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we supposed to start the podcast. Ready?

0:54

One, two, three. Welcome

0:58

to I've Had It podcast. The star of our show

1:00

in her patriotic red. Claps

1:02

us on. How are you Pumps? I'm great,

1:04

how are you? Fantastic, what have you had

1:07

it with? Okay, what I've

1:09

had it with is when you're having a

1:11

conversation with someone, but you're

1:13

standing in front of a window

1:15

that's reflecting or a mirror. And

1:18

the whole time you're having a conversation, the

1:20

person keeps looking at themselves in the reflection.

1:23

It's fucking unbelievable. It's

1:26

un, unlike number one, you look

1:28

exactly the same as you did two seconds ago. Number

1:31

two, are you so gorgeous? You can't take your eyes off

1:33

yourself. And number three, the self

1:35

confidence to look at yourself in the mirror because

1:38

I hate it. You

1:40

know where this comes, the word narcissist comes

1:42

from, right? The character

1:45

narcissist who saw his

1:47

reflection in a body of

1:49

water. And so that's what that makes

1:51

me think of. But you know who does this a lot? Josh.

1:56

Case in point. But

1:59

have you, have you had... conversations with random strangers

2:01

that they're doing that and it's weird.

2:03

Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. I

2:05

don't know why I just I don't get it.

2:07

I think it's so distracting. No, it

2:10

is because then you start thinking, should I be

2:12

looking at your reflection to get your attention? Right.

2:14

If we're both looking at the same thing, are

2:16

we going to be more connected then? Like if

2:19

you want to look at your reflection and

2:21

I look at your reflection, maybe we're going

2:23

to have a higher percentage chance of eye

2:25

contact. Right. But if you're only looking at

2:27

yourself during a conversation, I don't feel like

2:29

you're present. Right. So yeah, annoying. All right.

2:31

Let me tell you what I've had it

2:33

with. I have had it

2:35

with people that don't

2:38

give a shit about

2:40

anything significant,

2:42

specifically morally or ethically

2:45

significant until it happens

2:47

to them. Right. Oh, and that's an

2:50

epidemic. And let me give you some examples.

2:52

So I had

2:54

a conversation recently with a person

2:57

about politics, a very civil conversation.

3:00

And this person has always identified himself

3:02

as being a Republican. We were

3:05

talking about the current presidential race.

3:08

And I said, well, you know, I

3:10

think on the right side of the ticket, they

3:12

want to do away with birth control and IVF.

3:14

And he said, Oh, I don't think they're going

3:16

to do that. I said, well, nobody

3:19

thought they were going to do that with Roe, but

3:21

they did it. And all of

3:23

these Republicans had an opportunity to

3:26

codify birth control and IVF into

3:28

law and they voted against it.

3:30

So they're sending signals. And

3:33

so basically, this man has two daughters. He's like, you

3:35

know, I have two daughters, but that kind of bothers

3:37

me, but I just don't think they're going to do

3:39

that. And I'm like, so this guy's not going to

3:41

give a shit until

3:43

his daughters can't get birth control. Or

3:46

if for some reason his daughters couldn't

3:49

conceive, he's not going to give a

3:51

shit about these laws until the IVF

3:53

affects him personally. Another example

3:55

is he said the gun thing really

3:57

didn't bother him very much. Isn't

4:00

that shocking? And I think this

4:02

is a, you know, like a microcosm,

4:04

if you enhance it all

4:07

over the United States, a lot of people

4:09

are like this because we value individualism

4:12

so much more than

4:14

collectivism. And so they

4:17

don't care about other kids getting shot

4:19

in schools until it

4:21

happens to them. They

4:24

don't care about the

4:26

LGBTQIA plus community

4:29

until it happens to them. They have a

4:31

gay daughter or son. They

4:33

have a queer granddaughter

4:36

or grandson or non-binary

4:38

person. And I just ask

4:41

them, who's going to stand

4:43

up for these kids? If you're

4:45

not going to do it, then that puts

4:47

the burden always on

4:49

the left. And then you criticize us

4:52

for giving a shit. And you say, we're

4:54

virtue signaling and we're doing all of this

4:57

sanctimony bullshit, but you don't

4:59

give a shit about anything

5:01

until it personally happens

5:04

to you. And what makes me so mad

5:07

slash so sad about this

5:10

is so many people that

5:13

are members of the LGBTQ

5:15

plus community, their

5:18

biggest fear is telling

5:20

their families because their families

5:22

are going to be a part of the bullying

5:24

system. Their families aren't going to go march

5:26

like you and I will with them and get

5:29

on a podcast and speak out, you know, vociferously

5:32

in support of them and say, Hey,

5:34

we love you. We're proud of you.

5:36

They make them feel bad about it.

