Episode Transcript
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LCG Logistics, your single
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source transportation supply. Hello,
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lovely humans. I'm Wylee, and you
2:24
are listening to X Stories, formerly
2:26
known as Sex Stories, a podcast
2:28
where we learn about the unique
2:30
complexities of interpersonal connection, one
2:32
human story at a time in an effort to make the
2:34
world a more loving place where taking care of each other
2:36
is the norm. And our guest
2:39
today is a 39-year-old pansexual cis female
2:41
who has been with her partner for
2:43
over 20 years, married for 14,
2:45
and ethically non-monogamous for the last
2:47
two plus. A pastor's kid
2:49
who spent her formative years in Oklahoma,
2:51
as an adult, she experienced over a
2:53
decade of chronic pain, opioids, and muscle
2:56
relaxants before finding a doctor who could
2:58
offer an accurate diagnosis. And
3:00
in this new era, she has discovered
3:02
a passion for swinging and experiencing the
3:04
full range of her emotions. She
3:07
is into openness, honesty, knowing a partner
3:09
is turned on, blindfolded buttplugs with tails,
3:11
her wand, hot wiping, ass worship, and
3:14
cock worship, a clinical pharmacist
3:16
and only fans creator from Los
3:18
Angeles. Welcome, Roxanne! Thank you!
3:20
I'm so excited to be here. I
3:22
am super excited to have you here. So,
3:26
start off please by telling us if you had
3:28
to rate yourself on a
3:30
shame-o-meter, a sexual shame-o-meter, from
3:32
one to ten with ten being so full of shame and
3:34
one not being shame-y at all, where do you fall right
3:37
now today? Right
3:39
now, today, I would say a zero.
3:42
Amazing. I
3:45
know. This morning, actually,
3:47
we had a fun brunch out
3:49
with a couple that we see
3:51
fairly frequently and her
3:53
best friend from college was in
3:55
town who actually knows. Vanilla
3:58
best friend. she
4:00
knows about the situation and she
4:02
wanted to introduce us. So it
4:05
was a lot of fun. Yeah, I
4:07
love actually being able to talk to
4:09
people about it because of course, where
4:12
I'm from, my family, you know,
4:14
it's not something that I get to share very
4:17
often. So that was a
4:19
lot of fun and brought that Shayma meter down.
4:22
I love that so much. And what a good
4:24
clear example of how when we get to be
4:26
witnessed in our full selves, they're like this, this
4:28
part of our relational selves that oftentimes I mean,
4:31
I get it. I'm like, Oh, I'm not supposed
4:33
to talk about being kinky everywhere. Okay. Okay.
4:36
So here's a question though. Are there
4:38
any context or like people or places
4:40
where it squiggles up and down for
4:42
you still? There
4:44
are, I would say when
4:47
I am around family
4:49
or in kind
4:51
of those situations of people
4:53
that I remember from my,
4:56
we call them my migraine years or
4:58
my headache years. It's not
5:00
necessarily that shameful. It's just that
5:02
I feel like I can't be
5:04
my full self. And
5:06
I feel like they used to know
5:09
me, but they don't fully know the
5:11
real me or the new me. Yeah. And
5:13
then there
5:17
are a few times, you know, where in
5:20
the whole lifestyle and meeting new
5:22
people, I think it's more a me
5:25
thing than a them thing. But
5:27
I have found that still
5:29
some of that shame around
5:31
being really active, you
5:33
know, in the lifestyle and playing
5:35
a lot. I do still
5:37
feel that I think as a female, you
5:40
know, there's still a little bit of that stigma in
5:42
the back of my mind still trying
5:45
to break through some walls. Okay.
5:47
Let me make sure I understand when you
5:49
say the word active, do you mean like
5:51
active sexually, like in a physical literal way or
5:54
like, like slut shamey feelings?
5:57
Kind of like, yeah, slut shamey feelings.
6:00
because we're active in
6:03
a physical way. I didn't know if you meant
6:05
like a specific type of shame that was related
6:07
to like power bottoming or something or like, I can't
6:09
stop thrusting. Okay, that makes perfect sense.
6:11
Are you open with your friends about
6:14
your kind of lifestyle or is that
6:16
something that you and your husband keep from
6:18
or does it depend on who? It
6:20
depends on who. None
6:23
of my friends, you know,
6:25
from back home. When we moved to
6:27
LA, I worked from home. So
6:30
I never really saw any
6:32
of my coworkers. Never knew anyone
6:34
who lived out here previously. Max,
6:37
my husband, he has a few actor
6:39
friends out here. And so
6:41
those friends know or a decent amount of them
6:44
know. And I do get to talk to them
6:46
about it a little bit. And
6:48
then my little step sister knows
6:50
a little bit. She
6:53
knows that we're in the
6:55
lifestyle. But that's about it. Gotcha.
7:00
Okay, if you had to
7:02
say, how do you think
7:04
societal norms have affected your relationships
7:06
and personal pleasure? I
7:09
think because my husband and
7:11
I are so open-minded, they
7:14
don't really affect us that
7:16
much. Since we
7:18
started dating, I've always
7:20
been kind of the primary breadwinner of
7:23
the family. So we kind of pushed
7:26
against that social norm. We
7:29
pushed against, like
7:31
my husband, he didn't ask my
7:33
dad for permission to propose
7:36
to me, because he doesn't
7:38
feel like I'm property. Yeah.
7:41
And yeah, I'm such a daddy's
7:43
girl, but my dad
7:45
respected it as well, knowing who I
7:47
am as a person. So
7:50
I think we have really pushed back
7:52
against those. And the headache
7:54
years, while it was tough,
7:57
it did Kind of keep us...
8:00
From going than normal
8:02
society rats. I
8:04
think if we hadn't had that,
8:06
we would still be living back
8:08
the heck are we would probably
8:10
have kids list. And a surrogate
8:13
of and great parents. That. We love
8:15
our life. We. The oh
8:17
we love our life now and
8:19
that freedom and all of our.
8:22
Love that we would get to have
8:24
kids go straight into our dog. So
8:27
they aren't silver and. I
8:31
love their first time for dates to
8:33
like getting the go to brunch egg
8:35
sac lead again Exact like to use
8:37
a little. More about why the
8:39
headache years kind of. Maybe.
8:42
Contributed to going it's the great with a just
8:44
by necessity and like maybe some specifics about your
8:46
released like what did it can have may be.
8:48
Create. An opportunity for or a
8:50
relationship had other one. I
8:53
would say it mostly the
8:55
fact that. I could take
8:57
care of myself. But. Barely.
9:01
I was able to get through the days. Of
9:04
work. I. Would come home and
9:06
I would. Say. Sickly a zombie,
9:08
It's took everything out of me
9:10
to get through the days at
9:12
work catalysis, working at a retail
9:14
pharmacy than and a manager, so
9:16
lots of unpaid overtime. Having to
9:19
say late. All of that,
9:21
Yeah, just to get through the
9:23
day. And. Then. Yeah,
9:26
just being a zombie, not really
9:28
feeling among sin. And.
9:30
Obviously not feeling like I was in a
9:32
place where I could take care of us
9:34
a little. Him and. Yeah,
9:38
I think it also affected
9:40
our relationship in that. Were.
9:43
Very unlike, were very connected. We
9:45
spend so much time together, but
9:48
we can also operate independently a
9:50
lot of the time. During those
9:52
years, Max dated himself. he
9:55
would just go out on edo out
9:58
to die sooner or out says things
10:00
like that and there
10:03
was never any, oh you're leaving me
10:05
or any jealousy, you know, anything like
10:07
that. It was nice for me to
10:10
have some time where I felt
10:13
like I didn't need to be on, you know,
10:15
as much as I had to
10:18
be sometimes during work. And
10:20
the biggest thing was probably just my
10:23
brain would try to shut off
10:25
all my feelings, which I've realized
10:28
later, just to block
10:30
some of the pain. Yeah.
10:32
So it was a
10:34
decade of headaches that
10:36
ranged from like a six to an
10:38
eight pain scale all
10:41
the time. Yeah.
10:44
How long has it been since that was,
10:47
since you got the diagnosis that has helped you
10:49
find some relief? So it's
10:51
been about four and a
10:53
half years probably. Wow. Somewhere around
10:55
there. Yeah. And
10:58
it still took me a long time
11:00
to believe that it would continue to
11:03
work. And
11:05
I had developed a social anxiety
11:07
because I would plan things and
11:09
then I would have to cancel
11:11
or leave in the middle. So
11:14
that took a while to get
11:16
over as well. Of course COVID
11:18
doesn't help anyone.
11:20
What a timeline day. Well,
11:23
at least maybe everyone else has
11:25
their own doses of social anxiety.
11:27
So maybe that puts you on a more level playing
11:29
field. It definitely does. I've
11:31
noticed it. So
11:33
on that note, what would you
11:35
say you need in order
11:37
to feel excited to connect with a
11:39
partner intimately, you know, whether it's Max
11:42
who you've known for decades or new people that
11:44
you want to bring in to your relationship or
11:46
swap with? I would say
11:48
they need to engage
11:51
with personality, want
11:53
to know a few things
11:55
about me. Our story is
11:58
very important to me. So
12:00
I always want to share that we've
12:03
gotten a little bit better at kind of
12:05
short being it Are
12:07
you gonna show it now? I mean
12:10
it was kind of what I
12:12
already said was mainly the headache
12:14
years and really
12:16
the feeling Like
12:18
I just was not a human being
12:21
I didn't get to experience anything So
12:24
after I got my good
12:26
diagnosis and got off all
12:28
the opioids and muscle relaxants within about two to
12:31
three months It's
12:33
still again took me a while, but then
12:35
I was able to finally feel
12:38
things again and We
12:42
got really into sex Obviously
12:44
those ten years Affected
12:47
our sex life a lot I
12:49
think a really nice thing about it was
12:52
anytime we did get intimate
12:55
We were always able to have a
12:57
good time It was mostly the lead
12:59
up to it and the anxiety leading
13:01
up to it on if I
13:04
mean I could get Really bad
13:06
attack. I also get migraines
13:08
on top of the daily headaches Yeah,
13:12
I would never know when it might
13:14
just hit so Oftentimes
13:17
if it was the planning out,
13:19
but then once we did get
13:21
intimate we almost always
13:23
came together and It
13:26
was just natural and every time he
13:28
would say okay, so you really enjoyed
13:30
that right? Yes But
13:34
at that point it was
13:36
still very sporadic fairly mechanical
13:38
and At that
13:40
point I did not have
13:43
much of a knowledge about sex I
13:46
had never really watched porn Or
13:49
anything like that being a PK
13:53
Yeah, so I had never really done anything like that
13:56
So it was always good during the
13:58
headache years. It was just, we
14:01
didn't know much. And I wasn't
14:04
able to really fully take
14:06
it in. So then, after
14:08
Max really encouraged me
14:10
once I started feeling
14:13
feelings again, and realizing
14:15
this is what a human being can
14:17
feel and can do and all of
14:19
that. So he really,
14:24
really encouraged me to just
14:26
lean into that and experience
14:28
everything that I could, because it
14:31
had been so long. And
14:33
then COVID hit. So we were
14:35
together a lot. And that's when
14:37
the sex life just ramped up,
14:40
ramped up so much. And
14:43
I discovered that I wanted
14:45
to know everything. I wanted
14:47
to learn so much. Yeah.
