0:15

Well, hello, beautiful people. How

0:18

y'all doing? Welcome back to the Sheer

0:20

Creativity Podcast. And

0:22

I know, I know, please

0:25

hold your tomatoes. Don't throw them at me yet.

0:28

I know I've been absent for a few weeks,

0:31

maybe even a month or

0:33

two, but it

0:36

definitely wasn't an intentional hiatus.

0:40

And I wrote a little

0:42

bit about why I was away in my newsletter.

0:45

I've recently renamed it in

0:48

the time I was away. It's

0:50

now called Of Wisdom and Wander.

0:52

You guys like that title? I really like

0:54

that. I think I kind of ate with that. My

0:57

newsletter is where I send

0:59

out my personal writing as well as updates

1:02

for the podcast. So if you like

1:04

to read essays about life events,

1:06

creativity, or black womanhood,

1:09

I'm your girl. Regarding

1:11

my newsletter, I do have

1:13

some paid posts now. And

1:16

that's mainly because it's

1:18

a little bit of a tangent, but as a

1:20

writer, I think there's

1:22

often this tension that

1:24

exists where I'm trying

1:26

to figure out how much of my

1:28

personal life I'm going to share on

1:31

the internet, especially. So

1:33

I've been kind of grappling with that lately

1:36

and I feel like my hiatus,

1:38

the reason for that was a little

1:41

bit more on the personal side. So

1:43

I wanted to keep

1:45

that for a

1:47

community of care and

1:50

also not for everybody's consumption.

1:53

Now if you want to subscribe, it's

1:56

only 5 a month. And

1:58

a lot of those proceeds go to this podcast

2:01

and making sure I can get my creative

2:03

projects out there. So

2:05

thank you to those who are considering

2:07

becoming paid subscribers. But

2:10

yeah, I told y'all that I was going

2:12

to talk to you about my experience

2:15

on social media, and then I dipped,

2:17

but I'm back now and

2:20

I want to have that conversation. And

2:23

I think I would like to preface

2:26

this social media conversation,

2:28

first and foremost with this

2:32

episode does not exist

2:34

to push you toward

2:36

having social media or not

2:38

having social media. I'm

2:40

only sharing y'all my stance, what

2:42

I've been through. Um, but

2:45

the main takeaway that I would like to

2:47

share through this episode is

2:50

that if you don't want to be on social

2:52

media as a creative or

2:54

as an individual, You

2:56

are under no obligation to be

2:58

present in that space. And

3:00

people aren't saying that enough.

3:03

One thing I'm really grateful for, I had

3:05

Amelia Hruby on the podcast earlier

3:07

this year, and she talked

3:10

a lot about leaving

3:12

social media and how we

3:14

believe that it's something that we can't do,

3:17

or we're afraid of doing. So

3:20

if you're in any way disillusioned,

3:23

if you're distracted by it, if you're

3:25

unhappy with the way that social

3:27

media has affected your life, you

3:30

can leave, and you can still

3:32

be a successful creative.

3:35

One thing that me

3:38

and Amelia talked about is that they

3:40

have been having successful

3:43

businesses. Society has thrived

3:45

for years without it. So why

3:47

do we think that we have to stay there and we can't

3:50

thrive? You know, we can't have successful

3:52

practices or businesses or

3:55

creativity when

3:58

this social media is still a very

4:00

new phenomenon, like you can

4:02

still be successful is what I'm saying.

4:04

That's it. So if you hear

4:06

this paper rifling in the background, that's

4:09

me looking through my notes. And

4:11

I want to take you guys back to 2011,

4:14

maybe 2012. At

4:16

this point, Laraya, little Laraya

4:19

is 11 or 12 and

4:21

around that time. I got

4:23

my very first Facebook. It

4:26

did not last long. Let

4:29

me just tell you. Honestly, I'll

4:31

just go ahead and tell y'all. I

4:33

used to delete and

4:36

restart stuff like

4:38

crazy. I will delete an account

4:40

like crazy. Now I'm not going

4:42

back, but in my past

4:44

I used to. So when I started off

4:47

on Facebook, it actually wasn't

4:49

me that deleted it. It

4:52

was my mother. She

4:55

was not happy with me when she found out

4:57

I had it. And she made

4:59

me delete that promptly. you

5:02

know, I didn't understand at the time what

5:04

she was trying to communicate with that.