5:38

So I'm asking all of Americans right

5:41

now, where do you

5:43

stand on this shit? Are you going to be

5:45

one of these people that sits on the sidelines

5:47

that waits until tragedy via

5:49

gun violence strikes, or

5:52

that you have this beautiful mixed

5:54

race child that you realize, Oh

5:56

my God, black

5:58

lives do matter. Right. Are

6:01

you going to be one of these people

6:03

that ends up having a gay daughter or

6:05

gay son and you're going to be a

6:07

dick about it, be hateful to them? Are

6:09

you going to stand up and march and

6:11

stand up and vote and stand up and

6:13

fight for these people because I have had

6:15

it with the moral duplicity of these people

6:17

on the one hand to act like they

6:19

are so deeply rooted in

6:21

their religion, but you just pill

6:23

one little layer back on it. And

6:26

the religion has taught them to think that

6:28

everybody is inherently bad, that's not white and

6:30

goes to their church. And

6:32

I mean, I have absolutely had it with

6:35

this. And this is a drum that I

6:37

think we should continue to beat because

6:39

there seems to be an

6:41

epidemic problem in

6:44

this with people that are in

6:46

our demographic pumps. That's what

6:48

I was just going to say. The typical

6:50

person that espouses these theories, if

6:52

you're stereotyping, it's white

6:55

people, white men, white

6:57

women, upper middle

7:00

class that have a bias towards

7:03

minorities and poor

7:05

people. You know, and I just

7:07

think about here we are in this country

7:10

and I think the

7:12

diversity is what's so amazing. Absolutely.

7:15

We have so many different types

7:18

of people that immigrated to this country.

7:20

And so I ask all of these people

7:23

that are so get triggered when they see

7:25

a pride flag or they get triggered that

7:27

somebody might correct them about their pronoun use

7:29

or they get triggered when they think

7:31

about immigrants. We

7:34

were immigrants at some point,

7:36

right? Our ancestors came over

7:38

here, had horrible human

7:40

rights violations to the native population,

7:43

kidnapped and enslaved a lot of

7:45

Africans. And a few hundred

7:47

years later, here we all are, we're all here.

7:49

We all live here. Who are

7:52

you going to be? Are you going

7:54

to be an advocate for every American or just

7:57

the ones that look like you that go to

7:59

your church? and that live in your cookie cutter

8:01

subdivision. Is that what you're going to be? Because

8:04

I've found time and time again, living

8:07

in this Bible

8:10

thumper state, the buckle of the Bible

8:12

Belt, the people that are

8:14

the least tolerant and the least

8:16

kind and the most cruel

8:19

to immigrants and the most cruel to

8:21

sick people, the most cruel to people

8:23

that live in poverty are the most

8:25

religious people I know. And

8:27

so it's a call to all

8:30

of the people that go to all of these

8:32

mega churches that live in these cities

8:34

all across the United States. Who

8:36

are you? Who are you

8:38

going to be? Who are you going to stand with? Who's going

8:40

to stand for the kid whose parents

8:42

shame them because they

8:45

were born gay? Who are you going to

8:47

be when there's immigrants that are

8:49

separated from a toddler, separated from

8:51

their parents that are seeking asylum,

8:54

escaping violence? Who are you going to be? Are you

8:57

going to be the person that sits around and calls

8:59

them illegal and says, round them up, deport them? Are

9:01

you going to show some dignity and some grace and

9:03

humanity? Are you going to be the asshole that says,

9:05

I don't give a shit about guns, then your grandchild

9:08

or your daughter gets shot up in first grade and

9:10

then you give a shit? Like

9:12

stop thinking about the now and play

9:14

the tape through and have a sense

9:16

of collectivism. You're clearly not getting it

9:19

from your mega church, so get it

9:21

from somewhere else because the cruelty of

9:24

these people that we live around, pumps,

9:26

that we grew up around, is

9:29

a uniquely white thing in

9:31

this country. And it really

9:33

fucking pisses me off that

9:35

more people that have platforms

9:37

like we have are too

9:39

scared to say this

9:41

shit and post it on their Instagram

9:43

because they're fearful of losing followers. And

9:45

I think it's cowardice and I think

9:48

they don't have backbones and I have

9:50

fucking had it. I completely agree. All

9:53

right. I wanted to share with you all Kylie

9:56

and Pops a little story that

9:59

I recently experienced. So I went to Europe

10:01

with my oldest son and his girlfriend.

10:08

And before I went, place

10:11

where I play pickleball in tennis, a club

10:14

that I belong to, the head guy was

10:16

like, hey, we're going to do an inner

10:18

club open pickleball thing at

10:20

this place called Rose Creek. And it's

10:22

in the suburbs of Oklahoma city. Are you down?

10:25

I said, yeah, I'm down. I'll go play. And he said, okay, it's

10:28

6 p.m. at this time at this place. And

10:31

I said, okay, well, 24 hours earlier, I committed

10:33

to this like a month prior. I

10:35

get back in town, I have jet lag,

10:37

I'm exhausted. So I call the coach and

10:40

I'm like, hey, I'm so tired.

10:42

I mean, I just got back from Europe. I'm

10:44

on a different time zone. I don't think I can play.

10:47

He's like, look, I need you. I can't have you drop

10:49

out. I've had to like grab the lifeguard to be one

10:51

of them. You've got to show up.

10:53

So I was like, you know what? I gave my word, I

10:55

have to show up. So

10:57

I arrive at this place in the

10:59

suburbs at 6 p.m.

11:02

on the dot. And as I'm

11:04

walking in, and you know, everybody

11:06

knows how I feel about the suburbs. Right.

11:09

And pickleball. As I'm

11:11

walking in, there's a guy who

11:13

has this hat on and

11:16

it has an American flag on it and

11:19

an AR-15 over the American flag.