14:55
Can you give us a little sense of
14:57
what your formative years were like? Like, if
14:59
you were a pastor's kid, did
15:01
you get sex ed? Like, what happened leading
15:03
up to like before the headache, like all
15:05
of that, what are kind of those background
15:07
pieces that feel important? Yeah,
15:09
so Bible Belt
15:12
area, my father is
15:14
a pastor, but
15:16
he's also one of probably one of
15:19
the most liberal pastors in the
15:21
area. So he taught
15:23
me what it's supposed to be,
15:26
instead of what organized
15:28
religion has kind of it's
15:30
been perverted into, I
15:33
suppose, with hypocrisy and things
15:35
like that. So I
15:37
still have a fairly good
15:39
relationship with Christianity
15:42
and all of that. I believe
15:44
there's a higher spirit or
15:46
a higher something that
15:49
karma all of that. I
15:51
don't know how I feel about the
15:53
other stuff. At the moment, but
15:56
I do still have a very
15:58
good relationship with my
16:00
past and my formative years. My
16:03
father and my stepmother, my first
16:06
serious boyfriend, after a little while,
16:08
they did sit me down and
16:10
have an abbreviated
16:12
sex dog. Yeah,
16:15
and my stepmother got me on birth control just
16:18
in case she didn't want
16:20
anything to happen. So I
16:22
had one serious boyfriend in
16:24
high school. So
16:26
I had been with one guy
16:29
before my husband. So again,
16:31
that was kind of a, I
16:34
don't know, limited knowledge. And
16:37
I was very self-conscious of
16:40
the whole, all of it. I
16:43
had never fingered myself until I was
16:45
probably 33 or 34, things
16:51
like that. So I did have
16:53
to learn so much, but it
16:55
excited me. Yeah,
16:58
so I think that's kind of my
17:00
formative years. And I guess
17:03
being in the
17:05
organized religion and Christianity, I always
17:08
liked to be a pleaser and I've noticed
17:10
that in my sexual
17:12
life now too. And so
17:14
I very much played the part in
17:17
high school and college. So I was
17:20
that good sheltered religious
17:22
girl during
17:25
those times. So
17:28
again, I think that does give
17:30
me the healthy relationship with it.
17:32
Yeah, did you have an enjoyment
17:34
with being naughty? Because if you were
17:37
with a boyfriend out
17:39
of wedlock, I presume. Yes, I was. And
17:41
it sounds like you were a pretty good
17:43
relationship with that, like it sounds balanced to
17:46
me. Am I getting that right? It
17:48
was, he was probably
17:51
a little narcissistic looking
17:53
back at things, but
17:57
it was very kind of a
17:59
natural progression. into it.
18:01
I never felt pressured
18:03
into anything with him.
18:06
It was a positive relationship with sex
18:09
at that point. Yeah, and I'm not
18:11
hearing any self-judgment on your part for
18:13
doing it or anything like that. No, I
18:15
do specifically remember after
18:17
the first time I think he
18:19
fingered me, I remember writing in
18:22
my diary like, oh my
18:24
gosh, I don't know, is this how wrong
18:26
is this? You know, things like
18:28
that, but I got over
18:30
it pretty quickly. Yeah, yeah.
18:33
So I never really have had
18:35
any stigma about that until, which
18:38
is kind of interesting, but maybe
18:40
until we started swinging and
18:43
then having the multiple partners
18:45
and then going, wait,
18:48
is that okay? I
18:51
know it's okay for him because, you
18:53
know, guys are praised when that happens
18:55
a lot of the time. But I
18:58
think, again, on my end, I always
19:00
felt like I had to qualify
19:02
it. I had to say,
19:05
well, we barely had sex for 10
19:07
years. I only had one partner
19:09
before him. I still have that feeling
19:11
sometimes where I have to say, okay, this
19:14
is why we do it that much or
19:16
this is why we have
19:18
a full network of people
19:20
in the lifestyle that we
19:22
like. So there's a little bit of that. I
19:25
hear that. I still have my own version. I mean,
19:28
literally thousands of people know that I'm an
19:31
extremely horny person, but I still have like
19:33
days, moments, especially with people where I'm like,
19:35
oh no, I'm such a slut, they're gonna know. And
19:37
I'm like, who cares? Who's gonna know?
19:39
Nobody cares. Okay, so, oh,
19:44
I love that. Okay, so we're getting into
19:46
the fun parts, but I would
19:48
love to hear specifically, when it
19:50
comes to sex, what are you
19:52
the best at, in your opinion,
19:55
and how did you get so
19:57
good at? I think...
20:00
I'm really good at blow jobs. Which
20:03
I love. I
20:06
really like to take it
20:08
slow. Like you said at
20:11
the beginning, I love cock worship. I
20:13
love showing a man
20:15
that he's desired and that
20:18
I just want to worship. And
20:22
it has a lot to do with the fact of
20:24
how good they make me feel
20:26
about myself. All
20:29
of the compliments that they give me and
20:32
I want them to know that there are
20:34
people out there that desire them. So
20:36
I think that would be a really good one.
20:38
I do think I'm really good
20:41
at going submissive. I
20:44
think a part of that has to do with
20:46
my job as well. Because
20:49
I spend all my hours
20:51
at my job making decisions.
20:54
Approve, deny,
20:56
if I need more information, things like that. So
20:59
all day I have to make a certain
21:01
amount of decisions per hour. So
21:03
then when I'm off work, and Max has
21:05
gotten used to this now, I
21:07
don't like to make decisions. That
21:10
is one thing we
21:12
always tell new partners is
21:14
that I don't like to make
21:16
decisions. Don't ask me what position I want.
21:19
You tell me what position you want. Because
21:21
I'm going to love it. But
21:25
there is one time that I
21:27
want control. And
21:30
that is during the blow job. Oh yes,
21:32
I knew that actually. I already knew that.
21:34
I was just so silly. Yes.
21:36
Yes, there are more. Okay. Is
21:39
it true with all partners or is it max
21:41
specific? So it is true
21:43
with all partners. It's very max
21:45
specific. Like every time. He knows
21:48
just not to take control and
21:50
then he'll experience the
21:52
best thing. And then I can do
21:54
trial and error. I can find new
21:56
things that just drive him crazy, especially
21:59
since we've known. each other for that long.
22:01
Like what what have you discovered over these
22:03
years? Because this is how you got
22:05
so good at blow jobs too right? Like just practice
22:07
with the same person. I bet you can do so
22:09
many things. You can't.
22:12
I guess another another
22:14
kind of fun interesting
22:17
story about that is that my
22:19
first boyfriend in high school he
22:21
actually cheated on me once and
22:24
it was by receiving a blow
22:26
job. That was before I had
22:28
ever given him a blow job. So
22:30
at that point I took him back. He
22:34
felt like awful but I
22:36
think it might have been a little bit of
22:38
manipulation now looking back on it. But
22:41
I did tell him that I was
22:43
never going to give him a blow job then. I
22:48
was like okay we can get back together
22:50
but I will never do that for you. Okay
22:55
yeah so then when Max and I got together I
22:58
was self-conscious about it.
23:00
I didn't feel like I knew
23:02
what to do and he knew that. He
23:05
took his time with me and let me
23:07
kind of ease into it. And
23:10
I think another thing that
23:12
has helped me just learn
23:14
with it on my own and really
23:18
take in the body language and what they're
23:20
responding to is that
23:22
I never watched porn before. So
23:26
I didn't already really have an idea
23:28
of how to do it. So I
23:30
learned very specifically with
23:32
Max and
23:34
our understanding of each other after
23:37
being together for over 20 years and 19 years
23:39
of that was
23:42
monogamous. I only myself and
23:44
him. Yeah and
23:47
we always had great
23:49
sex even during the headache years but
23:52
it's been really special just learning
23:54
and honing that skill with him
23:57
specifically. So yeah I think that's
23:59
it. one of my favorite things to do.
24:01
I again, with the decision
24:03
making, I don't want to
24:05
decide when it will start or stop.
24:08
So I want to be told that but then in the
24:10
middle, I love to go. Just
24:12
go with it. I
24:15
have found some of the younger guys
24:18
get a little too excited. And then
24:20
they want a little bit of
24:23
control. But they're learning.
24:26
I'm teaching them that it's going
24:29
to be a really more sensual
24:32
experience. Yeah.
24:34
Can you describe the feeling inside that
24:36
is like the difference between your full
24:38
submissive self and the part that's like,
24:41
no, I'm in charge of this blowjob.
24:43
I would say my
24:46
outward actions or I
24:49
don't know mood doesn't really change
24:51
during that time. But
24:53
I do get more focused
24:57
during that time. The rest
24:59
of the time when I'm being very submissive,
25:02
I get very lost in it. We have
25:04
to explain to some of the people that
25:06
if you say something to me or ask
25:09
me to do something at
25:11
first, I may not even
25:13
be able to comprehend the words.
25:17
My audio processing slows down so much.
25:19
And I'm like, what? Also, though, to
25:21
be fair, if it's during play
25:23
half the time, like, if I'm like
25:25
squished between someone's thighs, and they're talking to me and
25:28
my mouth is on a cock, I'm like, what? What
25:30
are you saying? Yeah, I can't, you know, so are
25:33
my, my heads buried in a
25:35
pillow? Exactly. Exactly. Things like
25:37
that. Yeah. Another thing about
25:40
me that we've discovered after
25:42
I was like, okay,
25:44
let's learn everything about sex is that
25:47
I just come so
25:49
easily. And I
25:52
have actually rolling
25:54
orgasms where
25:57
I'm in it for a really long
25:59
time. really long time. Something
26:01
can take me out of it for
26:03
a second like the dog sparking during
26:06
it or things like that but then
26:08
I can get right back into it.
