0:00

This is Frank Skinnerfkinner. This

0:02

is Absolute Radio. Happy

0:09

New Year, guys. Happy New Year.

0:13

2024. Have you written 2023 yet when you meant to write 2024? Not

0:17

yet. No, OK. It's coming. I

0:20

think now it's probably gone now. You've missed your window.

0:22

Do you think? Yeah, if you haven't done it by

0:24

January. What is it today? January

0:26

the 6th. Yeah, or no, that's very much

0:28

his area. 13th night. Yeah, 13th

0:31

night. If you haven't done it by 13th

0:33

night, you're probably into 24 now. What

0:35

do you think about when you see the... Well, you're into

0:38

24, by the way. The series. Oh,

0:40

no. Somebody bought me the box set.

0:42

Way too tense for the likes of me, Frank. Somebody

0:45

gave me that box set and they bought

0:47

it for me and said, honestly, this will

0:51

blow your mind, change your life. Oh,

0:53

don't hate it when they say that the picture. So

0:55

I watched one episode and I thought... I

1:00

didn't think... Oh, no. I thought... You

1:02

didn't think maybe I'll join the CIA. No,

1:05

I didn't think that. That

1:07

was Kiefer, of course. Yes. Oh,

1:10

was it? Oh, yeah. OK. What happened to him? I

1:13

don't know. You don't see him so much these days,

1:15

Keith. But you don't see me that much. I

1:18

don't want to poke the finger

1:20

at anyone. Do you think his family called

1:22

him R. Kiefer? I thought so. I have

1:24

so long his name was Keith O. Sutherland.

1:28

Oh. I

1:30

thought, oh, he's Irish. Yeah.

1:34

Kiefer. Anyway, if

1:36

you're listening, Kiefer. Here's the thing.

1:38

It was my start to the year. Alan

1:41

Carr came on the telly and my son said, oh,

1:47

really, like Alan Carr. I think

1:49

he's funnier than you are. Oh, are you joking?

1:54

I thought, you know. I

2:00

knew the Barb remarks from child to

2:02

parent would come I didn't think they'd

2:05

come this soon Or

2:08

indeed this Barb I

2:12

was I don't know. I didn't know what to

2:14

do with myself. Wow So

2:17

and it wasn't done in a you know,

2:19

a comedy teasing way It

2:21

was a really thought it was about time

2:23

about time we got this out in the

2:25

open kind of a way the casual cruelty

2:27

Oh man, oh my god, what did you

2:29

say you didn't what could you say? I

2:33

I couldn't look I couldn't argue back.

2:36

Could I what if it's not like

2:38

when I saw Former

2:40

England player Alan Mollery having an

2:42

argument with Rodney Marsh to

2:45

all players and they disagreed about

2:47

some football thing and Alan Mollery said come

2:50

on get you get you get your medals

2:52

out On the table. We'll see who knows

2:54

the most about football I don't want to

2:57

see that in a political debate Program.

3:02

No, so I just had to take it on

3:04

the chin but inside You

3:07

didn't take the approach of if you catch your kids

3:09

smoking you make them smoke a whole pack and say

3:11

well Then we're gonna watch everything Alan Carr's ever done.

3:14

See how much you like him after that I'd be alright that

3:16

was apart from the wee elements I Look

3:22

like Alan Carr office. He's a funny man. But

3:24

is he funnier than me? I don't think I

3:31

can't take the other side. I think if you

3:33

had a national vote he'd win. Let's face it.

3:36

Hmm, but you know It's

3:38

fine. We can exist on the same

3:41

planet. But knowing that my child is

3:43

thinking Imagine if Alan Carr's

3:45

a huge concession you're making we can

3:47

exist on the same planet. Yeah But

3:51

oh man Frank you're always the

3:53

funniest to us Yeah Made

3:57

it work. I know this links been about

4:00

12 and a half minutes, the producer's doing her

4:02

nails. How soon- You've got that kind of feeling.

4:04

How soon into the new year does it happen?

4:07

What's your timing on that first week? My

4:12

timing? Yeah. I presume you

4:14

run a clock of your own onto

4:16

the table. Alex Ferguson is dying on

4:18

the back of my own mind. I

4:21

always say Pierre has got his own

4:23

control levers. He's

4:25

like, oh, he wouldn't just let

4:28

this drift, Pierre. Man,

4:30

he needs one hand on the button at

4:32

all times. That's what

4:35

I've heard. Bernard, get out of

4:37

here. Frank Scrath,

4:39

get on absolute radio.

4:42

I can ask you a question. Sure. And

4:46

I don't know how I describe this,

4:49

but I'm fairly confident as ever in

4:51

my descriptive powers. You know, when you

4:54

have a laugh, and

4:57

you have a laugh which seems

4:59

to come from another universe, they're

5:02

very, very rare, which is probably just as

5:04

well, because they seem to be quite

5:06

an attack on your body's main

5:08

systems. And you laugh so

5:11

much. Noises come out of you you've

5:13

never heard before. You get a bit

5:15

lightheaded because you're not breathing properly. It's

5:17

like when you're listening or watching Alan

5:20

Carr. Is it that? Not

5:24

anymore. The sounds are coming

5:26

out of me. LAUGHTER

5:29

Anyway, if anyone's just tuned in, they'll think, well,

5:31

my son has announced that Alan Carr is funnier

5:34

than me. Oh. It's

5:37

official. Anyway, do you know that's on...

5:39

And you just sort of go... WHEEZES

5:43

And I haven't had one of those

5:46

for, I think, 20 years. Non-taken.

5:50

Yeah. No, but do

5:52

you know what I mean? It's a uncontrolled

5:55

one. It's rare. It's a sort of childlike

5:57

laughter, isn't it? But it's beyond. Actually, you

5:59

start... to think I actually feel ill

6:01

now, I feel a bit lightheaded but

6:03

I can't stop. The closest I've

6:07

been was this New Year's Eve,

6:10

Kath went to bed, she is

6:12

not interested in the whole New

6:15

Year's Eve fireworks thing or any of that, so

6:17

she went to bed at about nine and

6:20

me and Buzz stopped. I love her. Me and

6:23

Buzz laugh, not at that level, I'm still

6:25

waiting for their next one of our, I

6:27

don't know if I'd get through it, no

6:29

at my age, one of ours

6:32

laughs. But

6:36

we watched Jules

6:38

Holland's Hootenanny and

6:41

Jules, God bless Jules Holland,

6:43

he's obviously a talented man.

6:48

If somebody gave me a list

6:50

of highly prized talents I wouldn't

6:53

want, Boogie Woogie

6:55

piano would be up there, right up

6:57

there with baking. But

7:01

we just laugh, we just

7:03

laughed at the Jules Holland's

7:05

Hootenanny. I

7:08

don't know, it just seemed like

7:10

the funniest thing. Jules sits on

7:12

like an oil drum with paint

7:14

stains on it and goes

7:16

dee dee dee dee and

7:19

I don't know, we just, we laugh.

