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forward slash live more. Welcome

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to Feel Better Live More

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Bite Size, your weekly dose

0:53

of positivity and optimism to

0:55

get you ready for the weekend. Today's

0:58

clip is from episode 266 of

1:01

the podcast with Dr. Joe Despenser,

1:03

a New York Times

1:05

bestselling author, speaker, and researcher.

1:08

The Dr. Joe has spent decades

1:11

studying neuroscience, meditation, and the effect

1:13

our thoughts have on our health

1:15

and wellbeing. And in this clip,

1:17

he explains the three different kinds

1:19

of stress, how chronic

1:22

emotional stress can drive ill health

1:24

and disease. And he

1:26

shares some practical strategies to help

1:28

us break free. A

1:31

lot of this is a

1:33

complete paradigm shift for the

1:37

current way most of society is

1:39

and the way modern society is

1:41

kind of taught. If I

1:43

talk through the lens of a medical doctor, about 80% of

1:46

what we see is in some way connected

1:49

to our collective modern lifestyles. You know, I'm

1:51

not putting blame on people. I'm just saying

1:53

it's the way we are living these days

1:55

is leading to not just

1:57

things like obesity, tattoo diabetes, but also anxiety.

2:00

depression. But I've got to

2:02

say, over the last few years, I've

2:05

been wondering, well, yes, I still maintain

2:08

that's the case and I still want

2:10

to help people make those lifestyle changes.

2:13

But actually, I realize it's not the

2:15

root cause. I can go further

2:18

upstream. Yes, lifestyle is important. If I could

2:20

help people change, yes, it changes their health.

2:23

But the way we think, our

2:26

mental well-being, our happiness,

2:28

I have actually come to

2:30

the conclusion over the last year, so

2:32

that's even more important than lifestyle because

2:34

if we change the way we think

2:37

and approach the world and respond to

2:39

people and external events rather than unconsciously

2:41

reacting, well, that creates

2:43

a new environment in our

2:45

body where we naturally make better lifestyle choices.

2:48

In fact, those lifestyle choices no longer feel

2:50

like an effort because a lot of the

2:52

time, those lifestyle behaviors

2:55

are simply a way for

2:57

us to manage the stress in our

2:59

lives. I mean, how would

3:01

you see that? Do you agree with that? Do you

3:03

have a different perspective? I'm just very, very interested to

3:06

hear your thoughts. No, no, I

3:08

absolutely agree with it. I absolutely

3:10

do. And I just think the

3:13

one thing, if it took you five

3:16

years of

3:18

living in chronic stress and

3:20

living in, what are the

3:23

emotions of stress and survival?

3:25

Aggression, anger, hatred, competition,

3:29

judgment, insecurity, envy,

3:31

jealousy, pain, suffering,

3:33

guilt, shame, fear,

3:35

anxiety, depression, hopelessness, powerlessness, those are

3:38

all derived from the hormones

3:40

of stress and psychology calls the

3:42

normal human states of consciousness.

3:44

Those are altered states of consciousness.

3:47

And so then if you're

3:49

living in emergency and your

3:51

response to your

3:53

coworker, to your boss, to the traffic,

3:56

to the news, to whatever

3:58

it is, we can the

4:00

organism and you're switching on

4:02

that emergency system over time. No organism

4:06

can live in emergency mode for

4:08

an extended period of time. You're drawing

4:11

from the body's vital resources

4:13

and you're converting all of its

4:16

energy into chemistry for some threat

4:18

real or imagined. Okay,

4:20

so then if you keep doing that

4:22

in chronic conditions, there's

4:25

no energy for growth and repair. There's

4:27

no energy for long-term building

4:29

projects. The immune system dials

4:31

down. The digestive system becomes

4:33

out of phase. Harmons change.

4:36

Our cardiovascular system changes. Our respiratory

4:38

system changes. This is because the

4:41

body is believing it's living in

4:43

a dangerous environment, okay? When

4:45

you perceive a threat or a danger in

4:47

your life, you turn on that primitive nervous

4:50

system and you're mobilizing all your body's resources

4:52

for some threat, real or imagined. It's no

4:54

problem if it's short-term, but

4:56

the chronic long-term effects of the

4:58

hormones of stress down regulate genes

5:00

and create disease. Now the problem

5:02

is we can turn

5:04

on that stress response just by thought alone.

