0:00

Kakos Industries is ad-free. To help

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keep it that way, consider heading

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to kakosindustries.com/Patreon and considering a pledge

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of a dollar or more a

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month. What

0:13

you are about to hear is

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made from 17 secret spices and

0:17

audio plugins. Hello

0:36

and welcome to the Kakos Industries

0:38

Corporate Shareholder Announcements. My name

0:40

is Corin Deeth III, and I am CEO.

0:43

At Kakos Industries, we help our clients to

0:45

do evil better. Let's begin.

0:48

Last time, shareholders, we talked a bit

0:50

about the board here at Kakos Industries

0:53

and how shadowy they can seem, even

0:55

to me, someone who works quite closely

0:57

with them. It

1:00

seems that there are some layers to the

1:02

ranks of Evil that I wasn't aware of.

1:06

You would assume that I would be close

1:08

to the top, and in many ways, I

1:10

am. Closer than almost anyone. In

1:12

other ways, there are quite a few things that

1:14

I don't know. Certainly, we

1:16

live in a world where the powerful

1:18

in business are the powerful in life,

1:21

but it seems that there are other,

1:23

older forms of power that linger even

1:26

in our society. But

1:28

I'll get into that more in a minute. This

1:33

broadcast is coming to you today from

1:35

a box with science in it. Now,

1:38

you might expect pretty easily that

1:40

a box with science in it

1:43

is capable of picking up radio

1:45

transmissions. It makes sense to

1:47

you intuitively that a box with

1:49

science in it could pick up

1:51

a variety of signals, likely using

1:54

technological components. Where

1:56

you might run into issues is when you begin

1:58

to ask the question, what is science? What sort

2:00

of science is in the box? Is

2:02

it some kind of radio science? And

2:05

the simple answer is that you cannot

2:07

ask these questions. I

2:09

am so sorry shareholders, but I have

2:11

to insist that you let those questions

2:14

go. You are not to

2:16

open the box. You are not to

2:18

think about the contents of the box. You

2:20

are not to shake it around to see

2:22

what you might be able to determine from

2:25

the sounds of things shifting around inside. Let

2:28

the box be full of science.

2:31

Let it pick up radio transmissions. Let

2:33

it bring you my sweet, sonorous voice.

2:36

Do not worry your pretty little head

2:39

about the details inside. Because

2:43

it's dangerous. I should have probably led

2:45

with that. It's really, really

2:47

dangerous to think about what's in the box,

2:49

because what's in the box is

2:52

super dangerous. Basically

2:54

we had a thing, we'll call

2:57

it a thing, and we needed to get

2:59

that thing away from all of the other

3:01

similar things, and we thought hey, brainwave, if

3:03

we may get the radio, then it'll be

3:05

far away from all of the other things

3:08

when it's in the homes, vehicles, and places

3:10

of business of all of our shareholders. And

3:12

then seemingly without doing any work at all,

3:15

the thing became capable of

3:17

receiving broadcasts and hey, that

3:19

saves us a bunch of money on R&D. I

3:22

am told that this box of science came

3:25

to us as a collaboration. It

3:27

would be great if I could tell you

3:29

what kind of collaboration, but

3:31

I sure can't. I can't

3:33

tell you which divisions worked on it, and

3:35

I can't tell you what partners of ours

3:37

helped out. It's better for

3:39

you not to think about it. Of

3:42

course, the danger will wear off shortly after

3:44

the broadcast is over, but

3:47

I must insist that you leave the box sealed

3:49

up, or the danger will quickly

3:51

return. You'll need to

3:53

just put it outside and let us collect

3:55

it. Don't get curious. I

3:58

mean it. You have no idea. idea

4:00

how fucked you are if you even get

4:02

a little bit curious. I

4:05

should also mention that these announcements are

4:07

for Kakos Industries shareholders only. If you

4:09

aren't a shareholder, then let's be real,

4:12

you already opened the box and you

4:14

are already dead. You don't

4:16

make it this long being a Kakos Industries

4:18

shareholder if you let your curiosity get the

4:20

best of you. It's

4:23

called Natural Selection. We

4:28

recently had the Pajama Festival, the

4:30

Festival of Brightly Colored Hats, and

4:33

the Festival of Toast. All

4:35

in one festival. You showed

4:37

up in your finest pajamas, many of

4:39

you were lacking brightly colored hats. Apparently

4:43

you don't keep those on hand, that's fine,

4:45

we had some to share. Then

4:47

we made you gourmet toast, some

4:49

of it bordering on being bruschetta,

4:51

with the toppings we had available.