26:10
Give us details of that please. Like
26:13
is there a certain type of stimulation that
26:15
gets you there? Was it a certain mind
26:17
frame or is it a build? Like how,
26:19
like tell us about these rolling orgasms because
26:21
I just recently experienced my first like, oh
26:23
I don't think this is gonna stop and
26:26
it was like a multiple playing
26:28
situation and I was like are your
26:30
hands okay? Are you tired? Plus licking.
26:32
And is it the same for you?
26:34
Like is it different? Can they happen?
26:37
You tell us. They can
26:40
happen pretty much any time. Everything
26:43
is also very mental for me. So
26:46
I have had mental
26:48
just like thigh clenching.
26:52
Orgasm. Okay. Yes. Cool.
26:54
And most specifically usually
26:57
it's during I do
26:59
orgasm while giving blowjobs and
27:02
get very wet during that time. I
27:05
might start, I'd say that's a
27:07
little bit more rare is me
27:10
really starting then but
27:12
otherwise it's any
27:15
type of touch
27:17
or contact or really
27:20
sexy moments. So
27:22
Max and I also experienced
27:25
comparison. So
27:27
when he's being pleased
27:29
or pleasing another woman
27:31
that excites me and
27:33
I feel that pleasure and
27:35
vice versa. So that
27:38
has really helped with like how
27:40
much we love the hot wife
27:42
thing. Yeah. We like to joke
27:44
that sometimes I have to call
27:46
mercy simply because my muscles
27:49
have just been contracting for so
27:51
long. So I was gonna ask
27:53
about that. That's like do you
27:55
get sore? Like I've mentioned her
27:57
ask it's so sore from clenching.
28:02
Yeah, I don't think I usually register
28:04
that one. I usually
28:07
register more feet twitching too.
28:10
Sometimes that happens. My feet twitch.
28:12
A lot of the times it's
28:14
my legs or my abs because
28:18
I can track my whole body
28:20
together. That was something that kind
28:22
of took us a little while to get used
28:24
to because then
28:27
afterwards I'll still
28:29
go. I might still be going
28:31
with no stimulation for a while
28:33
or the cum dripping
28:36
out. Anything. It could be anything
28:38
like that that just keeps me going. And
28:40
then once I'm done, I'm
28:43
kind of just in a
28:45
haze for quite a while.
28:48
So that has been interesting
28:50
getting used to and letting
28:52
new partners know just how sensitive
28:55
I am. And the fact that
28:57
I won't be very
28:59
vocal while I'm
29:01
coming because I'm unusually
29:04
coming. I
29:06
wouldn't shut up. Yeah. Yeah,
29:09
you just feel like, whoa, that's so
29:12
intense. So
29:14
this orgasmic quality, is it post
29:17
headache years discovery or was it
29:19
there before? I
29:21
would say before I had too
29:24
many things that were taking me out of
29:27
it mentally. In that time,
29:29
I would say I
29:31
always orgasmed anytime, but it
29:33
was more of a one
29:35
orgasm thing. And
29:38
oftentimes Max and I would even orgasm together
29:40
during the headache years. But
29:42
then post headache years, it
29:46
became something where I just
29:48
couldn't believe it. I was just
29:50
coming so much at first, I was like, what
29:53
is what is going on?
29:55
Why why do I get
29:57
so foggy afterwards? Why?
30:00
do I not understand things
30:02
during? Why is it
30:05
that I don't understand words during?
30:08
And then it took us a little while,
30:10
but then we realized and then Max
30:12
has really understood it because
30:15
he just thinks, oh my gosh, if I
30:18
came that much, if
30:21
I was just perpetually coming,
30:24
he doesn't think he could handle it. And
30:27
at one point, I'm sure I couldn't have
30:29
either. But a lot of his encouragement
30:32
and his delight at it, you
30:34
know, he loves it. That's really
30:36
helped me just embrace it and
30:39
just allow it to take me
30:41
over during those times. Wow,
30:44
what a cool surrender. It also
30:46
feels like some sort of
30:48
like karmic balance for like years and
30:50
years of pain and deep
30:53
discomfort every day. Like a six to
30:55
eight is no joke. Like, and I'm sure there
30:57
are days with thicker spikes. Yes,
30:59
I think that also helps with
31:02
honestly, the Shamo meter for
31:04
me. And for both
31:06
of us, and the fact that we
31:08
do go out and, you
31:10
know, get out there a lot, we
31:13
do because we spent 10 years
31:15
not being able to make decisions for
31:18
our own life. And
31:20
he stuck with me. He
31:22
was so patient with me during those years.
31:25
Of course, he wished that he could just take
31:27
care of it and make them go away for
31:29
me. We also, during
31:32
those years, did take couples
31:35
counseling after he asked
31:37
for an open marriage. Of
31:39
course, at that time, I wasn't as sexually
31:41
woke. And
31:44
so I couldn't hear that
31:46
at that time. So I
31:49
had knocked it down completely.
31:51
But we did we did
31:53
couples counseling and we learned how to
31:56
communicate how he could maybe not take it
31:58
as rejection when I turned down,
32:00
it was more of a me
32:02
thing, not that I didn't fire
32:04
him. It was just me physically
32:06
thing. Yeah. And so, yeah, we
32:09
learned that a lot as well
32:11
during those years. So then,
32:15
after we heard one of your podcast episodes,
32:18
we found
32:20
out about.
32:24
So on a trip
32:26
back from Vegas, I said, let's just
32:28
go ahead and do it because that's when I wanted
32:30
to learn. Well, I still do
32:32
want to learn everything there is to know
32:34
about that. Me too. Yeah. So
32:39
at that point, I suggested
32:41
to him that we should sign up in the back
32:43
of my head. I knew that I would have to
32:45
be the one to suggest it
32:47
since I had shot down his idea of
32:49
an open marriage in the past. So
32:52
I think that's kind of that
32:54
also helped us understand that
32:57
we were both into it
32:59
and into exploring and but
33:02
there were also speed bumps along the way with
33:05
anything. Absolutely. So
33:09
tell us now those are all so many things
33:11
that you have learned that make you awesome at
33:13
sex. Is there a specific like helpful
33:16
sex related lesson that you have
33:18
learned that has like shifted your
33:20
sex life in a meaningful way
33:22
or your relationship to sex, some
33:24
aspect of sex? I
33:26
think there are a
33:28
couple. One of the
33:30
first ones was our very first
33:33
threesome that we had with
33:35
a woman before. Of course, I
33:38
was very nervous as
33:41
you are meeting someone new, especially after
33:44
you haven't dated anyone for
33:46
19 years. So
33:50
I learned in that experience
33:52
how important it is for
33:55
me personally to tell
33:57
our story. During the build
33:59
up, then during that
34:02
experience, I wanted to
34:04
tell the whole story. When I got
34:06
to the end of it and the
34:08
positive, once the headaches were
34:11
resolved, I started crying.
34:16
Before our threesome, when we were still
34:19
talking, and so Max had
34:21
to jump in and say, no, these are
34:23
happy tears. These are very happy tears. I
34:27
do remember that immediately after that,
34:29
after the tears had
34:31
stopped, I wanted to show her,
34:35
while I wanted to show her my
34:37
scar from one of the surgeries I
34:39
had during the headache years. So
34:41
it was just short off. Okay,
34:44
I'm ready to go. So
34:48
that was one of the things in
34:50
the lifestyle that just taught me something
34:52
right away. I'd say another one
34:54
was one of the
34:57
less desirable experiences.
35:01
It really helped me learn, even
35:04
though I do go so submissive,
35:07
I have to keep myself
35:10
and what I'm feeling, I
35:12
have to be toned into
35:15
that still, because Max
35:17
doesn't always know how I feel. We've
35:20
learned even more as
35:22
we go that we are so
35:24
aligned and we are into very
35:27
much the same things. But
35:30
during that time, I was bitten a
35:33
few different places and we had
35:35
already laid the ground rule that
35:38
there's no pain. I
35:41
love spanking, but outside
35:43
of that, no pain. And that's really
35:45
especially because of the medication I have
35:48
to take for my headaches. It
35:50
makes it much easier for me to bleed,
35:52
or not bleed, but bruise. Oh
35:55
shit, yeah. Yeah, and I've
35:57
got translucent skin. So
36:02
they, yeah, they show up and it
36:05
was a binding situation where it was
36:07
kind of soft and then a little
36:09
bit harder, a little bit harder. And
36:12
then the last one was just really
36:15
hard. I did have
36:17
very significant bruises for about two
36:19
and a half weeks that did
36:22
really mess with my brain. Yeah.
36:24
That's quite a lot. Yeah. And
36:27
I've been hearing from my brain for a while and
36:29
we've experienced a few different things from that, but we
36:31
have learned so much. So
36:34
that's why I even say it's just one of
36:36
those less desirable experiences.
36:38
Yeah. So we
36:40
take those as such
36:43
a learning experience for us.
36:45
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at drpeppergetaway.com. I
40:39
would love to hear a little bit about
40:41
what it was like to learn, oh my
40:43
gosh, I'm into this lifestyle. You know, because
40:45
I imagine it sounds like your first experience
40:48
was with one other
40:50
female partner, and then you've done
40:52
a lot of swapping as well, right?
40:54
That's pretty much the makeup. We
40:57
have. So first it was a
40:59
threesome with a woman. I
41:01
believe the next experience we had was same
41:03
room with a couple. They
41:06
were brand new. And then
41:09
I think our third experience was kind
41:11
of a booty call couple
41:13
swap. I
41:16
mean, it was something where I had connected
41:18
with the guy earlier in the day, and
41:21
they were really anxious and excited to
41:24
experience a swap. They had tried a
41:26
couple times. We had not
41:28
yet tried, but we were both
41:30
ready for it. We
41:32
were both excited about it. So we've
41:35
had kind of the full gamut. We've
41:38
been to sex clubs as well. But
41:40
for the most part, we
41:43
just learn from every experience.
