0:02

My Keurig Brewer from Walmart always comes

0:04

in super clutch. I

0:07

got it so I can keep grinding on my

0:09

paper. You know I'm in that deadline. I

0:13

also got it so I could stay up late to

0:15

do some exam cramming. And of course, you know I'll

0:17

be ready to stroll into my morning class sipping in

0:19

style. I

0:22

guess you could say it's a literal lifesaver. Cheers

0:25

to that. Shop

0:27

your coffee fuel needs at Walmart. Listen

0:32

up, Patriots, Gaytriots and Natriots.

0:35

We have a new podcast that has

0:37

dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday

0:39

through Friday, every day, 15 to

0:42

20 minute hot takes on

0:44

the political landscape of the United

0:46

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0:49

with a side of petty grievances. We

0:52

are on all the available platforms.

0:54

Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You can get

0:56

your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate,

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subscribe and review so that we

1:01

will chart upwards with America's greatest

1:04

legal mind. Pumps. Pumps. What does

1:06

an eagle say? Kaka! A

1:09

little bit more enthusiasm. Kaka! That's

1:11

it. That's, that's, Kaka! That's

1:14

the patriotism that this country

1:16

needs right there. So

1:22

we supposed to start the podcast. Ready?

1:27

One, two, three. Welcome

1:30

to I've Had It, a place

1:32

for open minded thinkers that like

1:34

to traffic and petty grievances.

1:37

I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is

1:39

America's greatest penile shamer and America's

1:41

greatest legal mind and the star

1:43

of our show Pumps. What have

1:45

you had it with? Okay. What

1:48

I've had it with is

1:50

when you call your doctor's office to make

1:53

an appointment and

1:55

the fucking message goes on and on

1:57

about if this is a medical emergency.

2:00

call 911. I'm like,

2:02

no shit, Sherlock. Of course,

2:04

if it's a medical emergency, I'm calling 911. Do

2:07

we have to dumb everything down

2:10

for the dumbest person? Because

2:12

somebody, and I know it's the lawyers, somebody

2:15

called in when they were in the middle

2:17

of a heart attack, called their doctor like

2:19

a dipshit. So now

2:21

we're all suffering through this

2:23

eternal message of, if

2:26

this is a medical emergency, please hang up

2:28

and call 911. Fuck

2:31

off. We know that. We're not all

2:33

that dumb. I've had it. I

2:37

hear this all the time. And I

2:39

think what person I always think that

2:41

in this year is calling

2:45

the doctor when it's a medical

2:47

emergency and not calling 911. Like

2:50

how do we not know this? But

2:53

sadly, I think, you know, a

2:55

lot of things just enable and

2:57

perpetuate stupidity. This is one. And

2:59

this would be pretty close to

3:01

the top five. Right. Of

3:03

the list. Yeah. And I'm sure that

3:06

it's the lawyers that went through on the malpractice

3:08

insurance and said, everybody has to put this on

3:10

the deal. My thought is, if

3:13

you are so dumb, because everybody knows you don't get

3:15

a person. Hang on. Let me, let me ask you

3:17

this. Let's role play

3:19

for a second. Okay. I am

3:22

a surgeon orthopedic

3:24

surgeon. Right. And you

3:26

are my lawyer. Okay. And

3:29

I say, so we're going to

3:31

have our answering

3:33

machine pickup and then give voice

3:35

prompts. And I'm thinking

3:37

that I just want to say, you know,

3:39

for it to make an appointment, press one

3:41

for a refill, press two. I don't think

3:44

I want to include the 911 thing because

3:46

I think that's self-evident. What do you say

3:48

I do, counselor? As a

3:50

lawyer, I would say, somebody

3:53

just got their ass back in suit

3:56

over this because the dumbest person in

3:58

America called their doctor. in

4:00

the middle of a medical emergency. And

4:03

now you're fucked. And

4:05

all your colleagues are fucked. Because

4:07

we all have to put this stupid

4:09

message about calling 911 in an emergency.

4:13

Because there's one person out

4:16

of 330 that was so

4:18

fucking stupid, they called their

4:20

doctor and now everybody's punished.

4:23

I would have to say, you have to include it. I'm

4:25

sure the malpractice insurance requires it now. Let

4:28

me ask you this. As

4:30

an attorney, like,

4:32

you know, your outgoing message, do you

4:34

need to have some sort of caveat?

4:37

Like, this is a legal

4:39

emergency, please call 911. Does

4:42

such a thing exist?

4:44

Or, or should you

4:46

say, hello? You've

4:49

reached Angie Pumps Sullivan attorney at

4:51

law. Whatever you do,

4:53

do not, under any circumstances,

4:56

talk to the cops. And

5:01

to set up an appointment, press one. Do

5:05

not talk to the cops. Under any,

5:07

do not blow in the breathalyzer. Hi,

5:11

this is Angie, attorney at law, AKA

5:13

Pumps. Do not talk to the cops.

5:15

Do not blow in the breathalyzer. Do

5:17

not fuck this thing up until I

5:19

can get with you to make an

5:21

appointment, press one. To hear the clap

5:23

around the world, heard around the world,

5:25

press two. To

5:28

see the apples and socks, press three

5:30

for a video. All

5:33

right, let me tell you what I've had it with. It's

5:35

something I want to revisit, because in a

5:37

previous episode, we had

5:39

spoken about being at a

5:41

destination wedding, and they

5:45

provide transportation for you.

