Episode Transcript
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0:01
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow.
0:05
People come up to me all the time and say, Treble,
0:08
how did you learn to crush it so
0:10
hard? I always give them
0:12
the same answer, Mr Ronnie
0:15
Chang In Hashtag
0:17
Crushing, a Success Podcast for Winners,
0:20
Ronnie will give you the motivation,
0:23
the life hacks, and the f D A
0:25
pending dietary supplements that you
0:27
need to live epically testing,
0:42
testing diabetes in the mindset, and a hope
0:44
test one too. What's up, chang
0:46
Gang your boymn Chang here who with another episode
0:49
of Hashtag Crushing, a Success Podcast
0:51
for Winners. A lot of people ask me,
0:53
Hey, Ronnie, how can that crush it as
0:55
hard as you're crushing it. The
0:58
answer is you can't. I'm
1:00
crushing it harder than scientists thought possible.
1:02
I've written thirteen books, delivered twenty
1:04
eight TED talks, and I follow fifty
1:07
eight thousand people on Twitter. I
1:09
post over four hundred instroirational quotes that
1:11
down Instagram, and I own over four thousand
1:13
t shirts from Ed Hardy. I'm a NonStop
1:15
dynamo of epic winning. Okay, I'm like Eaton
1:17
Musk without the weird anime fetish. Fuck
1:20
you Elon. But
1:23
hey, if you listen to this peak cast and follow
1:25
my advice, maybe you two can write
1:27
this cross train to crush Town and the train
1:29
conductor. It's Jeremy Piven. All
1:33
right, I'm ready to pound. Let's
1:35
start the show. Success
1:42
money Instagram
1:46
faking whoa,
1:51
I'm still buzzing you guys. I just delivered
1:53
the keynote of Power Thoughts Summit, presented
1:55
by Forbes and Lin Cuisine. In fact, if
1:57
you're interested, you can stream my speech
2:00
right now. It's title why every Entrepreneurs
2:02
to try huffing spray paint? Check that out on
2:04
YouTube or catch me in my next live event.
2:06
Pumping up the crowd at a winter assembly
2:08
for Pembroke Middle School, Mrs Goldstein's
2:10
class is gonna be seeing Christmas carols and I'm gonna
2:12
be shooting red bulls out of a T shirt cannon.
2:21
Hell yeah, you know what that means. It's
2:23
time for the cleans report. Right
2:26
now, I'm doing a Solids and Liquids
2:28
cleans. I'm not eating or drinking any
2:30
solids or liquids for two weeks. I
2:33
mean, for breakfast, I had some vape smoke
2:35
and for lunch, I think I'm gonna suck
2:37
the helium of a balloon animal. I
2:39
gotta tell you, thanks to this cleans hey,
2:42
my energy is up, my blood pressure
2:44
is down, and my motor skills are
2:46
shot. If any of that
2:48
sounds appealing to you, why don't you check out my website
2:51
Ronnie Chang dot protein Powder. I've
2:53
got exclusive recipes and an
2:55
interview with Ashton Kutcher. Right,
3:02
I'm backed. Let's take some calls
3:04
if you've got a question about anything, entrepreneurship,
3:07
muscle, mass manscaping bill
3:12
right now. If a line is busy, dal
3:15
Hotter, it's
3:18
crushed. All right. We got a call
3:20
on the line with James from Danbury,
3:22
Connecticut. Hello James, longtime
3:25
fan. Of course you are. I'm in Alpha's Alpha.
3:28
I'm in Alfalfa um. So
3:30
I'm about to be a college freshman and
3:33
I want to become a doctor. I'm
3:35
thinking neurosurgeon. Maybe. Do you have
3:37
any advice for how I can make
3:39
that happen? James, I do have
3:41
some advice, and that advice is don't
3:44
go to college, bro. Student
3:47
debt is for suckers. You
3:49
can learn everything you would in medical school by
3:51
purchasing a corpse on the doc web you
3:53
buy the corps, you cut it open, you poke
3:55
around inside, and hey, you'll be ready
3:57
to operate on Live Humans after four to
3:59
five of corpses. No debt required.
4:02
That said, you should pledge a frad Next
4:04
call up, Hey, Ronnie, this
4:06
is Mike from Staten Island. What's up, Mike from
4:09
Staten Island? How can I improve your life today?
4:11
I want to be an Instagram influencer. Right
4:13
now, I have two followers, mostly high school
4:16
friends. How can I gain more? Okay,
4:18
I get this a lot. The answer is simple.