5:07

We can think about our problems. We

5:09

can imagine the worst-case scenario in our

5:12

life. We can capture bitter memories and

5:14

do that over and over and over

5:17

again. So the

5:19

problem then becomes that the arousal

5:21

of these stress hormones that

5:24

create fear, that create anger,

5:26

aggression, or create pain give

5:29

the body a rush of energy. Now

5:32

people become almost

5:35

like an addict. They

5:37

need the problems in their

5:40

life to reaffirm their addiction to

5:42

that arousal, to that emotion. And

5:46

now if you can turn that response

5:48

on by thought alone, number one, you

5:50

become addicted to your own thoughts and

5:52

number two, you become addicted

5:54

to the very life that you

5:56

don't even like. Then

6:00

you ask the person, why are you this way? And

6:02

they'll say, I am this way because of this event

6:04

that happened to me five years ago. Well,

6:07

what that really means is they had

6:09

some really profoundly emotional

6:11

experience. And the stronger the emotion we

6:13

feel, the more altered we feel inside

6:15

of us, the more we pay

6:17

attention to what causes it. And the brain

6:19

freezes a frame and takes

6:22

a snapshot. And that's called the long-term memory.

6:25

And so then that person then is

6:27

altered biologically from that trauma, from that

6:29

event. And what they don't

6:31

know is every time they remember the event, they're

6:35

producing the same chemistry in their brain

6:37

and body as if the event was

6:39

occurring. Okay, well then you

6:41

tell the person, why are you this

6:43

way? Well, then they'll tell the story

6:46

about how it happened. And the research

6:49

on memory says that 50% of that story, the

6:52

way you recount it is actually

6:54

not accurate. It's actually not the

6:57

truth. That people don't

6:59

have the same brain. So they

7:01

embellish the story to excuse themselves

7:04

from changing. And if they make it more

7:06

difficult or they add more components

7:08

to it, then now they'll reaffirm their

7:10

identity in being a certain way. That

7:13

story becomes very important to them. And

7:15

they believe it, they behave

7:17

it as it, and they

7:19

ultimately become it. And so then can you

7:21

use those same principles and

7:23

begin to start to manage your

7:25

inner world? And so if

7:29

there's three types of stress, physical,

7:31

chemical, and emotional. Physical stress being

7:33

trauma, injuries, accidents, falls. Chemical stress,

7:36

viruses, bacteria, pesticides, pollutants,

7:39

toxins, hangovers, whatever. Emotional

7:41

stress, that's the big one. That's

7:44

family tragedies, second mortgages, single

7:46

parenting, 401ks, whatever it is.

7:49

It tends to be then that

7:53

the difficult one to manage really is

7:55

our emotional stress. So if you can help

7:57

people to get more physically balanced, more...

8:00

chemically balanced and

8:02

become more emotionally balanced,

8:04

then the effects of

8:06

their personal change will

8:08

be expedited and

8:12

there'll be a longer duration. So the person

8:14

sees you for six months, they

8:16

start a great program, they start making the

8:19

right choices and they start feeling better. And

8:21

then once they make the wrong choice, then

8:24

it's a downward spiral back to the

8:26

old unconscious habits and emotional condition. They

8:28

feel unworthy again. And they return back

8:30

to your clinic or they return back

8:32

to your consultation and they come back

8:34

with the same exact conditions and the

8:36

simple solution is yeah, because you return

8:38

back to the same personality and you're

8:40

feeling the same emotions and your body's

8:42

back to believing it's in the

8:45

same environmental condition. So if your

8:47

personality creates your

8:49

personal reality, and I believe that, and

8:52

your personality is made up of how you think, how

8:55

you act and how you feel,

8:58

then the present personality who's listening

9:00

to this podcast has created the

9:02

present personal reality called their life.

9:04

Not your ex, not your parents,

9:07

not your boss, you create your life.

9:10

So it makes sense then if you wanted

9:12

to create a new personal reality, you'd have

9:14

to change your personality. In other words, if

9:16

you wanna change your life, you have to

9:18

change and nothing changes in your life until

9:20

you change. So then this first step and

9:22

change then, 95% of

9:24

who you are is a set of unconscious

9:27

thoughts, behaviors and emotions. Then

9:29

the first step is

9:31

to become conscious of your unconscious thoughts,

9:33

become so aware of how you behave.

9:35

Do you complain? Do you blame? Do

9:37

you make excuses? Do you judge? Are

9:40

you aggressive? And then look

9:42

at the emotions. What is this emotion I'm

9:44

feeling? Wow, this is guilt. This is sadness.