4:54

Then we brought down the projector screen in

4:56

the basement ballroom and started to play some

4:58

cartoons from Dark Mega Japan. Some

5:01

of these originally aired in the 1980s,

5:03

but had only just recently been translated

5:05

into English. I

5:08

am told that the reason they

5:10

took so long to translate was

5:12

the process of translation actually created

5:14

mind viruses in the people doing

5:16

the translation. Something about

5:18

converting the words and sentences from

5:20

one language to another made some

5:23

nasty mind bugs that left the

5:25

amateur translators in various states of

5:27

mental ruin. Our

5:29

translators here at Kakos Industries were far

5:32

better at protecting themselves and they were

5:34

able to complete the task. The

5:37

name of the program, the animated

5:39

program that everyone watched, was

5:41

Summers Out. I

5:44

feel like there might have been a better localization

5:46

there. We

5:51

also had the CEO Festival of the

5:53

Dance. I can't really say why this

5:55

festival continues to happen the way it

5:57

does. We evaluate our all

6:00

of our festivals based on their popularity

6:02

and the fervor with which all of

6:05

you participate. And this

6:07

is one festival that, try as I might, I

6:10

cannot take off the calendar because of those

6:12

metrics. You show up in

6:14

leg warmers and tights and all

6:16

kinds of neon garments, and you

6:18

put together incredibly intricate routines, making

6:20

fun of me personally. You imitate

6:23

my mannerisms and make them into

6:25

dances, you use samples of my

6:27

voice in your performances, you spell

6:29

out insults with the gyrations of

6:31

your bodies, and you risk being

6:33

sent to the Megathrills theme park in

6:36

Christhole, Texas if you come in

6:38

fourth place. You

6:40

know the risks, you know how lame the

6:42

rewards are, and yet you

6:44

cannot resist the urge to take this opportunity

6:46

to dance at my expense. Anyway,

6:51

Garrison Smeebele won this year with a routine

6:53

that involved a lot of waving his hands

6:55

in front of his face and

6:57

changing his facial expressions. Jennifer

7:00

Stell-Hwick took fourth place

7:03

with a routine that was five straight

7:05

minutes of cartwheeling.

7:07

You won't be able to

7:10

cartwheel your way out of the unfinished

7:12

theme park ride you'll be testing. Not

7:15

after the harness is secured. I

7:17

hope it was worth it. Coming

7:19

up we have the Festivals

7:22

of Somnambulation, Fertility, and Barbecue.

7:25

We never combine the first two for obvious

7:27

reasons, but the latter two we tend

7:29

to combine almost by accident every year.

7:31

I am told that

7:34

the theme for this year's festival of

7:36

Somnambulation will be moonwalking. That

7:39

sounds fun. The Festival of

7:41

Fertility will cater to all of you

7:43

hoping to conceive only the most evil

7:45

of children by giving you the opportunity

7:47

to welcome into yourself the

7:49

finest evil genetics made here at

7:52

Kakos Industries. In

7:54

a lab, not in employee bodies, just

7:56

to be clear. I do not

7:58

know yet how we will be administering these

8:00

genetics, but I'm told that whatever

8:02

we use will be barbecued afterward

8:05

for the enjoyment of all. Shareholders,

8:10

at the top of the broadcast, I

8:12

was talking about how there are seemingly

8:15

older power structures in evil that persist.