5:47

Then you're a hostage, you don't have an exit

5:49

route, blah, blah. Josh

5:52

and I recently went to a destination

5:54

wedding in Montana, and

5:56

the very first night, it was a welcome party, transportation

6:00

was provided. And

6:02

I started getting a lot of anxiety about

6:04

what if I want to leave early and

6:07

the first exit you

6:09

can't leave early, et cetera, et cetera.

6:11

But they had said on the invitation,

6:13

the welcome party is from six

6:16

to eight. I can do anything from

6:19

six to eight. So those are within my exiting

6:21

hours. Well, lo and

6:23

behold, I start having a pretty

6:25

good time chit chatting, small talking,

6:27

you know, it's beautiful in Montana.

6:29

It's like in Yellowstone. It's just

6:32

fabulous. And

6:34

then the most genius thing

6:36

I've ever seen happened. The host

6:38

of the welcome party says,

6:41

Hey guys, thanks everybody for coming.

6:44

Your transportation is waiting outside.

6:47

And I thought that is the smartest em

6:50

effort that's ever hosted an event

6:53

in the history of events because

6:55

they said you cannot bring your own car.

6:57

You can't, you can't do it. You have

6:59

to take our transportation. He

7:02

did the reverse hostage. Yes, I

7:04

love it. He had them all

7:06

arrive at eight. I'm sorry guys,

7:08

your transportation's here. And he

7:10

emptied the party out on his

7:12

terms. Get the

7:14

fuck out. Your ride is here.

7:17

So here's what I'm going to start doing. When

7:21

I have a party, which

7:23

I'm not ever going to, I was going to say,

7:25

what are you having a party? But

7:27

if I do, if I have, you know,

7:29

a lapse of judgment and plan some event,

7:33

I'm just going to say, Hey guys,

7:35

it's 8pm. The

7:37

party's over. Your

7:39

rides are out front. Go get in your

7:42

car. I've called some extra Ubers and taxis.

7:44

If you're sober, you can drive. If not everybody

7:46

out the front door. That's basically what

7:49

they did. And it was brilliant.

7:53

I'll tell you what, right there, that

7:55

person is to be admired. Their

7:57

event planning skills put on a pedestal.

8:00

Because here's the thing, I don't care

8:02

where you are or what you're doing. You've

8:05

got a few lingers always. Here's

8:07

the genius. They just want to make it go on. But this

8:09

is like, you're not

8:11

an asshole because you want to leave. Everybody's

8:14

leaving. If the conversation's

8:16

so great, pick it up tomorrow. I mean,

8:18

it's perfect. And that's honestly, that's

8:21

why I don't host stuff at

8:23

my house when like we have

8:25

book club or mahjong or whatever. I don't want to

8:27

host it at my house because I want to be

8:29

able to leave when I'm ready to go. And

8:31

you're hostage when it's at your house. Here's

8:34

the genius of what this

8:37

man did, what these hosts did.

8:40

Initially, I'm thinking,

8:42

I don't want to take the

8:44

group transportation because I'm going to

8:46

be a hostage. Right. I

8:49

hate group transportation. What I was unaware of was

8:51

that this man was thinking, I

8:54

don't want to have all these people in my

8:56

home because I don't want to be a hostage

8:58

in my own home. Right. We

9:01

were on the same team. Right. So

9:03

he had the transportation there. And

9:06

I mean, it was an announcement there

9:08

at the door and he's like, thanks

9:10

everybody. And I mean, the movement, the

9:12

energy was guiding everybody out

9:15

the door and it was brilliant because you

9:17

could tell there were some lingers always tell

9:19

some people were locked and loaded about

9:21

four or five cocktails deep that we're

9:24

going to just torture the hosts from

9:26

here to eternity. But the hosts had

9:28

boundaries. The host had a

9:30

plan. They put a start time. They put

9:32

an end time. And in

9:34

the hostage situation that as a guest, I

9:36

thought I was going to be in the

9:39

hosted, the reverse hostage. He flipped

9:41

the script. Brilliant. Well, let

9:44

that be a note to us if we ever

9:46

host anything. Don't get excited.

9:48

Listener. We're not hosting jack shit.

9:50

Yeah, probably not. We're going to do our tour. And

9:52

also when that's over, get the fuck out. All

9:56

right, Kylie, do we have any anything going on in

9:58

the world wide web? some reviews

10:00

and some messages I'm gonna read you. Okay. I'm

10:02

gonna start with the DM I got. Hi, my

10:04

name is Caden and I'm gonna

10:07

validate Jen's correlation between Stanley Cup

10:09

usage and conservatism. Oh, here we

10:11

go. I'm a registered nurse and

10:14

we were taught that the long-term effects

10:16

of lead exposure are decreased

10:18

mental capacity, decreased

10:20

ability to learn, antisocial behavior,

10:23

irritability, and paranoia. Now, who does that

10:26

sound like to you? I'll let you

10:28

do with that info, what you will,

10:30

patriots. You

10:34

see, this is a

10:36

hypothesis that I started and now

10:39

the data is rolling in.

