Episode Transcript
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Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and natriots.
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We have a new podcast that
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has dropped. It's called IHIP News.
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It's Monday through Friday, every day,
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15 to 20 minute
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hot takes on the political landscape
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of the United States of America,
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always served with a side of
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petty grievances. We are on all
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the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google,
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whatever you get your podcasts and
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YouTube. Please go rate,
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subscribe, and review so that
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we will chart upwards with America's
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greatest legal mind, pumps,
0:34
what does an eagle say? Kaka! A little
0:38
bit more enthusiasm. Kaka! That's
0:40
it. That's the patriotism that
0:44
this country needs right there.
0:56
Ready? One, two, three. Patriots,
0:59
gay-triots, patriots, kaka! Let's
1:02
go, America. Peps, how are you
1:05
today? I'm great. I had
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a great clap. I know everybody's sick of me talking
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about it, but it was a great clap. It really
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was. I mean, you know what? You did it for
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America. For
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America. What's
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going on? Isn't that new job? This is
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a pageant song. Yeah, pageant song
1:25
is the talent section of your Miss
1:27
America. For my toddlers in tiara
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moment. Are
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you okay? No. Okay.
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I've never been okay. What have you had
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it with? Okay, what I've had it with,
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and it's always white men, always, always, always
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fucking revving their cars. Enough.
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Vroom, vroom. Like so loud, I was in an
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intersection. This guy was doing it and I just
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was like, you're a fucking
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twat. Like enough. Nobody
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wants to look at you. You're
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not cute. No one thinks you're cool. It
2:00
just gross me out and it's just been
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on me. And of course we all know what I'm gonna
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say, then I'll be a penile shamer. But
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I'm just saying that's what I
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thought. Well, you are not only
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America's greatest legal mind, you are
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America's most prolific penile shamer. I
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mean, truly. If you know, you
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know. You could make a coffee table
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book that said, I'm
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not saying you have a small penis,
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but, and then just do
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a picture book. Yeah. Flipping through. First
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would be car revvers. Second
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would be men in alpha male
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classes. I mean, just, I could go
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through the list, the Tesla truck. That
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thing drives me crazy. Every time one of
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those comes up on the side of me,
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I'm like scared. Like it takes me aback.
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Let's go back to your original grievance. You're sitting
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in a stoplight. Yeah. You're stopped
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and the car next to you is stopped. Everybody stopped.
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But then the car next to you starts revving. At
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a red light. Right. It's
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like a cat call back in the day. You know what?
3:01
You think the guy was hitting on you? I
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don't know, but I mean, what would he do if I like
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slammed it in park, walked over and said, let's go fucking now.
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He'd do it. No, he'd
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run away scared because he, his
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little penis would suck up. Turn
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into an innie. It turned into an innie, peenie.
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An innie. So maybe
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people are hitting on you all. It's happened to you a lot?
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It's happened twice in the last two months.
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I tell you what, Kathy, I
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think Pumps is working the intersections of
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the United States of America and people
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are noticing and hitting on her via
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their engines, vroom, vroom. Kaka!
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There you go. I mean, it is,
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I just, when you're hot, you're hot, I guess.
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That's, I don't know
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what else to say about it other
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than you're hot. Yes, America. You
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did your talent earlier on the episodes. One
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of, one or two of my mini
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talents. Jack of all trades. Yeah. All
3:55
right, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. I've
3:58
had it with the architecture of strip. in
4:00
the United States of America. Yeah, that's bad. It's
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awful. They're just these
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boxy little strips with this
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concrete parking lot in front of them. And
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it's depressing. It doesn't make
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me want to do any mood altering shopping. No.
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It's not attractive to look at,
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and it's epidemic. It's everywhere. You
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go over to Europe, they have these
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quaint, darling, little retail
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strips with apartments up above them.
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We just have this wretched
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architecture. And you
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can even go look at the new
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architecture in suburbia. And
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you could be in the suburbs of Oklahoma
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City, the suburbs of Dallas, the suburbs of
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Los Angeles, Georgia, it doesn't matter. I mean,
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Atlanta, it doesn't matter. They
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all look like the exact same center. You've got
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the Target, and then
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like the pet store, either Petco or
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PetSmart or whatever. And
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it's just, there's no originality. It
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is like where I
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think people go to just say, I
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guess I'm just gonna live out the rest of my days and
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shop here. It depresses me
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to the core of my being.
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The urban planning in this
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country needs a complete rework,
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a complete rework. In fact, I think they need
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to gather up all the gate reeds and
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disperse them into the suburbs and just completely
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get out of bulldozer, doze all of it
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up and just completely rework the entire thing.
5:32
The whole thing needs a rework. That's
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a great idea. I'm telling you, we need to make
5:36
them walkable. Yes, I agree with that. We need to
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make them a little bit more diverse. We
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need to have less corporate
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stores, more local stores.
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They need to be a little bit more fab, a
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little bit more cutesy. It's just, it's
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so depressing. And
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the more I see them, the
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matter I get about it. And you know what's always crossed
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straight from all these strip malls? Yeah.
34:01
Okay. And speaking about couples
34:03
and dating, Bridget, you have one
34:05
of my favorite grievances slash obsessions.
34:07
Like sometimes something I've had it
34:10
with, I'm also equally obsessed with.
34:12
And these are couples that post
34:15
too much about their
34:18
relationship online. And then
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they even communicate with each other in the
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comment section. Yes. And it's
34:24
sappy, sappy stuff. And I'm just like,
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this couple is having the biggest problems
34:29
out of anybody. I immediately
34:31
think somebody's fucking around. No question.