5:06

But I was in the seventh grade and

5:09

maybe my mom felt like I was too immature at

5:11

the time to be on a social media platform.

5:15

And she wasn't on it either. I think

5:17

this was. Maybe

5:19

right after Facebook had become accessible

5:21

to everybody and not just college

5:23

students with the edu address. So

5:27

after that, I

5:29

was off social media for a little bit and

5:32

I don't really remember much about that

5:35

experience. I just remember it was all

5:37

very new. But after that,

5:40

then Instagram became pretty popular

5:42

and I got an account on there. And

5:44

also a Snapchat to

5:47

conversate with my cousins back and forth.

5:50

So the early days in my

5:52

social media journey, I

5:54

remember feeling very

5:57

enthralled with this idea of

6:00

creating my own persona. I

6:03

felt like I had

6:06

this opportunity for people to see me

6:08

in this brand new light. And

6:10

I think that began a

6:13

process of seeking

6:16

validation on these apps. Because

6:19

I felt like,

6:21

ooh, I can post all

6:23

these photos, I can look like

6:26

this, I can do this, and make myself

6:28

seem more interesting? Maybe? I

6:31

don't know. I would stress about

6:34

likes and comments though, like crazy..

6:36

I've always had a very complicated relationship

6:39

with social media, which is why I deleted

6:41

and re downloaded so many times.

6:44

But I didn't know it at the time. It

6:46

felt like everyone kind of had some,

6:49

some FOMO or some type of stress

6:51

about sharing photos

6:53

or videos or statuses online.

6:56

And maybe that's why we had so many filters

6:59

and things of that nature. I

7:01

always had these underlying feelings

7:03

of, if this doesn't

7:05

get likes, it must mean there's something wrong

7:07

with me. Or, when

7:09

I would see people at some event,

7:12

I'd be like, uh, so why wasn't

7:14

I invited? or

7:17

if I posted something and my friends didn't

7:19

like or comment, I'd be like, so are we fighting?

7:21

Like, um, why, why didn't

7:24

you comment on this? Why didn't you engage with

7:26

this? It felt

7:28

like as much as I wanted to be seen,

7:31

and that's really it, I wanted to be

7:34

seen. I realized just

7:36

how exposing

7:38

it was to be seen. It

7:40

felt like exposure. It really did. Like

7:44

I was giving people a license

7:46

to put me under a microscope, to

7:49

zoom in into my insecurities.

7:51

It was really weird. I deleted

7:54

Instagram twice since

7:56

I first joined, maybe around 2013

7:59

2014. but I always went back

8:02

and I followed the same people. I don't know if they were

8:04

sick of me. They probably were. And

8:07

so I, I stayed on it for some time.

8:11

Then I ended up going to college

8:14

and I think at that time, Snapchat

8:16

was really popping for me.

8:19

Like. I was posting my little statuses,

8:21

not statuses. Like, I don't know,

8:24

stories. That's what, see, I haven't

8:26

been on the app in quite some time.

8:30

I deleted Snapchat around, uh,

8:33

I want to say late 2020.

8:37

Yeah. I used to post on stories

8:39

and have snap streaks and things of that

8:41

nature. but I got on Twitter

8:43

in 2017, which was

8:45

my freshman year of college. That

8:48

did not last long for you,

8:50

girl. Now,

8:54

one thing I will say, it was

8:56

a very funny space. I

8:59

think around that time,

9:02

black Twitter was Going

9:04

crazy on Kanye saying slavery

9:06

was a choice and that was quite

9:08

a time to be on the app. Um,

9:12

I was definitely bombarded with meme after meme

9:14

after meme and

9:16

it felt like this this real cynical

9:19

sarcastic space and

9:21

I'm funny. I'm a funny girl.