41:46
And the hot wife thing,
41:48
yeah, yeah, yeah, last male,
41:50
female, male was something
41:53
that we didn't think we
41:55
would really be into. We hadn't really
41:57
considered it. We went into it. think
42:00
how a lot of couples go into it, which is
42:03
first it was maybe just a
42:05
woman, you know, three men
42:07
with a woman. And then we got
42:09
more comfortable with a couple swap. And
42:11
we did look for that fairly early
42:14
on. But it took us
42:16
a while to really think about the
42:18
possibility of having a single male come
42:21
in. In that situation,
42:23
Max really learned that he
42:27
enjoys seeing another man
42:29
desire me. And yeah,
42:33
it's amazing. And
42:36
the first couple times he participated, so
42:38
it was a true male feel male,
42:40
then we even got into, he went
42:43
into a phase where he really just
42:45
wanted to watch. So
42:47
he would lay on the
42:49
bed typically closed. And
42:52
he would just watch my face kind
42:54
of hold my hand sometimes during and
42:57
the fun thing is, if he learned through
42:59
that, what a good
43:01
bull or a good guest is
43:05
to where he has been able to do
43:07
that separately as well now. Cool.
43:10
Oh, well you say what are your
43:12
opinions of what makes a good guest
43:15
star in your relationship? I
43:17
would say someone who
43:19
really appreciates our relationship together.
43:22
That is something that we
43:24
especially like to share with
43:26
people too, because we feel
43:29
so lucky that we found each
43:31
other so young. And we've
43:34
just grown together through all these
43:37
years. So that's
43:39
something also, we've had
43:41
a few single males where
43:43
they kind of encourage Max
43:45
to join, but
43:47
then they don't think about
43:50
positions or things where everyone
43:52
can be involved. So
43:56
yeah, and definitely listening
43:58
to the husband. been
44:00
if he suggests something like
44:03
a position where in sometimes, you
44:06
know, I guess the single guy has just been
44:08
so focused on what he's doing in that
44:10
moment. Another
44:12
thing that I really enjoy
44:14
about having guests, especially
44:17
singles, is when
44:19
they really just
44:21
appreciate the fact
44:23
that Max wants to share me.
44:26
He wants other people to experience
44:29
me. So that's
44:31
been so much fun.
44:34
Yeah. I feel like that's
44:36
a really special thing, especially because I have a
44:38
sense that I cannot always feel it if the
44:40
other person doing air quotes really means
44:42
it. But it's like that energy when
44:44
the partner really does have that compression and
44:47
you can sense that there's like, you
44:49
know, all the way joy happening, that's
44:51
really nice. I would
44:53
say that kind of plays into one
44:56
or two of the speed bumps that we've had
44:58
as well. Okay. Is
45:01
being able to fully accept
45:03
that, oh, he
45:05
really means it when he's saying that. Not,
45:09
oh, he thinks it's what I want to hear. You
45:12
know, things like that. And when
45:14
we first got into the lifestyle, I
45:17
have such a neurotic, overthinking
45:19
brain. So
45:22
very quirky, all of that, where
45:25
I knew that if I was not in
45:27
it 100%, that I would second
45:32
guess every decision that I made.
45:35
So luckily that was something that I
45:37
was able to recognize before we even
45:39
did it. And so
45:41
we went into it with that in mind.
45:44
Of course, then we had to figure out exactly what each
45:47
other's 100%. But
45:51
all of those speed bumps have
45:54
really just helped our relationship.
45:57
We've learned how to talk so openly
45:59
with. each other. And again, how to
46:02
really believe that what the person is
46:05
saying is not just what they're saying,
46:08
because they want you to hear it, it's
46:10
that they are on that same page with
46:12
you. So that's been a lot
46:14
of learning. Yeah, and it sounds like
46:16
it's really based off of years
46:19
and years of trust and then ongoing
46:21
communication. Like, one of the things that
46:23
I think is so beautiful about your
46:25
relationship is like, yes, you've been together
46:27
for two decades. But you're also
46:29
making an effort to get to know, like you said,
46:31
the current you, you know, not the you of a
46:33
long time ago. And that's something that I've read
46:36
about and seen happen where we use heuristics to make
46:38
the short cut. Like, oh, I already know you. And
46:40
we get un-curious about each other. And it sounds
46:42
like you are evolving together
46:45
in some really juicy ways.
46:47
Yes. I didn't ask you, what
46:50
was it like to realize that you were
46:52
not straight? Like, was that anything
46:54
for you as a pastor's kid or the
46:56
Oklahoma origin situation? Because you seem pretty chill
46:59
and like open about all the swapping,
47:01
then the threesomes and the ladies and everything. I
47:03
would say I am now. When
47:07
we first started with
47:09
the couple swaps and and the threesomes
47:11
with a woman, I just
47:14
knew that I wouldn't
47:16
know how I felt in the
47:18
moment, you know, before it
47:20
first happened. Yeah, we don't know till we
47:22
know. Yeah. So I
47:24
mean, I guess I was very honest
47:26
about that upfront, because I've
47:29
never been with a woman. So
47:31
I don't know how I'll react. I
47:34
think since then, I've
47:36
realized even more that it's
47:39
just its personalities that attract
47:41
me. So it could be a
47:43
woman, it could be a man. I'm definitely
47:46
still less confident
47:48
when it comes to women.
47:51
And my submissiveness
47:53
really comes into play with that
47:56
as well. I almost never
47:58
make the first move. with
48:00
a woman. I mean, I guess
48:02
I almost never make the first movement with a
48:05
man either without
48:07
submissiveness. But Max
48:09
has said this once he started doing
48:12
a few things with guys, was
48:15
that it wasn't a big thing. You
48:18
know, once he tried it, he was like, okay, the
48:21
world didn't turn upside down. It wasn't
48:24
a huge thing. So I
48:27
would definitely say my typical attraction
48:30
is still very much men, just
48:32
on a regular scale. I've never
48:34
dated a woman alone, or
48:37
been with a woman alone. I think it
48:39
would just have to be the right woman. Yeah, which
48:42
I just haven't experienced that
48:44
much. And honestly, it's
48:47
harder to find women than
48:49
all the single males who
48:51
are ready. I
48:53
relate to I'm like, it's like I
48:56
have to bat away dudes with
48:58
women I like have so much
49:00
aspiration and more social skills
49:02
to figure out, you know, and so I, so I make my
49:04
very much, you know, I do have
49:07
my slur to my girlfriends, and I'm getting better at
49:09
talking, but I really relate to a lot of what
49:11
you said. I would love to
49:13
hear a standout story from
49:15
any point of your sexual
49:18
evolution about a moment
49:20
where your desire was peaked, like
49:22
you were aroused or intrigued or something.
49:24
And you know, how did that anticipation hope live
49:26
in your body? What did it lead to? One
49:31
that actually really comes to
49:33
mind was last
49:35
night. Oh,
49:37
a freshman. It
49:41
is actually a couple that we've seen several
49:44
times before. But it
49:46
really set in last night for
49:48
all of us, that every
49:51
time we get together, it's better
49:54
and better and better. That's
49:56
so hard. Yeah. And they're,
49:58
they're very. open and they
50:00
like to be kind of slutty sluts
50:03
like we do. So
50:07
we realized that we went a couple
50:10
rounds, we went out and we had
50:12
dinner and then we came back and
50:14
chatting before the third round. We
50:17
realized that the
50:19
other man also has started
50:22
becoming open with playing with other
50:25
men. And
50:27
we hadn't brought it up
50:29
with Max yet that he
50:31
does, mostly because
50:33
it was still kind of a fairly new
50:36
thing the last time we had seen them.
50:38
And then there's still some
50:40
of that we're just not sure how other
50:43
people are going to react. So
50:46
then the third round, we were all
50:48
excited to throw that in there
50:50
as well. And I
50:52
know another part of that that Max
50:54
really enjoys is when
50:58
the other woman really wants to see
51:00
it, really
51:03
wants to see their guy with another
51:05
guy. And that's
51:07
something that I have always
51:09
wanted to see, but never
51:11
had any pressure towards Max to do
51:13
it. That was something that like took
51:16
him a little longer to
51:19
realize and to, I guess, just
51:21
really be interested in after
51:23
he realized just how sexy
51:26
all of the moments are, you know,
51:28
and how sexy it can be. Yes,
51:31
absolutely. Yeah, to where
51:33
now we often refer to it
51:35
as a buffet of body parts. Yeah,
51:40
because imagine if like you had to avoid part
51:42
of the buffet, you know, like, you're like, yeah,
51:44
you're not actually allergic. You just touch it. I
51:46
don't know. It's okay. Yeah.
51:51
So, and then again, I'm
51:53
getting there with women. It's a longer
51:55
process, I would say. Yeah,
51:57
getting to know yourself getting to know them. Yeah,
52:00
and it's confidence building, I think is part of it, at
52:02
least for me, you know, when something
52:04
is new and unfamiliar. Yeah, I mean,
52:06
I definitely remember even turning down sex
52:08
that I really wanted, even
52:10
with all the rejection I was getting, because I
52:12
didn't feel necessarily like, good enough, air quotes again,
52:15
to engage because I was like, I don't really know.
52:18
Here's a question for you, my submissive friend.
52:20
I imagine if I were, I feel like we
52:23
maybe have a similar, no, I'm projecting all my
52:25
submissive nazandis. Just to be honest
52:27
about it. So I, in a scenario, am
52:29
like, if I have a partner
52:32
already who I'm submissive to, I'm like, I put
52:34
myself at the bottom of the pile. I love
52:36
to be the most submissive person, like the least
52:38
important person in the pile. Like I'm the most
52:40
important by being the least important. That's kind of
52:42
like a meditation teaching on ego. I'm like, I'm
52:45
the worst, I'll serve you all. I imagine that
52:47
Max is like your ultimate authority
52:49
in a group situation. Do you also serve the others
52:51
or how do you kind of organize it in your
52:53
head, if at all? He's
52:55
my safe space for submissiveness,
52:58
but his dominance
53:01
is never a, you
53:04
do this to her, to him. It's
53:06
always a, hey, you guys could do
53:08
this. The way
53:10
that I think about it in my head,
53:12
of course, I'm still learning all the terms.
53:16
Yeah. Everything. But
53:18
maybe more of a pleasure,
53:22
dom sub relationship,
53:25
possibly even a little bit
53:27
of, I don't want to
53:29
say fully like baby
53:32
girl type thing, but kind
53:34
of more of a caring,
53:36
the narrative submissive, nurturing. Yeah, I
53:38
definitely pick that up from talking
53:41
to you. Yeah, definitely. And
53:43
with Max, it's always a, I want
53:45
to be a good girl. So
53:49
when they do suggest something, I
53:51
know it's because they
53:54
consider it's either going to be really pleasurable
53:56
for me or the other person or both.