10:41

Another listener sent me a

10:44

screen grab of that Candace

10:46

Owens on her podcast and

10:48

guess what she had right in

10:50

the shot sitting right there right

10:52

by her microphone. Stanley Cup. Yep.

10:56

It's just, I'm just saying that it's

10:58

a burden being right all the time. Well, and now the

11:01

science is coming in. The science is. We are conducting our

11:03

own study and now we are confirming exactly what

11:07

I've known. A person

11:09

of science. Okay, this

11:11

is a review. Five stars from Pumps Pussy Palace

11:16

titled Kylie if you need help blink twice.

11:20

The legal mind fossil, her child, and

11:22

the charming lesbian are truly a triple

11:25

threat. Ladies, not sure if you've heard

11:27

of smell maxing, but this issue

11:30

needs to be addressed. I've had it

11:32

with my 15 year old brother buying cologne and

11:34

dousing himself in

11:36

it. You are not Johnny Depp. Please stop

11:38

it. I can smell where you've been in

11:40

the house from the scent trail. It

11:43

does not make you more alpha. I would

11:45

rather smell your natural BO than have

11:47

Abercrombie and Fitch in my

11:49

house. Enough is enough. Yeah.

11:52

It's cologne abuse. It's cologne

11:54

abuse. Josh has it. Oh,

11:56

Josh is the worst. I

11:59

have to say. I identify

12:01

with that because I have an

12:03

18-year-old that you, I

12:05

think he just stands in his room

12:07

and he just pours it all

12:09

over him before he leaves. And I can

12:11

tell you if he's gone and gotten

12:13

water. I can tell you if he's gotten a

12:16

bag of chips. I can tell you if he's been in my

12:18

room because it is

12:21

literally like a fog that follows him.

12:23

And I'm always like, slow

12:26

down on the cologne, but they don't. And

12:28

look at Josh. Yeah. I mean, I

12:31

don't think he's grown out of it. Fortunately

12:33

for me, Josh has started using

12:36

more subtle sense that,

12:39

you know, he can, because he can't help

12:41

it. Josh has two switches

12:43

and it's accelerator smashed to the

12:45

floorboard or feet slamming on the

12:47

brakes. Those are the two options that

12:49

we have with Josh, right? So

12:51

when it comes to cologne, it's one squirt's

12:53

good, 50 squirts better. Right.

12:56

And so he's either going to do

12:58

one or 50. It's not possible to

13:00

do wrist, neck, collar. And

13:03

so, but we, we, we have been doing

13:05

some scent shopping and I've been trying to

13:07

mitigate this as best I can, just basically

13:09

for the general public. You're doing

13:12

a public service. Yeah. You're

13:14

so selfless. No, smell maxing is,

13:16

is, yeah, it's a problem. I haven't heard that

13:18

term and I like it. I do too. But you

13:20

know, here's the thing. I wonder, because I have,

13:23

I'm nose blind to my laundry soap and

13:25

I'm nose blind to my perfume. So

13:28

I am assuming they're nose blind to how

13:30

bad it is. Yes. I think they're nose

13:33

blind to it. And, um, I just want

13:35

to visit for any new patriots

13:37

and gatriots and to the listener. We've talked

13:39

about this on the pod before, but it's

13:41

worthy of a revisit. One

13:44

day, Bob's got an anonymous letter

13:47

from a neighbor complaining about

13:50

how bad her laundry soap smells.

13:54

And, uh, would not allow her son to

13:56

come into her house anymore. And that every

13:58

boy and girl can come in and she's

14:00

all over the place. somebody in the neighborhood

14:02

was talking about how bad you,

14:04

your kids, and just the outside

14:06

of your house smelled because of your laundry

14:08

soap. And I'm so mad at

14:10

you, and I can't even believe we're still friends, that

14:13

you've somehow lost this letter because I must have done

14:15

15 dramatic readings. We would

14:17

just call and be like, oh, let's

14:19

do a dramatic reading because it

14:22

was not just a letter. It

14:24

was a two-paged, single-spaced,

14:27

typed... Manifesto. Manifesto.

14:30

Yeah. And

14:33

she not only sent it to the

14:35

home anonymously, she

14:37

sent it to my ex-husband's law

14:40

office anonymously. We

14:42

both get it on the same day. And

14:44

I am dying. I immediately know who it is because

14:46

when her kid would come over to swim, he would

14:48

say, I have to walk on the outside of your

14:50

house because of the way your laundry soap smells. I

14:53

mean, that was a dead giveaway. And

14:55

I was just like, I fucking

14:57

love... There's

14:59

a sick part of me that

15:01

just loved that she sat down

15:03

at her computer riled up about

15:07

my... Wound up like a cheap clock.

15:10

...wrote a fucking manifesto. Yeah, about laundry

15:12

soap. About laundry soap. Which,

15:14

by the way, my laundry soap is fantastic. But

15:16

I do... I have read

15:18

that people have an aversion to

15:21

patchouli, the smell. Yes. Or

15:24

they love it. Clearly, she was a hater.

15:27

But in that letter, she told me I was nose blind.