7:22

I think that's why that level of laugh is

7:24

so rare because it's impossible to plan what's going

7:26

to do it. We didn't reach that level but

7:28

it reminded me

7:30

of those kind of controlled laughs because

7:33

I didn't know what we were laughing

7:35

at, I think that's the secret

7:37

of it. And then Rod

7:39

Stewart got up to sing with them

7:41

and Buzz completely lost it. It's

7:44

just completely, because Rod Stewart wasn't

7:46

doing his hits, he was doing things

7:49

like the one to

7:51

talk to, like an old

7:53

American songbook type thing which

7:55

is always hilarious. Oh

7:59

man, I'm just I know there's a

8:01

lot of comedy on, but nothing. Talk

8:03

to the hoot nanny. Do

8:07

you think when you're a comedian you get

8:09

so used to thinking through jokes or understanding

8:11

them when you're watching them as a

8:13

person who does them as well, that

8:15

I find that the stuff that gets around that

8:17

mental block and creates that big laugh tends to

8:19

be either something unexpected like that or very

8:22

simple absurdity or

8:24

someone falling down or an

8:26

animal doing something weird? Well my partner,

8:29

Cass, almost never

8:31

laughs at any of my jokes at all. I

8:33

mean she's just a fact. That's not true. It

8:35

really is true. It's very

8:37

humbling, which is a good thing. Everyone

8:40

in Shelby should have some sort of

8:42

humbling assistance. But

8:45

one thing she has always laughed at

8:47

is people falling over and stuff like

8:49

that. We were once in Venice, sitting

8:51

on the floor by St Mark's Square,

8:53

and I'd been bitten by a mosquito

8:56

and had a big lump on my head, sort

8:59

of Looney Tunes style.

9:02

And we were sitting talking and

9:04

another mosquito landed on that lump

9:06

and, you know, whatever they do,

9:09

bit the lump, stung

9:11

the lump. And Cass, I

9:13

told Cass I was going to die, she

9:15

laughed at that. She literally lay on the

9:17

dirty floor. She's a bit of

9:19

a hygiene person. She literally

9:21

lay on the dirty tile floor and

9:24

laughed. She

9:27

laughed so much I think she had to lie on

9:29

something that was non-porous. Bring

9:31

it in on absolute radio. So

9:37

here's my Christmas presents

9:39

if you're interested. Oh

9:42

lovely. Walking socks. Very nice. I

9:45

know all socks could lay a claim

9:47

to that title. But

9:50

none so dirty. For some reason walking,

9:54

when it's applied to socks, you're

9:57

thinking long distances and rough

10:00

Have they got a little white fleck in

10:02

them? I always associate the activewear sock with

10:05

a little white fleck. Well, they come in

10:07

many varieties, I think they used to

10:09

be, all look like that. But now I've

10:11

had black walking socks. They ought to be

10:13

called hiking socks really to properly distinguish them.

10:16

Goths go on a walk, I love them.

10:18

Yeah. I'm sure I've never seen a goth

10:20

on a trek. No,

10:23

they don't trek really, do they? I feel

10:25

them... What cut outerwear do they have? I

10:27

feel them sitting in the cemeteries of villages

10:30

and small towns drinking cider. Yeah.

10:33

In fairness, some of the longer leather jackets, the

10:37

black trench coats made of leather, that's pretty

10:39

all terrain. They're not practical for the hiking.

10:41

No, no. Anyway, a walk

10:43

in socks I had and then I

10:46

had lemon curd, a

10:48

jar of lemon curd. Was it

10:50

in the socks? No, that was from

10:52

a separate, separate gifter.

10:54

Ah. It's never

10:56

really caught on, has it, the curd? No.

10:59

You know, like the jam, it can get more

11:01

or less every fruit. How

11:03

many curds? What do you mean? How

11:06

many curds do you come... I've seen

11:08

lime curd. But that's because lime is

11:11

always used as sort of lemons.

11:13

It's like Danny Minogue to the

11:15

lemons, Kylie Minogue. It always gets

11:17

in on the act, doesn't it?

11:19

Yeah, but it just... It doesn't

11:21

quite make it. It's the second

11:23

phone call, isn't it, lime? Lemon's

11:28

working in, you know, I don't

11:30

know, Pellegrino

11:34

project. So we're

11:36

going to have lime curd. I can't think of

11:38

any other curds, I've seen. Do

11:41

you get strawberry curd? If

11:43

you do, it doesn't happen in our

11:45

house. So lemon curd, you

11:47

know what I mean? Then I had some licorice.

11:50

All sorts? No. I

11:54

sort of take no prisoners, licorice. Licorice

11:57

is not accompanied by anything to make it

11:59

be less... licorice. Oh no. Oh is

12:01

it pure as bad licorice? Licorice

12:04

that comes in like a spool.

12:06

Do you know

12:08

that stuff? Oh yes. Like a

12:10

vertigo record label but without the

12:12

white. Yeah yeah yeah. And

12:15

it's just like a, it's a wheel of licorice.

12:17

How big is this wheel? Oh

12:19

I'd say diameter. Yes yes

12:21

yes. And I'm gonna go imperial.

12:23

Okay. If I may. I'd

12:26

say it's a three and a half

12:28

inches. That's a lot of licorice. Yeah

12:30

man. Okay. It's like eating a biscuit

12:32

you know. But I

12:34

suppose the jewel in the crown was I

12:37

got a tin of driving sweets. Like

12:40

walking socks and driving sweets. Yeah

12:42

exactly. And they

12:44

have about as, it makes about as much sense but um.

12:47

Did they have the bed of icing sugar? Well when

12:49

I opened them in the car there

12:51

was a spray of icing sugar went

12:53

all over my jeans. I thought if

12:55

the police stopped me now. In

12:59

my line of work who's gonna believe

13:01

that that's icing sugar. But yeah they're

13:03

in my car now in the circular

13:06

tin. I've finally done it and got

13:08

the driving sweets. And

13:10

that was, that was the full extent of

13:12

my Christmas presents. What flavour

13:14

of driving sweets? Don't try and make me

13:17

feel better. So

13:19

hang on you got the, let's just

13:21

go through this. You've got lemon curd,

13:23

lemon curd, driving sweets, licorice,

13:26

um. Yeah and uh and the socks.

13:29

Okay. A

13:32

Willy Wonka staycation set. Yeah

13:35

it's one of those, you know when

13:37

you put your presents in a

13:40

little pile. You

13:42

wanted to put them all into the

13:44

sock for carrying. Usually you want one

13:46

big annual that you can use as

13:48

a base and carry your other presents

13:50

on like a tray. I

13:53

didn't get anything that big. Oh okay.

13:55

So that was it. It was, and what

13:57

I'm saying it was a shabby year. On

14:00

the gift bank. Oh my God!

14:02

Well, there's no other way of selling

14:04

that. I can't talk that

14:06

off. Oh my God,

14:09

Frank. That bundle. Frank,

14:17

Georgina has got in touch with

14:19

us. What? George Foreman's daughter?

14:22

Oh yes, all of his, fortunately. All

14:24

the boys are called George, and the

14:26

girls are called Georgina, Georgiette, etc.

14:30

Oh, lovely. Georgina has

14:32

got in touch. He told me, George

14:34

Foreman, that he

14:36

gets a dollar a grill. Oh. Wow,

14:40

how many do you think he sold? Millions.

14:42

He must have done. The fat

14:45

drains right out of the

14:47

meat and down into the tray under the

14:49

grill. I've got that tattooed on my mind

14:51

from how often that advert was on cable.

14:53

But everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, told he gets

14:55

a dollar a grill. And Snoop

14:57

Dogg told me he gets a dollar a grill. Is

14:59

that hot, then? It turned out to be a typo.

15:04

So anyway. I

15:07

don't know why, but that reminds me of that thing

15:09

your manager said you, the three lines.

15:11

Remember when you were in the hotel, and

15:14

you got a big bunch of flowers? Yeah. What

15:16

did it say? It had just come, three lines

15:18

had just come out. I was in, I think

15:22

I was in San Francisco, and I checked

15:24

into my hotel and there was a big

15:27

bunch of flowers, which I thought at first the

15:29

hotel had given me. And then I realized it

15:31

was, there was a card with it. And

15:34

when I looked at the card, it was from my

15:36

manager and it said straight in at number one, 56,000

15:38

units sold. The

15:41

romantic. The least romantic. 56,000 units. Units.

15:46

Wow. Units of music.