53:59
So I always take. it as a yes
54:01
let's try it. I really really I'm
54:03
like I'm like you have an idea
54:05
I love ideas I usually feel like
54:08
I'm pushing my ideas on people I
54:10
will do your idea and then I'm
54:12
like alright calm down and just play
54:14
okay. I think for me that part
54:16
is a little bit opposite just because
54:18
of my I just
54:21
don't know what's possible out
54:23
there and that's another reason
54:25
why we've loved listening to
54:27
your podcast and hearing things
54:29
that people have tried and
54:32
wait oh my gosh something I
54:35
really might be into. So
54:39
relatable how did my bucket list get over
54:41
600 items long? Well
54:43
lots of muses.
54:46
Okay so could
54:49
you tell us a moment that you maybe
54:51
have experienced of and this
54:53
can be like just you and one other partner
54:55
or it could be a group thing you tell
54:57
us but I would love to hear a moment
54:59
that was a hot explicit or
55:01
clear in some way shape or form doesn't
55:03
have to be words explicit mutual yes that
55:06
led to something that was just such a turn
55:08
on or a great scenario. I
55:10
think a few of the
55:12
first times really that Max
55:14
played with a guy it's mostly
55:18
been in couple swaps there
55:20
have been a few times in like
55:22
a male-female male where
55:24
it's happened as well so
55:26
I remember one of the
55:28
first times in a male-female male when
55:31
he actually bottomed
55:34
for a little while and you
55:36
know he was bent over and I just
55:39
laid kind of right in front of him
55:41
and I was just kind of
55:43
stroking his arms and really
55:45
being there for him because it
55:48
took me a while to get used to that as
55:50
well and
55:52
it takes some training so I
55:54
really enjoyed that part and we
55:57
were all just like yes
55:59
let's try Let's try it all.
56:01
Let's try anything that anyone wants to.
56:06
I think another thing that comes to
56:08
mind with that is just kind of more of
56:10
a general, not a specific thing. But
56:13
we like to ask people what it
56:15
is that they desire
56:18
or their fantasies, things
56:20
like that. And then
56:22
we absolutely love fulfilling fantasies
56:25
and having first. You
56:28
know, oftentimes anybody
56:30
who's in that situation will say, oh my
56:32
gosh, this is a first for me. And
56:35
then Max and I just get so excited.
56:38
It is exciting. That is so exciting.
56:41
This seems like it could be a good
56:43
place to talk about act worship, what you
56:45
like. Yes. What do
56:47
you like about it? Like what directions giving
56:49
receiving? What do you do? What
56:52
is your worship of asses like? So
56:55
it has almost always been receiving.
56:59
Every once in a while, I'll worship
57:01
a woman's ass for a second. But
57:04
usually in those situations, there's at least
57:07
one other guy, if not two, and
57:09
they would
57:11
love to worship both of our asses.
57:13
Yes. Ooh, that's hot. That's
57:17
such a good thing. Yes.
57:20
And with that, sometimes
57:22
that's really our only
57:24
foreplay besides like a few other things.
57:27
But we've noticed that it
57:29
gets me so wet. Amazing.
57:32
Just being in that situation. Yeah. And
57:36
so then I'm ready to go. Is
57:40
it mostly like, like, do you also enjoy
57:42
receiving anal penetration or is it most of
57:44
like tongue-licking massaging? I'd probably
57:47
say what we kind of consider
57:49
more the ass worship is the
57:52
massaging, the making
57:55
it jiggle, a little bit of spanking
57:57
in there. I would say that's what
57:59
we kind of... kind of consider the
58:01
time of ask worship. Otherwise,
58:04
we just consider anal, but
58:06
yes. Okay. I do
58:08
love anal. I have noticed or
58:10
realized within, I don't know, maybe the
58:12
past couple days that I just need to ask
58:15
more for it or bring it
58:17
up. I'm getting better at asking
58:19
too. It's magic. It's so easy
58:22
when you just ask for it. Like you said,
58:24
like we want to fulfill fantasies. I like fulfilling
58:26
fantasies. I forget other people want to fulfill my
58:28
fantasies and I can just ask.
58:30
Yes. Yes. And that's
58:32
another thing where communication really
58:35
helps because oftentimes I'll
58:38
just say it like when we're kind
58:40
of in the middle of playing like,
58:42
Hey, do you want to fuck my
58:44
ass? And
58:47
a lot of the time at that
58:49
point, he's just loving my
58:51
pussy and love being in there, which
58:56
then I'm like, oh,
58:58
thank you. That's a great compliment. I'll take it. That
59:02
turns me on as well. So
59:04
actually just a day or two ago,
59:06
Max brought up, Hey, it
59:08
might be awesome if you mentioned
59:11
that ahead of time, so
59:14
that he did have that in his
59:17
mind and was ready for
59:19
that a little bit more. Yeah.
59:22
So constantly learning. I
59:25
mean, that's a good point, right? Preparation on both
59:27
sides. Sometimes I'm like, if you just let me
59:29
get ready, then I could see, you
59:31
know, like I'm like, give me more time, give me more of a
59:33
heads up. And I guess it does. Yeah, it goes both ways. In
59:36
terms of like bringing new people
59:38
into your partnership, group play stuff, what
59:40
do you need to feel safe and
59:42
secure health and safety wise? How do
59:44
those conversations unfold for you? We
59:47
have gotten much
59:49
better about, I
59:53
would say having that conversation
59:55
well ahead of time, very
59:58
recently, I think the because
1:00:01
we've brought in some
1:00:03
more single males that
1:00:06
I've met on OnlyFans
1:00:08
or different areas when
1:00:11
they really are able
1:00:13
to show their
1:00:15
personality and be open about
1:00:17
it and listen to our story, things
1:00:20
like that. It has to be something where
1:00:23
you keep me engaged in it. So
1:00:27
that's important. And now with that,
1:00:29
we've just gotten better about asking
1:00:33
very soon before, okay, testing,
1:00:36
when have you been tested last,
1:00:39
partners after that, just for everyone
1:00:41
to feel safe. I
1:00:43
mean, in the two years we have contracted
1:00:46
a few things, easy
1:00:49
things to get rid of luckily, but
1:00:52
in those situations we have learned
1:00:55
it's best to ask before. And
1:00:59
we have increased our testing because we
1:01:01
like to stay active. So we get
1:01:03
tested once a month. And
1:01:05
then we are very
1:01:07
open to condomless play as
1:01:11
long as it has been communicated
1:01:14
and asked before time.
1:01:17
And the testing lines up, things like
1:01:19
that. And then I would say like
1:01:21
with my submissiveness,
1:01:24
my comfort is
1:01:26
mostly max. So
1:01:29
we do both know that sometimes
1:01:31
I can get so submissive that
1:01:34
it's almost like I'm leaving my body.
1:01:37
And I'm not fully there to recognize
1:01:39
what all is going on. But
1:01:42
we've learned each other's boundaries so
1:01:44
well now that I
1:01:46
do almost feel like I can let go
1:01:49
a little bit more as long as he's
1:01:51
there with me. Wow,
1:01:53
no pressure max. But
1:01:56
I have heard that especially from couples
1:01:58
who are trust with each
1:02:00
other and have that dynamic and it sounds like
1:02:02
you guys do. And
1:02:05
now saying that I
1:02:07
have now played with males separately,
1:02:09
which also was something we never
1:02:11
thought we would do at the
1:02:13
beginning, but it's
1:02:15
pretty hot now. There are a few
1:02:18
times where Max will go see a
1:02:20
woman and I will have a male
1:02:22
over. Ooh. Yeah.
1:02:26
And then we talk about it afterwards and
1:02:28
we have the reclaiming, which
1:02:30
is so much fun. I can't
1:02:33
see that. Okay.
1:02:35
I was going to ask you about that. Oh, okay. Okay.
1:02:38
What do you need in a reclaiming or does it just free flow or like how
1:02:40
does it feel to you? I
1:02:42
would say it's very free flowing for
1:02:44
us. Oftentimes if
1:02:46
it's something during the experience
1:02:49
that one of us just
1:02:52
really realized that we liked. I
1:02:54
love the fact that I
1:02:56
can learn a few more things, you
1:02:58
know, in an experience and then Max
1:03:01
and I can perfect it together
1:03:04
and really experiment. And
1:03:06
yes, it is. Okay
1:03:11
on that note, what does nourishing connection
1:03:14
look like for you? It could be
1:03:16
elements or a moment that encapsulates it,
1:03:18
but I would just love to hear
1:03:20
about, you know, especially since nurturing is
1:03:22
such an important part of your connection.
1:03:25
What is nourishing connection? I
1:03:27
would say in that
1:03:30
area, I like to be a
1:03:32
little bit more of a giver
1:03:34
with the nurturing
1:03:37
and caring. I
1:03:39
love making sure that the
1:03:41
other person feels
1:03:44
these things that I feel from them, whether
1:03:46
it's really like they've, I
1:03:49
mean, it may not be that they've done
1:03:51
anything big to make me feel that way,
1:03:53
but I want to reciprocate that. And I
1:03:56
know that there are a lot of guys who've
1:03:59
experienced not great relationships. relationships where someone
1:04:01
was not very supportive
1:04:04
or you know things like that. So
1:04:08
I would say that's a little
1:04:10
bit more of my view
1:04:12
on it is that I
1:04:15
am wanting to provide that for
1:04:18
the others. I see. So
1:04:21
it's nourishing for you to nourish
1:04:23
others. Yes. I
1:04:26
really relate to that. What
1:04:28
about, okay let me give you a challenge question
1:04:30
because I think this is something that all of
1:04:32
us could perhaps allow more of, maybe not work
1:04:34
on. I don't want to create more work for
1:04:36
us. But you know what if
1:04:38
it is full receiving mode? What
1:04:40
does full receiving mode only nourishment
1:04:42
look like for Roxanne? You
1:04:46
know I think maybe the reason
1:04:48
that I haven't really
1:04:51
relaxed into that in the
1:04:53
new Roxanne is
1:04:56
that I feel like I needed so much
1:04:59
of that during my headache years. I
1:05:03
also feel like I wanted to
1:05:05
give that during those years. It
1:05:08
was very hard for me. I mean
1:05:10
I was always very
1:05:12
supportive of him but I
1:05:15
think it was harder on him
1:05:17
to just be there for
1:05:19
me all of the time not fully
1:05:23
understanding what I was going
1:05:25
through. But he was so
1:05:27
patient. It really did hit a time where
1:05:30
I feel like he understood so much more
1:05:32
of what I was going through. I
1:05:35
had all this compassion
1:05:37
and nurturing and nourishment that I
1:05:40
wanted to give during those years.