9:24

So I Feel like

9:26

I can laugh with the best of them But

9:29

I struggled to join it rather

9:32

than just be a spectator and teehee

9:34

and ha ha at other people's stuff. Like,

9:37

I felt this pressure

9:39

for everything I posted to be funny, there

9:42

goes that insecurity again. I

9:45

felt anxious over if

9:47

it wasn't funny or insightful or

9:49

if it would fall flat. Most people

9:52

decide to just be spectators

9:54

now on social media

9:57

because there is so much content to consume.

10:00

I think at that time I

10:03

wanted to be in on the action

10:05

and it was just hard for me. The,

10:07

the consistent disagreements,

10:09

all the, all the arguments,

10:11

the backbiting, all of that caused

10:14

me to leave that platform maybe like a year

10:16

or two in. Around

10:18

the same time that I started

10:20

to be a Twitter girlie, I

10:23

started posting poems on Instagram

10:26

on a separate page. this

10:28

era of time was

10:30

probably the most fun I've

10:32

had on a platform. Because

10:35

I was doing something I really loved and

10:38

I was finally showing that off to the world.

10:41

Before that, if somebody read

10:43

my poetry or even if

10:45

they so much as looked over my

10:48

shoulder while I was writing. Oh,

10:50

I would have, we would have a fight.

10:53

I would be in a tizzy. Of

10:55

course I'm comfortable in that space now, but.

10:58

At the time, I was very

11:00

comfortable in that creative

11:02

space and making that content, and

11:05

it was gaining traction. I think

11:08

one of the reasons why I felt so good about

11:10

it was because the feedback was generally

11:12

positive. Like, I didn't really receive

11:14

any negative feedback. Nobody was in my DMs

11:17

saying, Girl, you're horrible. So I,

11:20

I felt really good. I was following other

11:22

poets and commenting on

11:24

their work and they're commenting on mine

11:26

saying they're liking it. It was a great

11:28

time for once.

11:30

I wasn't scared to post anything and

11:33

it didn't feel like I was

11:36

constantly grabbing at

11:38

attention or validation. It was

11:40

just me expressing myself

11:42

in a very authentic way. So

11:46

time wise we're

11:49

around 20,

11:52

20, 20, 21. And

11:55

my audience started to slow down a little

11:58

bit. It started to dwindle. And

12:00

my usual like count started

12:02

to change to a smaller amount, even

12:04

though my follower count stayed the same.

12:08

And I realized that Instagram

12:11

reels were getting more traction at the time,

12:13

and it was still pretty new. I tried my

12:15

hand at making some, and I remember

12:18

the first one had over a hundred likes. And

12:21

I felt pretty good about that, but I really

12:23

didn't want to make them. Like,

12:27

I, I really, really

12:30

don't. I don't like it. It

12:32

just wasn't my primary ideal

12:35

way of self expression. Like,

12:37

before, I would take my

12:39

tripod outside and

12:42

I would just take photos in nature, and

12:44

that felt really authentic

12:46

to myself. But making

12:49

videos, it just, it

12:51

wasn't really me, but it's

12:53

like, people say you gotta play the game.

12:56

So, if I'm going to

12:58

go out, get those followers, get

13:00

people to look at me and see

13:02

the content, and continue

13:05

to receive those likes and comments

13:07

that I used to love so much. I

13:10

gotta force myself to participate

13:13

because that's what social media cajoles you

13:15

to do. I made a few more videos,

13:17

but those didn't get the same amount of engagement

13:20

as the first one because they want you

13:22

to stay in the apps and keep, keep going,

13:24

keep going, keep going, you know,

13:27

making that content and seeking

13:30

this high level of virality.

13:33

And what I've learned is one of

13:35

two things will happen. Number

13:38

one, you never go viral

13:40

and you just continue seeking that high.