8:18

Well, I found a

8:20

relevant recording. Hey

8:23

Corin, it's your grandfather Corin. Anyway,

8:26

I wanted to drop you a message

8:28

about some stuff you should really just

8:30

avoid entirely. You already know about the

8:32

other evil companies, primarily the one run

8:35

by that woman. And you

8:37

know about some other evil organizations

8:39

of one flavor or another that

8:41

we're competing against, but there's other

8:43

stuff, more nebulous stuff. Obviously

8:46

evil is as old as humanity,

8:48

probably even older. Kakos

8:50

isn't that old. Don't ask me about

8:52

the history of the company or anything like

8:54

that because I have no idea, but

8:56

I'm pretty sure it doesn't go that far back. It

9:00

goes back a ways, but not that

9:02

far back. These other structures,

9:04

if you could call them that, or even

9:06

older, it's sort of like

9:08

old money, you know, like families that

9:11

have been rich since before there was

9:13

money even. Families that know how to

9:15

subjugate no matter the economic system. But

9:19

these people aren't necessarily rich. Some

9:21

are riches, fuck for sure, but

9:23

others are far more modest. What

9:26

they have and where their power comes from is

9:28

harder to explain. We know it's

9:30

not magic, which somehow makes it worse.

9:33

It's like belief itself or something.

9:36

Look, I'm not going to get into

9:38

the details, but anyway, there's a sort

9:40

of high society, so high that it's

9:43

basically subterranean if you catch my drift.

9:45

Anyway, they have these parties and they have

9:48

big events and they do all of the

9:50

fancy dancing and politicking and warring. And

9:52

you can just ignore all of it. They

9:55

suck, they barely matter, and

9:57

you don't want to be involved. what

10:00

we get up to at Kakos is intense, then

10:02

what they get up to is on a whole

10:04

other level. Also, much

10:06

shallower. They might come after

10:08

you because you're young and relatively powerful

10:11

in a more concrete way, but just

10:13

let it go. You won't

10:15

find what you're looking for there. I

10:18

tried. It wasn't worth it. So

10:22

obviously, I tried. I didn't go to a

10:25

party or anything like that because I haven't

10:27

been invited to any, but I

10:29

did find a date invitation. So

10:31

I went on a date. Here's

10:34

a recording. I have masked

10:36

the voice of my date so that

10:39

I do not cause any more problems

10:41

than I am already. So

10:48

my friend Tiffy stole my entire wake

10:50

staff out from under me. Can you

10:53

believe that? No. She

10:55

didn't even offer them money, just threatened

10:57

all of their families. Isn't

10:59

that the worst? It is. Like,

11:02

what kind of loyalty is that? I

11:05

can't believe they would just jump ship for basically

11:07

no reason like that. It's

11:09

redunk. Wild. So

11:11

I had to replace my entire wake

11:14

staff. You know how hard it

11:16

is to find a wake staff without a

11:18

single person being the cup star sign? It's

11:21

really hard. That sounds difficult. Anyway,

11:25

I had Tiffy's major domo poisoned.

11:27

Like, not to death death, but

11:29

definitely to death. I

11:31

think that was more than fair. For sure. She's

11:34

always been jealous of me. Obviously,

11:37

everyone is, you know. I

11:40

bet. It just sucks when everyone

11:42

you know is terrible. Yeah.

11:45

I'm just always losing friends,

11:47

but it's whatever. They make their own

11:49

decisions, you know? Yeah. Like

11:52

my friend Bobby. He just up and stops

11:54

talking with me. Whoa. Can

11:57

you believe that? No. Like,

12:00

I had his brother beaten outside

12:02

of the theater in front of

12:04

everyone and the press, but that

12:06

was just politics, huh? It's nothing

12:08

personal. Right. It's not

12:10

like he didn't try to kill my sister the other

12:13

day anyway. I still hung out

12:15

with him after that. Of course. I

12:18

know it's not personal. I

12:20

mean, I did sleep with his father, but

12:23

like, I wanted to, you know? And

12:26

with my dad's assassination, I've just

12:28

been going through a lot. Wild.

12:31

That was the second time my dad

12:33

was assassinated. I just think

12:35

people should understand and give me some

12:38

space, you know? Let me figure

12:40

out me, you know? For sure. Oh,

12:43

evil. Don't look now. Don't

12:46

look. Okay,

12:48

look a little. I

12:51

used to date everyone at that table. I

12:54

can't believe they would just show up here like this. Cool.

12:58

It's no big deal. It's

13:00

just the sex was really,

13:02

really, really great and satisfying.