4:21
Instagram loves sex appeal and it loves
4:23
travel. So I always tell people,
4:25
quit your job and become a pirate. Go somewhere
4:28
sexy, like Somalia. Your Instagram
4:30
will explode. Trust me, bro? Oh
4:33
okay, um, is
4:35
there a way I can gain Instagram followers without
4:37
becoming a pirate? No, Bro, you are
4:40
you kidding me? I just give you advice that's wolf like
4:42
a billion dollars. You
4:44
off the phone and go on the next flight to Mogo. D Shoot,
4:46
Okay, I've had enough of you. Next callar, Hello,
4:50
n one. My husband.
4:52
He's gripping at his chest. I think he's having a heart
4:54
attack. Oh hell yeah, Okay, some
4:56
contact of our listeners. I recently got a life
4:58
from post Malone. You pay a guy the phone company
5:01
to read that. Right now, on one calls to your personal
5:03
line, instant growth has
5:08
Wow, it sounds like he's really suffering
5:10
from a bad I
5:14
don't know how I get connected to you. He's
5:16
sending an ambulance. I don't think he's gonna make
5:19
You're definitely not with that negativity.
5:21
Don't hate job creat Okay, next
5:24
collar, Mr Chang, This
5:26
is agent Jim Peterson again with the Internal
5:28
Revenue Service. Okay,
5:30
that was a wrong number. You know, I've
5:32
got a lot of haters at the i r S because of
5:34
how successful I've been. Like, seriously,
5:36
I'm the mother toters of giving vibes and the
5:38
Wesley Snipes of paying taxes. All right, Next
5:41
scholars, Ryan from Nashville, what's
5:43
up, Buddy hey Man? Just finished
5:45
reading your book. Nice? Thank you so
5:47
much. For those who don't know, my new book, The
5:49
Success Virus How to Infect Yourself with
5:52
Winning is in stores now. Is two
5:54
under and twenty pages of pure knowledge.
5:57
Yeah about that. The first twenty
5:59
page we're just bows, are you at plant Fitness? And then
6:01
the lasts were just a knockoff
6:03
of the Babysitters Club. Hey, don't knock
6:05
the teenage Childcare Society. I mean
6:08
talks with Disney Plus to make into a minister.
6:10
Was no advice in the book at all. I want my money
6:12
back, yeah, and I want my former assistance
6:14
to stop telling people I have a lifetime band
6:16
from Jiffy Lube. But we don't always get
6:18
what we want. We get what we crush.
6:22
That's crushing head brick right now. And when
6:24
we're back, why have my special guests Daily show
6:26
correspondent Royal And
6:29
I'm gonna ask him if these ever snorted dog tranquilizers.
6:39
Today's episode is sponsored by Doctor Manhood's
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Tissues for Men. Are you
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with a woman's cleanex Doctor
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Manhood's Tissues for men, don't
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blow your nose, brow your
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nose. Today's
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episode of Hashtag Crushing is brought
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to you by Running Chanks Cursed Healing
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Crystals. Listen, bros.
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These crystals will change your life.
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I recently mowed down a witch with my tesla,
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god, they're glowing again. All
7:58
right, we'll back, and we're joining out by a legendary
8:01
guest. He's a correspond on The Daily Show
8:03
with Trevor Noah and it looks like he could bench.
8:06
I don't know thirty royand
8:09
Jr. Is here. I actually I
8:11
think I can bench preuss like one last
8:13
I try. Okay, well that's pretty weak.
8:16
What does that smell? It's dear carcus.
8:18
Roy, you are crushing it. Man, you're crushing
8:21
the two running. Yeah, I know, it's
8:23
it's actually a problem. How hot I'm
8:25
crushing it. I'm starting to affect the people
8:28
around me and the people I love. Uh,
8:31
Roy, let me let me ask you something. Uh you're
8:34
like a stand up comedian, right, A lot
8:36
of nights on the road lonely. How
8:38
do you stay emotionally connected to your loved
8:40
ones while maintaining focus on your career.
8:43
I think the important thing when you're traveling is to take
8:45
something from home on the road. I'm just kidding.
8:47
No one cares about. Actually, there's my first real
8:49
question. Have you ever done d MT? Uh?
8:53
No, you have an inject horseplate list. I
8:55
don't even know what that. You have a free base of stuff inside
8:58
glow sticks. I'm
9:02
not into that, Ronnie. I just can we
9:04
just talk about some of the stuff I'm working on. I got
9:06
a web series. But before
9:08
that, let me just ask you. You
9:11
ever take L S D and have a threesome inside an aquari
9:13
of i'mould
9:16
just answer a question about travel, Okay,
9:19
alright, alright,
9:21
answer the travel question. Go ahead, But
9:24
you might have a crank of some chin up. So are you talk? Fine?