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Always. Because why would you do that? This
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is one we have just been, I hate
34:38
to give her any credit, but she broke this
34:40
like trailblazer right when Facebook came out, when
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couples would do this, she'd be like, somebody's
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fucking around. They're getting ready to get a
34:47
divorce. I mean, it was six months later.
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It was like, I was like, Oh my
34:51
gosh, you are right. All the
34:53
time. It's just such a red light. I
34:55
knew it would be this post like, I love
34:57
my baby. He made me scrambled eggs this morning.
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And then he would respond, I'll
35:01
make you scrambled eggs anytime. And
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I'm like, y'all fucking live
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together. Why? Don't show us. Why
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are you commenting to each other
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on Facebook about scrambled eggs? Who's
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fucking around? Who found
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out which mistress or paramort? Are
35:19
you trying to prove that y'all are together
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for? It was so obvious. And of course,
35:23
you know, the divorce comes and
35:25
then they just delete it all. It's
35:28
all deleted. They're called for
35:31
the screenshot. Okay. Do y'all want
35:33
to play
35:36
a game of had it or hit it? Yes.
35:38
Oh my God. Welcome to had it
35:41
or hit it. I would
35:43
hit it. I
35:46
hit it every day. Sometimes twice. Had it
35:48
or hit it. Mom jeans. I've had it
35:50
with those. I think it's so dumping ugly
35:52
and frumpy, but the problem is they're not
35:54
going out of style. So I had to
35:56
buy a pair just to stay in style.
36:00
I've had it with them. Like I put them
36:02
on and I'm like, oh, I feel dumpy. And
36:05
Nick just says, well, at least you're in
36:08
style. What's a mom, Jane? Is it
36:10
the high waisted? For me,
36:12
I think of it as the high
36:14
waisted. They're not very well fitted. They're
36:16
just baggy. Yeah. Okay.
36:19
I just bought a pair of those. It was a huge regret. She was kind
36:21
of pushing them on me and pushing them on me. I
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went in, I got, I don't try them in the store cause I
36:25
hate it. So I got them home and I
36:27
thought these look fucking horrible. Yeah. I
36:30
stand in the mirror and go, yeah, I
36:32
stand in the mirror and go, these, I look like I
36:34
look dumpy in these. Yeah. It
36:36
is the style. Holly, what about you?
36:38
I've had it with mom jeans. I
36:40
like a really baggy jean. Like I
36:43
just got off, you know, working like
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ditch digging or something, like really baggy,
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not like fitted waist or anything
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like that. Okay. Had
36:52
it or hid it camo. Well, I
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mean, I don't care if other people do it, but I've
36:56
never been into it. Yeah. I'm
36:58
usually not into it, but like my son
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is super into like he's eight and he's
37:03
into like camo and top gun and building
37:05
a four and a base. So
37:07
I saw him low key hitting it. Okay. Had
37:13
it or hid it mirror selfies. I've
37:15
had it with that because I, I've
37:19
had it kind of with social media in general. I
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feel like I have to post. I don't have a
37:23
choice, but like I just wish social media wasn't there.
37:26
Yeah. I still do it.
37:28
We did it last week, like three times.
37:30
Yeah. Well, I feel like it's an obligation
37:32
once you have it. Yeah.
37:34
You know, like social media. Yeah. Once you have
37:37
it and you do what we do for a
37:39
living, you have to, it's your
37:41
way to advertise so that people are reminded
37:44
to go listen to your podcast so that
37:46
your bills can get paid and so that
37:48
your staff can get paid. But I'm
37:50
with you, Bridget. Sometimes I like love
37:53
social media and I'm like, Oh my
37:55
God, the internet is undefeated. This
37:57
is the best tweet I've ever seen. Or this is the best
37:59
post. They're
44:02
darling. I love them. What
44:04
a life though. I mean, too. And you're young
44:06
to have lived in the Playboy
44:09
mansion and you know,
44:11
and the the geography
44:13
or the landscape of how
44:17
that is perceived when they
44:19
did it versus now, it's really changed. I
44:21
mean, me too has really
44:23
helped catapult women beyond
44:28
that being like a goal
44:31
for them. Right. But at
44:34
the time, I just remember everybody thought
44:36
he was cool. Q Hefner. Totally. When
44:38
we were younger. Oh, totally. They thought
44:40
he was really cool. And it's like,
44:42
he really wasn't. No, he
44:44
wasn't. And I think there's just a lot
44:46
of exploitation of young girls. And
44:49
he exploited them. Yeah. When you watch
44:51
it, it's you can
44:53
be a playmate if you do that. You know
44:55
what I mean? I think that happens to a
44:57
lot to women who move to California. They want
44:59
to be actresses. They want to be models. And
45:02
they immediately get exploited by men
45:04
in positions of power and they get
45:06
intoxicated by it. And then they compromise.
45:08
And it's you're they're so young and
45:10
get so intoxicated by that idea. And
45:13
it's really sad. Because they're
45:15
celebrities running around everywhere. You're in this
45:17
huge house, food, all the,
45:19
you know, like they have a room service all the time.
45:22
But I love seeing these
45:24
women, you know, claim
45:26
their stories, be so successful. They're
45:29
really fun. It was just they're
45:31
just tell they're nice. Yeah, like
45:33
good people. Exactly. All right. We
45:35
are on tour. Please check out
45:37
our Lincoln bio. Follow this podcast.
45:39
Follow IHIP news. If you're into
45:41
politics, go to Patreon. Follow us
45:44
there as well. And
45:46
we will see you when pumps. We'll
45:48
see you next Tuesday or Thursday. I'll
45:50
tell you what I've had it
45:52
with. Let's hear it. I've
45:55
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