11:22

And this girl that I knew introduced me to

11:24

him. And I had just enough jet lag that

11:26

my give a fuck meter was completely broken. So

11:29

I just went right in. I go, what's

11:31

up with that hat? And he's like,

11:34

well, it's a such and such coffee

11:36

brand. I

11:40

go, AR-15 for

11:43

a coffee brand? And he

11:45

was like, well, yeah. And I go, is

11:48

that Magashit or something? And

11:50

he goes, yeah, I guess so. And

11:53

so I'm thinking, you know, you're clearly

11:55

wearing that to be provocative. You know, especially

11:57

considering all of the gun violence. in the

11:59

country that you run around with a hat.

12:02

You know, they always have to just desecrate the

12:04

flag with all this nonsense. I just feel like

12:06

the flag has really had a rough last eight

12:08

years. That's why we've taken it back. That's right.

12:11

So anyway, I'm just like, this is gonna suck. So

12:14

I walk into the pickleball thing and I see a

12:16

bunch of people that I know, a bunch of lesbians

12:18

that I know. So I'm really happy

12:20

that it's not all maggot people. And I'm like,

12:23

and the women that are playing pickleball against us

12:25

were all lovely, A plus,

12:28

great sports, darling people. They could not have

12:31

been nicer. The person who organized it for

12:33

their club could not have been nicer. Here's

12:36

the problem. So we

12:38

just kind of got text to be here

12:40

at six. Nobody practiced. Nobody had ever played

12:42

with their partner before. It was

12:45

just kind of like a potpourri, free for all, show

12:47

up at this time. The

12:49

other club, they

12:51

had tryouts. To

12:56

make the team to play us. They

12:59

had fucking tryouts. People

13:01

that didn't make the team came

13:04

to watch. No. Yes.

13:07

They had matching uniforms. What?

13:11

They practiced for six weeks

13:14

prior to this event. And

13:18

then they show up at

13:20

four for a two hour warmup. Because

13:23

match play starts at six. So

13:26

myself and nine

13:29

other women that I barely know that I've

13:31

hardly ever played pickleball with. The woman that

13:33

I was partnered with, I've never played pickleball

13:35

with. I've seen her before. Maybe

13:37

played against her in one, like

13:39

very non-serious game. And

13:42

you have to have kind of like some synergy. Right.

13:46

We roll in and we get

13:48

our fucking asses handed to us.

13:50

I mean, I got skunked once.

13:53

11-0. It

13:55

was an absolute

13:58

smackdown annihilation. of

14:01

a team of people that were prepared,

14:03

had tryouts, had matching outfits, they had

14:05

gifts for us, they decorated it, welcome

14:07

to our pickleball place with, yeah,

14:11

I walked up, gifts, I walked up to

14:13

Magic Mike, he's the leader of the club

14:15

that I belong to, and he's a British

14:18

guy, and I go, you

14:20

have thrown us to the wolves. You

14:22

did not prepare us. These people had

14:25

tryouts, people

14:27

that are really good players didn't even make

14:29

it. They didn't even make the team. They

14:31

have matching outfits, they have gifts, they decorated

14:33

it, and we got our fucking asses handed to

14:35

us, and I've never even played with Andrea, Andrea's

14:38

never played with me, and I loved my

14:40

partner, she was great. It was the most

14:42

humiliating, miserable pickleball experience that I've ever

14:44

had in my life. Kudos to the

14:46

suburban team. Kudos to you

14:48

all. Okay, here's my question. Is

14:52

this like a reoccurring theme, that they're gonna

14:54

wear their matching outfits, like team play, or

14:56

is this, they just got the

14:58

matching outfits for this one event? I

15:01

don't know the answer to that, because I was

15:03

told that I needed to arrive at six, and

15:05

that it would end at eight. I

15:08

was not finished with my match play, by

15:11

eight, and at 7.59, I looked at

15:13

Magic Mike, and I waved my hand,

15:16

and left, because I fulfilled my time commitment. This was what

15:18

I decided I would do. This is what I did. We

15:21

all got our asses handed to us.

15:24

Kudos to this other pickleball squad, minus

15:26

the Trumper, that wore the Trump hat.

15:29

But all the women that

15:31

we, were lovely. I mean, genuinely,

15:33

they were sweet, lovely

15:36

people. All the women that kicked my ass,

15:38

all of them were awesome. I mean, true,

15:40

and I mean that sincerely. They were fantastic

15:43

pickleball players. They were sweet. They

15:45

had great sportsmanship. They, I mean,

15:47

I was envious that they were so prepared. Right,

15:49

I was gonna say the next time, Magic

15:52

Mike comes along and says, we're gonna do

15:54

a team play, team match. I

15:57

have a feeling J. Welch is gonna organize, gonna

15:59

practice. I told magic. I go,

16:01

listen, magic. When

16:04

we host them, are you going to have

16:06

gifts? Are you going to decorate? What the

16:08

fuck are you doing? We look like assholes.

16:10

Yeah, total unprepared assholes. I'm

16:13

just glad that I know in my heart you

16:16

shine as a gracious

16:19

loser. You are exceptionally

16:22

gracious, kind, zero

16:24

ego in the deal. When somebody hit a good shot,

16:26

I always say, that's a great shot. There was a

16:28

point where I was playing these people where I was

16:31

just like, I don't even think I can move my

16:33

legs to get the ball. I

16:35

was so defeated by

16:37

their preparation before I even hit

16:40

the court. In

16:42

the decorations, the decorations, the

16:45

preparations, the uniforms, the team

16:47

unity that they had. We

16:50

had no Riz. We had no ability.