15:29

She did. And she pointed out

15:31

the medical term, like olfactory. Yes,

15:34

she did. Like whatever the term

15:36

is in the medical dictionary. She

15:38

deemed herself an educator. Yes. In

15:40

the letter. It was the most

15:42

sanctimonious, unhinged, brilliant,

15:46

anonymously. And I just

15:48

will never forgive you that

15:50

you have lost this letter when

15:52

you moved from the city to the suburbs.

15:56

And I just... That was one thing that when I would go

15:58

to your house, I could pull out the letter. Let's do a

16:00

dramatic read. Just pull it out. It was

16:02

so good, listener. It was so good. And you

16:04

know what? I would read it. I would probably

16:06

read it about every 10th episode. Right.

16:09

Because the thing about her letter was

16:11

it got better each time you read

16:13

it. She got madder and madder. It

16:15

was so good. She's so unhinged.

16:18

She wrote an anonymous letter to

16:20

somebody about their laundry. So talk

16:23

about bored,

16:26

affluent, white

16:28

woman problems. Right. Yes.

16:32

That you were sitting down writing a

16:34

letter, sending it to the wife at

16:36

home and to the husband, two pages,

16:39

single space. That is

16:41

a luxury. A luxury to be able

16:43

to sit down and write a letter like that.

16:45

And you know what? I think it would be

16:47

kind of fun to be that unhinged. I

16:50

would love it. When do we get to be that

16:52

crazy? I think right now. Welcome to I've Had It.

16:54

Right. All

16:56

right. I want to read some articles that

16:58

Kylie and Seth found for us on the

17:00

World Wide Web that I think are rather

17:02

interesting. So this

17:04

one says it's from a woman and she says,

17:06

I walked in on my husband wearing something unimaginable.

17:11

I don't know what to do. The

17:13

situation began to unravel just a few months ago

17:15

when a 34 year old noticed her partner

17:19

engaging in some strange behaviors. Not

17:22

only was he quote pulling away at

17:24

home, but also spent an

17:26

increasing amount of time in the bedroom, always

17:29

locking the door behind him. She

17:32

says, so today I

17:34

went out to the gym as I normally do,

17:36

but this time I left my phone at home

17:38

on purpose. I drove

17:40

all the way there hoping to make

17:42

him think it was just a normal

17:45

visit with the timing. And then

17:47

I came back. When I

17:49

walked in, the TV was on

17:52

playing kids cartoons and

17:55

I saw my husband sitting on

17:57

the floor in an adult pull

17:59

up with a pacifier in his

18:01

mouth. At

18:03

that moment, her husband turned around

18:06

and looked terrified before

18:08

he could utter a word. She was

18:10

out the door. Oh,

18:14

that's shocking. I mean that

18:16

because like you walk in on your spouse in a

18:20

compromising position with another person. I mean,

18:22

that's something you don't

18:24

expect it. It's still shocking. It's horrible,

18:26

but you know that it happens. Right.

18:29

This situation, I just would have no

18:32

idea how to respond. My fight

18:34

or flight would pick up and

18:37

I would flee. Absolutely flee. But

18:39

what do you do? So he's got

18:41

a kink about wearing an adult diaper

18:43

and a pacifier. Watching cartoons. Watching cartoons.

18:45

That's pretty fucked up. Here's the situation.

18:48

You know, he probably

18:50

wants to poop in his diaper. I think this

18:52

is probably a poopy diaper situation. I

18:55

didn't even think about why would you

18:57

wear one unless you're wanting to do shit in

18:59

it. What's the purpose of it? Right. So he,

19:03

the situation with this is, I think

19:05

I would rather walk in on there

19:07

being a paramour because I think that

19:12

you can, if you wanted to resolve your

19:14

marriage, you could probably, you know,

19:16

find reasons for that and get past

19:19

that. But the poopy diaper, pass the

19:21

situation. I just don't know if that's

19:23

salvageable. You

19:25

know what I mean? Forgive an affair. Right.

19:28

Can you forgive shitting in an adult diaper

19:30

with your pass watching cartoons? I

19:32

don't think you could. I think it's a, I think

19:34

it's a classic titty baby situation. This

19:37

is what we've been warning our

19:39

listener about from the jump, right?

19:41

Or the dangers of titty babies.

19:43

Yeah, that's rough. And this is

19:45

titty baby literally manifested right here.

19:47

And we have been calling it

19:49

much like I've been calling the

19:51

Stanley cup situation, but

19:54

the listener refuses to listen. I

19:57

refuse to listen. All right. Next story up.

20:00

And by the way listener all of these

20:02

are things that we like to share with

20:04

ourselves and with you listener because it makes

20:06

us feel Like we are rock solid. We're

20:09

actually fucked up crushing life. Yep Pumps

20:12

our ability to suck and then wake

20:15

up the next day and suck more

20:17

than the previous day is Undefeated

20:19

it's unparalleled. We are the champions if

20:22

you would like to see how bad

20:24

we suck Please join us in Seattle

20:26

in September or New York City in

20:29

November for you know Just some

20:31

world-class shit-talking. That's right live live

20:34

in person. That's right Listener

20:40

for this episode of I've had it

20:42

we've partnered with e Harmony

20:44

the dating app to find someone you

20:46

can be yourself with our

20:48

listener knows that we're Unapologetically

20:51

ourselves and don't feel like we need to

20:53

pretend to be anything else That's

20:56

probably why y'all listen to our podcast

20:58

you stay true to yourselves and have

21:00

had it with pretending to be someone

21:02

you're not That's especially true when you're

21:05

out there on the dating apps pops.