15:48

Yeah. Half

15:51

a kilogram of music, please. Who

15:53

was that? Units. It

15:55

was the most exciting. thing

16:00

it's reduced. So anyway Georgina has got in touch

16:02

to say proper curd, an answer

16:10

to your curd question Frank, proper

16:12

curd is formed using the acidity

16:15

from citrus fruits and

16:17

that's why it's those flavors only.

16:19

What about the orange? Yeah

16:23

I've never seen orange curd. But

16:26

it must be possible. It's like

16:28

jam. Yes it

16:30

is. With fog. Yeah

16:35

that's what it is. It's like if

16:37

you use the jar of jams to

16:39

setting for a Jattler-Ripper movie it

16:42

would look like curd. Can

16:46

I say though I mean it was chosen

16:49

because I am a big lemon curd enthusiast.

16:52

I'm interested in your consumption of curd.

16:55

For this reason I struggle with

16:57

curd. Can I tell you why? I

17:00

can't put it straight onto bread. Do

17:03

you have with butter or without? Well

17:05

here's my thing. I find it

17:07

a bit of a you know when you've got

17:09

to get the marjo and then put it back

17:11

and get the bread. I find

17:15

with jam if you put

17:17

jam on bread it's

17:19

like what's going on? I've got no

17:22

there's no under sheet. You're

17:24

asking me to sleep on the raw

17:27

mattress with its terrible

17:29

quilting bottoms sticking in me and

17:31

it's label. Why do they have

17:33

a label on it? Where do

17:36

they have bottoms on it? And

17:41

there's a whee state. If you buy a new

17:43

mattress there's a whee state. Make

17:46

them at the factory like that. Anyway

17:51

that's what jams like but

17:53

because curd is a bit

17:56

buttery in its texture I

17:58

find you don't need anything on this. it

18:00

it comes with a fitted sheet it's

18:03

like it's in a sleeping bag you go naked

18:07

curd so that's time saved

18:09

and margarine saved it's

18:13

essentially a money spinner curd

18:15

lemon curd for me Frank

18:17

we have had I would

18:29

say it's a number of people yeah

18:31

would you agree getting in touch regarding

18:35

your favorite snack oh

18:38

yeah Martin Gardner for example he

18:41

begins tackiest new year rule

18:44

okay if you're new to the

18:46

show which I don't think anyone's

18:52

been since about 2021 I don't think

18:54

so we're struggling to

18:58

hold on to the old one no no no I'm just they

19:00

are with yes I am we often halfway

19:09

through the morning in fact Jenny is due

19:12

to go out onto the streets any

19:14

weapon told her yet I eat

19:19

cactus which is a very very hot smurf

19:23

and like I say I'm load to

19:25

say I'm not trying to sell taxis

19:28

to anyone I don't get free takis

19:31

and the other people on the team

19:33

generally don't like it you remember you

19:35

know I'm not I'm poor Emily had

19:37

one and then robbed her eye and

19:40

was blind for three days just

19:44

to prove that we're not receiving

19:46

any money from takis my very strong

19:49

line I can give them is I utterly

19:51

despise them okay tacky's

19:53

in third despise them

19:56

Oh ID spice anyway what

19:58

what's Tacky's new

20:00

year all just wondering magic that

20:03

caught on I don't know stop

20:05

saying it to each other. Hey, Tacky's new year

20:12

Frank has been able to get his hands on

20:14

the limited edition zombie

20:17

tackies The flavor you

20:19

ask Habanero, I never

20:22

know how to say that Habanero

20:27

Habanero how do you say habanero Frank?

20:30

I say habanero I

20:33

have to imagine myself with

20:35

crossed bandoleros Habanero

20:39

and cucumber Habanero and

20:41

cucumber in the famous words of

20:43

crash test dummies Do

20:45

you know what the famous words are? I don't

20:48

I didn't either but apparently it's mmm Okay,

20:52

okay Was that

20:54

when the real crash test dummies were

20:56

tied in a like a room at

20:58

the back and there was some bogus

21:00

ones who had taken their place and

21:03

the real crash test Crashed

21:05

dummies were out like plasters over their mouths

21:07

and we go Anyway,

21:12

I have tried new limited

21:14

edition Well,

21:17

boss had one in his advent calendar

21:23

Well, my partner constructs an advent

21:25

calendar and it has a tiny

21:27

note in it every day that

21:29

says things like look under the

21:31

dog's bed And

21:33

when he looks under the dog's bed, there's like

21:35

for one day there was some Stamps,

21:38

I can't remember what country it was but

21:40

they had kiss on them the band But

21:43

sometimes they're things like a bottle of

21:45

prime Or a

21:47

pack in a tacky. So one of them was

21:50

the zombie limited edition. I think what's the

21:52

problem? I'm not familiar with hammer here. Oh,

21:55

I don't really know what it is. I'm presuming. It's

21:57

a hot thing It's one of God's hot things Yeah,

22:00

yeah, but I love

22:02

it when you describe me like that you

22:04

could really taste the

22:08

Cucumber as well. No, I don't know

22:10

how they've done that. I thought the

22:12

cucumber would be lost in the halo.

22:14

Yeah, but like

22:17

a bit like

22:19

Gabrielle But

22:22

Frank why would anyone want the cucumber

22:24

to dominate I mean, let's be I

22:27

didn't say he's dominated I said it got a looking

22:30

I don't really taste it. Well, I thought it

22:32

would be lost in a hell No,

22:35

it wasn't are these supposed to be this

22:37

that's what a zombie tastes like or are

22:39

these that's what zombies like these are What

22:41

I wanted to know what zombie tastes like

22:43

you must have seen you know those things

22:47

Those things in zombie films that you see you

22:50

think hold on a minute turns

22:52

out they're actually cucumbers What

23:01

a day Ken does Shoving

23:05

the cucumber through the vicars letterbox

23:07

and shouting the Martians have landed

23:12

One of the great jobs of all time Yes,

23:15

I tried them and I liked them

23:17

but for me I'm still very loyal

23:19

to fire goo But the original ones

23:22

the packet Frank has a wizened

23:24

old green hand on the front Oh

23:26

does it god I thought it was mirrored Oh

23:38

We've had a lot of curd correspondence

23:40

Okay, because you've been talking about

23:43

your I'm gonna go there passion for

23:45

lemon curd Specifically lemon we should

23:47

say isn't it? Yes, none of the other

23:49

curds Well, I

23:51

said there aren't many that's just eat. Well,

23:55

you know other other curds. Oh Yes

24:00

stuff like I don't know what the citrus is

24:02

are well six three oh gets in touch and

24:04

says hi Frank Emily and Pierre just thought you

24:06

should be informed of the full range of options

24:08

regarding curd okay I had passion

24:10

fruit curd from an English heritage it was

24:12

delicious they also seem to do toffee apple

24:15

curd Oh

24:17

elderflower and rose oh

24:19

I thought we were told it had to

24:22

be citrus it's a new world it's 2024

24:24

Frank the rules for anyone only

24:29

citrus I was called by Georgina

24:31

Georgina I have questions I'm

24:33

afraid you're gonna have to it's the countdown

24:35

moment when you've passed me a bit of

24:37

paper with your maths work you know to

24:39

check you haven't just copied my answer oh

24:42

I hate it that time oh what about

24:44

when they go I did that as well yeah

24:46

yeah that's what I've got and also

24:49

what they don't what I would love someone to

24:52

do on there is the person has come up

24:54

with the answer when they say yeah I got

24:56

the same and they show them the bit of

24:58

paper they sort of go yeah this is embarrassing

25:00

I would say check the paper and say well

25:02

let's go through this and get

25:04

a pen get a pen just

25:06

go through it line by line I

25:09

know a man who would do that yeah

25:11

yeah what about

25:14

this Thomas from abarist

25:17

with dear Frank could

25:19

your partner make you an advent

25:21

calendar for Christmas 24 featuring lemon

25:23

curd but it would

25:25

be every day I don't know what was coming ah

25:28

there with okay admittedly it'll be

25:30

the same treat each day but

25:33

no different to a chocolate one

25:35

with the same daily treat just

25:37

a thought from a fellow lemon

25:39

curd connoisseur that well that's a good point

25:42

the people don't mind about chocolate every day

25:44

I think Thomas has got a point can

25:46

I tell you something by the way someone said I

25:49

had a cup of

25:51

coffee at someone's house what a

25:53

lovely story I know I

25:57

know tell stories like

25:59

that I had a coffee, oh lovely.

