0:00

Welcome to fit Ish. I'm

0:02

Phoebe Parsons, and this is the podcast

0:04

that proves that you don't have to choose between

0:06

staying fit and having fun. When

0:08

was the last time you did a number two at work?

0:11

As a woman with a journalism degree.

0:14

I can't believe that this is where this podcast

0:16

has gone, but I can assure you

0:18

that this chat actually has a health intention

0:20

behind it that's backed by Queensland

0:23

Helpa.

0:24

This is all your fault. Last, before

0:26

I get into your wishy washy woo

0:28

woo advice, I think I want

0:30

to hear from the experts.

0:32

Guys, Welcome to the podcast. Comedian,

0:35

fellow podcaster, and now

0:37

a very close friend, Shadwicker.

0:44

We've been friends for a very long time now. I

0:47

think we're coming up to like five six years.

0:49

Really yeah, holy shit.

0:51

But I have something very personal to ask you that's

0:53

going to take our friendship to the next level. Okay,

0:56

do you pooh at work?

1:02

Not? If I can help it.

1:05

I have, but generally it's

1:07

when people aren't at work.

1:08

So when you're working from the office by yourself.

1:10

Yeah yeah, on an away game on my own

1:14

right, all

1:17

bets are off, All bets are off. Dude, I'm

1:19

going hot.

1:20

Yeah. Well, I'm not pooshi and

1:22

I've never been poohshy, and I'm

1:25

very regular in terms of I probably

1:27

average maybe two to three movements.

1:29

A day, two to three a day.

1:31

Yeah, And when nature calls, I

1:33

pick up the phone.

1:37

It appears that I'm actually amongst the minority

1:39

here because Queensland Health have just released

1:41

a campaign called It's Okay to Pooh

1:44

at Work? Have you seen it?

1:47

Only I've seen a little bit of it,

1:49

but I don't really know much about it.

1:51

So essentially, they're trying to combat the stigma

1:54

and the shame around people

1:56

pooing at work, and evidently a lot of Queenslanders

1:58

must be holding it in so much

2:01

so that they've had to put an entire campaign together

2:03

around this to not only prevent

2:05

the shame and stigma, but to also try and prevent

2:08

blocked up colons and hemorrhoids, because

2:10

apparently a lot can happen

2:12

when you hold it in.

2:13

Okay, I

2:15

refuse to believe that

2:19

there is a holding in your pooh

2:21

epidemic taking

2:24

place that the Health Department

2:26

needs to be like, guys, you've got.

2:28

A pooh, I mean you would have thought so.

2:30

Also, Can the government just get out

2:32

of our lives? Dude? This is

2:34

insane.

2:35

I mean they're monitoring everything. They're literally

2:37

monitoring.

2:37

What do you mean now we need a pooh

2:39

on your schedule? All right, big

2:42

pooh, move out of a big

2:44

farmer. It's big toilet.

2:46

But this is an issue because I've had many

2:48

people that I've worked with in the past who

2:50

were really pooh shy people and they

2:52

would never who would work,

2:54

to the point that I know some of them. One of the girls

2:56

I sat next to you, Amy, bless you, I love

2:59

you. I remember one day

3:01

we worked together for four and a half years, and

3:03

she eventually, after probably two and a half

3:05

plucked up the courage to put work and we all

3:08

applauded her when she came down the hallway.

3:10

Would it worse? That would have made it worse

3:13

for them. I would hate that

3:15

you've just finished doing a boo and it's like, you

3:17

know, and then all of you

3:19

are just applauding it. I would

3:22

be like, oh, thanks, I had a whak. I

3:24

mean, I.

3:25

Feel like also for us, it's a little bit different

3:27

because there is a level of flexibility that we have with

3:29

our jobs that how.

3:30

Are you well?

3:31

I work from home flexibillay, I work

3:33

from home permanently, so I can prove flexibly

3:36

whenever I want to downs.

