this

24:50

because of this. You feel

24:52

what I'm saying? Can I say, don't be

24:55

a trained thought. Yeah, I won't. This my,

24:57

listen, what he said is true. It

24:59

was absolutely true. My problem is not that you

25:01

can't operate at that level. It's the problem that

25:03

you can't operate that level and you have an

25:05

opinion. Right. Okay, sorry. I just wanted

25:07

to put that amendment in there because a lot of

25:09

people you can't operate at that level, but you lo,

25:11

listen, man, Josh said it. You

25:13

either can make money or take away stress.

25:16

The only two things you can get paid

25:18

for. So you not making no money and

25:20

you adding stress. So now you

25:22

done broke the two golden rules. I'm

25:25

just saying of any business or anything that we're

25:27

running, if you can't take away stress, listen, I

25:29

will pay you to take away stress. I have

25:31

an assistant whose job it is to take away

25:33

stress. I have an assistant, her job is to

25:36

say, you know, you got a zoom call in

25:38

an hour. Okay, cool. Then she calls in 30

25:40

minutes and go, your zoom is in 30 minutes.

25:42

Then she calls me two minutes before the zoom.

25:45

Here go to link for the zoom. Are you on

25:47

the, and then let me say something. Kamlin got so

25:49

sweet with it. She gets on the zoom to

25:52

make sure I show up and they'd be like, oh, do

25:54

we have somebody else on the zoom? She'd

25:56

be like, nope, just say hi, bye. And

25:58

she get off the zoom. No question. So now

26:01

my stress is being taken away. She not

26:03

making me no money per se, but

26:06

by her taking stress off me, I'm able to

26:08

generate more. So that, I just wanted to be

26:10

fair because people gonna be like, wow, CJ just

26:12

firing people. No, either you taking away stress or

26:14

you adding revenue. And let me tell you something.

26:17

Let's look at it in football terms or something like

26:19

that. You got a player who, you know, he

26:21

partying, he out all night, you may

26:24

be getting a little bit of trouble, but he putting

26:26

up three full touchdowns. Easy. I'm just saying. He on

26:28

the team. He

26:30

on the squad. Leave my man alone. He not getting in

26:32

trouble. He gonna be on the team. You

26:35

see what I'm saying? Cause I'm gonna lose my job

26:37

anywhere if he go. Okay. Guess who

26:39

else? So he got to stay. The other person

26:41

staying on the team is the camaraderie

26:44

guy who making everybody fit. Like,

26:46

dang, like he got, the

26:48

second string quarterback. He

26:51

got the starter back. He got, he making

26:53

sure everybody. He helping with

26:55

the playbook. He got the, he taking

26:57

away stress from the starter. He coming back and

26:59

starter like, how to make money y'all. So

27:01

you can understand where we going or how to be in

27:04

bliss. One of the two. So I'm

27:06

just saying, I don't, go back to what you were

27:08

saying, but I want people to know why you get

27:10

fired around me. No question. It don't have nothing to

27:12

do with me being evil. I don't like people. Okay.

27:14

So I shouldn't say, okay. So look, I shouldn't say this.

27:17

I got here late. So I

27:19

shouldn't say this. I should have said it

27:21

to CJ first. So see, can say it

27:23

to y'all, right? Cause I don't like saying

27:25

stuff and being a co-signer

27:27

for stuff that could be evil. Right?

27:31

I don't like being a co-signer for evil. You feel

27:33

me? But I don't have a choice. I got to,

27:35

it just happened. So I got to tell y'all, come

27:37

on, bruh, bruh. Again,

27:41

co-sign do not do as I

27:43

do. Do not do what

27:45

I do. Just take the lesson. Bruh, we

27:47

in Italy. And so we got a little

27:49

extra time. Cause it's like, you know what

27:51

I'm saying? When you're in a different country on a

27:53

different time zone, you don't go to

27:55

sleep like that normal. You don't go to sleep,

27:57

especially we don't. We don't got kids. So it's

27:59

just, I

52:00

was gonna say real quick so I don't forget the thought. I

52:02

told them, here's where y'all

52:04

confused. I only care about one thing.

52:08

That's whoever gave us this check, they need to say

52:10

at the end of this thing when it's all over.

52:13

We gave them exactly what they asked for and we

52:15

gave them more than we asked for because for me,

52:17

it's a waste of time to do something and

52:20

you don't see time because you're not looking at me being away

52:22

from my wife because I don't mean nothing to you. And

52:26

again, not in a negative way, but you thinking about

52:29

you. I

52:31

gotta think about you and I gotta think about me. And that's

52:33

what I was trying to say. Now I gotta do two jobs.