26:01

And they said to me, hold on a

26:03

minute, I thought you're anti, you're always mowned

26:06

about coffee and said you didn't like it.

26:08

I said, well I didn't like it. But

26:11

then it turns out, I said I've been having coffee

26:13

every week on the radio show

26:15

and now I'm sort of a bit more

26:17

open to it. And they said, what you

26:20

been having? I said, chai latte. And they

26:22

said, um, that's tea. I

26:24

said, no, it's like, chai latte. Chai

26:28

latte. And they said, no, that's

26:30

tea. So I haven't had

26:32

that. Oh,

26:35

what a fool I felt. You were

26:38

tricked. And then I

26:40

remembered, there was an Indian Uber

26:43

driver said to me, did you

26:46

see that shop? Did you see that

26:48

shop? They were advertising chai tea. And

26:51

I said, no. I thought, what does he meant?

26:54

Does he want to stop and get something?

26:56

He said, chai, chai, it means tea. I

26:59

said, okay. It's

27:02

not QI, it's Uber. Anyway,

27:07

sorry. Here's a question as well. I'm sorry.

27:10

I wanted to tell you about my haul. Okay,

27:12

yeah. Can I ask you one question?

27:14

Sure. I say Rod Stewart

27:17

is out there pottering about the house. Okay.

27:20

And he has his shower. Yeah. You

27:22

know we all sing. Do you sing in the shower, guys? Yeah.

27:25

So I tend to sing Roy

27:28

Orbison in the shower because I take

27:30

advantage of the echo. You've got

27:33

Rod Stewart. So Rod Stewart,

27:35

when he's in, is he

27:37

singing? And

27:41

now the end is near.

27:45

Or when he's in the shower is he? And

27:47

now the end is near. And

27:50

then when he goes on stage he goes like,

27:53

okay, I'm ready. Yeah, it has some tackies right

27:55

before he goes on stage. Is that his voice

27:57

or is that his stage voice? He's

28:00

got to be stuck in it by now. No, I Do

28:04

remember I did it I did the wrong variety and

28:06

they he found up on the morning and said that

28:09

He couldn't do it. He hadn't got a sore throat

28:12

And what he actually said was he couldn't do it. She

28:14

did have a sore throat And you see what I did

28:16

I switch it around for comedy purposes, but I

28:19

I'm not convinced that him or the

28:21

guy from stereophonic Actually,

28:24

that's their natural thing you know, and

28:26

if anyone's got any insights 8 12

28:28

15 If

28:31

anyone's got any side lights 8 12 15 Occasionally

28:44

plug things on the show Emily

28:47

Dean does a podcast called walking the

28:49

dog. Have you heard of it? She

28:52

is quite big And

28:55

she goes on a walk with a celebrity

28:57

and their dog Yes, so

28:59

I'm this week over to

29:01

Emily. Guess so I went on a walk with Hmm

29:05

too long too long. Yeah, Alan

29:07

cut no Bank

29:10

Skinner MBE and

29:12

his dog Frank. Yes, poppy The dogs not

29:14

called Frank by the way Frank jr. Imagine

29:17

if you'd have called the dog Frank jr.

29:19

Yeah It's

29:21

a lady. Yeah, that's the problem. It's one

29:23

of my favorite ever interviews. I'm not just

29:26

saying that he was fabulous So

29:30

and the dog actually speaks on me. I

29:33

mean, yeah, we're not say speak

29:35

we finally hear the dog side

29:37

of Someone

29:40

comes over just a quick spoiler alert and

29:42

compliments Ray and rank says no one

29:44

ever says that to my dog Whenever

29:48

I've been out with Emily

29:51

and her dog, which is a shit.

29:53

So yeah, it's a

29:55

bit like When you

29:57

push a pram, you know and people call a lovely

30:00

They all gather round the shitsu. But

30:05

my mongrel... Yeah. Didn't

30:08

get a look in. No. Yeah.

30:11

Well, I look forward to hearing what she has to say

30:13

about that on the podcast. Oh, okay. You don't get me

30:15

into the grammar enough. Things like that. It's

30:17

a long boy. Oh, dang. No,

30:20

I think she's half poodle fella. It'd

30:22

be, I don't think we are. You're

30:24

looking after my imperial. I don't

30:26

know the other half. The

30:28

other half is Cavalier King Charles. Oh.

30:31

Oh, what would that character be like? That would be... Oh.

30:35

These scoundrels cannot run a country.

30:37

We should go on horseback to

30:39

hell. You're

30:41

describing my ideal couple. Exactly.

30:45

Anyway, Frank's fabulous on it, so I would love

30:47

you to listen. Oh. Frank, where

30:50

you at? Okay. Frank,

30:52

can I... Oh. I'm quite keen

30:54

to know what Pierre got. Because

30:56

I'm a magic for Christmas. Oh, God.

30:58

So don't bring up his high level. He'll

31:01

be on all day. Oh,

31:03

come on. It's going to be...

31:05

What are you predicting? Do you think they

31:07

get... He gets a sort of a jerky

31:09

in the stocking? Do you think Pierre

31:11

knows, by the way? What?

31:14

I was just talking off air that you

31:16

meet some people who are very good looking.

31:20

Beautiful ladies and men. I

31:22

was talking about I met Reggie. Is

31:24

it called Reggie? I know Archie

31:26

Medizzi. Archie, of course. Archie from

31:28

Saltburn. The star. And

31:30

he struck me as every good looking

31:32

person knows they're good looking. We all

31:35

know that. But if we just pretend

31:37

a little bit, you occasionally meet ones

31:39

that don't seem to know they're good

31:41

looking. Yes. And they're

31:43

very nice, though, because you think, oh, you're nice to be

31:45

with and nice to look at. Do you

31:47

think Pierre knows, Emily? They're

31:49

here... They're very good looking. No. I'm

31:52

a big nerd. I don't think

31:54

he does. And I

31:56

think that's part of the charm. He's got

31:58

the Medique Quay charm. I am a dick, eh?

32:01

Eat off. Look at him. Smog

32:05

as a bog. I

32:14

want to know, we got onto the subject

32:16

of Pierre's gifts, because

32:20

I'm thinking there would have been some jerky in

32:22

the stocking. Oh, Pierre's gifts will be here

32:24

all day. How you

32:26

mean it's Christmas, dear? What? Go

32:28

on then. Do they seem it? The

32:32

parents? I would say my gifts were

32:35

painfully on brand. Okay.

32:37

What do you mean? They

32:39

were pretty air gifts. Mainly books. I

32:42

wasn't specifically given

32:44

any biltong or dry

32:46

vase on my own, but

32:48

needless to say, the family home was

32:51

stocked. With biltong? With meats.

32:54

Yeah. Oh, for your own time.

32:56

Very meat-heavy Christmas, all dry. I

32:59

got a book that I think you would enjoy a great

33:01

deal, Frank. Winters in the

33:03

World, a Journey Through the Anglo-Saxon

33:06

Year. Well, that sounds good. It's

33:08

a whole year's diary of all

33:10

the Anglo-Saxon festivals and

33:13

feasts and things, and also the harvest

33:15

time and things like that. Yeah.