3:40

I mean that would help. Having a little poop street would

3:42

help. But I have in the past worked

3:44

for various different offices with

3:47

varying different levels of facilities

3:50

at my veil to do said

3:53

poo on work time, and I know that.

3:55

I think a lot of the issues could arise from

3:58

those workplaces that have maybe one

4:00

toilet, or have those toilets that are cubicle

4:02

stalls, but they're not floor to ceiling stalls,

4:05

so there's a big gap, so you can see, you

4:07

can hear, you can smell. There's

4:10

not a lot of privacy to be had. But because

4:12

I've been through all that and previous jobs,

4:14

I actually have some advice for people. No matter

4:16

what your facilities are.

4:18

You got some Phoebe feb tips.

4:20

That's it, Pooh peebe. What

4:24

has happened to this podcast? By the way,

4:27

my.

4:27

Nickname is Phoebe. But evidently you can so

4:32

number one, if you don't feel comfortable

4:34

pooing in the bathrooms that are provided

4:36

for you in your office.

4:37

Is this Queensland Health's advice or your This.

4:39

Is my advice rolling off the back of theirs. Okay,

4:42

actually, should we go with their.

4:43

I'd like to know it before I get into

4:45

your wash wishy washy woo

4:47

woo advice. I think I want

4:49

to hear from the experts. I want the experts.

4:52

The experts are saying, Okay, this is two

4:54

hundred k year Queensland government.

4:56

It's a government cushy job.

4:58

Here are some tips for a stress free public

5:01

toilet poop. Okay, Number one, remember

5:03

that everyone poops. Visualize

5:06

someone famous on the toilet like Taylor

5:08

Swift.

5:10

I'm pretty sure there's videos you could.

5:12

Look up, but we've

5:14

seen two girls walk up.

5:18

Yuh dude, Okay,

5:20

picture someone famous on the toilet.

5:22

So who's your Who's celebrity?

5:25

Yeah? Who's who? Would

5:27

you say? Out of all the celebrities

5:29

you know, who would you

5:32

had to watch you had to watch him poop? Who

5:35

would you least want to and

5:38

who would you you?

5:39

One of my biggest celebrity crushes is Harrison

5:41

Ford. But I don't on the

5:43

toilet.

5:44

The old man, the senior citizen,

5:46

he's got the paper, he's got his he's reading

5:49

glasses on. He switched glasses like

5:51

glasses down on the note on the bridge of his nose,

5:54

big and like the big fault the Sydney Morning

5:56

Harold, like he's folded it over, he's

5:59

found the article on.

6:01

His shorts are literally around his ankle.

6:05

Who's your celebtig crush? Then?

6:08

I don't really have any celebrity crushes

6:10

because I love my girlfriend dearly. No, I've

6:14

been so out of the celeb game. I'm trying to think who

6:16

would be. I'm trying to think it would be

6:18

like a nice, like a dainty kind of a

6:21

little bit of sprits. You know, they fart and

6:23

they go, well, you know what I

6:25

mean.

6:25

That brings me to point number two, which

6:27

is bring a small fragrance spray into the toilet.

6:30

Okay, very demure. Yeah that

6:33

is I

6:36

like that just like there is

6:38

an element as well as like it's

6:41

kind of like you know where you know, the clack thing was

6:43

like, oh, people cough when they fart, You're like, I know I

6:46

heard the fart. Yeah, like the you

6:49

know what I mean. Also, there's got to be some kind

6:51

of bodily function where like how does that happen?

6:54

How do you go? I think people

6:56

have I've heard someone very funny when

6:58

someone snees in their but a very funny

7:00

thing that happens you just

7:03

my bitch. But I think like the fragrance

7:06

thing would be an element of like, jeez,

7:08

you did some damage in there. If

7:10

you walk down the Yeah, yeah,

7:12

I'm like, what are you.

7:13

Trying to rixes with this? Yeah,

7:16

you're basically telling people what's just happened.