13:43

Or number two, you do make

13:45

it, you do have

13:47

a video that reaches hundreds

13:49

of thousands, maybe even a

13:51

million views. But

13:54

then it becomes difficult to maintain. And

13:57

so now you're at this

13:59

crossroads of I'm

14:02

never going viral, but I'm keeping

14:05

the content going in the hopes

14:07

that I will someday reach

14:09

this level of virality. Or

14:12

you're on the other side of the spectrum and you've

14:14

had it before and now you're

14:17

itching to do it again. And

14:19

so either way, you become

14:21

addicted to this idea

14:23

of virality and people looking

14:25

at me and validation and approval.

14:30

It has a dangerous place to be in my

14:32

opinion. It's a dangerous place to be.

14:35

I've touched a little bit on the addiction

14:38

side of it, but I want to

14:40

talk about how my mental health was being

14:43

affected on social media

14:45

because that's a really big part of it. I

14:47

write about this a lot in my newsletter. But

14:50

I feel like social media has always kind

14:52

of played on this idea

14:55

of unworthiness And

14:58

social media really exacerbates that

15:00

feeling times 10. It

15:04

has been kind of this breeding ground

15:06

for my self esteem issues because I've

15:09

been on it since I was 12. And

15:12

when I think about it, 12 is such an

15:15

impressionable age where

15:17

you really do want people to

15:19

like you. You want people to approve of

15:21

the things that you do. And

15:24

that's when I really started to compare

15:26

myself, like I'm comparing my

15:28

follower counts to friends

15:30

or people I admire, and I look

15:32

at my own and I'm like, what, what's wrong with

15:35

me? Why y'all don't like me? You know what I'm saying?

15:37

I remember seeing someone in my life

15:40

hit an astronomical

15:42

amount of views on a reel. And

15:45

I'm wondering, well, why don't mine

15:47

hit the same amount of engagement? Because

15:50

I'm working just as hard. You

15:52

know, I'm trying. And as

15:55

a creative, it's

15:58

like I'm playing the game, this isn't

16:00

my primary way of expressing

16:02

myself, but I'm playing the game because I want

16:04

people to see what I'm doing.

16:07

And this feeling is compounded upon

16:09

because all these social

16:12

media apps have the same goal.

16:16

The main objective is

16:18

to make you addicted so that

16:20

you'll spend more time in the app. That's

16:23

how they make their money. If

16:26

you spend more time in the app, that means you're

16:28

seeing more ads. And that's how they

16:30

make their money. And

16:32

it's a cycle. Because now I'm addicted.

16:36

And my mental health is worsening. But

16:38

it's a cycle that is difficult to break.

16:41

And I'm promoting my art. I'm

16:43

promoting this work that I'm proud of.

16:45

And Social media can steal that spark

16:49

if your mental health is being affected if

16:51

you're comparing your creativity to

16:53

someone else and feeling like you're not

16:55

being seen. Because that's

16:57

the thing that we all talk about with the algorithm.

16:59

We're not being seen, even

17:01

if our people follow us, they're

17:04

not seeing us. And

17:06

that can be really discouraging and disheartening.

17:09

I felt like I had to be present on these apps.

17:12

For one, because this is

17:14

the way I showcase my work, who

17:17

will see me if I'm not here? If

17:19

I'm not present on this social platform, who

17:22

is going to know that I'm there? And

17:24

also, I think the second part of it is

17:28

my friends are on here. Like

17:30

if I leave, they gon still be on here. And

17:32

we're sharing funny videos like as

17:34

much as we talk

17:36

about social media being a toxic space. And

17:38

I say it all the time. Some

17:41

of it be funny. Like some of it is fun.

17:43

It is not all toxic. It's

17:46

also how I find out about events,

17:49

like different poetry events that I want

17:51

to go to, this is how

17:53

I find out what's coming up with other

17:56

people are doing, you know what I'm saying? So

17:58

how can I deal with

18:00

that FOMO? And I want to

18:02

speak to those fears by referencing

18:05

the episode that I did with Amelia Hruby.

18:07

I've talked about her a lot on this episode

18:09

because of the episode that we had together.