33:19

Feeling I've read a book. Anyway,

33:22

we shouldn't talk about it in too much depth

33:25

on breakfast or idea. No, no,

33:27

tell me more about it. Yes.

33:30

Nice. Yeah, that's a

33:32

book about cobalt. A book

33:34

about cobalt? Yes. Is that a

33:36

supervillain? The colour. It would

33:38

be good. The Congolese mineral in this case. You've

33:41

got a book about a Congol... I'm

33:44

quite intolerant, and I recognise this in myself.

33:46

I was talking to a friend of mine,

33:48

and he said, I've just

33:51

read a book about the forest, about

33:53

the forest fires

33:56

in Alberta. Oh, it's

33:58

so nice here in the day! You

34:00

can't say to someone why you meant that. No,

34:02

I know you can't, but I'm afraid when I

34:04

remembered that I already said it. What

34:07

do you want to bother reading that for? Cobalt.

34:10

Yes, as a metal. It's a little

34:12

bit of a laptop. Ask your question.

34:15

Yes. In order to sell it,

34:17

what line does it have cobalt? Does it have,

34:19

like a dash, the Congolese mineral? I don't

34:21

think it does. Because that's not selling it

34:23

well. This time it's mineral. It's

34:27

back, and this time it's mineral.

34:30

It's very important. I'm not tiny.

34:32

I'm not dissing cobalt. I

34:35

don't want to fall. You've made that clear

34:37

before the... You'd better not be. Before we

34:39

get ripped apart on social media. Can

34:42

you imagine? Oh no, Frankenpier have fallen out. What have they

34:44

fallen out over? Cobalt.

34:46

The Congolese mineral. You

34:48

say cobalt, and there's their brow for us. You clarify.

34:51

The Congolese mineral. Ah, ah.

34:53

Say no more. I mean,

34:55

it's not exclusively Congolese, but in the context of

34:57

this book... No, obviously not. No, that would be

34:59

mad. Is it a picture book? It has, because...

35:01

It's a pop-up book. On the cover. Yes. It's

35:03

a... When

35:05

you pull a tab, the Chinese government

35:08

comes and builds a mine. Oh,

35:10

wow. Yeah, it's brilliant. If you're going to

35:12

build a mine, you really want to pop

35:14

down book. I don't know if

35:16

that's what you're saying, Steve. Well,

35:19

the contents get further away. Exactly. It

35:21

borrows into the back cover of the

35:23

book. How the hell are they doing

35:25

this? Are

35:29

there chapters in the cobalt book? Of course

35:31

there's chapters. I mean, it doesn't sound like

35:33

the sort of book it sounds... It's got

35:36

to be organised. Yeah. Well, I'm sure it's

35:38

organised. Chapter seven, where's that shuffle? I'm

35:44

a story man. We don't often know.

35:47

The closest we've ever been to

35:49

Richard and Judy's book. This

35:51

week, what is it called? Cobalt. The Congolese

35:54

mineral. I don't have to look up the

35:56

title, because it's not called Cobalt. The Congolese

35:58

mineral. It is now. But

36:00

that sounds like if it was on

36:02

a variety bill. Cobalt

36:05

and then underneath it the bill

36:07

matter. The Congolese mineral. Dances

36:09

for you. Frank,

36:17

can I tell you about some gifts

36:20

I got? Please. Because I

36:22

loved them, Frank. My two

36:24

favourite gifts I loved. Right.

36:27

But, well, I'll tell you about them.

36:30

The first thing I loved, my first

36:32

favourite gift, was a welly. But

36:35

not just any welly. A welly as

36:38

in a Wellington boot. One. No.

36:41

I'm using it in the fashion sense. A welly,

36:43

like a jean. Oh,

36:45

OK. A pair of wellies. I

36:47

see. But a cut-off welly, an

36:49

ankle welly. Oh, I've

36:51

seen a few of those around on the

36:53

ladies. They look cool. Let's be honest, on

36:56

the elderly ladies. No, I've seen that. I

36:58

think they've bled into the

37:00

young and fashionable. Well, what I've

37:02

realised about them, they're a bit of a

37:04

game changer. Oh, yeah? Because what's the one

37:06

thing that puts you off the Wellington boot?

37:08

It's the removal. Yes.

37:11

Leaning on the radiator, lying

37:13

on the floor sometimes. Not

37:16

so with the ankle welly, Frank. Came

37:19

off so cleanly. So,

37:21

and also, it's got a slightly

37:24

jaunty look, which I like. I

37:26

think they actually look cool, which

37:28

wellies generally don't. It's got something

37:30

of the max wall as well. I like it.

37:32

Oh, it's the other one, Jiminy. Is it Jiminy

37:34

Cricket? Yeah. Oh, yeah,

37:36

he wore a Wellington. Yeah. Yeah. Got

37:39

that flavour. So I like the welly. Then

37:41

I got the heated Alaskan

37:43

faux fur throw blanket.

37:46

Oh, what an electric

37:48

blanket. Really? I

37:50

thought they'd gone. Well, so did I, Frank.

37:52

They're back. I'd got... So I did feel a

37:55

bit, I mean, even though I was thrilled, I

37:57

did get a pair of Wellingtons and a heated

37:59

blanket. Did you get a nice bottle of scent?

38:05

Cobalt, I long for it. But

38:10

I was so thrilled. Did you not get a

38:12

bottle of scent? I'd absolutely assume that you'd get

38:15

not only a bottle of scent, but one with

38:17

a squirtable. Yes, I did.

38:19

The sort of bagpipe fitting

38:21

you get on. Oh,

38:24

I love that. Oh, yeah. So

38:27

the Alaskan Faux, I think its full

38:29

name is Alaskan Husky Faux

38:31

Fur Heated Throw. It's

38:34

a mouthful. But

38:36

it is amazing. It's got a little

38:38

remote on it. A faux throw. When

38:42

I went online though, and I thought this is so good

38:44

and I wanted to check how I used it, and I

38:46

don't mind to keep it safe. And

38:49

I thought this is one of the best gifts I've ever received,

38:51

but there were about 150 reviews. I'm

38:54

not joking. Every single one,

38:56

bar about three. About 148

38:58

said, wonderful for my elderly mother. He's

39:04

so very warm. I

39:06

get reviews for it. Frank

39:08

Skinner, Frank Skinner, absolute

39:10

radio. Frank,

39:21

you know how we'd like to ask to us, do you

39:23

need any help at all? I

39:27

prefer you use the correct emphasis. How do

39:29

you say Happy New Year? Happy

39:31

New Year. Of course I don't. No, but

39:33

there's a thing. Happy New Year. Don't

39:36

Americans emphasize the new Happy New

39:38

Year? Yes, they do. Oh, that

39:41

reminds me of depressing rom-coms. There's

39:44

always a character saying, Happy New Year

39:46

and someone's crying. It'll

39:49

be all right by the end, Frank. Ring out the

39:51

old Ring in the New. Do you remember

39:53

that? The George Harrison song. Oh, is

39:55

that what he did? It's one

39:57

of the few New Year's songs. I

40:00

think people think... Abba? Oh! Is

40:03

it a New Year song? Oh yeah they do. But

40:05

they're all many. Because you don't get the run up.

40:07

That's true. Perhaps there's a gap in the market for

40:09

certain holidays that don't have a commemorative song. Because

40:12

you got Christmas just before

40:15

it. There's a

40:17

very tiny window for a New Year song. Boxing

40:21

Day song? Maybe. Again.

40:23

That's one day. But

40:25

if we nail it, if we all

40:27

work hard and release the Boxing

40:30

Day song together, they'll have

40:32

to play it. It's the only one. I

40:34

think there's a song called Cold Turkey by

40:36

John Lennon. But they haven't seen it. They

40:38

haven't just been done before. We

40:40

can't release a single, it's a very

40:43

old band. It's a very old

40:45

look. We haven't got a... Do

40:47

you know what I mean? It's Rod, Jared and Fred.