7:19

The third one is avoid food or drink

7:21

that might trigger your bowels. And I think this is

7:23

easier said than done, because I think a lot of

7:25

the time in an office setting, if you're in

7:27

the communal kitchen and you whip out like Mexican,

7:31

people are going to make jokes about you.

7:32

I'm not even spot I've got another one for

7:35

you. I mean, what are the two common

7:37

things, I would say, arguably the two most

7:39

common breaks in any workplace coffee?

7:41

Coffee and siggy Yeah, And what are two of

7:44

the main causes of people having to

7:46

do a shit Coffee and coffee.

7:47

And Siggi's thirdly, eggs and a lot

7:50

of people eat their eggs at their desk, yeah, right,

7:52

to get things moving.

7:53

So you're like, the work is already kind

7:55

of conjuring up. This

7:58

kind of this really boo balance if

8:00

you will.

8:00

But they're quite mindful because the fourth and

8:02

last tip they're providing is breathe deeply

8:05

or to a short meditation exercise.

8:10

Just buying like meditation music. Maybe

8:12

it's like breathe in and

8:14

release. I'd love the idea of

8:17

listening to meditation mantras,

8:20

like you know what it is. I am, I

8:22

am strong, I am

8:24

creative, I am my.

8:28

It's just it's the

8:30

fecal version of hypno birthing

8:33

hypno birth. You know how you're supposed to breathe

8:35

through contraction.

8:36

So what so what's worse walking into the bathroom

8:39

and hearing someone like letting it rip while they're trying

8:41

to go to the toilet, or hearing them go on

8:46

the phone their partners on the phone as well, Just push

8:49

push. This is all your

8:51

fault for.

8:51

Last I would rather hear

8:55

then anyway.

8:58

So enough of their tips. There are my tips

9:00

because these are lived experiences that I've

9:03

had and I'm not afraid to talk about these. So

9:05

the first one is, like I said before, if you

9:08

are in a workplace where you

9:10

don't have access to the most

9:12

spacious or luxurious of facilities,

9:15

my option here is head

9:17

to a public restroom nearby, like a park,

9:20

a food court, in

9:23

the public bar for a.

9:24

Second, take a shit on, go to a park, fine

9:27

and nice bush.

9:28

No because.

9:31

Rating exercises on your favorite podcasts.

9:34

This one because

9:36

the last office that I worked in had

9:39

the most horrific toilet

9:41

conditions like anybody could

9:43

probably imagine, And anybody who still works

9:45

who's listening to this podcast, which probably isn't many because

9:47

I didn't leave on great terms, but there

9:50

was one toilet for

9:53

upwards of twenty staff members, and there were

9:55

very thin walls because the office was like an old

9:58

house, so it wasn't designed to have the

10:00

kind of privacy that like a public

10:02

space would have, and so everyone

10:05

who needed to do a little poopy would

10:07

go to the park across the road and use

10:09

the public bathroom. But the issue with that

10:13

strategy is as soon as

10:15

you saw someone high tailing to the park,

10:17

you knew exactly what they were doing.

10:20

Yeah, thieves off still pooh literally

10:22

with theves gone, just gone to a poo What does coffee?

10:24

No? No, no, she she took that door. That's a

10:26

poodle.

10:27

So does that negate the fact of

10:29

privately poohing? Because I feel like the actual

10:32

issue with people being worried to poo at work is

10:34

because they don't want other people to know that they're

10:36

poohing.

10:36

I feel like it's more people in the space, okay,

10:39

rather than the idea of, oh, they know

10:41

I went and did a shit, because if you're thinking that everyone

10:43

thinks that you've gone to do a pooh when you've got to do a poo, Like

10:46

newsflash, not a lot of us are really have

10:48

even noticed you, you know what I mean? How self important

10:51

do you think that I'm keeping tabs on your bow movements?