9:46

This is victimization. This is unhappiness. Name

9:49

it so now you're so conscious of it

9:52

that you don't go unconscious and return back

9:54

to the same self. And by regulating, taking

9:56

the time before you start your day and

9:58

say. Okay, before I

10:01

grab my cell phone, before I get up

10:03

and run through my routine, you know, my

10:05

automatic routine where people are

10:08

on automatic pilot and in a habituation

10:10

of what they did yesterday and their

10:12

body's dragging them into the same predictable

10:15

future based on what they did in

10:18

the past and they've lost their free

10:20

will to choose to become conscious to

10:22

a set of automatic programs. Well,

10:24

if the familiar past is the known

10:27

and the predictable future is the known,

10:29

there's only one place where the unknown

10:31

exists and that's the sweet spot of the

10:33

present moment. So you said, okay, let me

10:35

get present here. Let me remind myself of

10:38

those thoughts I don't want to think. Let me remind

10:40

myself of the

10:42

behaviors I want to change. Let

10:44

me review in my mind the emotions that caused me

10:46

to move to a lower denominator. Let me become so

10:48

conscious of that that I won't go unconscious again. Let

10:51

me remind myself who I do want to be, how

10:53

I do want to think, how I do want to

10:55

act, how I do want to feel. Let me see

10:57

if I can get so good at doing this with

11:00

my eyes closed when I start

11:02

my day that I can do it with my

11:04

eyes open. If you have people present really and

11:06

you teach them how to stretch a little further

11:09

instead of reaching for their cell phone or posting

11:11

something on social media, they're going to stick with

11:13

it and be curious. What's

11:15

on the other side of

11:18

this limited thought? What's on the other

11:20

side of this familiar emotion? What's on

11:22

the other side of this complaining and

11:25

judging and analyzing? What's on the other

11:27

side of it? Now, there's

11:29

not a lot of agreement in society

11:31

that says, Rangan, you have to sit

11:33

with yourself and to

11:36

know thyself, to become so

11:38

conscious of those unconscious thoughts,

11:40

behaviors and emotions that I won't go unconscious

11:42

again. Yeah, I mean, this is so powerful.

11:45

You mentioned curiosity. I

11:47

think that's such a wonderful emotion,

11:50

thought-feeding value for us all to have

11:52

and approach our life with what

11:55

might it look like if I didn't wake up

11:58

and feel like this every day? imagine

12:00

that that's a possibility. Be curious about that.

12:02

I think that's very empowering. You

12:04

also said that many of us have become

12:07

addicted to a life that we don't even

12:09

like. That has stayed

12:11

with me. That is so powerful. And I

12:13

think people really

12:15

need to sit with that. We're

12:17

rehearsing, many of us, these

12:20

negative emotions, we're rehearsing stress. We're

12:22

getting better at being in stress

12:24

because we're practicing every day. And

12:27

you're offering a possibility to say, hey, listen,

12:29

it may be uncomfortable at first. We know,

12:31

we talk about comfort zones, right? You know,

12:33

go for a longer run

12:36

than usual. Go out your comfort zone. Have

12:38

a cold shower, right? Get out your comfort

12:40

zone. But what your work,

12:42

I think, speaks to

12:44

is that we can get out

12:47

of our comfort zone in our minds. So

12:49

not with physical actions, but in our minds.

12:51

Let's get out of your comfort zone. Think

12:53

differently. People, Dr. Joe, may

12:57

be struggling and going, okay, look, I get that.

13:00

Yes, I don't like the way that I

13:02

think, but I don't know how to change that. Right?

13:04

So in terms of moving this into maybe

13:06

some practical things people can do, firstly,

13:09

you need awareness. Hopefully this conversation is

13:12

giving people that awareness. But if people

13:14

are not aware, how can they become

13:16

aware? And once they become aware, what

13:19

sort of things should they start to do to start

13:22

making those changes? Yeah,

13:24

thank you for teasing that out.

13:26

That's such a great question. You

13:28

know, my

13:31

interest is to give people the

13:33

tools so that they have within their

13:36

reach all the things

13:38

they need to begin to apply

13:40

and become scientists in their life.

13:43

People don't know, if you don't know that

13:46

those stress hormones are addictive, then

13:49

you think they have power over you. If

13:51

you don't think that you can change your

13:53

thought, just because you have a thought, it

13:55

doesn't necessarily mean it's true. And the

13:57

moment I realized that I was free, right? And

14:00

if you isolate yourself a lot and

14:02

you're not out in the world because

14:05

of whatever, you'll start to

14:07

believe every thought that you think is the truth.