40:52

Well I've said already on social media, I think

40:54

we look like we own a movie. We

40:56

have a reasonably successful family removals for her.

40:58

Do we? Yeah. For

41:00

removing families. We just look like we're in

41:03

love. It's about the world. A family run

41:05

removals for her. I think that's right. It

41:08

looks like our

41:10

family company proudly sponsor the local

41:12

football team for 2018. Yeah, BHAL

41:15

Family. Well

41:18

I can imagine us doing an Aethianbruh

41:20

play. Yeah. You

41:23

play the woman I love

41:25

but who's worried about my experiments. I play

41:28

Dr. Frankenstein. And Pierre...

41:32

Well anyway, what shall we talk about now?

41:34

The Lord gives with one hand. Is

41:38

it because I'm wearing my bolt snake left in it? I actually

41:40

thought about writing of Aethianbruh play where

41:43

I was Dr. Frankenstein and you were

41:45

the monster. I know, that would be

41:47

great. A comedy. A comedy. Because

41:50

you don't get enough of them chatting in

41:53

the book. Yes, that's right. But you

41:55

know Frank, that's always my favourite. Is

41:58

for example, is it Dab-Rol? in

42:00

Doctor Who. Yeah. As I've

42:02

said to you, where's his interior life?

42:05

I want to see Mrs. Dafroz. I want to

42:07

see his home life. You never see the

42:09

monsters home life. Never say never. We

42:12

shall continue. I love it.

42:15

So do you like the sound of

42:17

my blanket, thank? Oh yes. I've

42:21

been trained by my partner to

42:23

have the bedroom like ice. I'm

42:26

going to buy you an Alaskan. I wear

42:28

more clothes in bed than most young people

42:30

do on a night out. I

42:35

really do. Do you? I wear a lot

42:37

of clothes. In fact I stayed at a

42:39

friend's house this week. I was frozen in

42:41

the night. You don't go robe, do

42:43

you? And we know why. No, I don't go robe. Why's

42:45

that, Frank? Because I don't know

42:47

when you're first up. Why are the windows to put

42:49

it on? I'm with you on this. Yeah. And he

42:52

doesn't like the belt cutting into his face.

42:54

It's a liminal piece of clothing. Why

42:56

do you put in the pocket? I've

42:59

got all sorts in there.

43:01

You're actually horrid fishies. Yeah,

43:04

you're not wrong. I'm a

43:06

handkerchief man. You

43:09

know. You would think in the modern age when

43:11

there's all this stuff about the

43:13

planet and stuff, the handkerchief would have made

43:15

a comeback. The fishies would have gone, but

43:17

oh no. Yeah.

43:22

I think that it's a sellout to put

43:24

people off. That'll

43:26

be it. They're just

43:28

trouble, I think it is. Frank,

43:37

I want to discuss some rather

43:40

exciting news with you. Well I think it's

43:42

something you're going to be excited about. And

43:44

so does Ruth Jordan. He's

43:47

got in touch. Hello Ruth. Happy New Year. My

43:51

co-bolt correspondence, yeah. Ruth

43:54

says, morning and happy new year to you all. How

43:56

does Frank feel about 2024 bringing us

43:59

Elvis, Eddie, and the evolution. The

44:01

new Elvis hologram show. Will Frank be

44:03

going and will it be as good

44:05

as Abba Voyage? I

44:08

think you mean Abba Voyage. Abba

44:10

Voyage. Abba Voyage. Look, I started

44:13

saying Voyage and I realised this

44:16

is all to do with Frank Skinner

44:18

because I never said things like Voyage.

44:20

Well people say, I bet you've said

44:22

Bon Voyage haven't you? Yeah

44:24

but that's because it's Bon Voyage. That was

44:26

the Bon Jealousy tribute show. No,

44:31

I think I'm just going rhythmically.

44:34

Abba Voyage sounds better than Abba

44:36

Voyage. Abba Voyage is a sudden

44:38

pulling off. What's the name of

44:41

Voyage and it's Voyage? Ah.

44:44

Okay. What if you extend that

44:46

to Voyage? Voyage. Voyage.

44:49

Abba Voyage. Yeah. No.

44:52

Have you been to Abba? Let's call the

44:54

whole thing AI. Have

44:57

you been to Abba Voyage? You went with Cass because Cass

44:59

was the third first. I have

45:01

been. My partner's been three

45:03

times and taken my

45:05

child I think on all three occasions and

45:08

he's a heavy metal enthusiast. Okay.

45:10

But it'd be good practice for when Kiss

45:13

Voyage begins. Are

45:15

they calling it Voyage? I don't think

45:17

so. Oh okay. I don't think so.

45:20

Yeah that is, it's good. It's

45:22

good because. Is it though? It looks

45:24

like Abba on stage from the 70s

45:27

which is impressive. You

45:29

know it is good yeah. No I know the Abba

45:31

thing. I'm saying the Elvis one. No the

45:33

Elvis one. I'm convinced we'll be off.

45:36

Yeah. Oh no the

45:39

Abba I can deal with. I

45:41

love Elvis. I really love. I

45:43

grew up, he was like so

45:45

important to me and I you

45:48

know I really love his music,

45:50

his songs. But he has been

45:52

indirectly responsible for more intense naff

45:56

products than any

45:58

other artist. That's not his fault. Yes. Now,

46:02

I could be wrong. I'd love it if

46:04

it's great, but everything I've read about it,

46:08

it says that they've had access to

46:10

home movies and personal

46:13

photos. What's that?

46:15

Previously unseen, I think. I don't want him

46:18

shooting, I don't want him saying Mike Stone

46:20

must die. No, but I thought it sounds

46:22

like it's going to be like the ABBA

46:24

thing, but ABBA don't. What

46:26

do they mean personally? It makes me think

46:29

of that projector that Mike Stone got from

46:31

Little. I think it's going

46:33

to be a bit like that. I was super at home

46:35

movies. Well, you know, it's

46:37

quite a kernel idea, isn't it?

46:39

I got the vacuum to a

46:41

hologram. It was seven shows. Well,

46:45

when I was a young lad,

46:47

I went trying to shank love

46:49

that film. He actually said it

46:51

was very good. I love Tom Hanks. It's

46:53

a kernel. It's a mechanical. Listen,

46:55

that was pretty good product, that

46:58

film. It bent the. Oh, it

47:00

certainly bent a lot of the rules. It bent

47:02

some of the facts. A lot of

47:04

the facts. But I

47:06

read an interview with

47:09

Werner Herzog, the

47:11

German film maker. You're too obsessed about him.

47:13

I love her now. And they asked him

47:16

about whether the film

47:19

had done, whether it was factual. And

47:23

he said, if you want

47:25

facts, read the Manhattan phone

47:27

directory. And then he told him

47:29

how many entries there were in it. And

47:32

every one of them has been checked

47:34

and he factually accurate. All right. Have

47:37

you heard his maybe the best ever

47:39

use of Happy New Year? No. He

47:42

was at a big he's doing an interview on

47:44

stage with a bunch of other very respected documentarians

47:46

and they were all agreeing how as a documentary

47:48

maker, you must stay back and not interfere. And

47:51

he was in the audience and got the

47:53

microphone and said, no, you must be like

47:56

the wasp. That stings and spoke really in

47:58

favor of interfering and making things happen. even

48:00

if you're the documentary maker and everyone started

48:02

booing him. Wow. The last thing he said

48:04

in the mic before he handed it back

48:06

was, Happy New Year losers. Can

48:12

I just say, bit of a git, Frank.

48:14

I like him. Well, in this

48:16

interview he came over as a bit of a

48:18

git. He'd be a nice friend

48:21

for you. Yeah, he does seem very difficult.