1:05:43
And so now I'm like yes let me give
1:05:45
it all. Yeah.
1:05:49
Everyone deserves it. I'm
1:05:51
imagining you as like a fountain or a sprinkler
1:05:53
of nourishment. Maybe a hose for Max and then
1:05:55
you get a sprinkler head and you're just. That
1:06:01
perfect. That
1:06:03
very well sums it up. Okay,
1:06:06
so tell us, like, what else
1:06:08
do we need to know about Roxanne
1:06:10
to have kind of a
1:06:12
foolish overview of your sexual self and
1:06:15
or what's on your bucket list? Okay,
1:06:18
I think I
1:06:20
do have one very specific
1:06:23
bucket list item that we've talked
1:06:25
about and I mean
1:06:27
scheduling with adults. Yeah, yeah, totally. It's
1:06:31
pretty difficult. We got to trust the divine
1:06:33
timing. We do. So
1:06:36
for me, I'm
1:06:38
really excited to have a
1:06:41
male male male female. Oh,
1:06:44
I'm excited for you. Yes. I love
1:06:46
that too. Yes. Yes. Tell
1:06:49
us more. What do you do? What are the
1:06:51
fantasies? Yeah, I'm very
1:06:54
much into that it would be
1:06:56
my guys. Like,
1:07:00
guys that we've had experiences
1:07:02
with before. I want
1:07:04
it to be more sensual. I
1:07:06
feel like that is more
1:07:09
my style in bed is
1:07:11
that sensuality and connection. So
1:07:14
I really want it to be something like
1:07:16
that. And Max is excited
1:07:19
about me being spoiled by
1:07:21
several guys. Yeah.
1:07:27
Another thing we've talked about
1:07:29
very recently and had planned
1:07:31
but scheduling again, got in
1:07:34
the way. Yeah. He
1:07:36
really wanted to take me on a Vegas
1:07:38
trip with my current
1:07:40
favorite bull. Yeah,
1:07:44
the three of us go on a Vegas
1:07:46
trip and he just wanted me to feel
1:07:48
so special walking in Vegas with a guy
1:07:50
on each arm. I
1:07:52
love that. Do
1:07:54
you like walk around outside like just in the general
1:07:56
population with a guy on each arm? Have you done
1:07:59
that yet? I haven't. I have not
1:08:01
done it yet. I would say
1:08:04
to a little bit
1:08:06
of a degree, just because
1:08:08
we always meet with people in
1:08:11
public first before
1:08:13
they come back to our place. We have a
1:08:16
specific restaurant that we usually always go
1:08:18
to because it's right down the street
1:08:21
walking distance. Yes, perfect.
1:08:23
I mean, we think the
1:08:26
staff might have an idea.
1:08:28
I definitely remember being a
1:08:30
bartender and we would have series
1:08:32
about people who would bring people
1:08:34
over. So I would be very
1:08:36
certain. I
1:08:41
think the helpful
1:08:43
thing for us is that we
1:08:45
are out here in California where
1:08:47
we don't have any family. I
1:08:50
don't see any of my work
1:08:52
people, few of the work people
1:08:54
that Max knows, do know,
1:08:56
or know a little
1:08:59
bit about it. The creative types, they
1:09:01
expect us to have all the partners
1:09:03
anyway. They do. Or
1:09:07
they're at least not surprised usually. So I
1:09:09
think that's just something that makes it even
1:09:11
a little bit more exciting
1:09:13
for us because it
1:09:16
isn't something that has really any
1:09:18
anxiety around it for us. And
1:09:21
I think to answer the first
1:09:24
thing that popped into my head on your
1:09:26
other question, and that was
1:09:28
just now that we've started
1:09:31
the OnlyFans and
1:09:33
different things where we're sharing,
1:09:35
that's something that I've realized
1:09:38
that I just love. I love sharing
1:09:40
my personality there. Cool. Yeah.
1:09:43
And little
1:09:45
cute things. I like to do
1:09:47
that because if you're
1:09:50
someone who doesn't like someone
1:09:52
who's quirky and a
1:09:54
little weird, but
1:09:57
also doesn't mind showing those
1:09:59
moments. which we usually
1:10:01
do keep those moments in videos that
1:10:03
we make. We want it all to
1:10:05
feel very real and
1:10:08
in the moment. So that's
1:10:10
something where I've developed such
1:10:12
a confidence that I've never had
1:10:14
in my life. That's awesome. I
1:10:16
was gonna actually ask
1:10:19
like what when was the moment where you're like
1:10:21
yes and only fans like what kind of
1:10:23
like got you to that point? I
1:10:26
was more ready
1:10:28
for it than Max was
1:10:30
when we first started. Really? You just
1:10:33
knew. You were like I think this
1:10:35
is gonna be my vibe. Oh that's
1:10:37
hot. I love that. It was something
1:10:40
also that a long time
1:10:42
ago before any even inkling
1:10:44
of what we would be doing now, every
1:10:47
once in a while we wanted to maybe do
1:10:50
a little video so
1:10:52
we could see what it was about. But every
1:10:54
time we did
1:10:57
during that time I was
1:10:59
just like oh but look at that.
1:11:02
I look gross here and
1:11:04
it kind of turned
1:11:06
into just he didn't want to do
1:11:08
it anymore because I never
1:11:11
felt confident about it. So
1:11:14
during those times even almost just regular
1:11:16
pictures of me out and about I'd
1:11:19
be like no we don't need a
1:11:21
picture of just me with this or
1:11:23
things like that. So then
1:11:26
once I started
1:11:28
realizing that other guys
1:11:31
do find me attractive. Yeah
1:11:34
they do.
1:11:37
Something I really never
1:11:39
knew. Really? Yeah
1:11:42
I did have that for so much of my
1:11:44
life. And then
1:11:47
I started realizing you know
1:11:49
I got the compliments. I
1:11:51
got the guys who were
1:11:53
ready to go. Wanted to
1:11:55
meet up so bad and
1:11:58
that also gave me the confidence. for us
1:12:00
to start taking the
1:12:02
pictures and doing the videos.
1:12:06
And it took on pretty
1:12:08
quickly that I started really enjoying
1:12:10
it. And those were the
1:12:12
times when I was like, oh my
1:12:14
gosh, I have this newfound confidence. I'm
1:12:17
still also this person
1:12:19
who did like a 180 with
1:12:22
my personality and just my life
1:12:24
in general. It's
1:12:26
completely different. So
1:12:28
with that, I've gotten a lot
1:12:31
more comfortable. And then I think
1:12:33
another thing that really had me
1:12:35
wanting to start in OnlyFans was
1:12:38
kind of the swinging and the
1:12:40
group play aspect of
1:12:42
our situation. Because it is
1:12:45
still fairly taboo, I would
1:12:47
say, we're being
1:12:49
the change, we wanna see, we're
1:12:51
doing it. Yes, yes, so much.
1:12:54
I love sharing that. And I love
1:12:57
sharing that it can
1:12:59
really work in a marriage as
1:13:02
long as you're both willing to put the
1:13:04
work into it and be fully
1:13:06
honest with each other. And again,
1:13:09
I love just sharing our
1:13:11
relationship because we are so connected
1:13:14
and feel incredibly lucky about
1:13:16
that. Got
1:13:18
it, awesome. Okay,
1:13:21
so, I mean, you're the perfect person to
1:13:23
ask because you have this background of love
1:13:25
and connection. What do you
1:13:27
think we need to make the world
1:13:30
a more connected, loving, sexy place? We
1:13:34
don't have to call this a night, but I wanna hear you. Yeah.
1:13:39
I guess I do feel like, of
1:13:41
course, we're getting closer and closer. And
1:13:44
some of that we've seen
1:13:46
mostly with the male-male contact.
1:13:50
There are quite a few guys and
1:13:53
couples that never
1:13:55
express wanting to experiment
1:13:58
or... anything
1:14:00
like that. But then once Max
1:14:02
kind of started talking about the things
1:14:04
that he's done so far, the
1:14:07
guys are being
1:14:09
more willing to try it out. And
1:14:12
I think another thing with us is we're
1:14:15
very non-threatening.
1:14:18
We are very flexible.
1:14:21
We never have any
1:14:23
expectations for an experience
1:14:26
to where people do,
1:14:28
luckily, feel really comfortable
1:14:30
with us and open up to
1:14:33
us fairly quickly. We've
1:14:35
been a lot of couples first. So,
1:14:39
yeah. Shepherds!
1:14:42
That's beautiful. Yeah, and
1:14:44
I love sharing that. And we can tell
1:14:46
pretty quickly if there's a
1:14:49
couple where maybe one of them is more into
1:14:52
it, the other one's more hesitant.
1:14:55
What do you do? We've called off a
1:14:57
few like, okay, you know,
1:14:59
and maybe we can have
1:15:02
another coffee date or whatnot to
1:15:04
see where they are. But then
1:15:06
there are other times where we're
1:15:08
just like, okay, that's it. They're
1:15:10
not totally ready for
1:15:12
this yet. And we've
1:15:14
voiced that a few times, the
1:15:17
couple. But I think probably
1:15:20
some of the openness around it,
1:15:22
not feeling the shame, would
1:15:25
be great if in more sexual
1:15:28
or group experiences,
1:15:31
if it isn't so much as
1:15:35
you're going to be a body here. You
1:15:38
know, we've had several bulls who
1:15:41
were very surprised with
1:15:44
us. We've heard stories where
1:15:46
bulls oftentimes are just brought
1:15:48
in and they're expected
1:15:50
to get hard when they're
1:15:53
told to get hard. They're expected.
1:15:55
Really? Are they
1:15:57
getting hired on set? No, this is just for fun.
1:16:00
What? Yes. Just for fun. Yes.