16:52

We had never played together. It was

16:54

a good old fashioned

16:57

ass thumping. We were out prepared, out

17:00

dressed, practiced.

17:05

We roll up right at six o'clock on the dot

17:07

and they're like already broken out of sweat because they've

17:09

been there for two hours warming up. Yeah,

17:12

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19:50

right, Kylie, what's going on on the World

19:52

Wide Web? All right. I've got a four

19:54

star review. Four? I like

19:56

a four. I do too. It's honest.

19:58

Yeah. bullies. And

20:01

they write, I have been a

20:03

longtime patriot, but in one of the

20:05

recent episodes, Jennifer and Kylie bullied the

20:07

star of the show, hence

20:09

the star reduction. As

20:11

someone who also does not feel when I have a

20:14

camel toe, I feel for me, Ma, it's

20:16

not her fault or my fault that

20:18

we have large labias stop bullying us.

20:22

I fucking love that. Here's the deal. There's

20:24

unity in that. Here's the deal. I know

20:26

that sometimes I go hard at me, Ma.

20:28

I know she's just not

20:30

very nice to me. But if bullying me, Ma

20:32

is wrong, I don't want to be right. All

20:36

right. I know, I know she's nicer. I know she's

20:39

the star of the show. I know all

20:42

of those things and I concur on

20:44

all of them, but I will never not

20:47

understand why she has

20:49

such a visible camel toe and

20:52

she can't feel it. And it makes

20:54

me really worry about your vagina. You

20:56

know what? You could instead of saying

20:58

large labia, you could say well endowed.

21:01

What do we call it? It's the, it's

21:03

the me, Ma, me curtains, curtains, me, me,

21:05

me curtain, me, Ma. Welcome the

21:07

star of our show. Meet curtain,

21:09

me, Ma. Welcome

21:13

to I've had it. I'm Jennifer and

21:16

the star of our show is meet curtain,

21:18

me, Ma, me, Ma. What sound does an

21:20

eagle make? Gay

21:26

triates and gay triates assemble because Kylie

21:28

and Seth have prepared some voice memos

21:31

where you all have sent us on

21:33

Instagram your grievances, which is one of

21:35

our favorite episodes. So Kylie, who do

21:38

you have for us first? Up first

21:40

we've got Patty. Hi,

21:43

Jen. Hi, pumps. Unsure what we're

21:45

calling you these days. So I'm just going to

21:48

stick with pumps. So I'm

21:50

going to tell you what I've had it with and it

21:52

happens every fucking

21:54

day of my

21:57

professional fucking life.

22:01

You're sitting at work, working away,

22:04

and then somebody comes and says, Hi,

22:07

I hate to bother

22:09

you, but, and

22:12

I'm thinking to myself, you

22:14

really don't hate to bother me because

22:16

here we are, you're fucking bothering me.

22:20

Just say what you got to

22:22

say and move on. It drives

22:25

me literally fucking bananas. Thank you.

22:29

I felt that. I was going to say I did that to

22:31

you this morning. It's one

22:33

of those things that it's one of these

22:35

hadits where we're all probably

22:38

somewhat hypocritical, like the driving issue.

22:40

Right. Guilty. I felt

22:42

her, because the delivery

22:44

was spot on, it spoke

22:47

right to my soul. I felt like

22:49

we were twin flames, the collar in

22:51

me. I mean, I just was like,

22:53

yes, I understand this type of rage

22:56

and had it, had it dumb. Can we create

22:58

a new word? Had it dumb. Had it dumb.

23:01

And I really felt

23:03

it. But I know that

23:05

at some point today, when we

23:07

disassemble from this fucking

23:10

hallowed ground podcast studio of ours, and

23:12

we all go to our little desks, I

23:15

will probably walk up to you or Kylie or

23:17

Seth and say, hey, I'm sorry to bother you,

23:19

but will you pull up the footage of that?

23:22

I'll do it. Right. Oh, I do it every

23:25

day. And I hate it, especially

23:27

if I'm really engaged in something. But

23:30

I think what she's saying, I mean,

23:32

Patty is spot on. It's annoying as

23:34

fuck. But it's one of those

23:36

things when you hear, I hate to bother you.

23:38

It's kind of like no

23:41

disrespect. You know, the

23:43

minute you say it, you know where it's

23:45

coming. That's a really good point because they

23:47

are bothering you. No, I think you're right.

23:49

They're bothering you. With all due respect immediately

23:51

means I'm going to be disrespectful. You're

23:55

exactly right. That's yes. Look

23:57

at look at me, Kurt and Memaw. in

24:00

the case of the nuance of Patti's

24:02

grievance. I'll tell you what, meet

24:05

curtain, me maw, attorney at law. Please stop

24:07

saying meet curtain, me at law. First of

24:09

all, it's disgusting. Kylie, will you please make

24:11

a legal card. Please

24:15

don't. For, got injured

24:17

in a car wreck, contact me curtain, me

24:19

maw. And we can have like the American

24:21

flag and an eagle. Yeah, and some curtains.

24:23

I mean, why stop there? Meet

24:26

curtain. We

24:28

can make a jingle. Oh my

24:31

gosh, Nick. Is Nick Nick

24:33

is our Nick G is

24:35

our in-house rapper. Please don't do it.