13:04

Nice. Anyway, this restaurant

13:07

sucks, but I like how expensive

13:09

it is. Yeah. Did

13:11

you bring any drugs for me? A

13:14

gentleman always offers, you know. Oh,

13:17

uh... It's okay. I brought

13:19

my own, but I'm not sharing.

13:22

Okay. I

13:25

cut the recording before she suggested

13:28

that we shoot guns in public

13:30

as an aphrodisiac. Let's

13:32

move on. It's

13:36

time for the Q&A segment. Today's

13:38

question is about the most desirable

13:41

bachelors and bachelorettes at Kakos Industries.

13:44

This is coming on the heels of the question

13:46

we had a few months ago about dating services.

13:49

I checked with our Division of Matchmaking, who

13:51

oversee these sorts of things, and they did

13:53

present me with a list of names of

13:55

people to talk about. I'm

13:58

not sure this is a list of people you... would

14:00

want to date or if it's just a list of

14:02

people they need to get partnered off

14:04

at some point. First name

14:06

is Jerry Kimball. He's the director

14:09

of our division of handsome and

14:11

he is exceedingly well-dressed. It

14:13

says here that he tends to panic on first dates

14:15

but has a lot to offer if you give him

14:18

a chance and don't make him feel cornered with your

14:20

body language. The

14:22

next one I have here is

14:24

Henrietta Wilkinson. She runs the division

14:26

of deep logistics and is basically

14:29

never home, but she is hot

14:31

and does need someone around to straighten up once

14:33

in a while. We've

14:35

also got tree boots who

14:37

everyone knows and likes but no one seems

14:39

to ever get that close to. I

14:42

guess if you are looking for someone you could

14:45

do a lot worse than these three. I

14:49

have news from the division of erotic experiences.

14:51

Apparently they are working on the question of

14:54

what is most sex again in their free

14:56

time and there are a number of people

14:58

in their office trying to cartwheel onto

15:01

or into one another. This

15:05

is another one of those ideas that I

15:07

have my doubts about from the start but

15:10

who knows maybe they'll find something in there

15:12

that gives them a significant lead. Progress

15:15

on the satisficer has been moving ahead

15:17

but again there are just more and

15:19

more features being added to

15:21

the list. They did

15:23

pare down the number of things that

15:26

can have pulse patterns but they are

15:28

now working on the idea that the

15:30

satisficer should be able to seem like

15:32

multiple partners should that be what you're

15:34

after. I explain

15:37

to them that this is a non-issue

15:39

because we can just sell multiple devices

15:41

to people who want that particular experience

15:44

and that's more money. Have them

15:46

coordinate using wireless technology or something.

15:50

They disagreed. Then someone in the

15:52

meeting suggested that the satisficer should be able

15:54

to work with however many people want to

15:56

use it at the same time and there

15:58

was a lot of excitement. and

16:00

agreement until they realized that this

16:02

would basically require that the satisficer

16:05

be infinite. The idea

16:07

of putting any limitations on the device whatsoever

16:09

seemed to make several of the people in

16:11

the room very cranky. They

16:14

argued that it didn't need to be

16:16

infinite, it just needed to be able

16:18

to satisfy everyone alive now, which

16:21

is only several billion people. Not

16:23

technically infinite. The realization

16:26

that the device couldn't do literally everything took the

16:28

wind out of the sails of some of the

16:30

team. Seems like a lot

16:32

of them have something to consider. I have

16:37

news from our Hell labor camp, that big

16:39

cavern under the earth that is just full

16:41

of monsters in misery. The division

16:44

of anthropology has started to work out a

16:46

basic pantheon based on the carvings of the

16:48

figurines that have made it back up to

16:50

the surface. They seem

16:52

fairly confident that this monster with a

16:55

large belly is probably one of the

16:57

more important gods based on the care

16:59

and detail given to its carvings. It

17:02

has a small head close to the

17:04

body with two mouths and seemingly no

17:06

eyes. I need to

17:08

emphasize that we are unaware of any

17:11

connections between this cave system and the

17:13

one that lies under Kakos Industries, so

17:15

there is unlikely to be a connection

17:17

or cross pollination due to map myths.