1:16:03
Very interesting. Like without a specific, like it's one
1:16:06
thing if that's your kink, that's your dynamic, you
1:16:08
set it up that way. But for that to
1:16:10
be the baseline expect... So wait, so am I
1:16:12
understanding correctly the part that's
1:16:14
unique about you and Max are that
1:16:16
you're creating a personal connection with the
1:16:19
bull? Yes. We
1:16:21
want him to feel comfortable. Yeah. We
1:16:23
don't have any expectations. There's
1:16:25
still very much that stigma
1:16:27
with a guy if he
1:16:30
isn't able to get hard or he's
1:16:33
just nervous in the situation and
1:16:35
doesn't perform the way he wished
1:16:37
he had. And so
1:16:39
I love telling them like, no,
1:16:42
the other things that you
1:16:44
did. Yeah. I mean, I was coming the entire
1:16:47
time. And
1:16:50
then we've had some guys who after
1:16:53
that they were very appreciative
1:16:55
of, you know,
1:16:57
my understanding about that because I know
1:17:00
if I had to try to make
1:17:02
sure my body did something specific,
1:17:05
it could be a train wreck. For sure.
1:17:07
For sure. Okay. So on that note, what I was
1:17:09
going to say is as a fellow cock worshipper,
1:17:11
do you not also like
1:17:14
a soft cock? I love playing with
1:17:16
a soft cock and like, and without
1:17:18
expectation, but it's like when I do
1:17:20
that and really am just playful, sometimes
1:17:22
it gets hard unless the
1:17:24
person is like in their head focusing
1:17:27
about, you know, hardness. Yeah,
1:17:29
I think that comes to be the
1:17:31
issue a lot of the time is
1:17:34
they won't let themselves get out of
1:17:36
their head. But yes,
1:17:38
I love just playing with it
1:17:41
all. I love having a
1:17:44
soft one and that I can
1:17:47
just, and honestly, that's
1:17:49
when they do get a little
1:17:51
bit more submissive and
1:17:53
actually let me do my work.
1:17:55
Yeah. Let me do my work.
1:17:57
Yeah. Also. I
1:18:00
think I'm also fascinated because I'm like I don't
1:18:02
have anything on my body that is like soft
1:18:05
and been hard like that and so I
1:18:08
think for me just the fluctuation like there's
1:18:10
something very interesting about that. It
1:18:12
is yeah and I guess
1:18:15
for a while Max expressed
1:18:18
that he would love to
1:18:20
be able to see me come you
1:18:22
know because women can see men come.
1:18:25
Men can't as much
1:18:28
see that so I think
1:18:30
another thing that's helped me kind
1:18:32
of relax into it and something
1:18:35
that has developed over this time
1:18:37
when we've been really
1:18:39
into sex was I've
1:18:41
become a creamer. Yes.
1:18:46
You become? Yes.
1:18:48
I don't think I had ever
1:18:50
creamed before. I mean I would
1:18:52
get pretty wet. Yeah. But I
1:18:54
have become a creamer and I
1:18:56
think it's almost even
1:18:59
more for me than
1:19:01
him because I
1:19:03
know that I'm being a
1:19:05
good girl. I mean doing that.
1:19:07
Yes. I love that. And about
1:19:09
the soft cock thing I still
1:19:12
kind of hang my hat on
1:19:14
it that once I
1:19:16
was able to get Max to come with
1:19:18
a soft cock. Yeah.
1:19:23
I love that. Where were you stimulating?
1:19:26
Well I was kind of blowing him.
1:19:28
Okay. That's amazing. You know ball
1:19:30
play a little bit and
1:19:33
I mean of course he
1:19:35
did get a little bit harder but during
1:19:37
that time it kind of
1:19:40
surprised him like it built up really
1:19:42
quick all of a sudden. Yeah.
1:19:45
And it was a little bit more surprising
1:19:47
which I loved. Yeah.
1:19:50
No it's so fun. I mean I love
1:19:52
the grooves that I have and I love those
1:19:54
surprise moments where we discover stuff that we weren't
1:19:56
even looking for. I think that's just my favorite.
1:19:58
Okay. Is there anything else? you must share
1:20:00
with us before I ask you the
1:20:02
wrap up question. I guess some
1:20:05
of the learning
1:20:07
about those desires
1:20:09
are things that we
1:20:11
didn't think we would be into, but
1:20:13
now we are. Even has
1:20:15
to do with the only fans
1:20:18
that I have now. Specifically,
1:20:20
like the butt plugs with
1:20:22
tails. Yes, oh, yes,
1:20:24
yes. So
1:20:28
I once had a subscriber, and I
1:20:30
had posted butt plug stuff before,
1:20:33
and he asked me if
1:20:35
I would ever do
1:20:39
a butt plug with a tail. And
1:20:41
he would get it for me. So he
1:20:43
got me, yeah. So hot. That
1:20:45
turns me on next level because it's like the layers
1:20:47
of it. Or it's like eating food someone gave you,
1:20:49
reading a book someone gave you. OK, I love that.
1:20:51
What kind was it? I think it
1:20:53
was kind of purple and white. So it kind of
1:20:55
went off my hair. Love
1:20:58
that. So the purple and white tail,
1:21:00
it also had a purple collar with
1:21:02
a heart right there and some
1:21:05
fuzzy ears. Yes. Yeah,
1:21:09
I took videos, and Max
1:21:11
helped me get a video
1:21:13
of him putting it in and other
1:21:16
videos and pictures of me in the
1:21:18
full garb. I think that's also the
1:21:20
guy who eventually bought a pair of
1:21:23
my panties. Amazing.
1:21:26
Ooh, you sell panties as
1:21:28
well. Ooh. I do.
1:21:30
I've only sold one pair so far.
1:21:33
That's great. But I'm very
1:21:35
open to it. I love
1:21:37
writing, well, I guess only the one
1:21:40
time, but I love
1:21:42
writing the little notes to them,
1:21:44
personalized notes. And afterwards,
1:21:47
we even went out and got cute
1:21:50
pineapple stickers and
1:21:52
cute stickers and things that I
1:21:54
could do to have
1:21:56
that personal touch. But getting
1:21:58
back to the tail. thing. After
1:22:02
Max took the videos and
1:22:04
the pictures, then we
1:22:07
were both excited and wanted to have
1:22:09
a session, just the two of us.
1:22:11
So I took off the ears. And
1:22:15
I think at that point, we decided
1:22:17
to keep the collar on. And then I
1:22:19
told Max that he could take the butt
1:22:22
plug out because we had
1:22:24
always said, like, oh, Tails, I don't
1:22:26
know. But when the subscriber
1:22:28
asked me, I said, Oh, I'd love
1:22:30
to do that for you. So
1:22:33
I told Max to take it out. And then
1:22:35
he said, I think I might just
1:22:37
leave it in. And
1:22:40
so that ended up being something where
1:22:43
we both realize, Hey, now
1:22:45
I can kind of see why it
1:22:47
is sexy for people. I had
1:22:49
the same okay, I had the exact same experience with
1:22:51
my first like tail situation. Mine was more of a
1:22:54
kitty and mine was a solo masturbation. But it was
1:22:56
like, what was did you identify as an animal or
1:22:58
were you just like purple creature? I
1:23:01
think I just identified
1:23:04
as this is
1:23:06
something that this guy
1:23:08
really wants. Got this. Yeah, yeah. So I want to
1:23:10
give it to him. Yeah, no, I
1:23:13
thought but it was so interesting because I too had
1:23:15
the like, oh, well, like, what if I get wet
1:23:17
and the tail gets gross? And I don't know. I
1:23:19
don't know. But then I don't know. I
1:23:21
felt so cute with it. And when I was coming,
1:23:23
I was like, Oh, this is fun. And you know,
1:23:25
and I always love wearing a plug if other stuff is
1:23:27
happening. But I was like, same
1:23:30
experience. Totally. Yes.
1:23:32
Yeah, I was so surprised too.
1:23:34
But again, yeah, I just felt so
1:23:37
cute. dress up. I
1:23:40
love lingerie. I
1:23:43
also before male, female, male,
1:23:46
often I will ask the guests, if
1:23:49
there's anything specific he would like me
1:23:51
to wear. And I can
1:23:55
send you pictures of stuff. Or you
1:23:57
can tell me your favorite color or Do
1:24:00
you like fishnets and a skirt? Lucky them.
1:24:04
You're a generous lover. I
1:24:06
love that. And
1:24:09
I love to be. Yeah. Well, and
1:24:11
that's why it's important to filter so
1:24:13
that you are inviting generous lovers into your
1:24:15
life, right? Because it is so fun to give those
1:24:17
to them. Yes. It is. And
1:24:20
for them to really appreciate it,
1:24:23
I guess. Yeah. Okay. So, imagine
1:24:25
you went to a full spectrum creative
1:24:27
resort. I made up that phrase. But
1:24:29
imagine like a high-end arts camp that
1:24:31
includes wellness and erotic arts. What
1:24:34
would you want to learn? Like, this is a
1:24:36
place where you can try anything, do anything, have
1:24:38
all the toys, it's all safe, there's professionals there,
1:24:41
this doesn't exist yet. But like,
1:24:43
what would you want to learn at this magical space
1:24:45
full of sexy people? Or
1:24:47
experience? But I feel like all experiences are learned.
1:24:50
Again, for me, it's harder
1:24:52
to think of things that
1:24:54
I would want to learn
1:24:56
specifically about. It's more of I
1:24:59
want to learn what's available,
1:25:02
what kind of things are out there.
1:25:05
Because I feel very confident in the
1:25:07
bedroom, but I still feel like
1:25:10
there's so much I don't know. I don't
1:25:12
know what the possibilities are. That's so
1:25:14
true. I'm going to make a fake
1:25:16
brochure and then re-ask this question. That
1:25:19
was the first time testing out that new question. I
1:25:21
can't help it. I get curious. I
1:25:23
guess that's the thing is I would love
1:25:25
to see the brochure and see what is
1:25:27
available. I know. I'm
1:25:29
like, I just need to make a fake story and then
1:25:31
it'll become true. Okay. So
1:25:35
if you had to be a sex
1:25:38
worker for two years, not an OnlyFans
1:25:40
creator, something different. Like in a
1:25:42
world where we all have to serve as sex
1:25:44
workers to serve our country for at least two
1:25:47
years, what sex work job
1:25:49
would you do? I think
1:25:51
I have a mixture. There are
1:25:53
two that I would like to
1:25:55
be involved with. One of
1:25:57
them, I believe, still comes with me. with
1:26:00
that nurturing thing. I
1:26:03
think I would enjoy the girlfriend
1:26:05
experience. Yeah. Giving
1:26:07
that attention, of course,
1:26:10
with the knowledge that I
1:26:12
do have a husband, I do have
1:26:14
a full-time job, so I may
1:26:17
not be able to be there always, but
1:26:19
I will be there for you. For
1:26:22
the number of hours that they purchase
1:26:24
you for. Exactly.