10:53

I can barely keep on touch with Mike. Yeah,

10:56

exactly. I'm not getting paid enough. You

10:59

know what fascinating about the going

11:01

to the bathroom like

11:03

an away game. And I'll say, I don't give an

11:05

give stuff with the boss here at these wonderful studios

11:08

would go to use the bathroom because

11:10

we've only got the one situation here. It's like a barn door,

11:12

so it's like it's awful. So he would

11:15

go to a place near here

11:17

where there's like food and you've said it, where we get coffees

11:19

and sun and there's a bathroom there

11:22

on the ground level. Because there's office buildings above

11:24

it. It's like a big carf I go around there. So he'd

11:26

go and use that, and that

11:28

was seems like a common thing, right

11:31

because it's like near a big office space. And

11:33

he went there the other week and there

11:35

was a sign on the front

11:37

of the door and it was like, to attention

11:40

to the people using this bathroom. We've

11:42

become aware that this

11:44

bathroom has been used by certain

11:47

people to participate in

11:49

certain acts that

11:51

are not what the bathroom is actually meant

11:54

for. Yeah, so it

11:56

turns out the toilet that our boss,

11:59

our general I don't know if I can say

12:01

that, but our boss he was using, turns

12:03

out the cubicle of the toilet he was using underneath

12:05

this office space was being used for gay

12:08

sexual cups.

12:09

It was like a beat.

12:10

It was a beat, dude. So

12:13

the public restroom was a meet

12:15

up place for people just going have sex with each

12:17

other. I was like, well, you know, when

12:20

you were in there, there was like the toilet roll was there

12:22

also a hole next to that or something? You

12:25

know what I mean? But he was like yeah, and to

12:27

the point that they had to put a sign up and they're like this, this

12:29

like area is undersurveillance. We can we know

12:32

who are turning up and coming to the thing. But it

12:34

made me say to the boss because I was like, how

12:36

often were these people getting

12:39

caught? Because you've got to see him as well going

12:41

in.

12:41

There, and my question is was

12:44

he partaking?

12:45

Well? I mean, yeah, now I'm

12:47

starting to think he's coming back. I'm giving him around

12:49

of applause because he did it because he got him on the route.

12:53

Is that crazy? So I'm kind of also to link

12:55

back.

12:56

To our poo chat, is like, maybe you've got to be careful

12:58

about the space you choose because

13:00

you know you might be going in to do a number three

13:02

or number two, but you might actually end up doing a number

13:05

what would sex be four?

13:08

Home run.

13:11

Basis home run?

13:12

All bases covered Jesus. My

13:15

second point is clean up

13:17

after yourself. And the reason I say this is

13:19

because a couple of jobs

13:22

ago, I worked in a much larger office that probably

13:24

had upwards of around fifty people, So there were

13:26

many different cubicles in the bathrooms,

13:29

and there were a lot of people in

13:31

there who would leave visual

13:34

evidence of their discretions.

13:39

Okay, skitty skitties.

13:41

And I've never entered

13:43

a workplace bathroom before that didn't

13:45

have a brush. The brush is not

13:47

decorative. It is there for a reason.

13:51

The same way that you don't just leave your dishes in the

13:53

communal sink. Well, so a lot of people do that too.

13:55

You don't leave.

13:57

Your shit in the community communal toilet.

14:00

And I know that, like, spray is a

14:02

little bit harder to come by, and not

14:04

every public toilet or

14:06

offer's toilet is going to have a spray, but

14:09

at least.

14:10

At least I'm kind of surprised

14:12

that it's happening in the ladies. Yeah,

14:15

because in the fowlers, we've got some grass people

14:17

floating around the office.

14:18

I would hate to see men's public restroom.

14:20

Yeah, it's pretty grass, dude.

14:21

I went overseas with some girlfriends to Hong Kong,

14:24

and I don't know if you've been to Hong Kong, but the

14:26

rooms are very tiny. It's a very populated

14:28

city. And one of the girls I was traveling

14:30

with was incredibly poop shy, and

14:33

she brought this spray with her called

14:36

the ipoo, and it's essentially

14:38

this tiny, pocket sized it's not

14:40

even a spray. They're little drops and you

14:42

can just drop them into the toilet before or after

14:45

you flush, and it's not an offensive

14:47

like air freshness, It

14:50

just kind of it just neutralizes the

14:53

odor of the air. So that's a great

14:55

tip. It's not like you're walking into the bathroom

14:57

with a can of air freshener or I can

14:59

of an awesome like a.