18:12

We talked about her leaving social media

18:14

and creating a six figure business

18:16

afterwards and Amelia spoke

18:18

about a grieving process to leaving

18:20

social media. And

18:23

I feel like over the past few months I

18:25

have grieved. Part

18:28

of that grieving process in

18:30

accepting that I am leaving those spaces

18:32

for good. I've

18:34

had to change

18:37

the way that I receive information

18:40

and the way that I

18:42

value and seek connection.

18:48

Now it's very important to me that

18:51

I depend on my physical

18:53

in person relationships

18:56

for validation or,

18:58

affirmation in what it is I'm doing

19:00

both creatively and just

19:02

personally. In

19:05

my personal life, the people who

19:07

truly matter to me, the people who

19:09

truly matter to me have my

19:11

phone number. And I

19:13

think Tom Holland said this on somebody's

19:15

podcast. He said,

19:18

if you have a problem with me, you can

19:20

call me. If you don't

19:23

have my phone number, you don't know me well enough to have

19:25

a problem with me. And I'd like

19:27

to just expound on that a little bit more

19:29

to say, if you don't have my phone

19:31

number, then your opinion

19:33

of my life isn't something that

19:35

I have to give weight to. It's

19:38

not. And that really

19:41

frees me from seeking affirmation

19:43

on the internet. And

19:45

it narrows down the opinions that I listen

19:47

to on a regular basis. I know

19:50

with my newsletter, it's on Substack,

19:53

and if you don't know what Substack is,

19:56

it is this platform

19:59

for writers and authors

20:02

and so many different types of people

20:04

to write newsletters and things of that nature.

20:07

But it's also added a new social

20:09

media component that's like Twitter

20:11

in a way. But I said

20:14

that to say that when

20:16

people don't comment

20:18

on my newsletter posts or

20:20

people don't like them. I

20:23

can get a little discouraged,

20:26

but what matters to me is when people

20:29

that have relationships with me

20:31

on a day to day basis, text

20:34

me and say, wow, I read

20:36

What you wrote. It's amazing. Um,

20:39

and that let me know that number one,

20:42

just because people don't like or comment,

20:44

something doesn't mean that they're just casting

20:46

you aside or like they don't care.

20:50

Sometimes they, they're reading, they really do

20:52

like what you're doing. But number two,

20:55

these are the people who know

20:57

and love you. And

21:00

these are the people who will root for you in

21:02

everything creative that you do. And

21:05

that, that's the opinion that

21:07

you should be seeking out. I

21:11

also think on the professional side,

21:14

I rely on

21:16

relationships I have for future

21:18

opportunities, which is the very

21:20

essence of networking. And I'll

21:24

say this, and maybe you guys will

21:26

agree. Maybe you don't, it's okay. Um,

21:28

but I we think that networking

21:31

now is sending a DM, and

21:34

sure, but

21:36

I feel like it's more personable,

21:40

more meaningful. If

21:42

I go to an event, I

21:44

shake some hands, I give out

21:46

some business cards, I ask you

21:49

what you're doing creatively, you ask me

21:51

what I'm doing creatively, we exchange

21:53

numbers maybe, email addresses

21:56

maybe, and we collab

21:58

together. I

22:00

feel like you would know so much

22:03

more about me, and I would

22:05

know so much more about you if

22:07

we did that other than me

22:10

sliding in your DMs. Like it's, I,

22:15

I think that social media has made us

22:17

a little bit lazy in that area and

22:20

unable to communicate in

22:22

that area. Now

22:24

I talk to some people that

22:26

I've had on the podcast to see who

22:28

they'd recommend interviewing. And I gotten

22:30

involved with organizations

22:33

in person that I

22:36

love and people who amaze

22:38

me through their creativity. So

22:41

if anything, leaving

22:43

social media has made me more

22:46

connected to others and

22:48

to myself. And

22:50

let me tell you why I feel

22:53

so connected to myself, my

22:55

mental health has improved significantly

22:57

since leaving Instagram in December,

23:00

which is six

23:02

months ago, almost six months

23:04

ago, and I still hold on

23:07

to my Facebook just for work purposes.