52:35

I gotta think about you and I gotta think about me and

52:37

you not thinking about me. And that's what I kept telling you,

52:39

Carl, you was stressing me out with because I was like, I

52:42

feel like you want something for me outside of

52:44

what we already doing. And that's

52:46

why I never, again, I learned

52:49

early on, take away stress, generate revenue. So what

52:51

did I do for E? Make sure I was

52:53

generating revenue, making sure he ain't never, I promise

52:56

you, any stress that I caused E was self-inflicted

52:59

by him. I think he said that a bunch,

53:01

but I have never in my life one time

53:03

been like, yo, I did, I ain't never called

53:05

him and said, yo, me and Candace had an

53:07

argument. Not one time in my life. I

53:10

just refused to bring him any stress to

53:12

this day. Almost 20 years, I've never been

53:14

like, done anything intentionally or unintentionally that would

53:16

be like, oh man, see, like he shouldn't

53:18

have did that. Or you know what I'm

53:20

saying? Like I pride myself on that. So

53:22

I used to be looking at you like,

53:24

Carl, like, okay, cool. And that's when we

53:26

used to have our go-throughs. It was like,

53:28

you're expecting something from me that I can't

53:30

give you. I can't, bruh, other than

53:32

saying like, all right, cool. We got it done. We

53:35

got the stuff out. Like I can't come behind you

53:37

after that and be like, oh, that was great. I

53:39

can't call you every single day and be like, yo,

53:41

congratulations, like that, I probably could, but then I

53:44

would take my eye off of what I was

53:46

supposed to be doing. I'm saying what's funny is

53:48

y'all, let me just say this loud and clear,

53:50

y'all, everybody in the back, please listen. When

53:53

you do say it was good, bruh, it

53:55

lasts about 10 seconds. Right. Yeah,

53:58

right. Yeah, cause it ain't nothing. It ain't nothing. As

1:02:00

a rookie. As a rookie who got drafted

1:02:02

in the... At the... What's

1:02:04

the benefit? A hundred and a half. In the hit,

1:02:06

the 199 or something, it

1:02:09

probably got 203 opportunities. You

1:02:11

got 199. But guess what I do

1:02:13

know? I do know he did exactly what

1:02:15

he said. And let me tell you all why that's important.

1:02:18

Because when you make excuses, you

1:02:20

either get fired or you plateaued.

1:02:23

Period. When you tell somebody why you couldn't

1:02:25

do what they, you're now telling them you're

1:02:27

not dependable. I can't count on you. And

1:02:29

that's the thing, y'all, is we doing business,

1:02:32

right? We doing business. So this is what I

1:02:34

say. Like, it's

1:02:36

sad, bro. But I ask people

1:02:38

all the time, what's your open market value? Yes.

1:02:41

No, I'm just being real. Like, don't ask

1:02:43

me as a small business owner. And regardless

1:02:46

of what y'all think of us, we are

1:02:48

a small, let's say, mom and pop operation.

1:02:50

We're not talking about how much E get

1:02:52

paid to speak. We're talking about the business

1:02:54

side of what we do. Obviously, E does

1:02:56

very well speaking. We're talking about the actual

1:02:58

business that we run, a personal development company,

1:03:01

Eric Thomas and Associates. We talking about that.

1:03:03

I ask people all the time, if you're going to

1:03:05

work for a small business, at least

1:03:08

like give me what your market rate is. Now

1:03:11

you asking me for 75,000, 100,000. I'll

1:03:14

pay you even more than that if you work

1:03:16

more than that on the open market. But if

1:03:18

you can only come here and you're demanding something

1:03:20

out of me that you know you can't even

1:03:22

get in the free market, that's not fair. Because

1:03:24

I, listen, this is all we've ever asked. At

1:03:26

least cover your check. That's it. I don't even,

1:03:28

E said- Whatever that means. When the

1:03:31

last time we took a payout from ETA? Bruh,

1:03:34

I ain't took a raise- I'm just saying. From the day

1:03:36

we started. So my point- You know how much money I

1:03:38

make speaking? I don't see half of

1:03:40

that money. So Carl, my point is, okay,

1:03:42

cool. Just produce your check. Because

1:03:45

I love for people to have opportunities. Like

1:03:48

you said, insurance, being able to feed their

1:03:50

family at a high level, vacations, trips,

1:03:52

I want you to do all of that. But

1:03:54

don't make me pay more than the open

1:03:56

market value. And if you find yourself wanting

1:03:59

to make more-

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From The Podcast

The Secret To Success with CJ, Karl, Jemal & Eric Thomas

In this episode of the "Secret to Success" podcast, CJ hosts an engaging conversation featuring co-host Karl Wesley Phillips, Dr. King, ET and special guest Gersh King. The episode kicks off with the hosts catching up, sharing a light-hearted and humorous dialogue that sets the tone for an inspiring discussion.Gersh King, a physical therapist known for his exceptional skills and dedication, shares his journey of personal and professional growth. He discusses his experiences with challenges such as homelessness, ADHD, and anxiety, and how he overcame them through intense dedication to his craft and personal development. Gersh emphasizes the importance of impact over monetary gain, explaining how he discovered fulfillment through service and honing his skills. He also delves into his rigorous routine, including his practice of lunges and a disciplined workout regimen inspired by figures like Bruce Lee.The hosts touch on topics like the power of breathing techniques to manage anxiety and enhance focus. Gersh leads a brief breathing exercise to demonstrate how proper breathing can ground you and activate the parasympathetic system for relaxation. The conversation further explores philosophies from Bruce Lee, the significance of being authentic, and how to harness one's energy and skills to become a master in their field.This episode is a deep dive into the mindset and practices required to achieve personal and professional mastery, offering listeners practical tips and inspiration to pursue their own paths to success.

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