17:21

These are completely separate monsters

17:23

and I assume completely

17:25

separate gods. We

17:27

are unable to watch all of the

17:29

activity in the Hell labor camps because

17:32

our monitoring equipment can sometimes go out

17:34

for weeks. It has

17:36

to do with the rock

17:38

formations. Either that or

17:40

Meredith Gorgoro, the overseer in the Hell

17:42

labor camp is somehow organizing the outages

17:44

to cover up things she doesn't want

17:47

us to see. That's

17:50

not super likely. It's

17:52

possible, I suppose. Anyway,

17:54

we can't keep an eye on what the people

17:57

down there are doing at all times, so the

17:59

details of- their spiritual practices are a

18:01

bit fuzzy. The Division

18:03

of Anthropology has come up with a plan

18:05

to send a humanoid robot down to the

18:08

labor camp so that they can get a

18:10

better idea of what's going on. This

18:13

solution is designed to prevent anyone

18:15

from the Division from being mistaken

18:17

for a laborer and then being

18:19

forbidden from ever returning to the

18:21

surface. We should hopefully

18:23

have some updates soon. I

18:27

have news about the Matmas. Well,

18:30

news about the donut, the thing I

18:32

removed from the Matmas. Using

18:35

some sensors they've attached to the

18:37

object, our scientists have determined that

18:39

the donut might be thinking. The

18:42

trouble is that it is thinking so slowly

18:45

that we may not be alive when it

18:47

finishes the thought. The

18:49

scientists are curious how this thought

18:51

process is affected by the Matmas

18:53

and have been using small samples

18:55

in conjunction with pieces of the

18:57

donut to see if there's anything there

19:00

that we might not understand. It

19:02

seems a bit strange that the Matmas

19:04

would be so bothered by this thing

19:06

being in it if it's as inert

19:09

as it seems to be in our possession.

19:13

I have some news regarding Kimmy and

19:16

the Matmas twins Clarissa and Hedera. She

19:19

has been trying to be their friend for a long

19:21

time now. They just won't let

19:23

her do it. I'm not sure why.

19:26

Last time she doubled down on her

19:28

Matmas consumption, but Clarissa and Hedera didn't

19:30

seem to respect her any more than

19:32

they did before, which wasn't

19:34

a lot. I have a

19:37

security footage recording of the three of

19:39

them together. It

19:41

looks like Kimmy has discovered some

19:43

sort of strange power within her

19:45

that she can use to cause

19:47

the other two physical pain, like

19:49

the Matmas connection between them. She

19:52

can use it to really work

19:54

them over like some sort of psychic

19:57

magic. She can't do it for long. but

20:00

I guess she got to vent some of

20:02

her frustration. I do

20:04

get a little shot in Froida watching these two

20:06

feel anything at all, which I accept

20:08

is pretty evil. The

20:13

division of Kaiju battle reenactment

20:16

recently reenacted Kielbasa Dawn versus

20:18

Choricia. These Kaiju

20:20

were developed by a laboratory trying

20:22

to create a creature that would

20:25

yield more sausage per cubic unit

20:27

of death. They

20:30

made these two monsters and in

20:32

typical fashion instead of seeing their

20:34

mishandlers as the problem, they decided

20:36

to fight each other instead. All

20:39

I can say about the fight is that everyone

20:41

who witnessed the real thing wishes

20:43

they didn't know how these sausage was made.

20:46

The reenactment was visceral and

20:48

riveting and a bit messy.

20:52

It was amazing. The

20:55

division of figuring out what all of these keys go to

20:59

has recently turned a key that

21:01

jettisoned a section of a space

21:03

station into space. It's

21:06

just detached and floating

21:08

away now. Maybe they

21:10

shouldn't have turned that key, but again,

21:12

it's not about should. It

21:15

is a question of must. I

21:20

have news from the division of secret

21:23

societies. Their efforts to court both the

21:25

Church of Diuretics and the siblinghood of

21:27

the spooky finger have been moving forward.

21:30

Unsurprisingly, we have plenty of people

21:32

here at Kakos Industries interested both

21:34

in fancy coffees as

21:36

well as golden showers. So the Church

21:39

of Diuretics has been moving the fastest.