24:37

Please make a an ad

24:40

for attorney at law. Meet

24:43

curtain, me maw with eagle sounds

24:46

and just a little maybe 15-20 second

24:48

jingle that we can start playing with

24:50

our commercials. Even though she

24:52

doesn't want to practice law anymore. Nick, please

24:54

do it. Please don't do it for America.

24:56

You're a patriot. You're a Gaytrian. Do it

24:58

for America. Sometimes

25:01

me. Ma doesn't know what's best for her.

25:04

I just I have a completely confident

25:06

in saying meet curtain,

25:08

me maw attorney at law 1-800

25:11

call meet curtain, me ma. It's not a good

25:13

idea. I don't know much. Okay. I'll tell you

25:15

what. I'll tell you what. Here's

25:17

the deal. I think that this

25:19

has a ring to it. We

25:21

live in the biggest capitalistic

25:23

shallow vapid universe

25:26

on the planet. This stuff's

25:28

got traction. What do you think Kylie? 10

25:31

out of 10. What do you think is going

25:33

to be more shocking meet curtain, me maw or when

25:35

they call me about their car wreck that I have

25:37

no fucking clue what they're talking about. Hi, is this

25:39

meet curtain or how about

25:41

I start a call? You're on with me

25:43

curtain. Okay,

25:46

let's roleplay. Let's roleplay. I'm going

25:48

to be the receptionist. Okay,

25:51

Kylie you be the injured person in the car

25:53

wreck and then you're going to be meet curtain,

25:55

me ma. Okay, let's roleplay for the listener. All

25:58

right. Brrrring,

26:01

brrrring. Meet Kurt

26:03

and Meemaw attorney-at-law. How may I direct

26:05

your call? I was just in a

26:07

car accident and I really need meet curtains. Hang

26:10

on, let me see if she's available. Beep.

26:14

Meet Kurt and Meemaw. I think we have a new injured

26:16

person on the phone. Are you available

26:18

to take their call? No. Okay,

26:20

that's not part of the script. No, but

26:22

I want to... Oh my God, I want

26:24

everyone. Why are you going off script? I'm

26:26

bleeding out. This

26:28

guy's got it to the... If you

26:30

were having a medical emergency... You've got

26:32

an injured client. She's got a claim.

26:35

You've got... Meet Kurt and Meemaw seeks justice. What

26:37

the fuck are you doing? Do

26:40

you have any idea how many eagles of this

26:42

country are just disappointed in you that you just

26:44

went off script? We have gay-treats, we have patriots,

26:46

we have bald eagles, and

26:49

you're refusing to help somebody seek justice

26:51

who's been wronged? I've

26:53

had it. I have

26:55

fucking had it from top to bottom. That's

26:58

a zero-star review on your Google Business account. Zero?

27:01

Okay. Yelp

27:03

my... All zeros for Meemaw and

27:05

Meemaw's law firm. Please.

27:08

It's Meemaw law firm. Whatever.

27:12

Anytime Meemaw and Meemaw, it should

27:14

be a zero review. Or a

27:16

zero-star review. All right, fun hater.

27:18

All right, Kylie, who's next? I

27:20

have your next. Meemaw and Meemaw.

27:22

I hate you. You know,

27:25

I try to give Seth a pass on all this a lot of times. I

27:27

just looped him right in that night. But you just bring him right in

27:29

and now I have to hate Seth too. I could

27:31

hear him giggling over on the other side of the sound

27:34

wall. I heard him giggling. That's how funny it is. I

27:37

guarantee you right now, there are people with

27:39

ear pods. Our listener has

27:41

their ear pods in and they're on a walk. They

27:44

might have even peed a little bit because

27:46

that's how fucking hilarious Meet Kurt and Meemaw

27:48

attorney at law... I'm

27:51

telling you what, you would be the new

27:53

Johnny Cochran. Just a white blonde woman. The

27:55

Meet Kurt and Fitz. That's

28:05

brilliant. See you're a natural. You were born for this.

28:08

If the meat curtain fits, you

28:10

must acquit. It's so good. It's

28:12

so good. You're a natural. You

28:14

were born for this meat curtain, Meemaw. I don't think

28:17

that's right. I also just

28:19

want to say if you want to hear

28:21

why we call her meat curtain, Meemaw, it's

28:23

on Patreon only. That's right, Kylie. And there

28:25

better not be a reel about it. I'll

28:27

be nice. Yeah, I'm not allowed to make reels, so you

28:29

have to get on. She was like, make a reel. I'm

28:32

like, no fucking way don't make a reel. Everybody on Patreon

28:34

got their money's worth when we revealed the

28:36

meat curtain, Meemaw. I mean, that's the

28:38

content that people want. We deliver to

28:41

the Patriots, to the Gaytriots, and also

28:43

like we have, you know,

28:45

the eagle is our mascot. Right. We're

28:48

taking it back. Cock-a-ock. Fucking

28:51

egg, cock-a-ock. All

28:53

right. All right,

28:55

up next we've got Austin. I've

28:58

had it with people who insist on

29:00

hugging every time they see you,

29:02

usually when they arrive and

29:05

when they leave. It's always like a little

29:07

side hug. And it's people

29:09

I see, I would say relatively

29:11

regularly, like maybe once a week or every

29:13

other week. You know, I don't need

29:15

to hug you every time. Even

29:17

my closest friend, if I hadn't seen her in like a year,

29:19

I guarantee we don't hug when she picks

29:22

me up from the airport or vice versa. Like

29:25

we just don't, I don't, I'm not a hugger.