21:07

What's going on out there on the

21:09

dating apps It's unbelievable how

21:11

many people try to be something they're not

21:13

on dating apps And

21:15

what I love about e harmony

21:18

is it's real people for real

21:20

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It's on Prime. Okay. The

24:49

title of this article is, My Brother is

24:51

a nudist and wants me to attend his

24:53

wedding completely naked. One

24:56

bridesmaid found herself in a tricky

24:58

situation when her nudist brother and

25:00

his fiance requested that she attend

25:02

their wedding without any clothes on.

25:05

While she respects their choice to be

25:07

naturist, she's not comfortable with stripping down,

25:09

particularly in front of people she doesn't

25:11

know. Yeah. She expressed

25:13

her discomfort about walking down

25:16

the aisle fully enclosed with

25:18

a groomsman. She

25:20

would have met only minutes prior

25:22

to the ceremony. She

25:27

further stated, I am definitely not

25:29

comfortable standing in front of everyone

25:31

during the ceremony or

25:33

being in all photographs when

25:35

I'm nude. Yeah. While

25:37

I don't take issue with their lifestyle, I

25:39

do take an issue with them being angry

25:41

that I don't want to attend their wedding.

25:44

She further detailed that her brother's wedding

25:46

is set to take place at a

25:49

naturist resort where nudity is not just

25:51

encouraged, but required for all

25:53

guests. I'll

25:56

tell the world this. I

25:58

can do it. That's the biggest. bunch

26:00

of bullshit on the planet. Listen, let me

26:02

tell you about Pumps. She

26:04

used to run around her house naked

26:06

all the time. All

26:09

the time. You were tramping around

26:11

naked as you could possibly be. I answered

26:13

the door that one time naked and you

26:15

just extrapolated. When we've been on girls' trips,

26:18

you start shaking those tits around the room.

26:20

They're just, that's gravity. I think you're a

26:22

nudist and I think, no, I do. I

26:26

think you would take those dragons, and

26:28

you'll shit me down that aisle. No fucking way.

26:31

I do. No way. Listen,

26:33

I do. There is no way I could do that. I

26:35

mean, there is no way I could do it. For $100,000,

26:37

would you do it? I'd

26:40

do it for a million. 100,000's

26:42

on it. But

26:44

I mean, I just think. Okay, let me ask you this. Okay.

26:46

Would you do it if Trump was

26:49

guaranteed to lose the presidency? I

26:53

would walk down that aisle naked with

26:55

flowers in my hair. Would you shit

26:57

me down the aisle? I

26:59

would shake. Twerk. I would twerk.

27:01

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. I sure would.

27:04

If that's what it took to

27:06

gross the entire planet out, but to make sure

27:08

he lost, yes, I would do it. But just

27:10

as a general rule, if somebody invited me. Okay,

27:12

let me ask. Let me, let's just role play.

27:16

Okay. This, you're gonna

27:18

die. Okay, let's just say that Josh and I decide,

27:20

which we never fucking would, but we

27:22

decided that we were gonna renew our vows.

27:24

Okay, which I would immediately know you were

27:26

destined to get divorced if you were renewing

27:28

your vows. Okay, right. But that's neither here

27:30

nor there. All right. So I call

27:33

you and I'm like, Pumps, I

27:35

know that all of this is gonna sound

27:37

crazy, but Josh and

27:39

I have just, you know, we've had struggles

27:41

and all this stuff, and we've just decided

27:43

to get one with nature, and we're gonna

27:45

renew our vows. And I know this sounds

27:47

crazy, and I know you're gonna call your

27:49

other friends and say, Jennifer's lost her fucking

27:51

mind. I don't know what her problem is,

27:54

but she and Josh are renewing their vows,

27:56

and now they're nudists, and they've realized the

27:59

problem. they've been having in their marriage

28:01

previously were the fact that they weren't

28:03

at one with nature. And

28:06

so they have stripped of material possessions.

28:09

She's asked me to be her

28:11

bridesmaid, maid of honor, matron

28:13

of honor. I think I'd be a

28:15

maid because I'm not married, but that didn't matter.

28:18

All right. So maid of honor. And

28:20

I say, Pimps, I really need for you to

28:22

be my maid of honor. I need this from

28:24

you. You've been through the wringer

28:26

with me. No, it's not going to

28:29

be fine, but I've seen you naked. Josh has seen

28:31

you naked. Half the people in

28:33

Oklahoma City have seen you naked. You've been

28:35

pulling that tit out, hanging that wire hanger

28:37

on it for decades. This is not new

28:40

information for eyeballs. I

28:42

know it's nuts, but I really

28:44

need for you to do this for me.

28:46

This is what I need in my life

28:48

right now. I need to have this naked

28:51

wedding and I need for you to be

28:53

naked standing by me. What do you say?