21:42

Apparently, they start out with a bunch of

21:44

interviews and then they record you doing something

21:46

embarrassing, usually involving urine, as

21:48

you may have guessed, to

21:51

try to enforce compliance through

21:53

blackmail. This sort

21:55

of thing does not scare our operatives

21:57

on the division of secret societies. Send

22:00

those tapes to their mothers. They do not

22:03

give a fuck. The

22:05

siblinghood of the spooky finger is moving more

22:07

slowly, but I am pleased to tell you

22:09

that I now know what the spooky finger

22:11

is. It's a finger on

22:13

this guy, Dale. It's spooky

22:15

in the sense that he should probably have it looked

22:17

at by a doctor. But it's

22:19

also weirdly interesting. I'm

22:22

not sure I fully understand the

22:25

appeal, though. It's

22:30

time for today's employee spotlight.

22:32

Today we are spotlighting Timothy

22:34

Weller from the Division of

22:36

Faxes, Mimeographs, and Photocopies. I'm

22:39

told that Timothy has never once struck

22:41

a machine for malfunctioning, and he always

22:43

gets the work done even

22:45

when there is a firmware update hobbling

22:47

his entire office. Thank you

22:49

for what you do, Timothy. They say

22:54

that Evil once mixed all of the

22:56

sauces together and drove a small town

22:58

insane. This is things

23:00

we're taking credit for now. Today we're

23:03

taking credit for sweet, sour,

23:06

and the flavor of that

23:08

one childhood treat that was

23:10

discontinued and will never return.

23:12

This one is probably one of

23:14

the most likely scenarios I've presented during

23:16

this segment, but I still sense

23:18

that there might be some doubts out there about

23:20

whether or not we did these things. Let

23:23

those doubts go. It's in your best

23:26

interest, as always. Huey-Louie-Dooey

23:31

has won today's Ruin-A-Life drawing.

23:34

As a result, the life

23:36

of Huey-Louie-Dooey's nemesis will be

23:38

ruined. That nemesis is hydrogen.

23:42

We gave the Wheel of Misery a thorough

23:44

spin and it landed on the space for

23:46

Merciless. From this day forward, hydrogen

23:49

will be 31% more

23:51

merciless than before. Sometimes

23:53

being merciless is a helpful thing,

23:55

like if you're a warlord and

23:57

basically no other time. This is

23:59

what one of those other times? Hydrogen

24:03

is not a warlord, and the lack

24:05

of mercy will be a problem going

24:07

forward for sure. Especially around

24:09

the office. And

24:11

around the house. For evil

24:13

measure, Huey Louie Dewey will be

24:16

22% less merciless, which is lame

24:18

as fuck. Congratulations

24:21

on the win, and best of luck. The

24:27

Damnation and Ruination Squad, that team responsible

24:29

for making the Wheel of Misery's dictates

24:31

come true, has recently been doing their

24:34

job around Kakos Industries, wearing

24:37

gold socks and wristbands. It's

24:39

pretty shiny. It'd be

24:41

nice if they had something else on as

24:43

well. This

24:45

brings us to the end of today's

24:48

broadcast, shareholders. Put the box of science

24:50

outside. Don't think about it. Don't

24:53

open it. Just let it go. It's

24:56

for the best. I will,

24:58

of course, be continuing my investigations with

25:00

regards to these shadowy or evil figures,

25:03

and I will keep you up to date. The

25:05

numbers are next. 7

25:08

7 7

25:11

8 8

25:13

9 8

25:15

7 12

25:18

12 4

25:20

4 Kakos

25:39

Industries is written and produced by Conrad

25:41

Mischuk, who is also the voice of

25:43

Corin Deeth and the composer of the

25:45

music. The introductions are read by Ryan

25:47

Jenkins, and the credits are read by

25:50

Brianna Kittel, a burson made of bees.

25:52

Special guest appearance in this

25:55

episode by Ryan L. Jenkins.

25:57

Please visit kakosindustries.com

26:00

for news, extras, and more episodes.

26:02

There are also transcriptions on the

26:04

website if you'd like to read

26:06

along with the Kakos Industries announcements.

26:09

That's

26:12

kakosindustries.com.