15:00

Big Raige can, like a Glenn twenty,

15:03

like a pig. Hey, guys, off,

15:05

I go. Yeah

15:08

with your poop stool. Have you seen those? Yes,

15:12

we go on to the house. Well, I can't use

15:14

it.

15:15

I don't need one.

15:16

Yeah, I can't, Like, I just can't like maneuver.

15:19

Yeah, and I've seen I've seen the unicorn ady

15:22

like I've seen that. Okay, it's supposed to be better.

15:24

And and I've also seen the drop like

15:26

I've been You've got like Vietnam,

15:28

like a lot of Asia loves the drop ones where

15:31

you stand over and you but my mate

15:33

went to one and was telling me the other day that it had like

15:35

when you stand down and do it, because obviously, for

15:37

some reason, Asian people are just

15:39

so good at their course strack that they average squad all

15:41

the top like he's got. They

15:43

had handle bars, but they were

15:45

like bike handlebars, Like

15:49

yeah, my mate SHARKI was like, yeah, that had bike handlebars

15:51

you could hold. They were like a bike handles.

15:54

So he's in there and you're squatting over his toilet to do

15:56

it, and he's like, I was using it, but I was kind

15:58

of disappointed. Now, what

16:00

do you think he was disappointed about when

16:02

you have the bike handlebars and you sit down, that something

16:04

was missing that he would have liked to have been there. A

16:07

helmet, a bell wouldn't

16:09

have been right down, a little bells,

16:11

like, wouldn't it be. I was like, he done,

16:15

finished, They're done.

16:18

I like that because it's practical logistically,

16:21

but secondly, it's incredibly unhygienic

16:23

the way everyone's.

16:24

Yeah, yeah, the best,

16:27

the best place, and I'm going there at the end of the year on a holiday.

16:30

Best place to pooh anywhere in the world is bloody

16:32

Japan, DoD and I'm playing with the buttons.

16:34

I'm doing a front wash, I'm doing a back seat.

16:36

I'm more in the seat. I'm playing the tranquil

16:39

noises as well. So it's playing that one. Tell

16:41

you what, being hungover in Japan when I've

16:43

been before and you're like sitting there on the toilet and you've

16:45

got that hungover what did I do last night? And

16:47

you're not even really there to do it poof For the most part, you're there

16:49

just to contemplate life, you know what I mean. Yeah,

16:52

doing it in Japan is great.

16:53

The seat's progressive.

16:55

It's so good. I think I'd like it the day.

16:58

What we do at the moment is so unhygiening.

17:01

You can get them on Amazon. They're also a lot

17:03

better for the environment.

17:04

But like a full one or one of these ones where

17:06

you tack it onto the well.

17:07

I used to work with a girl and she would

17:10

take a Actually this is a very timely place

17:12

to tell this story. She would take a pump water bottle

17:14

into the bathroom and just squeeze

17:17

it up spritzer.

17:18

But it's got to be there's got to be some pressure behind.

17:20

It, behind it, you know, if it works for you.

17:22

All those people who just take a shower

17:24

after instead of your toilet.

17:26

Paper so much, that's so much effort. Again,

17:29

like what are we doing.

17:30

My final tip is actually one that

17:33

I heard someone else talking about ones,

17:35

and that is to make a little toilet paper

17:37

pillow so

17:39

that it doesn't go.

17:42

Yeah, you do that when you when you're

17:44

at like a you go, like I've done in the pasca

17:46

on or girl's house or whatever, and you're going to go and use

17:48

their bathroom. You're like, I can't. I'm going to have to do

17:50

it here. Yeah, and you do a little, you do

17:52

a little, yeah, little parashirte.

17:55

Wait do you hold it?