48:31

So we were discussing the Elvis experience.

48:34

Yeah, and I should say I have no

48:36

inside information. It might be absolutely brilliant and

48:39

I'd be happy if it was brilliant. Has

48:41

it occurred to you that if it is

48:43

brilliant and if Kiss is brilliant, then your

48:45

whole family will have a hologram show each

48:48

to be obsessed with? That's true. Oh,

48:50

I love that way of looking at

48:52

it, Pierre. That is true. Bosco can't

48:54

see Kiss forever and I can see

48:56

Elvis forever and Cass can see Abbe

48:58

Voyage. Yeah. You see, I think

49:00

maybe I might see if Cass will take

49:03

me to that Abbe Voyage because what's

49:06

concerned me about it, I'm open to

49:08

it. What

49:11

I've been concerned about is that it feels like

49:13

it's slightly too close to the arena of, you

49:16

know, my greatest fear, Frank? Your

49:19

greatest fear? Is it chives? Okay.

49:22

That's in the arena. It's

49:25

cartoon characters. Oh, yeah. Interacting

49:28

with real people. Yeah.

49:30

And it feels a little

49:33

bit close to that. Okay. That I'm happy

49:35

to invent. When the pulse is white, the

49:37

crowd is down. So it looks more like

49:40

a penguin to dance with

49:42

the classes. Lies. And

49:44

that's why I didn't like cartoons. Lies. Yeah. Lies.

49:47

It's a visual line. Well, there

49:49

was a thing called Elvis in

49:51

Concert, which was, or Elvis the

49:53

Concert, and it was the TCB

49:55

band and various singers. I

49:58

don't know why. But the whole... Oh,

50:00

so the TCP. Yeah,

50:02

taking care of business.

50:06

I haven't helped! Why don't you

50:08

write those initials on? Anyway,

50:11

why don't they bring her

50:13

poo bags with that on?

50:15

Oh, that's the LVTV. Anyway,

50:19

and they were all there,

50:21

all the back, you know, J.D. Summer and

50:24

the Stamps. Sweet inspirations.

50:27

But Elvis obviously wasn't there, and Elvis was

50:29

on a big screen, so they played

50:31

live and Elvis sang. But in

50:33

the middle of the stage, there was this

50:35

gaping space where Elvis would

50:37

have been. And it was upsetting,

50:42

really upsetting. Was it Roger Rabbit

50:45

upsetting? Well, on the opening night

50:47

thing, Kat Slater

50:49

was there from EastEnders, and

50:52

the woman who I think can now be called a friend of

50:54

this show, Big Mo. Oh,

50:56

yeah. Jesse

50:58

Wallace. Jesse

51:00

Wallace. And,

51:03

who must live in

51:06

a TP. Anyway,

51:10

she, about half

51:13

an hour into the thing, you look

51:15

across, and Jesse Wallace, he looks like

51:17

Alice Cooper, and mascara has run that

51:19

much, and he's cried so much at

51:21

the Elvis thing, and Big Mo, fast

51:24

as sleep. Oh,

51:32

it's like a little pocket of

51:34

the soap award. When

51:42

I was at Elvis the concert, I met

51:44

Glenn D. Hardin, who was the piano player.

51:47

Is this the one where Kat

51:49

Slater was crying and Big Mo

51:51

fell asleep? Yes, well, and then I

51:54

met Glenn D. I love that episode

51:56

of Friends. I was excited to meet

51:58

Glenn D. Hardin. because

52:00

he'd been Elvis's piano player for ages and

52:04

I was on about when Elvis does When

52:09

he gets something does the piano And

52:12

I said so that was a nice little rest for

52:14

you and he said yeah I couldn't I didn't watch

52:16

it Elvis just about the worst piano player I ever

52:18

saw Elvis

52:23

and as much as I love him these

52:25

other great musical claims as far as I

52:27

think And I'd be happy to

52:29

hear of any other Suggestions

52:31

for this on 8 1250

52:33

one of the great non playing guitar

52:35

players Yeah, having

52:38

the guitar round your neck, but

52:40

just moving it about a

52:42

bit and not even being amplified

52:47

What was the deal with the talk as I saw

52:49

him sometimes in Hawaii

52:52

films like that. He'd

52:54

sort of make a nod towards playing did he play

52:56

well He played you clearly, but I don't think

52:58

he did. Oh He

53:01

could play guitar Fairly

53:03

rudimentary I would say but when he has

53:05

it on stage I

53:07

think it's more of a prop I can't

53:10

think of anyone else who uses a guitar like that,

53:12

but I bet readers can

53:15

You know, I mean the guitars quite a big things

53:17

have around in there cuz let's see if it's in

53:19

a big leather Covering with your

53:22

name engraved on me. It's way down by

53:24

Rhinestop The

53:27

stars, you know, they decide Later

53:29

as we all know in their career to

53:32

start going down the own stuff really

53:34

don't know Madonna is

53:36

one and that that point they

53:39

say I'm gonna start learning the guitar and

53:41

I always think when I see them get it Out and say

53:43

they think I don't want to witness your lessons. No,

53:45

well, he's started You've done your 10,000 started

53:47

with a guitar to be fair, but he

53:49

wasn't you know, he wasn't Jimi Hendrix He

53:52

was What was

53:54

he he was the singing non I don't know

53:56

if you remember her How

54:02

do you feel about the Elvis themed

54:04

bar and restaurant on site? Well

54:07

it says there will be live music which means

54:10

there will be an Elvis impersonator which is something

54:12

else I've always really struggled with. And the food

54:14

is because he loves Elvis. Really

54:16

love Elvis and his music and then

54:19

as you get further from that

54:21

cent, that call to

54:24

the seven circles of hell

54:26

which include impersonators and terrible

54:28

merch, then you know,

54:31

it's not Elvis' fault as I say.

54:33

I was in a terrible play about

54:35

Elvis so I'm not innocent. My hands

54:37

have blood on them. That

54:39

wasn't that terrible. It was pretty

54:41

terrible. There must be, the restaurant

54:43

must serve that, what was his mad sandwich?

54:46

Peanut butter and... Oh yes. It was full

54:48

school. Deep fried peanut butter and... Full school,

54:50

blows. He got all the hair. Full school.

54:53

One of his things was vegetable

54:55

soup sandwiches. You can't

54:58

choose that Elvis. No. That's what someone

55:00

should have said at some point. Anyway that opens in London,

55:02

go and see. Do

55:05

you think they had a hard time choosing the era? Well

55:08

I don't know if they've chosen an era. I think

55:10

that's it. I don't think it's going

55:12

to be like my art. I think it's just going to

55:14

be a slideshow. So they're not going to commit

55:16

to say the TCB era, Mike

55:18

Stone Must Die. No. Honestly

55:20

I think it's going to be somebody with

55:22

a... You

55:24

don't think the hologram gets faster throughout the show? What do

55:26

they call those things? Like David Badilda's life. A

55:29

projector. When you press a button. A projector.

55:31

No. What do they

55:33

call it? Slideshirts. Ah. Thanks

55:36

for your help. Audio visual presentation.

55:38

Power now. Powerpoint presentation. Powerpoint. Thank

55:40

you. He said it. Okay.

55:43

Well done you. Silver star. Silver?

55:46

Anyway it opens in London. Sorry. Go

55:48

and see it. Silver only. You think you would

55:51

open in America wouldn't you? Obviously from the southern

55:53

states of America. You try opening

55:55

a show in the southern states of America

55:57

with the word evolution in the side. and

56:01

you're standing back and

56:03

watch him come. Frank

56:05

Skinner. Absolute

56:08

radio. Frank,

56:11

you were asking earlier if

56:14

we could think of, or if the readers could

56:17

think of any performers who used a

56:19

guitar essentially in a sort of... It's a

56:21

prop. Yeah. Well, Joe

56:23

in North Chapel, would you say

56:25

Joe in North Chapel or Joe in North Chapel? I

56:28

don't know where North Chapel is, I'm going to be

56:30

honest, but I like the sound of it. OK. Joe

56:33

has got in touch to say, morning

56:36

Frank, long time reader, first time correspondent.