29:28

Wherever I have been. The

29:30

dry delivery of that is

29:32

10 star. I

29:34

mean, I, there's nothing I

29:37

love more than a deadpan dry

29:39

delivery. This is my best friend.

29:41

I haven't seen her in a year and she picks me up

29:43

at the airport. I'm not hugging her. See,

29:49

Austin, here's the deal. I'm

29:52

a huge hugger. I hug

29:54

people. I might hug

29:56

Kylie every morning. I'm

29:58

just a hugger. people. People

30:01

I don't know, people I don't see. Do you

30:03

think it has anything to do with your meat

30:05

curtains? No, I don't. As

30:07

a matter of fact. Do you think

30:09

people that have meat curtains have more

30:11

of a meaning to

30:14

be huggers? I

30:16

know you tell it to the hand. I know I'm

30:19

a cut. I know all the stuff. You're a hugger

30:21

too and I don't know anything about your meat curtains.

30:24

But you're a hugger. Okay,

30:34

I do. I like to hug people that

30:36

I love. Now here's the thing.

30:38

There are certain people if I don't

30:40

feel any sort of affection towards them

30:43

or I think that

30:45

there's something I don't like about them, I don't hug

30:48

them. I'm not a fake hugger. I'm not, but I

30:50

mean like if somebody I haven't seen since college, yeah,

30:53

I'm gonna hug them. Yeah. Now

30:55

wait, there's people, wait let me say, I have

30:58

a small select group of people

31:00

that I hug regularly. Me too.

31:03

There are people that if I haven't seen in four or

31:05

five years that I really used to have a previous affection

31:08

towards and I see them, I'll be like, hey

31:10

how are you doing? I'm not gonna reach in

31:12

for a hug. Now if

31:14

I've had an affection for you in the past, it's a full

31:16

bear hug. I'm coming in. Do

31:19

the meat curtains participate? Fuck off! Fuck

31:22

off! The bat wing wrap? The bat wing

31:24

wrap. I recently,

31:26

Roman and I, my youngest son and I went

31:28

to a place to have a burger and

31:32

we're in line and this girl comes up

31:34

to me and she's like,

31:37

oh my god Jennifer, it's so great

31:39

to see you and I

31:41

literally am like reaching in

31:44

my brain like, who the

31:47

fuck is this? So she goes in

31:49

for like, and it's not a, I

31:52

had, first of all I didn't have any idea who she

31:54

was. I certainly didn't know

31:56

that we were at not just the hug

31:58

phase but a squeezing embrace. Cause there are

32:00

degrees of hugs. Right. You've got the hug and

32:02

then you've got an embrace. You've got a pat

32:04

pat. Right. And then you've got people that

32:07

go in and you can feel them, you

32:09

know, tighten their body with so much enthusiasm

32:11

that they just want to give their energy

32:13

and just like transfer it into your body.

32:16

That's what I received in line to order

32:18

the burger. And Roman's looking at my face

32:20

over her shoulder and he immediately knows, mom

32:23

has no idea who this person is. So

32:26

we have to start talking and it

32:28

clicks about like, I think 10 minutes

32:30

later that we used to go to

32:32

the same orange theory class. Yeah. That's

32:35

the worst. We never hugged at orange theory.

32:37

Not one time. Not one time. I never

32:39

hugged her at orange theory. I

32:41

don't know her name. I went along with the hug

32:44

and stuff, but I think I, where

32:46

I differ in this situation is I, my

32:50

hugs are very authentic.

32:52

Like I really feel an affection

32:55

for the person. I'm not going to be

32:57

like the girl in the cheeseburger line that's

32:59

just giving out hugs to anybody. I'm very

33:01

discerning about my hugs, I think.

33:03

Yeah. I'm a big hacker. You are. I

33:05

like to hug. Yeah. It's cause I'm

33:08

just so kind and sweet. Even despite hating me so

33:11

much, you hugged me all the time. I do. You

33:14

do. You hugged me all the time. But

33:16

I have caught myself in situations like,

33:20

like the other day I was at Lowe's

33:23

for the third time. What the

33:25

fuck are you doing at Lowe's? Oh, I forget. That's where

33:27

lesbians hang out. You're

33:30

hilarious. No, I, it was

33:32

an air filter thing. So

33:34

I got the wrong size

33:36

twice. You're changing your air

33:38

filters? Yes. I always change my air

33:40

filter. Wow. Wow.

33:43

That is that kind of gay? It's pretty

33:45

butch. I wish, if I

33:47

were better at it, I would take credit for

33:49

being butch, but I'm in there and I walk

33:51

in, it was the first time and I said

33:54

to the guy, can you tell

33:56

me where the air filters are? And they're literally like,

33:58

if it would have been a snake. it would have bit

34:00

me. So close. And

34:02

I grabbed it by the arm was like, Oh my gosh, thank you. And

34:05

I thought you got to be more

34:08

discerning about grabbing people you don't know

34:10

strangers. So I'm trying to be more

34:12

consciously aware of, you know, like

34:14

all slaps. Oh my gosh, that's funny. You know,

34:16

people don't like that more and more. So I'm

34:19

trying to be more discerning, but it's hard because as

34:21

evidenced by my appearance at Lowe just this week. You

34:26

know, pamp, some things are a total crap shoot. Like

34:29

you can say, and you know what, I think I'm

34:31

going to try almond milk today in my coffee. And

34:33

if it doesn't work out, no big

34:35

deal. But when it comes to finding a physician,

34:37

you can't just have this, anything

34:39

goes attitude. Let me give you an example.