26:16

Please visit store.kakosindustries.com for

26:19

merchandise and special offers,

26:21

and get wonderful benefits

26:23

by becoming a subscription

26:25

donor at kakosindustries.com/Patreon. You

26:28

can submit one-time donations at

26:30

paypal.me slash Kakos Industries.

26:33

You can also purchase

26:35

gear and other items

26:37

for the production at

26:39

kakosindustries.com/wishlist. Join our community

26:41

at kakosindustries.com/discord. Questions, comments,

26:43

or a strong desire

26:45

to collaborate? Drop us

26:48

a line at inquiries at

26:50

kakosindustries.com. If you

26:52

like Kakos Industries, be sure

26:54

to rate and review us

26:56

on your favorite podcasting service

26:59

and connect with us on

27:01

YouTube, youtube.com/Kakos Industries. Facebook, facebook.com/Kakos

27:03

Industries. Tumblr,

27:05

KakosIndustries.tumblr.com. Instagram

27:08

at Kakos Industries and TikTok

27:10

at Kakos Industries. We encourage

27:12

fan art and listener participation

27:15

on all our social media

27:17

platforms. Special

27:19

thanks to our esteemed shareholders Jack Tooley

27:21

and Christina Kirkland. Also thanks

27:23

to honored employee Calico, who got the ball out

27:25

of the street. The division

27:28

of beanies, booties, and construction projects

27:30

that are probably too large for

27:32

yarn directed by Theo Cornette has

27:34

knit an enormous swarm of butterflies

27:36

landing on their hanging gardens. The

27:39

division of obscure vintage technology directed

27:41

by Craig Sizz has been displaying

27:44

an old carnival fortune-telling machine called

27:46

Evilenio. All of its fortunes

27:48

are bleak, and many of them

27:50

are correct. The

27:52

division of subtle efficiency increases directed

27:54

by Daniel R. Smith has started

27:57

eliminating tense conversations about things other

27:59

than work. work. Arguers

28:01

are limited to four words at a

28:03

time and usually give up out of

28:06

frustration. The Division

28:08

of Kakos Cafeteria Reviews, directed by

28:10

Seth and Josh, has reviewed Food

28:13

Balloons. All of the food is in a

28:15

balloon, and you kind of put your mouth

28:17

over it. 7 out of 19. The

28:20

Division of Improbable Cookbooks, directed by

28:22

Hayden Neff, has been working on

28:25

Leftover Sticks. The

28:27

book details how best to put your

28:29

leftovers on sticks. The

28:32

Division of More Monday Mondays, directed by Odie,

28:34

has made Mondays that much more Monday by

28:36

making all of the chairs a

28:38

little squeakier. The

28:40

Division of Villainous Introspection, directed by

28:42

Sarah, is now considering what sounds

28:44

make them feel the most evil.

28:46

They've been listening to a lot

28:49

of bro-step and rubbing their chins

28:51

curiously. The Division of

28:53

New Card Game Mechanics, led by Finn, has

28:55

developed a card that hurts to look at.

28:57

It's got all kinds of jank patterns

28:59

on it, and awful colors.

29:03

The Division of Animal Stacking, directed by the

29:05

one true Dave, has stacked 160 gazelles.

29:08

They are not taking any questions. The

29:11

Division of Cereals, directed by

29:13

Emily Reynolds, has introduced Chewy

29:15

Cereal. It's a real workout,

29:18

even when soggy. The

29:20

Division of Lesser Known Napping Locations, directed

29:22

by Sassmaster Jay, has recently taken a

29:25

nap on the big pile of cardboard

29:27

boxes sitting outside the Division of Recycling.

29:30

Apparently, it was cozy enough. Our

29:33

esteemed shareholders, honored employees, Division heads, and

29:35

other Patreon patrons are the best. If

29:37

you want a thank you in the

29:39

credits, your own division, or other great

29:41

rewards that help to keep this show

29:43

running, please head

29:46

to kakosindustries.com/Patreon. That's

29:49

Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.

29:52

Kakos Industries can be dark. We recorded

29:54

this joke two years ago. Is the

29:56

world still on fire? Thanks

30:02

for watching!