23:10

I'm barely on there though, but I

23:13

feel like my mind is clearer,

23:16

which also makes me feel like social

23:18

media has prevented

23:20

me from assessing

23:23

why I believe what I believe. And

23:26

why I think the way that I do, um,

23:29

because think about it, when you're

23:32

are bombarded by

23:34

so many messages, so

23:36

much content all the time, just

23:39

scrolling through content, through ideas,

23:42

through other

23:44

people's thoughts, basically, you

23:48

could be ending up believing something

23:51

about a person or a viewpoint or an idea

23:53

that once you disconnect, you're like,

23:55

why did I think that? When's

23:58

the last time you assessed why you think the

24:00

way you think? Like,

24:06

you know how, I

24:09

don't want to sound ageist in this, but

24:12

you know how when people who are older

24:15

are talking about things and

24:17

you realize that they're just reciting

24:20

what they've heard on the internet and

24:23

they don't really know what it, what

24:26

they're saying, what that means. That's

24:29

what we do all the time. And

24:32

maybe it's just me, maybe it's just

24:34

me turning 25 in two months

24:37

and my frontal lobe is developed. But

24:40

I feel like I've regained my

24:42

ability of critical thinking. And

24:45

this will be a little bit of a shorter episode

24:47

because I'm starting to wrap up all

24:49

the things that I've said. But

24:53

I want to end by saying, if

24:55

you're scared to leave social

24:57

media, You're not alone.

25:00

Um, even though I'm six

25:02

months from when

25:04

I had social media, there's still

25:07

some things that feel a little bit murky. Still

25:09

some things that feel a little bit scary. There's

25:12

a freedom, but there's also like

25:14

an anxiousness there. Because

25:17

now I will say

25:21

you have to put your creativity to

25:23

work in

25:25

order to find other ways

25:28

of connection that kind

25:30

of goes against the grain of

25:33

what is normal to you, meaning

25:38

I could have just put a post up, but

25:41

now I have to network,

25:43

but now I have to find

25:47

other ways of connecting

25:49

people to what I'm doing. I

25:52

understand that can be, that

25:54

can be a little bit taxing. I understand.

25:57

And that's a boat that I'm in right now.

25:59

Maybe you have to redefine

26:01

the way that you see

26:04

success. I

26:07

think we're all fighting for

26:10

this millions of followers,

26:12

millions of dollars idea

26:15

of success. But

26:18

what if success is actually you

26:20

feeling whole? What

26:22

if success is actually you

26:25

creating what's important

26:27

to you? And I promise you,

26:30

I truly believe when you are creating

26:32

what's important to you, what you're called

26:35

to create, you're

26:37

never invisible. You're never

26:39

invisible. You

26:42

may have to switch up your processes to

26:44

adjust and maybe

26:47

some projects Don't

26:49

work the same off social media platforms.

26:52

That happens. I won't lie to you. Social

26:54

media marketing is not the

26:56

only method of marketing and

26:58

it's through true connections

27:01

that you can really grow as a creative

27:04

creativity needs community.

27:07

And I don't want you to keep

27:10

seeking an artificial version

27:13

of that on social media, if that's not

27:15

what you want. If you want something

27:17

that feels more meaningful, if you want something that

27:19

feels more in your

27:21

lane, in the way that you express

27:24

yourself, you can

27:26

leave. You can.

27:30

That's all I got for you guys today.

27:32

I am coming back next week, not

27:35

next week, I'm coming back week

27:37

after next, and

27:39

we'll have Jakia Fuller at

27:42

the podcast and we'll be talking

27:44

about sustainability, and

27:47

she's just a multidisciplinary creative.

27:51

She's amazing. So you

27:53

guys tune in for that. Sign

27:56

up for the newsletter in the show

27:58

notes of Wisdom and Wander.

28:01

Can't tell you guys to follow me on social

28:03

media, but you can

28:05

follow the podcast so you know when new episodes

28:08

are here, you can also

28:10

rate the podcast. Let us know what you think,

28:14

not me saying us like it ain't just me, but

28:17

let me know what you think. And I hope

28:19

you guys have an amazing week.