34:41

My son, Roman has eczema on his arms

34:44

and we went to see one dermatologist

34:46

long wait period, et cetera. It didn't

34:49

clear it up. So then I'm like, how am

34:51

I going to find another dermatologist for my son?

34:54

This is when I used Zock doc.

34:56

I was able to log on, filter

34:58

through all of the necessary things. Who's

35:01

close to accepts my insurance. Who doesn't

35:03

have a long waiting period and voila,

35:05

we have a doctor's appointment for the

35:08

child. I love Zock

35:10

doc because it gives feedback from

35:12

real life patients. So you know

35:14

what to expect from that physician.

35:16

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35:20

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35:42

off those doctor's appointments and

35:45

go to Zock doc.com/I've had

35:47

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35:52

today. That's ZOC doc.com/I've had

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it. Zock doc.com/I've

35:57

had it. Up

36:01

next we've got Matthew. All

36:04

right, pumps full of pussy, juicy Jennifer. Hopefully

36:06

this is my second appearance on the podcast.

36:08

Here's what I've had it with. And I

36:10

just witnessed this now on the road. I

36:13

have fucking had it with 2010

36:15

Honda Civic drivers pimping those

36:18

fuckers out like their ice cube roaring

36:20

down the street, racing up to a

36:22

red light. There is no

36:24

reason why you should have a muffler on your 2010

36:26

Honda Civic that is the size of the fucking Empire

36:28

State Building. There is

36:30

no reason why you should have truck tires on your

36:32

little tiny fucking car with your little tiny fucking dick.

36:35

There is no reason your car should be that loud. It's

36:37

not meant to be that loud. It's a Honda Civic, babe.

36:41

Okay, stop fucking pimping out your

36:43

cars. Do us all a huge favor

36:45

and pawn that shit because nobody gives

36:47

a fuck. Nobody thinks you're

36:49

fucking cool. Nobody lights your little blue interior

36:51

lighting. Nobody fucking

36:54

cares. Fucking

36:56

pawn it and move on. Fucking

36:58

weirdo loser. Who

37:05

was this person's name? Matthew. Fucking

37:08

A. I love him. No wonder Matthew's

37:10

been on twice. He's fucking hilarious. The

37:15

attention to detail and the

37:17

grievance. I

37:20

could visualize the car with his description. I saw

37:22

the whole thing. Because we've all seen him. We've

37:24

all seen him. What is going on here? I'm

37:27

always like, are your attachments

37:29

to your car worth more than your car? You

37:33

know, that's a great. I think that's a I look at it and

37:35

I think how much money

37:37

have you put into this car? I've

37:39

just had it with why would you want to

37:41

have a loud car? Well,

37:44

I mean, that's a whole nother story. But I mean, you

37:46

can buy cars that are particularly

37:48

loud. Like that's their claim to fame. What

37:52

kind of car is that? Like a like

37:56

a Porsche Porsche

37:59

Porsche. Are they, okay,

38:01

are they loud? Yeah, like, well, I

38:03

mean, if the plus

38:05

size over 55 men driving

38:08

them do the revving and all that, they

38:10

are. But typically,

38:12

I agree with Matthew, it's a little

38:14

dick situation. Let me ask you this. If

38:18

you met a man on

38:20

a blind date, okay, and

38:25

you really like him, okay, I mean,

38:27

he's got all the red flags that

38:29

you're climbing up, dry humping immediately, all

38:31

right? He's a serial killer in disguise,

38:34

so naturally, I love him. Every fucking

38:36

red flag a person could have. I

38:38

mean, your non-existent ovaries are humming, right,

38:40

you wouldn't believe. And y'all

38:43

met at the restaurant, okay? You had Ubered

38:45

there, all right. And so, and

38:47

you're thinking, God, I really like this

38:49

guy. He's attractive, great personality.

38:51

He's on the right side of politics,

38:53

and you're like, check, check, check, check, check. And

38:56

he goes, hey, I mean, if you feel safe enough with

38:58

me, will you let me drive you home? And

39:01

you're like, yeah, you know, yeah, sure, let's go.

39:03

And you're kind of thinking, I might

39:05

even show him the meat curtain. I might throw the meat curtain

39:07

on him. I'm like, I'm gonna throw the meat

39:09

curtain on him. All right, so you and your

39:11

meat curtains walk

39:16

out of the restaurant, right? And he's just like,

39:18

and then all of a sudden, you hear this

39:20

chirp, chirp, and

39:22

this car that's like a total souped

39:24

up, like what Matthew was talking about.

39:27

And it like has like LED and

39:29

it does like a, rrrr,

39:31

chirp, chirp. And it has

39:33

like the ground lighting and all of that stuff.