28:55

I would say no. That would just make me

28:57

too uncomfortable. What if I start bawling,

29:00

crying, snot slinging, and I'm relentless? What if

29:02

I flip the script on you and you

29:04

were wanting to stand up there butt naked?

29:06

Nobody wants to stand up there naked. I

29:08

block your number. I

29:11

mean, that is just not a normal ass. All

29:14

right. Moving along. I

29:16

found this online and I

29:18

think it's genius. There is a

29:20

new law in Illinois and it

29:23

requires family influencers to

29:25

pay 15 percent

29:27

of earnings to the children

29:29

featured in their content. I

29:32

like that. I think that's smart. I wanted

29:34

to get America's greatest legal minds opinion on

29:36

this because, you know, there's all these mommy

29:38

bloggers right back there with

29:40

their kids going five, six, seven,

29:43

eight, fist pump hip, you know,

29:45

which is working these kids over

29:47

and these kids are doing all this work and

29:49

they're schlepping all these products, but the kids are

29:51

getting paid for it. So as

29:54

a family lawyer that

29:56

specializes in family law and

29:59

as a American America's greatest legal mind. What

30:01

do you think about this? I think it's a great

30:03

idea. They have really strict child

30:06

labor laws, especially like in acting like

30:08

California, like actors have to have a

30:10

certain percentage put in a trust for

30:12

him. I think it's smart. And

30:15

you would just be shocked at all the people that spend

30:17

their kids' money. Like they put their

30:19

kids' college education fund or something, then they get

30:21

a divorce. Let's talk about the Duggars. The

30:25

Duggars are the supreme example.

30:27

The listeners didn't get any money. They

30:29

have like 95 kids and

30:33

some of the kids are sex offenders. And

30:35

it's just a horrible, dysfunctional religious cult family.

30:37

But he didn't even pay those

30:39

kids and they were on that reality show. For

30:41

years. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think it's a

30:43

good thing. Okay, here's

30:46

a new article. The final frontier

30:48

for helicopter parents inside

30:51

the Facebook and WhatsApp groups

30:53

were moms arranged play dates

30:55

for their college kids. Coddling

30:58

college kids through Facebook groups

31:01

is the latest outrageous dimensions

31:04

of the helicopter parenting trend.

31:07

Mothers are choosing to meddle in

31:09

their children's lives from afar, flocking

31:11

to college parent Facebook groups to

31:13

arrange play dates, schedule

31:15

hair appointments, and locate restaurants

31:18

suited to their child's dietary

31:20

requirements. Essentially acting

31:22

as remote concierges for their

31:24

grown children. People will ask,

31:27

my kid is an ex-class, does anyone know

31:30

what the curve is going to be? Or

31:33

has anyone's kid taken calculus?

31:35

Is it hard? Where

31:37

should my kid get their haircut? The

31:39

article went on to reveal that one

31:41

mom used the platform to seek advice

31:44

on how her dear daughter

31:47

should ask her roommate

31:49

for more refrigerator space.

31:53

There were also a lot of posts

31:55

that said something like, my

31:57

child has no friends and

31:59

dozens. parents responding, offering up their

32:01

own kids for a play date.

32:05

Okay, here's the deal. If

32:07

the mom is on a Facebook group saying,

32:09

my child has no friends, I

32:12

think the appropriate response is, it

32:14

is because of you that this child has

32:16

no friends. They're 20 years old and

32:18

you're scheduling a play date. Like, that's

32:20

embarrassing. All of this

32:22

is fucking bananas. It's insanity.

32:25

And it's again, I think it

32:28

sends these kids a message. I

32:30

don't think you're competent enough to do

32:32

this. Therefore, I have to do all

32:35

of these things for you. That's the

32:37

underbelly of this stuff. Parents

32:39

feel like, oh, I'm loving on

32:41

my kids by doing all this stuff

32:43

for them. But the the covert message

32:45

in all of it is you're incompetent

32:47

and it causes these kids to have

32:49

debilitating anxiety when they can't. Little

32:52

things that we do every day make us feel

32:55

good no matter how trivial. Making your bed.

32:57

Right. You know, making

33:00

a trash out, making a to-do list, crossing

33:02

things off of it, advocating for yourself. And

33:04

I just think in teenage

33:07

years you start this trend

33:10

and I'm just gonna say, these

33:12

are gonna be these kids, you know where they're

33:14

gonna end up? Sitting,

33:17

watching cartoons, and pooping diapers with

33:19

a pacifier in their

33:22

mouth. This is mommy

33:24

issue, out the wazoo,

33:26

titty baby, poopy diaper,

33:28

passing, divorce city, calling

33:30

America's greatest legal mind.

33:33

Yeah, I just think that there's a lot of

33:35

entitlement built into that. Like, the kid does nothing

33:38

on their own. Like, what's gonna happen when they're

33:40

30? I think

33:42

that the more importantly is

33:44

this is profoundly dysfunctional mother.

33:46

Profoundly. The mother is at

33:49

fault. I mean, profoundly dysfunctional.

33:51

And I don't

33:53

know where the messaging is gone, but it's

33:56

like, you know, my son is about to be a

33:58

senior. Your son just graduated from from high school, I

34:01

have to say all the time in

34:03

group means and on group texts, this

34:06

is a Roman problem, or I'm

34:08

teaching my child to have autonomy.