9:27
Do whatever you need to do. Man, Look, when I'm on the
9:29
road, I do my best to make sure that
9:32
my family has spend number one priority. I
9:34
face time with my I
9:39
try to make sure that my son knows
9:41
that I love him, So I FaceTime with Pain's
9:45
just weakness exiting the bottom. So
9:48
for me, it comes down to one question when
9:50
I'm looking at what gigs would take, will
9:52
this opportunity negatively affect my family
9:54
life? Because I have to consider how many days I'm going
9:56
to miss my family? For sure? Great
9:59
great id. Thus, by the way, I'm not
10:01
sure if you noticed me over there, just pulling up, just
10:04
just ripping metal. So
10:06
I gotta ask, you're doing no P November?
10:09
What did hell is no P November?
10:12
Well, you know you're in it for an entire month of November.
10:14
I'm doing it. It's sick running
10:17
November was last year, dude. November
10:19
is a state of mind. Is that like no
10:21
November where you don't masturbate to It's
10:23
like that because it involves the penis, but instead
10:26
of nodding, it's urine, so
10:29
you haven't p for an entire That's right.
10:31
The only p im into is P nine X.
10:34
It's a powerful world because it's got numbers and letters
10:36
in it. Speaking of power, do you ever eat
10:38
a bald eagle. They're an
10:40
endangered species. Why would I
10:42
eat an patriotism bro I
10:44
eat bald eagle and I feel America
10:47
coursing through my veins. Okay,
10:50
so I was watching your Last stand Out Special. Very
10:52
funny stuff, by the way, I appreciate that. Thanks. I
10:54
especially love the part where you talk about the nutritional
10:56
benefits of elp meat and
11:01
are you suld that was me you were watching. I didn't talk about
11:03
elk am I special. I didn't talk
11:05
about elk meat. Oh okay, Well, maybe
11:07
I'm confused because I watched it on ten X speed
11:09
finished a whole hour in six minutes. Anyway,
11:12
you ever do an elk binge. That's where you
11:14
killing elk and you have seventy two hours to eat the entire
11:16
thing, including the bones. That's how
11:18
Caveman lived. Caveman also had an average
11:20
lifespan of seventeen years. They didn't have Tesla as a
11:23
podcast. They didn't even speak English. That's a
11:25
really good point. Elk meat is really lean
11:27
and dense and nutrients. It feels
11:29
it feels like I'm saying things and then you're just hearing
11:32
words completely different from the
11:34
words I'm saying like totally,
11:36
that was so nineties, you know, all right?
11:39
Can can I ask you a question? Shoot? Why
11:42
are you like this? Why are
11:44
you obsessed with caveman fitness
11:47
routines, masculine diet,
11:49
fats and drugs inside
11:51
of glow sticks and eating eagle
11:53
jerky? What happened to you? What made
11:55
you this way? Wow? No one's
11:58
ever asked me that before. Actually,
12:00
you know what, I don't know if I can talk about this. No, no,
12:02
no, no, you can, you can, man, you
12:04
can just okay? Well,
12:07
um, Ever since I was a teenager,
12:10
I knew I was different. I
12:12
was rebellious, and I
12:15
fell in with the wrong crowd. I
12:17
got into fast cause, extreme sports,
12:20
trusty women. Okay, but that's
12:23
that's pretty on power for the young
12:25
guy. That's then one day my life changed.
12:28
The government needed my extreme
12:30
sports expertise to infiltrate the Russian
12:32
terrorist cell in Central Europe. Okay,
12:34
hold up, please let me get through this. The terrorist
12:37
group known as Anarchy ninety nine had acquired a
12:39
biochemical weapon and there was only one
12:41
way to this on the missile, using my extreme
12:43
sports capabilities and racing cars through
12:46
the streets of product. Wait, so Anarchy
12:49
you should. That was the name of the terrorists group. Yeah,
12:52
okay, that's just the plot the Triple X. That was Finn
12:55
Diesel. Who did all that? You didn't do that ship? They
12:57
based that movie on me? No
13:00
man, I'm full of urine. No p November.
13:02
Remember I'm gonna go well
13:04
the doors a lot from the outside, so that's not
13:06
happening. Okay, that's another episode
13:08
of hashtag Crushing, a success
13:10
podcast for winners. Can'tlys plug
13:12
my website. I hope you learned some new ways to
13:15
hack your way through the jungle we call life.
13:18
Thanks to my guests, Ray Woods
13:20
Jr. Dis move. Thanks
13:23
everyone. I gotta gota do cross fit with the founder
13:25
of we Work. We're best friends until next
13:27
time. Keep crushing that ship.
13:30
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