1:26:27
Very hot. And just helping
1:26:29
them feel that there are
1:26:32
women who want the best for everyone.
1:26:35
Or there are men who want the
1:26:37
best for everyone. And that
1:26:39
is very much my
1:26:42
view on life, because I
1:26:45
had that from Max, but wasn't
1:26:47
really able to give
1:26:49
that back or really
1:26:52
experience giving it
1:26:54
to other people, other people, or
1:26:57
really experience it myself, because
1:26:59
I was so
1:27:01
disconnected from daily life.
1:27:04
And that's a long time to be so
1:27:06
out of balance for what is a human
1:27:09
need and norm for that. Yeah,
1:27:12
and I do feel
1:27:14
like that has just helped me
1:27:17
though, be able to really succumb
1:27:19
to it and experience it
1:27:21
all, actually feel it all
1:27:23
and take it all in. And
1:27:26
then the other type of, I don't
1:27:28
know, some sort of sex work that I would like to
1:27:31
do, would be possibly
1:27:33
being kind of an,
1:27:37
not educator, but a
1:27:39
helper for
1:27:41
people wanting to get into the
1:27:43
lifestyle. I'm very passionate about it,
1:27:45
because I feel like we had
1:27:47
a very good entry into
1:27:52
the lifestyle. We used to say,
1:27:55
we've been really lucky with our
1:27:57
experiences. Now we know.
1:28:00
that there is a degree of that
1:28:02
and that we get
1:28:04
those feelings about people. Like I can
1:28:06
kind of tell pretty
1:28:08
soon into messaging
1:28:11
if I feel like they would be a
1:28:13
good match or that they're ready
1:28:16
for this or I mean
1:28:18
of course there are the guys who
1:28:20
would love to just have me
1:28:22
and less yeah
1:28:25
less that respect and
1:28:28
appreciation of Max sharing
1:28:30
me which is something that
1:28:32
we really we really
1:28:34
enjoy when the man is
1:28:37
very appreciative and just
1:28:39
enjoys it so we and
1:28:42
we have heard of some horror
1:28:44
stories of people
1:28:46
with their first experiences and
1:28:49
it's really nice to share
1:28:52
our outlook on
1:28:54
it and how we approach it. I
1:28:58
feel like a lot of people are
1:29:00
the same way but they don't realize
1:29:02
it. They don't realize that's why
1:29:04
they want to do it and
1:29:07
that because that's why they want to do
1:29:09
it they should look out for
1:29:11
people who have the same outlook
1:29:13
on it instead of people
1:29:16
who are just you
1:29:18
know I'll be that piece
1:29:20
of me who comes in or you
1:29:23
know things like that even with
1:29:25
couples too so we've experienced
1:29:27
that if one person
1:29:30
isn't as into it
1:29:32
or as ready you have to be
1:29:34
patient and you have to take it
1:29:36
at your own pace. So
1:29:39
sharing those kinds of insights that
1:29:41
we've discovered I think
1:29:44
would just be fabulous and I guess
1:29:46
that ties into your question about making
1:29:48
the world a little bit more open
1:29:50
and less stigmatized with
1:29:52
things like E&M. Yeah absolutely
1:29:56
I think it's so important to you know being a
1:29:58
guide for others and it sounds like a already
1:30:00
you're doing that job but for free. We
1:30:02
are. Very nice of you. You know and
1:30:04
and also it's like that's what
1:30:06
we do with our passions, right? We follow them and
1:30:08
we do that and it's so beautiful I think to
1:30:10
share learnings in that way and to really just do
1:30:13
our part to spread those ripples of love. Okay
1:30:16
so lastly, you now have
1:30:18
an unlimited budget to build your perfect
1:30:21
creation space playroom dungeon mansion,
1:30:23
palace, castle, hotel, etc. What
1:30:26
is it like? Oh
1:30:28
I would love to have
1:30:32
basically a wall of
1:30:34
toys or display like toys
1:30:37
on display where you
1:30:39
can glance over and see oh
1:30:41
wait that's something I can play
1:30:44
with right now? Let's experience that.
1:30:46
I would also love
1:30:49
to have basically like
1:30:51
a wardrobe with all of my
1:30:53
lingerie, all of my little outfits.
1:30:55
I have a little a little
1:30:57
section in my closet right now but it's
1:30:59
like sexy being in the closet. Yeah yeah
1:31:02
yeah it's harder to get to too. It
1:31:05
is. So I
1:31:07
fantasized about that a little bit. There
1:31:09
are also still just
1:31:11
so many things we haven't tried
1:31:13
so I'd love to
1:31:15
experience a sex chair. I think
1:31:18
I would love to experience
1:31:20
more bondage, blindfolding,
1:31:23
things like that when
1:31:25
I'm really in that submissive
1:31:28
zone. Usually I barely
1:31:30
ever open my eyes. Yeah
1:31:33
I'm like I'm doing
1:31:36
everything until I'm coming and then I'm
1:31:39
like somebody opened my eyes for me because they
1:31:41
get stuck. I think I'm getting a little
1:31:47
bit better with that now
1:31:49
but I've always had well since
1:31:52
the migraine ears and taking all
1:31:54
of the crazy medications that I
1:31:56
took I have noticed I
1:31:59
mean I'm I'm sure some of them were
1:32:01
the different antipsychotics that I had to
1:32:03
try. But I
1:32:05
have found that I believe I
1:32:08
have some facial tics, things like
1:32:10
that, that sometimes surface. And
1:32:13
at first in sexual situations, I was
1:32:15
very self-conscious of that. That
1:32:19
was kind of why I liked the
1:32:21
idea of being blindfolded. Because then
1:32:23
it was like, they won't see as much
1:32:26
and I can get out of my
1:32:28
head a little bit about it. I
1:32:30
feel safe and cozy. I also imagine
1:32:32
if you're coming so much, that's an
1:32:34
immense amount of stimulation. And so for
1:32:36
me, closing my eyes or plugging my
1:32:39
ears, I'm one of those people that now wears
1:32:41
little earplugs if I'm in a loud spot. Because
1:32:44
it is so much, especially for a sensitive
1:32:46
creature. It
1:32:48
really is. But then I guess
1:32:51
now, I've kind of
1:32:53
morphed into that I
1:32:55
like it for the submission part.
1:32:57
And then being blindfolded instead of
1:32:59
me just squeezing my
1:33:02
eyes shut, it's actually taken away
1:33:04
from me. That vision. So then
1:33:07
I experience, I mean, I
1:33:09
don't need that much help experiencing all the
1:33:12
other stuff. But it is
1:33:14
even a little bit more intense.
1:33:16
And taking away that control. Yeah,
1:33:19
haven't done much bondage
1:33:21
yet. I mean, mostly because of
1:33:24
just the way our bedroom is. Also,
1:33:27
you've only been exploring a few years. Like I
1:33:29
mean, come on, you know, and yeah, space is
1:33:31
a real thing. Although they have those under the
1:33:33
bed straps. That's what that was my first like
1:33:35
thing with my former Dom is like a little
1:33:38
thing that X's you can strap
1:33:40
yourself in. I think that's gonna be
1:33:42
one of our next things
1:33:44
to purchase. So definitely
1:33:46
some of that with bondage because
1:33:49
now I think I consider it
1:33:51
even more sexy instead of just
1:33:54
me trying to hide. Oh,
1:33:58
I totally relate to that. So
1:34:00
definitely some of that and I
1:34:03
mean it has to have a big bed
1:34:09
Right Maybe
1:34:12
a super bed like four beds pushed together or
1:34:14
something Yeah,
1:34:20
we would definitely love that That
1:34:22
makes me want to have a big pillow fight. Have you ever
1:34:24
had a pillow fight in your swinging? Situation
1:34:26
oh We want it like I'm I'm
1:34:28
the person if I go to hotel rooms and there's
1:34:30
two beds I will bounce the wrong like if the ceilings
1:34:32
are high enough, you know, like I'm
1:34:38
the person who would love to do that, but
1:34:40
I'm also the person who will end up flying
1:34:42
off the bed Very
1:34:48
safe bounces. Yes. Oh I
1:34:53
just realized of another bucket list That
1:34:56
we we just discovered last
1:34:59
night with the couple another
1:35:01
fresh one. Yeah, go for it Yeah, there's
1:35:04
that couple that we feel very open with
1:35:06
and we just it keeps getting better and
1:35:08
better There's another couple
1:35:10
who's very similar where both
1:35:12
of those women are like
1:35:15
me that they want to give
1:35:17
and Be used
1:35:19
by men like we want to
1:35:22
be that pleasure that they experience
1:35:24
and All of us
1:35:26
have a few single males to that
1:35:28
we play with so
1:35:31
This new fantasy is all three
1:35:33
of us couples getting together and
1:35:35
each couple bringing a bull
1:35:39
Yeah, three couples in a bull sounds like a story.
1:35:41
I definitely would read It's
1:35:50
a fantasy that we really want to make
1:35:52
come true One
1:35:55
of those that is a very
1:35:57
realistic fantasy one schedules are figures
1:36:00
I was gonna say it sounds like
1:36:02
you have to pee-soothe now you just
1:36:04
need to schedule a grown-up schedule. Exactly.
1:36:06
Exactly. That is hot, especially if you
1:36:08
like know people who have people. That
1:36:10
is amazing. Yeah. Well, I
1:36:12
look forward to hearing your future update on
1:36:14
that one. Yes, definitely.
1:36:18
Lovers, you can find Roxanne
1:36:21
on X at Roxanne
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the OnlyFans, onlyfans.com/Roxanne and Max underscore Swingers.
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There are links all down below. And
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then there's another one, Swinging, Max and
1:36:32
Rox. Go check them out. You are
1:36:35
amazing. Roxanne, thank you so much for being here. Oh,
1:36:37
thank you. Sex stories. Oops, ex stories.
1:36:39
Oops. Roxanne, well, that's okay.
1:36:41
We're in progress. Time to
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1:36:45
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1:37:00
safe, fun outlet for your toddler's energy. And
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