34:10

I have to say it all

34:13

the time. And then somebody will

34:15

go, Oh, that's a good idea. And I'm just like, where

34:17

the fuck are you guys living that

34:19

you're not realizing that when kids are

34:22

in high school, we're literally training them

34:25

to be autonomous. Where is

34:27

this messaging gone that people

34:29

are doing everything for their kids that they should start

34:32

doing for their own? And then how

34:34

are these kids ever going to have any

34:36

dopamine serotonin if they don't do little accomplishments

34:38

to make them feel better about themselves if

34:40

mommy does everything for them? Well,

34:43

I mean, not too long ago, we did an episode where

34:45

Gen Zers are

34:47

taking their mommies and daddies to job interviews.

34:50

Like it just sets them up for massive failure

34:52

across the board. And employment

34:54

wise, I would have to think

34:56

probably physically, like they don't

34:59

keep like mommy working

35:01

on their haircuts and all that. I mean, I just

35:04

think it's a recipe for disaster. I'm going to have

35:06

kind of a controversial take. This is just one of

35:08

these theories. One of these theories

35:10

I've had for a very long time. I

35:13

think that when kids are

35:16

zero to, you know, second or third

35:18

grade, if you want to stay at home and

35:20

be a full time mom, there's a lot that

35:22

you can do during the day, during those time

35:24

periods that can constitute and be the equivalent of

35:26

a full time job. It's hard. You

35:28

got to entertain them. Blah, blah. I

35:30

think once they enter the stage of school

35:33

where you go from eight to three thirty

35:36

and you've got some mom at home all the

35:38

time, bored to

35:40

tears, trying to create things to do.

35:43

I think it's really dangerous because I think

35:45

our brains are meant to be used. And

35:49

I think you have this

35:52

situation where these people still

35:54

think they're full time

35:56

moms for thirty five hours a week. jack

36:00

shit to do. And

36:02

I think that it is a

36:04

dangerous situation. And I

36:06

think that you have to have

36:08

something outside of being a mother

36:11

to help you be a

36:13

better mother. All of this

36:15

stuff tends to take place with

36:19

moms that aren't getting fulfillment outside

36:21

of motherhood. So they put all

36:23

their eggs in one

36:25

basket and it's on those kids.

36:27

And that is a horrible burden

36:29

to put on those kids. It's a

36:32

lot of pressure. And you just have

36:34

to diversify your interests. You just have

36:36

to. This notion that when

36:38

you're a mother, that's just all

36:40

you are has got to be

36:42

rectified because you're a mother, you're

36:45

also somebody else's daughter, potentially

36:48

somebody's partner slash wife, you're

36:50

somebody's friend. Is the mother,

36:52

would that be up there? It's like the

36:54

top most important? Sure. Yes. But

36:57

it's not everything. And you can't be

36:59

that because your kids are only kids

37:01

for a finite amount of time. And

37:04

the end goal towards the end

37:06

of their childhood has to be

37:08

adult preparation. It just has to

37:10

be. It has to be. Otherwise

37:12

you've got poopy diapers

37:15

and passies and cartoons and titty

37:17

babies. It's not good for the

37:19

mom. It's not for the kid.

37:22

You know, and the husband is probably like, just

37:24

as long as she's off my fucking back. Right.

37:27

Better him than me. He's probably. And I know

37:29

that a lot of people are going to say,

37:31

Hey, you guys have internalized misogyny by saying that.

37:33

And that's not the point. My point is for

37:35

this to help women feel liberated, to have two

37:38

things at the same time, being

37:40

a mom and learning how

37:42

to train your kids to be autonomous

37:44

and also have something just for you.

37:46

Right. So mommy bloggers don't get all

37:49

this messaging twisted here. I'm actually advocating

37:51

for women to have more to

37:53

their lives than just motherhood for

37:55

them, for their mental health and

37:58

for their serenity, because it's It's

38:00

not good when it's all chips in on

38:03

your kid's life because the kid is

38:05

going to turn into an adult right

38:08

if you let them and then you're gonna be on

38:11

What's that? Making play

38:13

dates for your college. It's just embarrassing and

38:15

no wonder these kids have so much anxiety

38:18

Yeah, I mean, it's just it's bad. It's

38:20

not good. I mean my kids Would

38:23

well I was on that guy for Sam's

38:25

freshman year and if I even posted on

38:27

that he would go ballistic Like

38:31

I just asked something I have a kid in

38:33

college and I have never had a conversation

38:37

With any other parent at

38:40

Syracuse University or any

38:42

professors or any staff at

38:44

Syracuse University Because

38:48

I don't go to school there right

38:50

where he does and he's a legal

38:52

adult I don't have anything

38:55

to do with it. It is his Do

38:58

I does he call me do we have conversations?

39:00

Do I know what's going on? Yes,

39:02

of course, but it's his deal

39:04

It's not mine. I don't I

39:07

don't know anything that's going on up there

39:09

I genuinely don't and that's the way it

39:11

should be I think this

39:14

is a relatively new thing

39:16

with kind of our Age

39:19

kids and lower because when

39:21

I went to college in law school, nobody

39:23

my mom was never around She

39:25

ever talked to any professor and the other parents never

39:29

Okay, here's a new article.