56:38

I believe Shaken Stevens was one

56:40

who had a guitar as more

56:43

of a prop in his videos

56:45

and on his top of the pop performances. I'm

56:48

sure you know better than me, though, as

56:51

I do not have nearly as many

56:53

years experience on this planet as you,

56:55

dear Frank. OK. Barbed.

57:00

Happy New Year to you

57:02

and the team. Here's the

57:05

thing, I saw Shaken Stevens

57:07

in the old times before

57:10

he'd starred in Elvis the

57:12

Musical. And

57:15

he was a proper hardcore fifties

57:17

rock and roll. He did original

57:19

songs as well as covers. And

57:23

he was quite a dirty kind of an act. I

57:25

don't mean he had a rudeness kind of way, but

57:27

he was down. You know, he was he loved the

57:29

music and it was very real. And

57:32

then he played Elvis and then he didn't

57:34

stop playing Elvis. He just carried on playing

57:36

Elvis for the rest of his career. Did

57:39

you see him as Elvis? I

57:41

did. Well, I mean, on top of the tops,

57:43

he was Elvis forever. I went to the stage

57:45

show. He should not find my program. No.

57:49

But Shaken Stevens and

57:51

the Sunset was an

57:54

authentic fifties

57:56

rock band, although they weren't from the

57:59

fifties, but they really liked it. a

58:01

Billy style. Yeah! Well they just loved

58:03

that stuff but then he totally became

58:06

Elvis. He did. Look at his brain. I'm

58:09

looking forward to the AI

58:11

shaking Stevens show.

58:13

But what do they do? Green Door?

58:15

Is there any other ones? Yeah.

58:18

What's the other ones? Rocking around the

58:20

Christmas tree. There's this old house in

58:25

the middle of the street. This

58:28

old house. Yeah. They were covers

58:30

as well. Green Door I think

58:32

was Frankie Vaughn. A man who

58:35

was in the 50s was enormous and

58:38

said that he turned down Marilyn Monroe.

58:41

Oh! And I met Frankie

58:43

Vaughn. I was just starting to

58:45

get famous. I've

58:48

used the F word. Lovely. And he

58:50

met me and he was a really

58:52

charming British showbiz kind of guy. And

58:54

I left and I met him

58:56

in Jackie Mason's dressing room. And

58:59

as I left he shut my hand

59:01

and said continued success. Oh! I loved

59:04

that. I could have kissed

59:06

him. What a trauma. Give

59:09

me the moonlight. This

59:11

is Frank Frinskin. This

59:13

is Absolute Radio. By

59:17

the way, Pierre Novelli and

59:20

I will be at the

59:24

Geelgud Theatre in the first two

59:26

weeks of February. Something imminent. I

59:29

can't wait. But we're

59:31

also doing a national tour. Yeah.

59:34

So we'll be everywhere. So check

59:36

us out. Geelgud, is

59:38

it 5th to 17th? 5th to 7th.

59:41

I'm coming along. I'm booking tickets. Nice.

59:44

Well you say that. Will you let me come

59:46

and see you afterwards? I think you dash off don't you?

59:49

If you're in the building. I

59:51

always don't buy tickets darling.

59:53

Okay. And

59:56

then we're going on a road trip with

59:59

maybe some more. Anglo-Saxon cemeteries. Oh yeah.

1:00:01

And so forth. Anyway. It was very rock

1:00:03

and roll. For a minute it sounded

1:00:05

really rock and roll and then you mentioned

1:00:07

the Anglo-Saxon cemeteries. Yeah we might dov. I've

1:00:10

really gone into the English Civil War. Just

1:00:12

maybe we can touch on some of that.

1:00:14

What about Frank? I think Pierre, you

1:00:16

know what he's going to try and get you

1:00:18

on to? The Congolese. The Congolese

1:00:20

mineral. Here's a question. I didn't go

1:00:22

on a tour there. I've just read

1:00:25

the last five books I've read. They've

1:00:27

all been about the English Civil War.

1:00:30

Congratulations. Five consecutive. The

1:00:33

last one I read, and they've

1:00:35

all been excellent, was a book

1:00:37

called Restless Republic. And

1:00:40

it's written, it's a

1:00:42

serious book. Yeah. And

1:00:45

it's about the period when there was

1:00:48

no king in England

1:00:50

when Cromwell was a runner

1:00:52

protectorate. No. Yeah. So

1:00:55

it was the Republic, the British

1:00:57

Republic, the English Republic. But

1:01:00

it's a serious academic book

1:01:02

and brilliant. I'd recommend if anyone's

1:01:04

interested. But it's written by a

1:01:08

woman called what? That was Frank's British show

1:01:10

on an absolute radio. Frank's book is written

1:01:15

by a woman called Anna Key. No.

1:01:17

And where does she live, Frank? You

1:01:19

know, I

1:01:38

said to a friend, I've just read five books

1:01:40

about a consecutive. They've all been

1:01:42

good. Did David say she'd go off? No,

1:01:45

it wasn't. It wasn't. And they said,

1:01:47

oh, what were they? And I said,

1:01:49

oh, well, there's Houghton's book on Cromwell.

1:01:52

And then I said, and the Restless Republic.

1:01:54

And he said, oh, yeah,

1:01:56

by Anna Key. And I hadn't.

1:02:00

I've missed a pawn. But

1:02:03

he can't be a pawn because he's

1:02:05

a real serious historian.

1:02:08

You could have had such a nice little

1:02:10

who's on first exchange. The restless republic, anarchy.

1:02:12

It was, yes. But

1:02:14

yeah, what do you make of me? I

1:02:18

think... Well, it's normative

1:02:20

determinism, isn't it? Yeah.

1:02:23

I suppose if you're a kid called anarchy,

1:02:26

someone's going to start talking to you about the

1:02:28

concept of anarchy quite early on, much earlier than

1:02:30

any other child. Well, I... It's of a little

1:02:32

interest. I worked with a guy called

1:02:35

Niven Smith and I said to him,

1:02:37

he was about 20 and I said,

1:02:40

well, you named after David Niven and he said,

1:02:42

who's that? What? And

1:02:45

I thought, he's your sombre! What did

1:02:47

I mention? Niven!

1:02:49

Anyone. And it

1:02:52

came to thinking, this was a long time

1:02:55

ago, but it's not just because he, you

1:02:57

know, longed and young, the excuse for everything.

1:02:59

It's from Sarah Champion. Sorry, were you saying

1:03:01

something? No, I want to keep the last

1:03:03

line of the show as young, excuse

1:03:05

for everything. Yeah. Anyway,

1:03:07

Sarah Champion is up next. She'll

1:03:10

like that segue. And

1:03:13

oh, guess what? This Wednesday, series

1:03:15

nine of Frank Skinner's poetry podcast

1:03:17

starts. The first episode will be...

1:03:20

T.S. Eliot. Oh! Not

1:03:23

as hard as you think. My fave. It's

1:03:26

actually one of his more accessible

1:03:28

poems. The Love Song

1:03:30

of J. Alfred Prufrock. Let us go

1:03:32

then, you are now. Et

1:03:34

cetera. Download it from wherever

1:03:36

you get your podcasts. Thanks

1:03:40

for doing that in anticipation. Thanks

1:03:44

for listening this morning. And if the good

1:03:46

Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise,

1:03:48

we'll be back again this time next week.

1:03:51

Now get out. Love it. Absolute

1:03:55

radiance. you