39:36

And then he's able to start it via remote. And it's

39:38

like, vroom, vroom. And he opens the

39:40

door. Let me ask you this. Does he still get

39:43

to see the meat curtains or no? No

39:45

meat curtains, absolutely no meat

39:47

curtains. That's too far. That's

39:50

just too far. I'll tell you what else the meat curtains would

39:52

stay at home at. That

39:54

exact same man, all

39:56

the bells and whistles in one of those cyber

39:58

tracks. Yeah. I think those

40:00

are the most horrific contribution

40:03

to society since Donald Trump came on

40:05

the scene. So people

40:08

that have jacked up cars or

40:10

cyber trucks get no access to

40:13

Zebra. Zebra, and I

40:15

would probably, like the minute you started talking and

40:17

I knew we were walking to the car and

40:19

it was gonna be just awful and souped up

40:21

like Matthew's talking about, I'm

40:26

going through the list of excuses how I get out of

40:28

getting in that car. I'm

40:30

starting to think like, do

40:32

I say, oh my gosh, I left my phone in the

40:34

restaurant? Then I go back in, come

40:37

out with my phone and said, oh

40:39

my God, my son just called, he's just

40:41

gonna meet me here. So I'm just gonna stay here,

40:43

but then you have, is he gonna stay? I mean,

40:46

like I'm running all the traps. How do I get

40:48

out of getting physically

40:50

in the car? Yeah,

40:53

but see, you're kind of fact when you're out

40:55

there, he's got the car

40:57

on by remote, the LED lights are going

40:59

crazy, little smoke puff out of the muffler.

41:01

I mean, you're kind of like, the

41:04

only real way to get out of it is just to

41:06

say, I can't do

41:08

this. And I guess that's just where honesty

41:10

is the best policy. But as we all know,

41:13

if all the red flags had been going

41:15

off at dinner, it'd

41:18

be impossible for me to do that probably. I

41:20

think, here's what I think. The meat curtains would not come out

41:22

there, red flags are now. Here's

41:25

what I think. And I've known you for a

41:27

very long time. 22 years. I

41:30

think that the, if

41:33

the red flags were all like hidden

41:35

on every cylinder at dinner, and

41:38

you're already like visually dry humping

41:40

all the red flags, I

41:43

think the added red flag of the car

41:46

is not gonna be prohibitive for the

41:48

meat curtains. That's just my take. I

41:51

could see you calling me the next day and

41:54

saying, okay, I'm at this guy, he's great. And you pitching

41:56

and like going all chips in. There's just

41:58

only one little area. that's problematic.

42:00

And I'd be like, did you fucking me? Like, yes,

42:02

yes, but let me just tell you, here's

42:05

the area. And then you tell me about the car. I

42:08

could see you trying to make car mounts

42:10

for the car. I think the curtains would

42:12

dry up. I think they'd be beef jerky

42:14

with that car. I really do. I

42:17

mean, that just would be a turn

42:19

off deluxe. I

42:22

will say this, not too long ago,

42:25

Jennifer and I are someplace, running

42:27

into a guy age appropriate, politically

42:30

the same alignment, all

42:32

the things. But this guy

42:35

has a red flag out of every pore,

42:37

not every orifice, every pore of his body.

42:40

So we're walking out and I go, you know what? She

42:42

goes, you'd fuck him. She said without

42:45

hesitation, do not pass go,

42:53

do not collect $200. It would

42:55

be meat curtain, red flag, dry hump,

42:58

city. I mean, I couldn't jump onto

43:00

that red flag island fast enough. I

43:03

don't think I'd stay, but I'd try.

43:05

As much shit as I'm giving you now, I

43:08

share the same affliction with you. So

43:10

it's time for me- Spot it, got it. It's

43:12

time for me to be somewhat self-deprecating. And I

43:14

can tell our listener to go back and review

43:17

the episodes where my husband

43:19

was the guest. Right, yeah.

43:21

Yeah, so I mean,

43:23

I completely understand. And

43:25

if I'm being really,

43:27

really, really honest, if

43:30

I were single and I went out with a

43:32

guy in the dinner two hour and it's like

43:35

politics, religion, he

43:38

has great bullshit, he's self-deprecating, everything's a

43:41

fucking banger. And I get

43:43

out to the car, I'd probably push through. I'd

43:47

probably push through. I

43:49

think I'd probably push through. I mean, if you add

43:51

someone my age with all those characteristics and had hair

43:53

on the top of his head, I'd probably

43:56

really go for it. The car could be fixed. It

43:59

could be traded- I mean, it goes back

44:01

to there's some underlying issue

44:03

that we have that car. Right.

44:05

But we're driving at the table with

44:08

a lot of underlying issues. Touche.

44:19

Truth speaks right there.

44:21

Right. Yeah. I'm not coming in smelling

44:23

like a rose either. Right. Right. I

44:25

wouldn't be either. Yeah. All

44:28

right. Listener, patriots, gay triates, eagles.

44:34

I don't think it's as funny as you do, but I think I'm getting better

44:36

at it. I

44:39

think you're- We might have to add that

44:41

list to my talents. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Nick,

44:44

don't forget to make the song. Don't, Nick.

44:46

Nick, do it. Okay. So we are

44:48

going on tour. We are going to

44:50

be in Seattle in September, the

44:53

New York Comedy Festival in November.

44:56

Please go to our link in bio

44:58

to buy tickets to see

45:00

Meek Curtin Meemaw live and in

45:02

action in Seattle or New York

45:04

City and Pumps tell them. We

45:06

will see you next Tuesday or

45:08

Thursday or both.