39:31

I refuse to attend my friends man

39:33

free wedding. It's stupid and

39:35

unfair One couple has taken

39:38

a unique approach to cut down on their

39:40

guest list banning all males from attending their

39:42

ceremony including their dads and Brothers

39:45

confused by this a woman has taken to

39:47

social media to share how her friend Lisa

39:50

34 and her fiance Sophie

39:52

35 have decided to have

39:54

a man free wedding. She

39:56

said I've known both of them

39:58

for several years And I am,

40:00

or at least I was, until this whole

40:02

debacle, quite close with Lisa, so I was

40:05

not surprised that they've invited me to the

40:07

wedding. However, on the

40:09

invitation, it was noted that

40:11

it is a, quote, man-free

40:13

event. Meaning

40:17

that no men are allowed to be there. Despite

40:20

not being a man myself, I

40:22

felt that it was a weird decision on their part.

40:25

After hearing this, she made up her

40:27

mind about declining the invite because it's

40:29

sexist to exclude an entire gender.

40:32

What would you do? I would say, who gives

40:35

a fuck? If it's their wedding,

40:37

they want to cut down the guest list. It's none

40:39

of my business. I go, I have fun. I don't

40:41

worry about it. I agree. It

40:43

just wouldn't get me all hot and bothered, especially enough

40:46

to get on the internet and write about it and

40:48

do all that. I mean, why do you care? I

40:52

think that, I mean,

40:55

clearly, Lisa and Sophie are lesbians. They

40:58

just wanted to have a feminine, girl

41:02

power, girl energy type wedding.

41:04

I'm all for it. There's all

41:06

this men's only country clubs and

41:09

exclusive men's only bullshit. I

41:11

don't have an issue with it. I don't have an issue with it

41:13

either. I think she's got her

41:15

panties in a wad for no reason. Pick

41:18

a battle that affects

41:20

you in some way. I'm

41:23

sure that the Lisa

41:25

and Sophie, the brides, explained

41:29

to their fathers and brothers.

41:31

Right. Yeah. Why does

41:33

it matter to this girl? I mean, she doesn't have a

41:35

dog in the fight. I totally agree. Yeah.

41:38

I think that if

41:40

you want to have a girl-only wedding, I'm for

41:42

it. Now, what if it was a guy's only

41:44

wedding? I

41:47

kind of feel the same way about it. Thank God I'm not

41:49

invited. Great. That

41:51

means I'm not going. I'm not going. Silver

41:53

lining, I'm not invited. Great. Yeah.

41:56

Yeah. I just ... Although if

41:58

it was a male-only wedding, it would be a gay

42:00

wedding. And that would be I would be sad. Yeah,

42:02

it would probably really fabulous That's

42:05

true sad that I wouldn't be with all the

42:07

gays. Yeah. No, that's true the gay triates the

42:09

gay triates I would be sad because that would

42:11

be a wedding I'd want to go to that'd

42:13

be fine. It'd be pretty it'd be all the

42:15

things Yeah, but if somebody said hey,

42:17

we're having it I'd be sad

42:19

I missed it, but I wouldn't I wouldn't

42:21

fucking get on the internet and write a

42:23

manifesto about it Like yeah, but listen, you've

42:25

got to have gratitude for this unhinged posting

42:27

on the internet No, I do we don't

42:29

have content right and it does give me

42:31

a giggle I mean this shit the people

42:33

get their panties in a wad about stuff.

42:36

I just don't get yeah But

42:38

it is fun. Kylie would you

42:40

and Anna have a girls only wedding? I

42:42

wouldn't but Again, like who

42:45

I wouldn't give one fuck if someone did right? It's

42:47

their wedding. It's they have to deal with their dad

42:49

and brother That's their problem. Right? Do you know of

42:51

any lesbians that have done this? Hi, I've never heard

42:53

of that I don't know. I mean, I'm with you

42:56

all like I don't care if it was like girls

42:58

only I'd kind of be like Oh, this will be

43:00

interesting. Yeah, you know, like let's go boys only cool.

43:02

Send me pictures Yeah, sad. I'm gonna miss the gay

43:04

wedding. But if it's straight, well,

43:06

I guess it couldn't be straight men wedding But that

43:08

would be horrible Two straight

43:11

men marrying would be well, I'm just saying like

43:13

if there was only straight men that would have

43:15

died That would just be horrible. Oh,

43:17

that would be terrible Terrible, yeah, but

43:19

yeah, I generally don't care and be

43:22

thrilled. I didn't get invited to the all-male win I

43:25

wouldn't be because I'd want to go to the gay wedding Unlike

43:28

you I'm an ally fuck off.

43:31

It's bullshit What

43:33

a cunt Just

43:35

see you next Tuesday all

43:37

the time All

43:40

right, listen up. We have a new announcement

43:42

We are going on a little mini tour and it

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is going to be Seattle and September

43:47

New York City in November and it

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is called the people suck tour

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and Pumps tell him we

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will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or

43:56

both I'll

44:00

tell you what I've had it with. What's

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yours? I've had it with that. My

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got it so I can keep grinding on my paper. You

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