14:09

And so that challenge then

14:11

of saying, okay, I

14:14

do truly want to be happy. I

14:17

do truly want to be healthy. I

14:19

do truly want to have a life that

14:22

is really empowering that I feel good

14:24

about. Okay. If

14:27

you're telling the story of your past every single

14:29

day and 50% of that

14:31

isn't even the truth, then you're reliving a

14:33

miserable life that you never even had, all

14:36

for the reason to excuse yourself

14:39

from change. Stop telling

14:41

the story of your past and start

14:43

telling the story of your future. Stop

14:45

romancing your past and

14:48

start romancing your future. Why

14:50

not fall in love with your future as much

14:52

as you've fallen in love with your past? If

14:55

I do this as an

14:57

experiment and you're scientifically

14:59

minded, make your life the experiment.

15:01

Make your life the experiment. Okay.

15:04

There is a very strong change that goes on

15:06

when people start making the efforts. So simple thing

15:09

to do, wake up in the morning before you

15:11

reach for your cell phone, ask yourself, who

15:13

do I no longer want to be? Let me write

15:15

down the thoughts today. Let me become so conscious of

15:18

I can't, this is horrible. I hate my life. Let's

15:20

just stop that thought because that thought is

15:22

going to produce a chemical that's going to

15:24

signal your body to feel a certain way.

15:27

Let's become aware of how I

15:30

behave. Write down two behaviors. Do

15:32

I complain? Do I blame? Do I

15:34

rush? Write them down and just commit

15:36

them, review them in your mind. What emotions do

15:38

I want to no longer feel today or at

15:41

least stay conscious of? Do I feel sadness? Do

15:43

I feel suffering? Do I feel fear? Do I

15:45

feel anxiety? Let me just become conscious of those

15:47

and if I start feeling that, I just want

15:49

to become aware and see if I can change

15:52

it. Okay. What do I want to change to?

15:54

Can I feel that? Let me think this way.

15:56

Let me review that. Let me review how I'm going to

15:58

behave. Let me rehearse it in my mind. Let

16:00

me teach my body emotionally. I want to be able

16:02

to feel this feeling over

16:04

and over again so well. I'll

16:06

keep practice feeling it till I can feel it

16:09

on command. Wow. Now,

16:11

that's greatness. You know,

16:13

that's getting out of the bleachers and getting on the

16:15

playing field. And it's not going

16:17

to be a linear process. But

16:19

catching yourself and when

16:21

it matters the most is

16:24

when it's the hardest. That's when it matters

16:26

the most. Yeah, I mean, just

16:29

wonderful. Wonderful hearing you speak with

16:32

such passion. I love that idea that we

16:34

should be our own experiment because what I'm

16:36

hearing is, listen, there's no

16:38

negative side of it. Say try it, right?

16:40

Try it. There's no downside to trying to

16:42

change the way that you think and practicing

16:44

it and developing it like a skill. And

16:46

I think that's the thing for me. This

16:48

is a skill that you can practice, you

16:50

can get better at. Just as if you

16:52

practice running, you may get faster and run

16:54

for further distances. Well, let's also practice thinking

16:57

in a different way. So I thought that was really

16:59

important for people to have in the front of their

17:02

mind. I practice on

17:04

myself. I am in my early 40s

17:06

and genuinely

17:08

have never felt this

17:11

good. Dr. J. Calm,

17:14

content, happy. I

17:17

know I'm responsible for my emotions and

17:20

my thoughts. So I've now trained probably

17:22

over five or six years to get

17:24

to the point now where external events

17:28

just don't allow them anymore to influence my

17:30

state. And what you said about it not

17:32

being linear. Yeah, I

17:34

have a daily practice and morning read scene, which has a

17:36

bit of meditation, a bit of breath work, a bit of

17:39

positive mindset. And

17:41

you just keep showing up, you keep doing it.

17:43

And then before you know it, you're in some

17:45

sort of stressful, well, you're in a situation in

17:47

life that previously you would have

17:49

found incredibly stressful and gone on, you know,

17:51

just like this negative mindset afterwards, which would

17:53

have led to all kinds of compensatory

17:57

behaviors. And you're like, oh, wow. I

18:01

didn't react to that. I could see

18:03

that big space between stress and response.

18:06

Hope you enjoyed that bite-sized clip. Do

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