17:56

No? I don't hold it that what are you talking

17:58

about? Actually? I saw a clip of a I

18:00

talk about that on Instagram the other day from

18:02

the States, and he was talking about catching it with puts

18:05

toilet fapers out and catches it and get on the bottle.

18:07

It was like, the fuck are you talking about?

18:09

And it's just like outed him there. He's

18:11

like, yeah, you know what I mean. She just no,

18:14

like put it in the bowl? Yeah, and

18:16

like.

18:16

We have a parasite.

18:17

Apparently he patches over there.

18:19

She's like, what do you do with offerings? Then I put it in the toilet.

18:21

She's like, why would you do that? Why are you?

18:27

It's insane?

18:29

But that would actually be really good. What if we

18:31

could actually I'm having a

18:33

business idea. Okay, what if

18:35

we could invent some kind of disposable

18:38

pooh hammock that

18:41

you could just slink into the bowl.

18:44

What you do, like you open up the lid and you

18:46

put it, put it down, your closes the lids and now you

18:48

go.

18:49

Some public toilets have like the toilet seat

18:51

covers that you can put over, Like, firstly,

18:53

who is putting bum to seat on a

18:55

public toilet? I'm not sure.

18:57

Well half the public toilets of so don't even have So have

19:00

you seen these things? There's wanted more than gather

19:02

the more past the door. It's like automatic door

19:05

and like you press a button, the door opens. And

19:07

when I walk into this gig that I run

19:09

in, Will and gabb a hard last comedy every Thursday, you want

19:11

to come. But I was walking past and the

19:13

door was open and it's like, oh futuristic, it's

19:15

got a button ship And I look at there and it's just those

19:17

metal you know, the ones that there just metal and

19:20

there's no seats, metal, no seat. I was like, well that's

19:22

a futuristic. That's like dirty

19:24

nightclub but.

19:25

They disguise stains,

19:28

right, So that's like a lot of the park toilets are made

19:30

of that just metal, yeah, right, or

19:32

anything. I don't know what kind of person

19:35

so gross, just jousing,

19:38

bleaching.

19:38

It must be so hard for ladies, like because

19:41

you have to sit, you

19:43

have to sit or squat, where as a fella like

19:46

I'm just standing around, I'm doing buzz

19:48

standing. I'm not really, but

19:50

that's when.

19:50

The little hand.

19:54

Yeah, I

19:56

think we've sufficiently absolutely

19:59

gross everyone out of what's one piece of advice

20:01

you would give more? I'm listening about pooping at work?

20:04

One piece of advice?

20:05

Give advice?

20:06

You know what I'm all about where I

20:08

mean, And you've got to be in an owner erar you

20:11

know what I mean. I reckon take it

20:13

out of it because you know what people would think. People

20:16

would never think that you would own the idea

20:18

of going to have a bou movement. So maybe

20:20

now instead of being so shy about it, get

20:22

up, or you need to go to the door pool be like, do guys

20:24

just off the doorpoo? And then I'll be like, ah,

20:27

that's so funny as if they

20:29

are. But you are, you are, and

20:31

you're doing it. You're doing a real good job of

20:33

it.

20:34

Let's normalize it. And I'm just going to roll off the back of that and

20:36

say when nature calls, answer the phone, because

20:38

if you screen that call, you are

20:40

potentially playing with hemorrhoids. Oh god,

20:43

Okay, thank

20:47

you so much for listening. Guys, I really hope

20:49

you enjoyed the episode, and don't forget to help

20:51

a sister out by following the podcast

20:53

on Apple, on Spotify or wherever you

20:55

listen to your podcasts. Rate it,

20:57

write me a review, and if you want more fit

20:59

in, we do have a private Facebook

21:02

group. There is going to be exclusive Q

21:04

and A is happening with my guests in that

21:06

group. That's going to be events, going life

21:09

first, so much fun stuff happening. Just look up

21:11

fit ish in brackets on Facebook

21:13

and you can be part of the Finnish online

21:15

community.